Ladies and Gentlemen-
Although we are still a few days away from Halloween we have reached the bewitching hour of the college football season and while some have a goodie bag full of treats and others feel tricked out of their socks there is still a lot of football left to be played.
So set back and grab something to wet your whistle……
There is “The World’s Largest Cocktail Party” to attend this week.
Enjoy Your Picks….
Weekend Rewind……
I know what many of you want to ask Your Favorite College Football Prognosticator….
How do you feel after the remarkable Prognostication Comeback last week?
Although that particular picture had more to do with the traditional victory cigar following the game known as “The Third Saturday in October” it nonetheless was made even sweeter by recording a rather remarkable 44 and 6 or 88% last week.
That leaves The CFB Wizard climbing back at 403 and 102 or 80% for the season.
And for those of you that may be wondering what “Doc” the Black Lab received for his contribution to the game and for the subsequent return of the reliable College Football Prognosticator of Prognosticators?
In the words of my trusted four legged companion following a Saturday filled with excitement and revelry and more often than not picks that reflected accuracy and true prognostication skill.
“Daddy gave me enough dog treats last week to choke a goat”
THE CFB WIZARD EMAIL QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS
Q: Hello there Mister CFB Wizard!
What if I may ask are the Halloween traditions that you adhere to?
Do you carve a pumpkin or pumpkins?
What about decorations?
You are such a mystery and many of your fans want to know more about you!
Thank you and have a Spooky Halloween!!
Suzanna – La Grange, Georgia
A: O’ Suzanna…..
(Sorry that was for the benefit of my own sense of humor)
There was a time when I lived in South Carolina that I carved pumpkins, dressed up, passed out candy and enjoyed the celebration with my wonderful neighbors.
However now that I have become a key cast member in the “Hillbilly Game of Thrones” in east Tennessee I have found that such fun is currently beyond my grasp.
But in the meantime I enjoy the traditional Halloween here which is……
Patiently waiting for “The Great Pumpkin” also known as Fat Phil Fulmer to rise from the Pumpkin Patch on Halloween night and then watch him eat several children that smell like sugar.
Q: Dear Jackass
So you think cause you is a famous Arthur and all that you can just snub us and not be the grand damn marshall at the anal possum festival in Pikeville Tenn a damn see?
I geuess you is just too damn good ain’t you being an Alabama man?
You can go to hell and take them tide people with you
Kenny – Pikeville, Tennessee
A: As intriguing as it may sound…….
I have no desire to attend any “festival” that has the words “anal” or “possum” associated with it and just for the record my name isn’t Arthur.
Q: Dang it Mister CFB!
We here at Mississippi State thought we were getting an offensive “genius” in Coach Joe.
What do you think?
Todd – Starkville, Mississippi
A: Well Todd “IF” you call having only three offensive plays in your playbook a genius, then Coach Joe is most definitely a genius.
Q: Do I EVER have an unbelievable tip for you this week!
Listen you won’t believe it!!
It’s a gift from above! I am serious!!
I am a die hard Texas Longhorn fan! HOOK EM!!!!!
I was reading the good Book this week and guess what it said in the 23rd Psalm?
“Lead you by Stillwater….”
That is exactly WHERE we are playing this week!!!
IN Stillwater Oklahoma!!!
I just KNOW we are going to win NOW!
Bill – Austin, Texas
A: Bill please listen closely…….
You are doing it wrong
Q: Hello
My name is Clovis and I am 93 years young last month.
I am a big Ohio State Buckeye fan and even with my eyesight fading I couldn’t help but notice on the television that our players had marijuana leaves on their helmets last week at Purdue.
Some of them had a lot of marijuana leaves on their helmets.
Do you think the Buckeyes have a drug problem on the team?
Thank you
Clovis M. – Columbus, Ohio
A: Miss Clovis I do in fact believe the Buckeyes had a drug problem on the team last week. Because it looked to me like Purdue had drugged their ass up and down the football field last Saturday night.
Q: Dear Sir –
I am Ian McGillicutty a paid paranormal investigator. You may have seen my famous docu-series “America’s Most Haunted” on the Discovery Channel. I have been enlisted by concerned fans of the University of Tennessee, Auburn University, and a couple of other institutions of higher learning to look into strange occurrences within the SEC. More specifically, Coach Nick Saban.
We have discovered that the winning of National Championships at Alabama is related to a paranormal phenomenon unseen in the annals of metaphysical research. For instance, we have direct evidence that shows that Saban put Tennessee Coach Butch Jones into a trance at his first SEC Media Days event, enabling him to reel off consecutive embarrassing victories over the rival school.
Additionally, if you look at the replay of the National Championship game using Enhanced Spectral Perception (ESP) imaging, you will see that Georgia Safety Dominick Sanders has an eerie glow about him, indicating that he had been possessed by a nefarious spirit, rendering him ineffective in pass coverage on this fateful play. And, to demonstrate how far reaching Saban’s power has become, Saban even influenced the refrees at this weekend’s Miss St-LSU game in which, under his extra-terrestrial influence, LSU Linebacker Devin White was ejected from the game for “targeting” and will sit out the 1st half of the upcoming Alabama-LSU game.
Of course, there are other instances of Saban’s evil influence over the college world. Ohio State loses to Iowa last year? Then they follow that up with a loss to Purdue this year? Conincidence? Notre Dame inexplicably becomes relevant in 2018? Kentucky in contention in the SEC East? It all adds up to one immutable conclusion.
Nick Saban is the Devil incarnate and with his far reaching power, will do anything to win National Championships.
Ian McGillicutt
Clairvoyant Paranormal Investigator
Discover Channel, LLC
A: One question sir…..
When will the DVD be available for LSU and Tennessee fans?
COLLEGE FOOTBALL NEWS
UNIVERSITY OF ALABAMA – BIRMINGHAM: In case you missed it….
Last Saturday the Blazers of Alabama Birmingham honored the children at the Children’s Hospital in the Iron City by having the names of many of the children on the back of their jerseys.
I am not much for changing uniforms and traditions but this was beautiful
PURDUE: Last Saturday a miracle of sorts happened at Purdue…..
Boilermaker sophomore student Tyler Trent who is waging his own personal battle with cancer attended the game against Ohio State even as he has been placed on Hospice care.
His fight has become an inspiration to the football team and to thousands of others.
Tyler stated the day before the game that he would attend the game and that he “believed” the Boilermakers would “beat the odds” and defeat the Buckeyes.
As the game unfolded the smallest guy on the Purdue team not only carried the team on his back but demonstrated that he was Moore than a match for the favored Buckeyes.
I hope you “beat the odds” in your fight too Tyler and I am praying hard that you do.
LSU: For the Tiger fans that are upset about Mr. White being ejected from the game last week and have somehow tied this to some grand conspiracy worthy of the delusional Hillary Clinton campaign. Let me ask you this……
Why aren’t you upset that the LSU helmets didn’t honor the Late Great Big Jim Taylor?
Because I am….
TENNESSEE PART II: Speaking of conspiracies earlier…
I get it now……
First it was the Russians changing the national election and now its Alabama…..
For those of you that “really” believe that, this picture should make you heads pop off.
NEBRASKA: Although I am extremely happy that you won last week as I picked you let’s not forget., but this extraordinary win may have dashed the Cornhusker Punter’s quest for a Heisman Trophy as he didn’t punt his normal fifty times a game.
OHIO STATE: Despite losing (once again) by double digits to an unranked team my concern goes far deeper than that of your over hyped football team and delusional fan base, which leads me to a question that others (apparently) are afraid to ask.
After the loss to Purdue how many assistant coaches of Urban Meyer’s beat their wives?
THE GAMES
Tuesday 23 October
Troy at South Alabama
This Battle for the Belt in South Alabama is always a good one….
You can take this pick to the bank
MEN OF TROY 38-17
Thursday 25 October
Shorter at Delta State
My Beloved Fighting Okra break the losing streak…..
Believe it
FEAR THE OKRA 33-31
Baylor at West Virginia
The New England Patriots couldn’t win in Morgantown on a Thursday Night
MOUNTAINEERS 44-10
Ball State at Ohio
Not that it’s all that important to you readers…..
But “IF’ you somehow misspell “State” in regards to Ball State
IT could possibly come out as a nasty word
Just saying
FRANK’S CATS 34-31
Appalachian State at Georgia Southern
This is THE game in the Sunbelt Conference and it could decide everything
The undefeated goes down in Statesboro
FREE BIRDS 31-28
Georgia Tech at Virginia Tech
Not that it really matters…..
FIGHTING TURKEYS 28-24
Friday 26 October
Louisiana Tech at Florida Atlantic
It’s time to hit the Fast Lane…….
HOOTERS 38-21
Miami at Boston College
Don’t ask me why I am picking an “Upset” here…..
CHESTNUT HILL EAGLES 28-24
Indiana at Minnesota
O Boy! Another Big Ten (isn’t it sixteen or eighteen now?) Conference Rivalry game!
This one is played for the NBC Trophy, which of course stands for….
“Nobody Cares”
WHOSE YOURS 3-2
Wyoming at Colorado State
I just saw a Dodge commercial on television so I am going with…..
RAM TOUGH 34-24
Utah at UCLA
Typically “IF” I am up this late I am watching the infomercials about “Hair in a Can”
(Don’t judge me, I am sensitive)
TWO UTES 38-17
Saturday 27 October
Clemson at Florida State
There was a time that this was a big (big) game in the conference….
That time has passed….
DABO’S TIGERS 41-14
Wisconsin at Northwestern
“Doc” the Black Lab and I had every intention of watching this game……
But unfortunately this game coincides with the VH1 ‘Special”:
“Slim Whitman; Man or Myth?”
CHEESE MEN 34-17
VMI at Chattanooga
Did you happen to know……
Chattanooga is “Home” of the Moon Pie?
That’s good enough for me here
MIGHTY MOCS 41-17
Vanderbilt at Arkansas
I have no reasonable explanation for making this particular pick
Just so you know
RAZORBACKS 28-24
Ouachita Baptist at Arkansas Monticello
I have on good authority that Bo Knows Baptist
GOTCHA BAPTIST 34-14
Texas Tech at Iowa State
Yep it’s going to be an Upset in Ames Iowa…..
CYCLONES 31-28
Wake Forest at Louisville
I think the Cardinal Fans are about the give Coach Bobby the Bird
DEMON DEACONS 28-21
Army at Eastern Michigan
I am going to keep riding this army mule until it bucks me off…..
BLACK KNIGHTS OF THE HUDSON 34-31
Purdue at Michigan State
You think I am going against Purdue this week?
Absolutely NOT
Delicious Cream Filled Cupcake at Nebraska
This “win” is NOT sugar free, just so you know
CHILDREN OF THE CANDY CORN 51-10
North Dakota State at South Dakota
The Bison are stampeding towards another playoff birth
Believe it…..
MIGHTY BISON 33-17
North Carolina at Virginia
Both of these hallowed institutions has one thing on their minds this week….
When does basketball season start?
CALVARY PEOPLE 3-2
Carson Newman at Tusculum
I can’t even say that other schools name without hocking up some thing in the back of my throat, so no, I am not picking them.
EAGLES 34-24
Southern Miss at Charlotte
I knew a girl named Charlotte once……
She had the personality of a jackass eating a briar bush.
GOLDEN EAGLES 33-14
Texas Christian at Kansas
That whole Jayhawks two wins in a row thingy seems kind of funny now doesn’t it?
HORNED DOGS 41-17
Oregon State at Colorado
I will say this without excuse…..
There are few things in college football more awe inspiring than watching Wynonna Judd lead the Colorado team onto the field before the game.
The flowing hair on the hump of her back glistening in the bright lights of the stadium…
Her hooves freshly painted at Wong Jay’s Nail Salon……
Those expansive calcium deposits protruding from her head, polished and glowing..
(I almost choked myself up in the description)
WYNONNA’S 44-10
Florida at Georgia
They call this clash…….
“The World’s Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party”
Somebody is due for a hangover
It’s going to be close (very close)
SMART DAWGS 28-24
Stony Brook at James Madison
I don’t know about Jimmy, but his wife Dolly makes the best little donuts money can buy
DOLLY MADISON 41-17
California Davis at Montana
Welcome to Big Sky Country surfer boys…..
GRIZZZZZZZZZZZZZ 34-14
Kansas State at Oklahoma
It’s going to be close for a quarter and a half……
Then it’s all
BOOMER DAMN SOONER 41-28
Iowa at Penn State
I would call this one……
“Upset” Number two of the week….
HAWKEYES 24-21
South Florida at Houston
In those immortal words known by us all…..
“Houston you have a problem….”
And that my friends is….
NO BULL 34-31
Arizona State at Southern California
IF I really cared about this game I could write an exhilarating opening worthy of awards and accolades, but since I don’t I won’t.
TROJANS 31-17
Illinois at Maryland
This game reminds me of watching an elderly lady sucking applesauce through a straw…
For the first minute or so it’s fascinating….
Then it’s just weird
REPTILES WITH A HARD CANDY SHELL 21-10
Duke at Pittsburgh
This game is what the CFB Wizard Staff like to refer to as “Filler”
BLUE DEVILS 28-24
Northern Illinois at Brigham Young
I still have faith (some) in the boys from the land of Donny and Marie….
COUGARS 33-31
Cincinnati at Southern Methodist
I don’t know If I am making this pick with my heart, my head or my spleen….
But here you go
MIGHTY MUSTANGS 34-33
Kentucky at Missouri
You might be asking….
Are the Cats from the Bluegrass for real?
Yes indeed they are my friends; they most certainly are
BLUE CATS 28-24
New Mexico at Utah State
The Aggies of State remains undefeated for another week…..
Believe it
AGGIES 41-21
Washington at California
“Doc” the Black Lab insisted I make this pick……
BIG DOGS 28-17
Washington State at Stanford
O.k. you sold me last week……
I’m onboard
MIKE’S PIRATE CATS 33-17
Texas A&M at Mississippi State
Sorry Coach Joe, you lost me…..
GIG EM AGGIES 33-17
North Carolina State at Syracuse
Here is your “Upset” Number three of the week……
(Yes I am serious)
URANGE PEOPLE 33-17
Boise State at Air Force
Damn it Falcons……..
Just Damn it
BRONCO’S 41-17
Tennessee at South Carolina
The misery continues for another week on Rocky Top….
GAMECOCKS 28-21
Notre Dame at Navy
O Yippee another “Big” game for the Fighting Irish…..
GOLDEN GNOMES 44-17
Montana State at Idaho State
Ida don’t think the boys from potato town are going to win this one
(I know, you don’t have to say it; I am clever as hell, I know)
BIG SKY CATS 41-21
Texas at Oklahoma State
You know what I call this one?
“Upset” Number four of the week
COWBOY UP! 34-24
Oregon at Arizona
I finally figured out “why” Arizona named their team the wildcats
because the whole damn state is like a giant litter box
QUACKERS 31-17
Hawaii at Fresno State
Although I really (really) wanted to go with the Warriors on Rainbows here….
“Doc” the Black Lab overruled me
BULLDOGS 34-31
Next Week……
In case you missed it….
As was promised in last week’s addition Your Favorite College Football Prognosticator will have a World Premier of the theme song for The CFB Wizard performed by none other than a Country Music Legendary icon.
Who is it?
You will have to tune in to see…
O Yeah and You will also have the Week 10 College Football Picks out too….
So Stay Tuned…
One More Thing…..
You have a “New” story on Mikerights.com this week (Finally) and in the coming weeks you will have a new story on the site each and every week right up until Christmas.
I appreciate your patience, encouragement and your readership.
Have a good weekend and be good to yourself and those around you.
RTR
THE CFB WIZARD