Ladies and Gentlemen –
I hope you all survived your Halloween without any stomach aches, rocks for treats (Which will cause stomach aches by the way) and any other assorted consternations.
And just for the record……
I assure you that it wasn’t me that either egged your house or placed the flaming dog poop on your porch. Quite frankly I have enough problems of my own without contributing to yours.
But enough about me
It’s November and we are getting down to the wire.
Enjoy Your Picks….
Weekend Rewind……
Like any week leading up to Halloween I scored a few treats and missed out on a few goodies as well. Sure I hit the “Upsets” of Oklahoma State over Texas and Iowa State over that team that they beat and even a few others that I don’t need to mention.
That being said Your Favorite College Football Prognosticator was 39 and 11 or 78% last week and overall is 442 and 113 or holding steady at 80%.
Please don’t misunderstand me; I am not getting Cocky over my Picks last week….
But it is worth mentioning that I Picked the Gamecocks over Tennessee
O.k. I will shut up about it ….
COLLEGE FOOTBALL NEWS
MIAMI: Students at the University of Miami have a petition up to change the image of their mascot Sebastian.(I am serious)
Instead of smoking a pipe, they would like for dear Sebastian to be depicted smoking an E-Cig because…
“The University of Miami is a progressive institution that should reflect the changing cultural landscape that we live in today…”
How totally diverse of them
And to recognize Miami’s rich cultural history it’s only logical for them to show Sebastian tokin’ a big fatty or snorting a line of coke
Just saying
AUBURN: Have no fear Tiger, War Eagle, Plainsmen Fans…..
Coach Gus is reaching far and wide for new recruits and some are even streaming across our borders to join the team.
OHIO STATE: Here is glimpse of Ohio State’s new alternate black uniform to be worn for Nebraska this Saturday.
Yes, with the inexplicable loss to Purdue and most likely getting eliminated from the playoff race, it’s an appropriate uniform to show that the team is in mourning…
FLORIDA – GEORGIA: Although the game is over, it’s nice to know the animosity is far from over and I would like to thank the various fans of both schools for sending me their favorite pictures from the game.
Classy……
NCAA: And Now a word for the President of the NCAA….
Dear sir,
As the head man here at the NCAA, the success of the Alabama Crimson Tide Football Team has not gone unnoticed. Their unprecedented achievement has concerned us since the season began due to the fact that their imminent championship is a foregone conclusion and, we fear, will cause a drop off in attendance as the season progresses. Well, we at the NCAA have come up with a solution!!!
May I present you with:
The 2018 NCAA College Football Runner Up Participation Trophy presented by Avis Car Rentals!!!
Starting next week there will be a CFBRUP committee that will meet in Des Moines, IA to come up with the top 4 teams in the country that will be competing for the Inaugural CFB Runner Up Participation Trophy!!!
Among the prominent individuals who have been selected for this prestigious award are Hillary Clinton and Al Gore, two of the most famous runner ups presidential election history!! Fran Tarkenton, the famous 4 time Super Bowl quarterback of the Minnesota Vikings will be participating! Jim Kelly, another 4 time “first place loser” as a QB for the next best team of all time, Buffalo Bills!!!
Don’t miss the high drama as these high profile runner ups and many others who will take on the challenging task of picking a runner up for 2018’s newest award, The College Football Runner Up Participation award!!!
Mark Emmert
President
National Collegiate Athletic Association
CFB WIZARD EMAIL OF THE WEEK
Q: Sir,
As the premier authority on college football, I feel compelled to go ahead generate a plausible narrative for you so that I can get ahead of the stories alleged to be coming from THE Ohio State football facilities.
First of all, Gene Smith and I have NEVER enjoyed a relationship like we have now. I mean, yeah, I kind of threw him under the bus during the whole Zach Smith thing, and yeah, I completely blew it out my rear end in our last game against Purdue, but, other than that our relationship has never been like it is now.
As for the “shortcomings” that we have on our team… Yeah, there’s some slight deficiencies, but, we’ve got our finger on the pulse and I can guarantee you we’re going to improve in our kicking and punting game, passing game, running game, pass defense, run defense, short yardage, quarterback play, running back play, offensive line, play, defensive line play, linebacker play, and defensive back play, before we play again.
Not that I’ve ever threatened them, but I just mentioned that if any assistants didn’t want to end up like Zach Smith did, well, they’d better do a helluva lot better by the time our next game rolls around.
And lastly… To quote a famous athlete of not so long ago, I’d just like to say…
To the fans and everybody in Buckey Nation, I’m sorry. I’m extremely sorry. We were hoping for an undefeated season. That was my goal. I promise you one thing, a lot of good will come out of this. You will never see any coach in the entire country coach as hard as I will coach the rest of the season. You will never see someone push the rest of the coaching staff as hard as I will push my assistants the rest of the season. You will never see a team play harder than we will the rest of the season…
It worked once….
Urban Meyer
Head Football Coach
The Ohio State University
A: Coach I am sure we all appreciate the original explanation….
But couldn’t you just sing that snappy jingle I sent you?
You know the one that goes something like this….
“I want to be an Urban Liar Weiner”
THE GAMES
Thursday 1 November
Northern Illinois at Akron
After “Doc” the Black Lab admonished me over NOT picking the Huskies last week; I am here to make amends.
HUSKIES 34-28
Ohio at Western Michigan
Coach Frank remains one of the best coaches in all of college football….
“If” you don’t think so just ask Nebraska Fans
FRANK’S CATS 38-34
Temple at Central Florida
I would go “Upset” here but after witnessing the Knights “own” referees in two games..
It’s not possible
GOLDEN KNIGHTS and THEIR UMPIRES 41-21
Friday 2 November
Pittsburgh at Virginia
I personally find college football played on Friday nights to be egregious
It’s designed for High School Football, not these guys
Now that I got that out of my system.
GUYS RIDING HORSES AND STUFF 28-17
Western Kentucky at Middle Tennessee State
I am sure this is some sort of rivalry game…..
But lets be honest
None of us care
BLUE RAIDERS 34-17
Colorado at Arizona
Boulder Faithful please don’t lose heart…….
You must believe in the Power of Wynonna.
(Doesn’t she look nice with her hooves all polished and what not?)
WYNONNA’S 33-24
Saturday 3 November
Louisville at Clemson
Nope not even close……
DABO’S TIGERS 44-10
Citadel at Western Carolina
In an effort to solve the mystery of exactly what a “catamount” actually is….
Your Favorite College Football Prognosticator visited a local taxidermist last week.
I asked the proprietors if they had “A catamount” for me here, which apparently sounded to them like “Do you have a cat I can mount”.
I surmised that when they screamed words like pervert and other things less flattering.
The lengths I go to, just to please you readers….
BULLDOGS 31-21
Nebraska at Ohio State
I wish I had better news Cornhuskers; I truly do
BLACK EYES 44-17
Lenoir-Rhyne at Carson Newman
Apparently LeAnn Rhymes isn’t concerned they have clearly misspelled her name at the college, so I am not going to worry myself (or you) over it any longer.
EAGLES 34-31
Syracuse at Wake Forest
I cannot stand when they show the Demon Deacon mascot on television…
It reminds me of a creepier version of Jimmy Swaggart
(If there is such a thing…)
ORANGE PERSONS 33-21
St Olaf at Concordia (MN)
The patron Saint of large German men suffering from eczema will bounce back from stumbling the past two weeks. “Why” you may ask was St. Olaf stumbling?
Have you ever been around Germans when they are drinking?
ST OLLIE 31-28
Texas A&M at Auburn
Despite the Aggies losing last week in Stark Vegas…..
And them being an underdog this week
I am still going with…
GIG EM AGGIES 28-24
Shorter at North Alabama
Thank goodness the midget clown college came to town….
The Boys from Florence desperately need a win
FLORENCE LIONS 38-14
South Carolina at Ole Miss
This game is hard to predict, it just depends on which team decides to show up..
GAMECOCKS 41-38
Rutgers at Wisconsin
This relatively new Big Ten (whatever the number…) Conference rivalry game has a unique name associated with the contest, it’s called….
“Rutgers always get’s their ass kicked”
CHEESE MEN 34-10
Valdosta State at West Florida
The Mighty Boy’s from South Georgia are only averaging fifty points a game this season
Enough said
BLAZZERS 51-21
Michigan State at Maryland
This Big Ten (Isn’t it sixteen teams? Asking for a friend..) Conference game should be titled “The Schizophrenic Game” because you never know who is going to show up.
MEN OF SPARTA 28-24
Massachusetts Institute of Technology at Norwich
Isn’t this the same MIT that retreads tires and changes peoples oil?
Those are wonderful skills to teach the young people of today
NOR-SANDWICH 21-17
Oklahoma State at Baylor
What did I tell you about the Cowboys last week?
Well I am saying it again this week too!
COWBOY UP! 41-24
Iowa State at Kansas
Damn Jayhawks killed my average last week by winning a THIRD game of the season….
Thanks a lot jackasses
CYCLONES 41-17
Chattanooga at Furman
Little known fact……
“IF” someone with a stuttering problem tries to pronounce “Chattanooga” it will take them nearly ten minutes to say it?
I know, I am a storehouse for strange facts known by few
MIGHTY MOCS 34-31
Air Force at Army
Have I actually picked West Point the past four weeks in a row?
Make it five….
BLACK KNIGHTS OF THE HUDSON 34-28
Memphis at East Carolina
I thought “East” Carolina was Kentucky…..
Who knew?
ELVIS’S TIGERS 34-24
Delta State at West Georgia
After losing seven games in a damn row…..
(“Yes” I said seven)
The Fighting Okra of Cleveland Mississippi won last week…..
Make it two in a row
FIGHTING OKRA 34-31
Georgia Tech at North Carolina
Don’t worry Tar Heel fans…..
Basketball season is right around the corner
YELLOW JACKETS 42-20
Arkansas Monticello at Henderson State
I am afraid the Weevils have Bo’ed out in this one….
THE HENDERSON’S 34-17
South Alabama at Arkansas State
Due to some contractual obligations
(Mainly because I want to move back to Mobile one day without any protests)
I must pick my beloved team from Alabama
JAGUARS 34-31
California at Washington State
The Pirates are rolling with Coach Mike behind the wheel…..
Just like I predicted they would
MIKE’S CATS 38-17
Utah State at Hawaii
No body is talking about the Aggies and all they are doing is winning….
AGGIES 412-28
Georgia Southern at Louisiana Monroe
After watching the Eagles last week dismantle Appalachian State….
I am all about…..
FREE BIRDS 34-17
Marshall at Southern Miss
I know it’s November and I know what this week, this month means to the people in Huntington West Virginia, but this is business.
GOLDEN EAGLES 33-31
West Virginia at Texas
Don’t worry Longhorns…..
You always have the Alamo Bowl
MOUNTAINEERS 34-28
Iowa at Purdue
The Boilermakers got the shaft last week by the Penn State referees and I am counting on them to bounce back this Saturday. Believe it…..
TYLER’S BOILERMAKERS 33-28
Somebody at South Florida
Despite losing last week
(You seriously hurt my average last week, I just wanted you to know)
I still believe and that’s…..
NO BULL 41-14
Navy at Cincinnati
I know this is a stretch and they are serious underdogs this weekend……
But I believe
MIDSHIPMEN 33-24
Louisiana Something or another at Troy
ALL HAIL THE MEN OF TROY!
(I occasionally shout that in my house for no apparent reason)
Don’t judge me
MEN OF TROY 34-17
Florida State at North Carolina State
Yep I remember when the Seminoles were a tough team to play….
Good times
WOLF PACK 33-17
Southern Arkansas at Ouachita Baptist
I have been to Southern Arkansas and it is a beautiful place…..
But we Baptist have to stick together (Unless we are in a place that serves liquor)
GOTCHA BAPTIST 38-17
Kansas State at Texas Christian
Damn Horned Frogs lost to KANSAS last week……
Enough said…
BILL’S CATS 31-24
Minnesota at Illinois
There must have been a time when this was a game I cared about….
I just don’t know what that time would have been
O SO VERY GOLDEN GOPHERS 24-17
Penn State at Michigan
This one is going to be close…….
Real damn close
Believe it
NITTANY LIONS 28-24
Boston College at Virginia Tech
Damn Turkeys…..
You have successfully gobbled your season down the drain
CHESTNUT HILL EAGLES 28-17
Montana at Southern Utah
I was in Wal-Mart this week (Against my will I might add) and I saw what I thought was a bear trying on brassieres, turns out it was only an obese woman with unsightly back hair, and before you ask; “Yes” I was embarrassed that I called animal control.
But it was still a sign for this game (Don’t judge me)
GRIZZZZZZZZZZZZ 33-31
Youngstown State at North Dakota State
This is a seasonal clash of two teams that will see each other again in the upcoming playoffs, but this one is in Fargo. That my friends is a tough place to play for anybody
MIGHTY BISON 34-17
Missouri at Florida
Despite the loss last week these Gators are for real……
Believe it
MIGHTY GATORS 34-17
Utah at Arizona State
I can’t seem to get anything right with either of the Arizona teams…..
Not that I care, that place is just sand and heat and a lot of it….
“IF” I really liked that I would go back to Iraq.
TWO UTES 33-17
Charlotte at Tennessee
Poor Miss Charlotte…….
She is going to get beat up worse than Zack Smith’s last girlfriend….
VOWELS 41-17
Appalachian State at Coastal Carolina
The Mountaineers are angry after last week and Coastal Carolina is a lovely place to vacation or just visit. There is your difference….
MOUNTAINEERS 41-10
Houston at Southern Methodist
I can hardly type the words……
I am terribly sorry my beloved mustangs
COUGARS 44-24
Duke at Miami
Who would have ever thought this was going to be a big game in the Conference?
Not me, that’s for sure
HURRICANES 34-31
Notre Dame at Northwestern
O’ Yippee another “Big” game for the Golden Gnomes…..
GOLDEN GOMERS 34-14
Louisiana Tech at Mississippi State
“Doc” the Black Lab said he can’t lose in this one Dogs verses Dogs, but he said go…
JOE DOGS 44-17
UCLA at Oregon
I don’t give a flying quack about this game and neither should you….
QUACKERS 34-21
Oklahoma at Texas Tech
Look on the bright side Red Raiders…..
At least the Masked Rider and his Horse can rest this week….
BOOMER DAMN SOONERS 44-21
Stanford at Washington
“Doc” the Black Lab pointed out a very important point here….
He frequently urinates on things that resemble the Stanford mascot
(As do I)
And…..
Washington are called the Huskies
Enough said here I think
BIG DOGS 33-24
California Poly at Montana State
I am going with the Big Sky Cats…..
Just so you know this selection has nothing to do with my hatred for California
BIG CATS 28-17
Southern California at Oregon State
I know that many of you are fully expecting a joke about “Trojans and Beavers” here…
You should know that my humor is far more sophisticated than to stoop so low as to make an inappropriate joke that is so obvious, that it is practically impossible not to comment on.
I won’t do it……
(Until such time as my current level of humor is ineffective on you readers)
TROJANS 33-28
Brigham Young at Boise State
My Faith in the Cougars after last week is now nonexistent….
Thank you very much
BRONCO’S 31-24
Fresno State at Nevada Las Vegas
I think we already know who “Doc” the Black Lab is pulling for in this one….
BULLDOGS 41-17
Georgia at Kentucky
This one game, one game will decide the Southeastern Conference Eastern Division Championship and it’s going to be closer than you might think.
SMART DAWGS 28-21
Alabama at LSU
The Battle on the Bayou
Death Valley
It’s going to be a hell of a tussle and it’s going to be close….
CRIMSON TIDE 28-24
Next Week……
Providing of course I am not in need of a liver transplant from Saturday’s games, your week eleven (11) college football picks will be out next Thursday in Honor of the Marine Corps Birthday.
In the even I am incapacitated my faithful companion “Doc” the Black Lab will take over the duties of the weekly picks. If that happens please don’t criticize him, he has yet to understand the concept of “spell check”
So stay tuned….
One More Thing…..
You have another “new” story on Mikerights.com this week that I hope many of us can use not only during this trying college football season, election year etc, but past all of that as well. I think you will find it quite informational.
Thank you for reading both websites and always…..
Be good to yourselves this week and those around you
RTR
THE CFB WIZARD