College Football Picks Week 3

September 13, 2018
By

Ladies and Gentlemen –

We have a lot to discuss this week…..

There is the breaking of “The Streak”….

EDITORS NOTE: This has nothing to do with that time I ran through Waffle House naked, just so you know….But don’t judge me.

There is the Hurricane witch known as Florence and of course we will discuss the greatest rivalry in all of college football that will be played this week and I am talking about (of course) the game for the coveted “Goat Trophy.”

Stay Safe my Beloved Friends and Family on the Coast……

Enjoy your Picks….

Weekend Rewind…..

Please forgive the lateness of this week’s picks…..

Your Favorite College Football Prognosticator lives in a part of Hillbilly Land Tennessee where they don’t really understand “The Magic of Electricity”, they more or less stand around transformers and shout at the sparks and then proceed to throw vegetables at the “Magic on a Pole” until it either works or it doesn’t.

In the most recent case their tactics apparently didn’t work, so I apologize for the delay.

“IF” that wasn’t frustrating enough…..

The CFB Wizard was once again a subpar 61 and 10 or 86% last week and overall after two weeks into the season is a dismal 136 and 22 or 86%.

Have no fear, “Doc” the Black Lab and I will figure it out…..

COLLEGE FOOTBALL NEWS

KENTUCKY: Well, I guess Hell has frozen over…..

Congratulations on breaking “The Streak”

Well done Wildcats, well done….

TENNESSEE: The University of Tennessee has announced that “Anyone evacuating from the Hurricane will be given free tickets to the Volunteers game this Saturday.”

EDITORS NOTE: Yes I am serious…..

Because when you are worried about losing your home, job and concerned about family and friends what you really want to do is set in the rain and watch a team you could give two double damns about.

DELTA STATE: For the first time in memory…..

The Fighting Okra have started the season with two consecutive losses

Two consecutive losses

“IF” you Okra don’t start Fighting, Your Season is Fried.

TEXAS: YEEEEE HAWWWWWWWW!

The Longhorns defeated Tulsa last weekend by all of seven points!

EDITORS NOTE: Not the entire city of Tulsa Oklahoma (Population 394, 000) just the lousy football team located within the city limits.

Congratulations!

HURRICANE FLORENCE: My Dear Friends in the event you see this man….

RUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!

MICHIGAN STATE: I can’t even look at you people right now…..

You should be ashamed of yourselves

ARIZONA: (See above)

ESPN: I don’t know about you…..

But I miss seeing Lou Holtz on ESPN

KANSAS: Talk about breaking a “Streak”…..

The Jayhawks of Kansas hadn’t beaten a team on the road since Teddy Roosevelt took San Juan Hill. And that one win alone will qualify them to be considered for the Purina Monkey Chow Bowl to be held this year in sunny Bangor Maine on December 24th.

FLORIDA: I get it…..

“Rules like Records are meant to be Broken”

EDITORS NOTE: I should know I made a career out that saying…..

But although the love affair is still somewhat going on with Coach (Lieutenant) Dan

I think it’s important to note the following…..

I know you all hated Coach Jim but…..

And we all know the Gator family never really liked Coach Will…..

Certainly the vile comments towards Coach Zook don’t need repeating here….

So it begs the question, what did you “really” get with Coach Dan?


THE SUNSHINE STATE

I know, I know things haven’t been going well for the Power 5 Teams in the Sunshine State this year, and although I can’t make it better for you, I hope this helps.

THE CFB WIZARD EMAIL QUESTIONS and ANSWERS

Q: Hola!

Soy exerto to de lenga professional. Tengo gusto de conducir un cche y de comer la fruda!!

Usted come la cama? El ho yes martes!!

Preferfiero corner el pan. Mi color preferdio es azul!!

Trabajo para usted pronto!

Paco – Montery, Tennessee

A: My Spanish isn’t what it once was….

But what I read said….

“Hello I am an expert of professional languages; I have taste to drive a car, and to eat fruit. You eat the bed? The today is Tuesday I prefer to eat the bread. My favorite color is blue, work for you soon?”

I won’t comment other than to say…..

Today is Thursday Jackass.

Q: Greetings and Salutations My Good Wizard!

I was most pleased and overjoyed to see that you picked the Colorado Mimes last week!

You see I too am a Mime and I often enjoy entertaining family and friends and those at the local assisted living facilities with my renditions of …

“King Tut”

“The Robot” and “Man Trapped in a Glass Box”

Thank you for recognizing those of us that enjoy the Mime!

Sincerely

Richard – Boulder, Colorado

A: I get emails like this every time there is a full moon.

Q: Hey Man!

Look I live in the Outer Banks of North Carolina and what should I get for Hurricane supplies?

Thanks!

Marty – Outer banks, North Carolina

A: Suffice to say if you are writing me now you are probably in for one heck of a time.

However to answer your question…..

Conventional wisdom would say one needs bread, eggs and milk……

That is a wonderful idea if you are planning a “French Toast Party” but for Hurricanes I would suggest a run to the liquor store.

Just saying…

THE GAMES

Thursday 13 September

Boston College at Wake Forest
The Boys from Bean Town are playing well and Wake…..
Well, they are Wake Forest….
I am going with….
CHESTNUT HILL EAGLES 31-21

Friday 14 September

Georgia State at Memphis
Although this won’t be a particularly good game it’s worth noting that while in Memphis please be sure and see Graceland, Thank you, Thank you very much.
ELVIS’S TIGERS 41-10

Saturday 15 September

Oklahoma at Iowa State
This game will be very (very) close until the end of the National Anthem…..
Then it’s…..
BOOMER DAMN SOONER 44-17

Kent State at Penn State
I really don’t care, I will be in the midst of Tailgating for the Alabama game with “Doc” the Black Lab. Sorry…..
NITTANY LIONS 44-10

Central Florida at North Carolina
(Cancelled)
Much like the Golden Knights dreams of a National Championship last year….

Miami at Toledo
It is Hurricane Season after all……..
HURRICANES 33-17

Chattanooga at Tennessee Martin
Chattanooga is home of the Moon Pie and the Headquarters of Krystal Hamburgers
That’s good enough for me
MIGHTY MOCS 33-17

Castleton at Norwich
What kind of pompous baloney is this…..
“Castleton”
O Look at me I go to school at Castleton…..
Shut up Rich Boy
NORWICH SANDWICH 28-17

Troy at Nebraska
I can’t watch Troy get the hell beaten out of him, I just can’t….
CHILDREN OF THE CORNHUSKERS 34-17

Hawaii at Army
I have no Idea why I am making this pick……
I know it’s going to come back and bite me in the ass
BLACK KNIGHTS OF THE HUDSON 34-28

Florida State at Syracuse
Seminole fans are already “Upset” enough without me calling this one an “Upset”
URANGE PEOPLE 34-31

Rutgers at Kansas
Can the Jayhawks win TWO games in a ROW?
Nope…..
SCARLETT KNIGHTS 24-21
North Alabama at North Dakota State
I don’t want to think about it…..
Honestly I don’t
MIGHTY BISON 44-10

Montana at Western Illinois
The Grizzly Bears are slowly moving into the Championship discussion….
It’s about damn time
GRIZZZZZZZZZZZ 33-20

Ball State at Indiana
I cannot believe that the Hoosiers are undefeated……
What’s next Cats and Dogs sleeping together?
HOOTERS 33-31

Temple at Maryland
Speaking of the “Undefeated”
The Turtles of Mary Land are Undefeated too…..
I am building a bunker the end of the world is near
NINJA TURTLES 34-14

Murray State at Kentucky
Do you really think I would go against Big Blue this week after they beat Florida?
Hell Noooooooooooooooo
BLUE CATS 31-17

Texas El Paso at Tennessee
Do I care?
No, I do not, sorry…..
VOWELS 41-14

East Carolina at Virginia Tech
These Turkeys are for real this year and they will be a force to be dealt with in the ACC.
Believe it…..
HOKIE HOKIE HOKIE 34-17

Georgia Tech at Pittsburgh
I don’t know which team is worse in this matchup……
Take your pick…..
SOMEBODY 28-24

California Davis at Stanford
Poor Ole Davis, I feel bad for him, I really do……
CARDINAL 44-10

Vanderbilt at Notre Dame
I believe it…..
UPSET SPECIAL…
COMMODORES 31-28

Ohio at Virginia
I am on an “UPSET ROLL””……
FRANKS CATS 28-24

Georgia Southern at Clemson
The Mighty Tigers will Roll in the Rain……
Believe it
DABO’S TIGERS 34-17

Brigham Young at Wisconsin
This one will be closer (way closer) than you might think….
BADGERS 31-24

LSU at Auburn
I am still not convinced the Bayou Bengals are “Back”…..
Sorry my Cajun Friends, it just had to be said.
WAR DAMN EAGLE 33-17

West Virginia at North Carolina State
(Cancelled)

Boise State at Oklahoma State
Broncos and Cowboys…….
I pray there are no ass-less chaps in the bunch
Or we would be talking about a party at Elton Johns House.
COWBOY UP! 44-24

Southern Methodist at Michigan
I can’t watch this…..
I just can’t…
JIMS WOLVERINES 44-10

Southern Mississippi at Appalachian State
(Cancelled)

Miami (OH) at Minnesota
Are the Golden Gophers EVER going to play a real team this year?
It’s a reasonable question….
O SO VERY GOLDEN GOPHERS 41-10

Lehigh at Navy
Finally, my Boys in Blue get a win……
MIGHTY MIDSHIPMEN 44-10

Ouachita Baptist at Southeastern Oklahoma
There are times you have to “go” with what you “know”
This is one of those times….
GOTCHA BAPTIST 28-24

South Florida at Illinois
The Folks in the Land of Lincoln tried to get this game cancelled due to the Hurricane
Apparently their geography skills have translated to the football field.
NO BULL 34-17

Duke at Baylor
Every single week I go against Duke and they win…..
I get it now….
BLUE DEVILS 33-17

Colorado State at Florida
Yippee……
The Gators Bounce Back against Merrill’s Cosmetology Academy of Eastern Colorado.
GATORS 44-10

Texas San Antonio at Kansas State
This will be close…….
(Not Really, but I am in a hurry to get the picks out, I’m late)
BILL’S CATS 38-21

North Texas at Arkansas
I didn’t know that Razorback enjoyed cupcakes so much….
Who knew?
HAWGS 44-10

Wofford at Wyoming
I hate it for the Boys from Carolina…..
That’s all I’m saying
COWBOYS 41-21

Houston at Texas Tech
I wouldn’t necessarily call this one an “Upset”
But while in Lubbock be sure and see the Buddy Holley Museum
It will make you Rave On
COUGARS 34-31

San Jose State at Oregon
Nobody cares including people in Oregon…..
QUACKERS 6-3

New Hampshire at Colorado
I couldn’t help but notice……
Since Wynona Judd got her hooves painted and her back hair done to led the team onto the filed, the Buffaloes have been on a roll. Coincidence, I think not.
WYNOONA’S 51-10

Idaho State at California
I was trying to think of something positive to say about anything California….
I will have to get back with you….
DA BEARS 5-3

Arkansas Monticello at East Central
“East Central” What” Los Angeles?
(That place is a crap hole)
“East Central” Seattle
(That place is a crap hole too)
I think I have made my point….
BO’S WEEVILS 33-28

Wingate at Carson Newman
For a long time I thought “Wingate” was a Mall or a Hotel …..
Don’t laugh….
Those big girls at Bed, Bath and Beyond look pretty damn tough to me
EAGLES 33-31

Alabama at Ole Miss
This one will be ugly…..
It’s going to be close
Damn Close…..
CRIMSON TIDE 34-31

Oregon State at Nevada
I don’t know If I have mentioned it in a while…..
But much like Mr. Cleaver and Wally …..
I care about the Beaver
BEAVERS 34-31

Middle Tennessee State at Georgia
I hope the Blue Raiders enjoy their check and their ass whopping….
SMART DAWGS 44-10

Louisiana Somebody at Mississippi State
Another small school gets a check and an ass beating of Biblical proportions….
JOE DOGS 161-3

Marshall at South Carolina
(Cancelled)

Louisiana Monroe at Texas A&M
I know, I know…..
You Aggies are still mad at the referees from last week…..
Let the Hate go my friends….
Let it go…
GIG EM 191-3

Missouri at Purdue
Nope not going to be close….
Sorry
MO’S TIGERS 44-14

Western Kentucky at Louisville
These two teams are only a few hours away from each other……
And that my friends is about as interesting as I can make this matchup
BOBBY’S BIRDS 41-21

Akron at Northwestern
Sorry, Alabama and Ole Miss are on…..
WILDCATS 5-2

Ohio State at Texas Christian
You know where I am going on this one don’t you?
UPSET SPECIAL!
HORNED FROGS 28-24

Southern California at Texas
No “Upset Special” here……
Just an ass whopping….
TROJANS 34-17

New Mexico at New Mexico State
Here we go……
The rivalry in the land of sand and illegal aliens….
It’s called the Rio Grande Rivalry
I think the winner of the game gets their yard cut and landscaping for the week for free
LOBO”S 34-17

Eastern Washington at Washington State
Yawn…..
MIKE’S COUGARS 44-17

Washington at Utah
“Doc” the Black Lab insisted I go with the Big Dogs in this one….
HUSKIES 33-31

Fresno State at UCLA
If you sincerely “care” about this game, back away from your medication and the liquor.
BRUIN BEARS 5-3

Arizona State at San Diego State
The Sun Devils got my attention last week with beating Michigan State…..
They still have my attention…
SUNNY DEVILS 34-14

Delta State at Florida Tech
Damn it Okra you better not have gone bad on me……
FEAR THE OKRA 33-31

Valdosta State at West Alabama
After the Boys from South Georgia dismantled their opponent last week…..
It’s confirmed they are on a heck of a Roll
BLAZZZZZZZZZZZ 41-21

Southern Utah at Arizona
Damn It Coach Kevin……
Come On for Goodness sakes!
KEVIN’S CATS 34-17

Wagner at Montana State
I owned a Wagner vacuum cleaner once…..
Man, did that thing ever suck
BIG SKY CATS 41-10

St Olaf at Carleton
THIS IS IT!
THE GAME
This game is played for the coveted Goat Trophy and the Cereal Bowl….
Before you laugh….
Do YOU have a Goat Trophy?
You don’t?
Well then respect the Damn Goat
OLLIES 28-24

Next Week…..

Your Week 4 College Football Picks will be out (Hopefully on Time) next week on Thursday and along with a “special” guest picker that was chosen by The CFB Wizard staff.

I can only imagine who they picked…..

So stay Tuned…

One More Thing….

You have a “new’ story on Mikerights.com this week about my illegitimate father that I am sure you will enjoy and just so we don’t forget him, here is your last picture of the week.

Stay safe my friends and enjoy your weekend

RTR
THE CFB WIZARD

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Time limit is exhausted. Please reload CAPTCHA.