College Football Picks Week 4

September 20, 2018
By

Ladies and Gentlemen –

I recognize that many of us feel as though we woke up this week in an alternative universe where Duke and St Olaf are undefeated while Nebraska and my beloved Delta State Fighting Okra are winless.

Please don’t worry yet my dear readers; there is good news on the way.

Your Weekly College Football Picks await you….

Enjoy Your Picks…..

Weekend Rewind…….

Let’s get right to it…….

Your Favorite College Football Prognosticators Picks last week were a lot like the day after you consumed ill prepared Chinese food; I simply blew it out of my butt.

But in all fairness, who would have thought Kansas (“Yes” I said Kansas) would win two games in a row, while Akron defeats a Big Ten (Something or another) team for the first time in over sixty years.

EDITORS NOTE: Apparently “not” me…..

That being said, The CFB Wizard was a disappointing 51 and 16 or 76% last week….

This dropped Your Semi-Favorite College Football Prognosticator to 187 and 38 or 83 % in the first three weeks of the college football season.

But there is a silver lining here, because I am a beer half full kind of a guy…..

You see too often we get caught up in the challenge of sports and make it all about “wins and losses” when there are greater issues facing us each day.

I say this because I was touched deeply after the LSU – Auburn game when Coach O gave such an impassioned speech to the sideline reporter at the end of game.

Although I think Coach O was a bit confused with his “facts”, it was enlightening to see a Head Football Coach so concerned about the state of our planet and the dwindling population of some of its most magnificent creatures.

To be honest, I didn’t understand much of his rationale or even what he was saying but he wanted the television audience to know in no uncertain terms that we need to…

“Grow Tigers”.

Good on you Coach O, and yes, we should be “Growing Tigers” before they disappear.

Thank you for that message Coach….

The CFB Wizard Email Questions and Answers

Q: Hey Mr Wizard!

I know you concentrate on College Football mostly but what did you think about the Triple G – Alvarez affair last weekend?

Thanks!

Jeffery – Panama City, Florida

A: How dare you sir, I don’t care how big their breasts are I still won’t watch Mexican strippers. Anymore….

Q: I’m so damn excited!!

I know this sounds crazy to ask, BUT, do you think Kansas can win the Big 12 this year?

GO JAYHAWKS!

Fred – Lawrence, Kansas

A: Pump the breaks Dorothy, you aren’t wearing Ruby Slippers and I can assure you that Kansas will absolutely not come close to winning the Big 12 Title this year.

But look on the bright side….

The Jayhawks are only one win away from consideration for the prestigious Wang Dang Noodle Bowl in Flint Michigan, sponsored by the greater Chinese Restaurant Owners Association of Michigan.

Q: Are you happy now jackass?

Buckeye Coach Urban Meyer gave you what you wanted and apologized!!!!

What do you have to say now you Piece of $#@!???????

@BuckeyeNation50 – Columbus, Ohio

A: I say……

“Liar, Liar Pants on Fire…..”

COLLEGE FOOTBALL NEWS

OLE MISS: Remember how you felt during that first 11 seconds of last week’s game?

Oct 4, 2014; Oxford, MS, USA; Mississippi Rebels fans hang from the goal posts after a win against the Alabama Crimson Tide at Vaught-Hemingway Stadium. The Rebels won 23-17. Mandatory Credit: Christopher Hanewinckel-USA TODAY Sports

It felt good didn’t it?

I know that your heart and dreams felt as empty as the student section by halftime, but have no fear Ole Miss, you still have the foam rubber Colonel Saunders, Black Bear Land Shark mascot(s) to draw strength and resolve from in times of trouble.

ESPN: To the idiot “prognosticator” Delbert McDumbass of ESPN that guaranteed that Ole Miss would beat Alabama, I have this to say.

HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!

TROY: All Hail the Men of Troy!

DAMNNNNNNNNNNN Good Win!

MARYLAND: Thanks for making me look like a complete dumbass last week.

You see it’s this kind of betrayal that makes me not want to “pick” you each week.

Just think about it.

ARKANSAS: I can’t even look at you right now……..

They never should have gotten rid of Coach B, just saying.

LSU: I get a number of emails each week concerning Tiger quarterback Joe Burrow…..

Many people are simply amazed that he seemingly came out of nowhere

But the investigative staff here at The CFB Wizard has uncovered a very important point concerning the starting quarterback of the LSU Tigers.

Joe Burrows didn’t come out of “nowhere” to end up in Baton Rouge.

At one time he was actually a featured performer on Saturday Night Live.

Before you think this theory is completely crazy ask yourself this question.

Have you ever seen these two together in the same room at the same time?

I rest my case…

KANSAS: I guess hell has indeed frozen over……

The Jayhawks have actually won two games in a damn row.

I am building a bunker, I am serious the end of the world is near.

OHIO STATE: In the event you dear readers missed Coach Urban Meyer’s apology tour on ESPN last week, I will provide you the “Highlights” of said interview.

I will save you all a lot of time and sum it up this way…..

THE GAMES

THE CFB WIZARD DISCLAIMER: As was promised last week and against my better judgment we welcome the “return” of Mr. James “Hootie” Snitch of Baneberry, Tennessee and self described “Number Damn one Volunteer Fan on the Planet” as the “Guest picker” this week for a “select” few games.

As you may know Hootie was once a guest writer here for such notable articles as “The Big Orange Report” and his disturbing and somewhat entertaining Christmas stories, but has since become a full time member of the “Who let the Clogs Out” dance review at Dollywood and has been unable to appear with us this season.

The opinions of Hooties Snitch and are not in any way condoned or shared by either The CFB Wizard or the Staff of Your Favorite College Football Prognosticator.

Thank you

Thursday 20 September

Tulsa at Temple
Just to make a point here…..
When Tulsa plays an away game they are no longer “Living on Tulsa Time”
Just saying…
HOOTERS 28-24

Friday 21 September

Florida Atlantic at Central Florida
I would like to see Coach Lane win this one but I don’t believe it’s going to happen.
GOLDEN KNIGHTS 33-28

Penn State at Illinois
The Fighting Pumpkins have overtaken the Jayhawks as the “New” Kansas.
NITTANY LIONS 44-10

Washington State at Southern California
I can’t imagine why anyone would stay up until midnight to watch the beginning of this game when there are far more entertaining infomercials on at the time.
Just for the record, my favorite midnight infomercial is for “Hair in a Can”
(Don’t you dare judge me)
TROJANS 31-28

Saturday 22 September

Georgia at Missouri
ME: Ok Hootie, here is your first pick of the week…..

HOOTIE: I don’t like any of them teams and I want to talk about my Big Orange.

ME: You are the “guest picker” so pick a team…

HOOTIE: I don’t like neither of them cause we got to play them later.

ME: So are you abstaining?

HOOTIE: I ain’t got no stains, this is a brand new shirt and britches I got on

ME: Never mind….

SMART DAWGS 38-24

Notre Dame at Wake Forest
My Commodores were close (close) last week in Southbend…..
This one won’t be
FIGHTING IRISH 34-14

Azusa Pacific at North Alabama
I am not quite sure what a “Azusa Pacific” actually is……
But I don’t want to catch it, ill tell you that
FLORENCE LIONS 33-14

Nebraska at Michigan
I really (really) want to take the Cornhuskers in this one….
It will be close
Very Close
JIM’S WOLVERINES 28-24

Norwich at Coast Guard
I really like the Coast Guards uniforms…..
They all look like World War II Japanese submariners….
NORWICH SANDWICH 31-28

Boston College at Purdue
I take back my earlier comment on Illinois…..
Purdue AND Illinois are the “New” Kansas
Sorry for the confusion
CHESTNUT HILL EAGLES 33-14

Kent State at Ole Miss
ME: Hootie you’re up, who do you pick….

HOOTIE: Alright, but I don’t get the boy dressed up in a shark outfit for Mississippi

ME: Nobody else does either Hootie, just make your pick I have a deadline to make

HOOTIE: I am ready to pick the Volunteer game…

ME: I knew this was going to be a pain in the ass before it got started, never mind

FOAM RUBBER BEAR LAND SHARK COL SANDERS GUY 44-10

Minnesota at Maryland
I cannot in good conscience pick the “fighting” turtles after last week….
I say “Roll Gophers Roll”
GOLDEN GOPHERS 34-17

Akron at Iowa State
I wouldn’t rule out Akron in this one…..
But it’s hard to repeat history two weeks in a row….
CYCLONES 28-17

South Carolina at Vanderbilt
ME: The game is at Vanderbilt, so what is your pick in this game?

HOOTIE: I haven’t been to Vanderbilt since we had momma’s tattoo corrected. See she got “Keep on Trucking” on her back before she got in to the Tow Truck industry years ago and I don’t know if the ole boy was drunk or what when he did it…..

ME: For the love of Coach Bryant will you please just make your pick

HOOTIE: I’m a getting to it, let me finish my story. Anyways, after all them years the “T” and the “R” in the trucking part of the tattoo just sort of blended together and it made a bad word (If you know what I mean), so momma couldn’t wear her halter top to the flea market or to the county fair without people a saying something ugly to her.

ME: I knew this “Guest Picker” thing was a bad idea…..

HOOTIE: So them people at Vanderbilt used a laser and made her tattoo say “Keep on Pucking” so now she likes them Nashville Predators which is Hockey cause they use pucks and such.

ME: I know what the Predators are now make your damn pick

HOOTIE: Will then I am a taking Vanderbilt cause they did such a good job on fixing my mommas tattoo

GAMECOCKS 31-24

Ohio at Cincinnati
I hate to go against Frank’s Cats in this one…..
But the boys from Chili Town are playing some inspired football at the moment
BEARKATS 33-17

North Greenville at Delta State
I am breaking the curse right here and right now……
The only thing we have to fear is……
FEAR THE OKRA 33-31

Navy at Southern Methodist
This unique rivalry is played for the coveted “Gansz Trophy”
This is always a good game and this rendition will be no exception.
MIGHTY MIDSHIPMEN 34-28

Pittsburg at North Carolina
HOOTIE: What was the name of that trophy again?

ME: You aren’t picking right now, so just be quite

HOOTIE: You think you know every damn thing

ME: Hush

PANTHERS 28-17

Louisville at Virginia
Against my better judgment…….
I am going with…
BOBBY’S BIRDS 28-21

Carson Newman at Newberry
ME: Carson Newman is near your home in Baneberry Tennessee, do you know anything about Carson Newman?

HOOTIE: For your damn information I know everything there is to know about Carson Newman smartass.

ME: Great, just make your pick and let’s move along

HOOTIE: For your information that school was named for them two famous explorers that explored the whole country and went all the way to the Pacific Ocean.

ME: I think you are referring to Lewis and Clark.

HOOTIE: Well Mister Smart Ass what do you think their last names where?

Lewis Carson and Clark Newman, so whose the educator now?

ME: Forget I mentioned it…..Make your pick please

HOOTIE: The Explorers who else!

ME: Kill me now…..

EAGLES 34-28

Texas A&M at Alabama
It’s going to be a tussle in T-Town……
Believe it
CRIMSON TIDE 34-28

Clemson at Georgia Tech
There was a time when the Yellow Jackets had the Tigers number…..
That time has since passed
DABO’S TIGERS 38-14

Tulane at Ohio State
Yippee Coach Meyer is back form serving his not so secret double probation.
BLACKEYES 55-10

Kansas State at West Virginia
In the words of the Great Coach Lee Corso, this one will be closer than the experts think.
MOUNTAINEERS 31-17

Virginia Tech at Old Dominion
This game is going to be uglier than the Orange Checkerboard pants Hootie is wearing….
FIGHTING TURKEYS 44-10

Florida International at Miami
You don’t have to ask the people in North Carolina, they already know…
It’s Hurricane Season
HURRICANES 38-14

Stanford at Oregon
ME: What’s your pick in this one?

HOOTIE: I am damn glad you ask, I am taking the Ducks and I will tell you why…

ME: Here we go….

HOOTIE: I had a pet Duck named Oscar once and he tried to mount my momma’s cat one time in the living room while we was watching a Tennessee game and there was squawking and squalling and the feathers was a flying and I can’t tell you who won but I will tell you this, every time after that one of them AFLAC commercials came on the television with the quacking duck, that damn cat would hide under the couch.

ME: Will you please just make your damn pick

HOOTIE: I am a going with Oscar my Fighting Duck

CARDINAL 34-17

Garner Webb at Appalachian State
I don’t know what Garner was thinking about scheduling this game, but it’s not good
MOUNTAINEERS 41-14

North Carolina Central at Duke
Is it possible that “Duke” will be undefeated after four weeks?
Yes dear friends, it most certainly is….
BLUE DEVILS 33-10

Northern Illinois at Florida State
Don’t rule out the Huskies in this one and “yes” I am serious
SEMI-COLONS 31-28

Kansas at Baylor
I cannot believe I am actually picking the Jayhawks to win three games in a row….
But I am….
JAYHAWKS 24-17

Sacramento State at Montana
Boys from California in Big Sky Country…..
Nothing like the fifteen minutes of autumn in Montana before winter sets in…
GRIZZZZZZZZZZZZ 34-17

Arizona at Oregon State
Neither of these two teams is hardly worth “picking”, but it’s my job so here you go.
WILDCATS 28-24

South Alabama at Memphis
HOOTIE: I want to talk about Elvis in Memphis

ME: Why does this not surprise me….

HOOTIE: I got me an Elvis clock, a big ole velvet panting of him and salt and pepper shakers at the house

ME: Of course you do, now make your pick

HOOTIE: Viva Las Memphis!

ME: That makes no sense what’s so ever

TIGERS 38-17

Texas Christian at Texas
Despite the Longhorns win last week, I am still not sold on the Herman’s Hermits
HORNED FROGS 33-24

Connecticut at Syracuse
ME: Let’s speed this up, I have a deadline to make today

HOOTIE: I like Syracuse cause they is orange but not Tennessee road cone orange glow in the dark orange.

ORANGEMEN 41-10

McNeese State at Brigham Young
Must be an early Homecoming game in Provo…..
COUGARS 44-10

Duquesne at Hawaii
I wish I could say this one was going to be close…..
But it won’t be
WARRIORS ON RAINBOWS 51-10

Army at Oklahoma
The Army hasn’t seen a rout like this since the Little Big Horn
BOOMER DAMN SOONER 44-14

Louisiana Tech at LSU
In the immortal words of LSU’s Coach O…….
“Gaba Dabba Shama Lama Magaa Homma…Grow Tigers”
HEY FIGHTN’ TIGERS 44-10

Mississippi State at Kentucky
You want an “Upset Special” this week?
Here you go….
BLUE CATS 33-28

Shorter at Valdosta State

HOOTIE: Ain’t this the college they named after them onions?

ME: Shut up….

BLAZZZZZZZZZZZZ 41-10

Texas Tech at Oklahoma State
The Red Raiders won’t be able to ride with the Cowboys for long in this one…
COWBOY UP! 41-28

Southeastern Oklahoma at Arkansas Monticello
I know, I know…..
My Beloved Bo Weevils lost last week, but they rebound at home this week
BO’S WEEVILS 31-28

Rice at Southern Mississippi
Although I am a big fan of rice pudding it has no correlation to this game.
GOLDEN EAGLES 33-17

Troy at Louisiana Monroe
Do you actually think I would pick against mighty Troy this week?
Absolutely Not
MEN OF TROY 28-24

North Carolina State at Marshall
Do I believe there is an “Upset” brewing in Huntington?
Yes I most certainly do…..
WE ARE MARSHALL 33-31

Arkansas at Auburn
Sorry Razorback Fans, not even going to be close…..
WAR DAMN EAGLE 51-10

Samford at Chattanooga
Both teams are really (really) good this year…..
I am going with the Home team in this one
MIGHTY MOCS 33-31

Michigan State at Indiana
I am sure this is some sort of “big” rivalry game in the Big 10 (Whatever) Conference
The problem is we simply don’t care
SPARTANS 28-21

East Carolina at South Florida
The Boys from South Florida are slowly gaining steam to contend for the conference title
And that my friends is….
NO BULL 41-21

Montana State at Portland State
This one could easily be a toss-up…..
But I have to go with the Big Cats from Big Sky Country
BOBCATS 33-31

Texas Southern at Houston
Although both teams are located in Cow Town, this isn’t much of a rivalry…..
In fact it isn’t a rivalry at all, it just involves handing a check to Southern and them thanking the Cougars for an ass whipping.
COUGARS 44-10

Wisconsin at Iowa
This rivalry in the Big 10 (Whatever the number actually is this week) is played for…
“The Heartland Trophy”

HOOTIE: That thing looks like a pit bull fixing to fight….

ME: This isn’t your pick so hush up

BADGERS 28-24

Air Force at Utah State
Hootie is giving me a headache and I am running out of time….
I am going with my Air Force Brothers and Sisters in this one…
FIGHTING FALCONS 33-28

Arizona State at Washington
It’s going to be close…..
But “Doc” the Black Lab insisted on me picking the “Big Dogs” in this one
HUSKIES 31-17

Augsburg at St Olaf
The Mighty Ollie’s won the Goat Trophy AND the Cereal Bowl Last week….
They remain Undefeated (Believe it)
OLLIES 33-17

East Central at Ouachita Baptist
I cannot pick a team that is named after two different directions on a map….
It’s Un-American
GOTCHA BAPTIST 34-31

Florida at Tennessee
ME: We have mercifully come to the end of this week’s picks, so what do you have?

HOOTIE:
GO BIG DAMN ORANGE!

ME: I know I have serious issues when I agree with Hootie…..

VOWELS 31-28

Next Week……

As you have come to expect Your Week 5 College Football Picks will be on the website on Thursday and might I add without a “Guest Picker” next week.

There is more on the way next week, so Stay Tuned…

One More Thing…..

If you haven’t taken the time to read Mikerights.com and the story that was on there last week, please do so, it will make your heart feel good.

Thank you all again for reading both websites, “Doc” the Black Lab and I appreciate it

RTR
THE CFB WIZARD

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