College Football Picks Week 2

September 6, 2018
By

Ladies and Gentlemen –

Just think…….

It was a little over a week ago that every team in college football was undefeated.

Those were certainly some good times weren’t they?

In the immortal words of the Righteous Brothers many of you have already

“Lost that loving feeling”

Don’t despair my dear readers.

It’s going to be ok

Enjoy Your Picks….

Weekend Rewind…..

There is no point sugar coating it, Your Favorite College Football Prognosticator had his worst opening weekend ever (As in ever) finishing the first week of the 2018 College Football season with a dismal 75-12 or 86% record.

In an effort to right this listing ship of prognostication, The CFB Wizard and “Doc” the Black Lab will now alter our games of “Twister” and “Battleship” in an effort to concentrate more on the weekly college football picks.

Don’t judge me, don’t you dare.

It isn’t easy being “Me”

The CFB Wizard Email Questions and Answers

Q: Hellrow

Xi Zang is mer me and football yes, I like.

The berry good for Xi Zang to see like.

Xi Zang no understand much football, my engrish is good, yes?

Xi Zang – Sacramento, California

A: Thank you for the email and your engrish is still better than 90% of everyone I have met in East Tennessee.

Q: Hey Mister CFB Wizard!

I have a question, what the heck was going on with Florida State wearing black jerseys last week for the game with Virginia Tech?

Thanks!

Pete – Jacksonville, Florida

A: The answer to that is simple Pete; “Black” is the traditional color for those in mourning. the death of a loved one, in this case it’s the death of the Seminoles season.

Q: Dear Sir

You know there were some things that came out during this whole Urban Meyer thing at Ohio State and I just want you to know something right now.

I NEVER PAID FOR ANYTHING that time me and Zach and some of those high school coaches went to that strip club. I mean, he paid for EVERYTHING!!!

He paid the cover charge, he paid for all those umbrella purty drinks, and he even paid for all the dollar bills that got so we could stand up on stage with the dancers and make it rain money!!! So, no, I didn’t pay anything and if anybody says I did they’re crazy

Tom Hermann
University of Texas

A: Thank you coach but that still doesn’t explain away your loss to Maryland.

Q: Hey Man

Check it, I done read you book and it’s good man, I dig it.

So I writing a mystery short story book dude, for the hood, so check it.

It’s called “The Da Fa Shizzle Hizzle Cases” and check it out, my main man is called..

Sir Fo Hizzie Nizzie and he be solving crimes and sh&% in the hood.

Like “Who stole my weed?” and “My momma done had a cap busted in her ass at Safeway, who done went and did it?”

What you be thinking about it?

Jerome – Atlanta, Georgia

A: Sounds like the Fo Shizzie to me Jerome.

Q: Hey Jackass Where the hell is our U FITE!

We done paid good money we get from the government for faking disability and them U FITE ain’t here yet!

We need them things for the Big Orange season in Tennessee!!

Come on Man!

White Family – Crab Orchard, Tennessee

A: Due to a senseless act of arson at the U FITE factory which by the way can be directly attributed to a number of our rivals in the sports entertainment field, we have delayed shipment on U FITE for a couple of weeks until the investigation is completed.

Thank you for your patience.

COLLEGE FOOTBALL NEWS

WEST POINT: Let’s be honest with each other, shall we?

Every year it’s the same thing.

I pick you to “Win” and you lose…..

I pick you to “Lose” and you win

In the immortal words of that great 90’s urban philosopher Rodney King

“Can’t we just all get along?”

TEXAS: In a concerted effort to avoid talking about the Longhorns inexplicable loss to Maryland last week, the Longhorn Network will have a series of “new” and exciting programs to distract the disgruntled fan, beginning with (Wait for it)

“BEVO Goes to Waffle House”

EDITORS NOTE: I wonder if he will take a booth or a chair….

VIRGINIA TECH: Maybe it’s just me…..

But there is something about former Tech coach Frank Beamer’s recent ad for “His Sauce” that makes me feel creepy.

TEXAS A&M: Same Ole Jimbo, different school, same antics……

TENNESSEE: I usually don’t support causes or jump on the bandwagon of “the latest and greatest” gimmick without first researching them thoroughly

This seems legitimate to me

NIKE: As I am sure you know by now…….

The latest advertisement from the mega-shoe and gear maker has none other than Colon Hair Net or whatever his washed up ass is named as the “face” of the ad campaign.

I won’t grace the pages of The CFB Wizard with the ad in question as I am sure you are familiar with what I am talking about.

Your favorite College Football Prognosticator is nothing else if not helpful.

I thought perhaps these poor single minded social warriors living in a bubble could use some help, and that’s exactly what I did.

EDITORS NOTE: You can thank me later…..

Personally I think Coach O of LSU would make an outstanding “Face” of the Campaign.

I know you Auburn Fans haven’t forgotten Mister Harvey the Tree Killer as my suggestion here is both reflective and deeply thought provoking.

Perhaps NIKE should expand their ad campaign with one of the most beloved and articulate of all professional athletes ever to have graced the international stage of sports.

Then I thought to myself (I do that quite often actually)……

It’s entirely possible the misguided twenty something decision makers at their headquarters in Oregon could use a dose of reality, since they apparently don’t understand what the word “Sacrifice” really means.

But unfortunately no one really knows who this “real” life warrior is in the picture.

Then I thought some more about it and I “fixed” their ad for them

You can thank me now

THE GAMES

Friday 7 September

Texas Christian at Southern Methodist
This Rivalry in the Metroplex of Dallas – Fort Worth is played for….
“The Iron Skillet”
Just FYI: This rivalry is in No Way related to the Great Skillet Wilson; unless we are referring to the nickname his wife gave Skillet when he was considerably younger.
HORNED FROGS 41-21

Saturday 8 September

New Mexico at Wisconsin
I would be very interested in this game…..
However, this happens to conflict with rearranging my sock drawer
Sorry I have to keep to a schedule.
CHEESEMEN 44-10

Western Michigan at Michigan
Yippee!
The Wolverines are on a one game winning streak!!
JIMMY’S WOLVEEEE 38-10

Mississippi State at Kansas State
This game will be closer (Way closer) than you might think
JOE DOGS 28-24

Towson at Wake Forest
I thought Towson made those little crackers?
They have a college; really?
I learn something new almost every day
DEMON DEACONS 44-13

Liberty at Army
Here we go again……
You best not lose this one jackasses
BLACK KNIGHTS OF THE HUDSON 33-14

North Alabama at Alabama A&M
My Beloved Florence Lions are already struggling……
It breaks my heart
But I am still going….
LIONS 33-31

Carson Newman at Virginia Union
Despite the loss last week, I am still going with the Eagles….
EAGLES 34-31

Nevada at Vanderbilt
Don’t be surprised if Nevada doesn’t upset the Commodores….
“Yes” I am serious
COMMODORES 41-38

Arizona at Houston
Last week I actually cared about this game…..
Not so much this week
KEVIN’S CATS 34-31

Duke at Northwestern
Unlike the above game I never cared about this game….
Not once
WILDCATS 3-2

Georgia Tech at South Florida
This game is a “Toss-Up”
Not that any of us “really” care, Georgia and Carolina will be on in two hours…
YELLOW JACKETS 31-28

Georgia State at North Carolina State
I can’t make this one sound exciting, I just can’t
WOLFPACK 55-10

UCLA at Oklahoma
“IF” the Bruin Bears thought losing to Cincinnati last week was bad….
They haven’t seen anything yet
BOOMER DAMN SOONERS 44-14

Holy Cross at Boston College
The Eagles of Chestnut Hill are saving money in travel this football season by beating every little school within a thirty mile radius of Boston.
CHESTNUT EAGLES 134-3

William and Mary at Virginia Tech
Bill and Mary should “Rethink” their scheduling…..
They really should
HOKIES HOKIES HOKIES 44-10

Portland State at Oregon
I will answer the question that is burning in your mind right this very moment….
“NO” we don’t care
You are welcome
QUACKERS 51-10

Air Force at Florida Atlantic
I hate to go against the boys in Blue here, but…….
LANE’S BOYS 38-24

Kansas at Central Michigan
I wouldn’t call this one an “Upset”……..
Unless it was basketball, which I don’t watch
CHIPS AHOY 33-24

Arkansas State at Alabama
This game will be uglier than Hillary Clinton’s Pants Suit Collection
CRIMSON TIDE 51-10

Georgia at South Carolina
I predicted this game back in July……
No Upset….
Just straight up
GAMECOCKS 24-21

Rutgers at Ohio State
Like anyone would be watching this game with South Carolina and Georgia playing…
Seriously….
BLACKEYES 141-3

Ball State at Notre Dame
(Please see the above description and add “We don’t care”)
FIGHTING IRIISHHH 44-10

Colorado at Nebraska
This game will be close ( Really Close)
Hang on to your seats….
CHILDREN OF THE CORNHUSKERS 31-28

Memphis at Navy
Although I am none to confident in this pick, I am under contract obligation to pick Navy
It’s a Marine thing….
MIGHTY MIDSHIPMEN 38-34

North Carolina at East Carolina
This “semi” rivalry on Tobacco Road has all the thrills and excitement of a real rivalry but with only half the nicotine.
TAR HEELS 6-3

Wagner at Syracuse
I cannot believe that vacuum cleaner company has a college AND a football team.
No wonder they suck….
URANGE PEOPLE 55-10

Luther at St Olaf
Olaf started their season with a win last week which hasn’t been done since Noah launched his boat; I am going with them again this week….
OLLIES 34-17

Northwestern Oklahoma State at Arkansas Monticello
I am going full underdog this week as I pick Bo’s Weevils in the “win”
Trust me on this one….
BO’S WEEVILS 28-24

Lamar at Texas Tech
Although this game won’t be very interesting…..
It’s important to note that Lubbock Texas is the home of the Buddy Holly Museum.
It’s worth seeing Peggy Sue, tell her I said “hello”
RED RAIDERS 51-10

Southern Illinois at Ole Miss
No suspense here folks…..
Not until next week anyway
FOAM RUBBER LAND SHARKS 44-13

East Tennessee State at Tennessee
The words heard throughout the mountains of Tennessee the morning after a family reunion…….
“I finally scored”
VOWELS 44-17

North Dakota at Washington
“F” this was North Dakota State I would feel differently, it isn’t so I don’t.
HUSKIES

Iowa State at Iowa
This instate rivalry in the land of corn and more corn is played for…..
“The Cy-Hawk Trophy”
And the winner is….
HAWKEYES 28-24

Savannah State at Miami
Hurricane season has arrived, a week too late…..
HURRICANES 41-10

Youngstown State at West Virginia
I know (I know) I didn’t pick West Virginia last week…..
I make amends this week…..
MOUNTAINEERS 44-21

South Carolina State at Central Florida
This just in The CFB Wizard College Football News Center!
The Golden Knights will defeat the Bulldogs of South Carolina State on Saturday and claim another National Championship!
GOLD PLATED KNIGHTS 51-14

Maryland at Bowling Green
Is it just me…..
But when hear or read the words “Bowling Green”
Do you think about shooting sharpened lawn darts with a catapult into your neighbor’s yard? I am a mind reader, I know.
NINJA TURTLES 41-10

Massachusetts at Georgia Southern
Believe it or not, but the Minute Maids will keep this one close in Statesboro
FREE BIRDS 33-31

Appalachian State at Charlotte
Poor Ole Miss Charlotte, she is going to get beaten up worse than Zack Smith’s last girlfriend. What, too soon?
MOUNTAIN MEN 41-17

Eastern Kentucky at Marshall
Say those three words with me…..
WE ARE MARSHALL
THUNDERING HERD 33-17

Clemson at Texas A&M
I know Aggie fans were all excited last week with the “big” win over the South Louisiana Interpretive Dance Academy, but this is “real” big boy football.
Welcome to Reality
DABO’S TIGERS 38-17

Southeastern Louisiana at LSU
In the words of Tiger Head Coach, Coach O……
“GAbb Dabba Do Da Bahaaa Daaa”
GEAUX TIGERS 44-10

Louisiana Monroe at Southern Miss
It’s going to be close in Hattiesburg, so hang on….
GOLDEN EAGLES 28-24

Baylor at Texas San Antonio
I will go mind “Upset” here with a potential for full blown emotional meltdown….
ROAD RUNNERS 31-24

Indiana State at Louisville
The Fighting Sycamores!!!!!
Wait…..
How does a tree “fight”?
They can’t run…..
They can’t really fight…..
They just sort of stand planted and don’t move…..
You know, like their football team
I get it now
BOBBY’S BIRDS 171-3

Western State Colorado at Colorado Mines
This has got to be a typo…..
I think they meant to say “Colorado Mimes”
I love when their cheerleaders do the “Trapped in a Box” routine
But that white makeup they wear creeps me out
MIME IT UP 24-21

Valdosta State at Fort Valley State
This is going to be clash of two storied programs…..
Don’t blink
BLAZZZZZZZ 34-31

Wyoming at Missouri
It pains me to say this…..
Cowboy Down
MO’S TIGERS 49-21

Grand Valley State at Delta State
My Beloved Okra got fried last week……
But don’t worry, there is only one thing to fear this week and that is….
FEAR THE OKRA 28-24

Southwestern Oklahoma at Ouachita Baptist
I thought “Southwestern Oklahoma” was West Texas?
I am getting my Rand McNally out….
GOTCHA BAPTIST 28-24

Florida A&M at Troy
I know Troy took a beating last week….
But I still have faith in the Boys from South Alabama
MEN OF TROY 31-28

Samford at Florida State
Nope, don’t care……
SEMICOLONS 44-10

Alabama State at Auburn
I picked the Tigers to win last week over Washington….
Did I get any love from the Plains this week?
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
You people sure are hard to please…
WAR DAMN EAGLES 44-10

Western Illinois at Illinois
In the event you honestly care about this game and its outcome….
Please seek mental health treatment immediately
FIGHTING PUMPKINS 6-5

Virginia at Indiana
The Rock Papers Scissors Finale is on FOX Sports, so unfortunately I can’t watch this.
Sorry….
CAVA LAVA DING DONGS 17-10

Arkansas at Colorado State
The Rams will be beaten to Bull Butter this week…..
Believe it
RAZORBACKS 44-17

Kentucky at Florida
The Wildcats haven’t beaten the Gators since Grant took Richmond…..
That streak continues on Saturday
MIGHTY GATORS 38-24

Utah at Northern Illinois
So two Utes walk into a bar with a penguin and a monkey….
Stop me if you have heard this one before…
TWO UTES 34-31

Fresno State at Minnesota
Although it isn’t widely known……
But apparently Gophers love cupcakes
O SO VERY GOLDEN GOPHERS 34-17

Penn State at Pittsburgh
This old time rivalry in the Alleghenies is called “The Keystone Classic”
I wonder if you are security at the game if that makes you a “Keystone Cop”?
It’s a legitimate question…
NITTANY LIONS 28-17

Tulsa at Texas
With this win Texas is assured of consideration for the Vienna Sausage Bowl to be played in Rockford Illinois. Congratulations….
LONGHORNS 34-14

South Alabama at Oklahoma State
This game is like watching the neighbors little boy try and ride a bicycle for the first time without training wheels, you know its going to be an awful crash, but you can’t turn away
COWBOYS UP! 55-17

Southern Utah at Oregon State
The staff here at The CFB Wizard has asked me politely to “Not” make any suggestive and or dirty comments related to the Oregon State team and or mascot.
So I won’t, after all I have been all about the Beavers since I was a young lad.
WHAT?
That was NOT dirty!
I hate when they look over my shoulder when I am Prognosticating
BEAVERZZZZZZZZ 31-17

Southern California at Stanford
This rivalry in California has been given a “new” name as it is now called the….
“Eco Friendly Safe Space Come Together Game”
Instead of a coin toss to start the game there will be a group hug and several players will discuss the traumatic effects bullying has in our society.
CARDINAL 3-2

Connecticut at Boise State
I wonder if Connecticut and Kansas played each other….
Would anyone “win”
It’s just a thought
BRONCO’S 38-10

California at Brigham Young
I am not saying the Cougars are “back” but they certainly are making some noise…
COUGARS 31-28

Michigan State at Arizona State
Neither team looked very impressive last week…..
So this one is a toss-up, throw-up….
Whatever….
WE ARE MEN OF SPARTA 28-24

San Jose State at Washington State
IF you are still awake for this game, then you clearly didn’t tailgate appropriately during the day for the more important clashes on the schedule.
MIKE’S CATS 41-17

Montana State at South Dakota State
The Fargo Dome in Fargo North Dakota…..
The Mighty Bison….
That’s really all that needs to be said here
MIGHTY BISON 34-14

Norwich at St. Lawrence
Saint Lawrence?
Never heard of her…..
NOR SANDWICHES 28-17

Hope at Defiance
Honestly…..
I am defiantly hopeful on this one….
HOPE SPRINGS 28-24

Next Week……

The College Football Season will heat up next week with several clashes that will have a profound impact on the remainder of the season. So stay tuned…..

One More Thing…..

I hope to (finally) have a new story for you on Mikerights.com tomorrow and If I haven’t mentioned it in awhile, thank you all again for reading both websites and riding along with “Doc” the Black Lab and I for yet another College Football Season.

We appreciate it

RTR
THE CFB WIZARD

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