Ladies and Gentlemen –
You may be wondering with all the “Upsets” and turmoil in college football last weekend why I have a picture of My Black Lab “Doc” on the front page of this week’s picks.
The answer is very simple…
He insisted….
More accurately it’s my way of making amends to my trusted friend and companion for not taking his advice last weekend on a “few” rather important games.
Yeah, it’s like that…
Enjoy……
Weekend Rewind….
As Your Favorite College Football Prognosticator it’s important to be gracious, magnanimous and honest. That being said…..
My Black Lab “Doc” gave me the “look” last Thursday as we reviewed the week’s picks.
Trying to make my point on my selections, “Doc” just gave me the look again, got off the couch and went into the living room. That look said,
“Do what you want to do, but you are going to regret it.”
And wouldn’t you know it…..
He was right
I want to apologize to the fans of Northern Illinois…..
And certainly…..
I apologize to the lovely Miss Melanie, Larry and Jennifer and everyone in the Mississippi State Bulldog Nation. “Doc” tried to tell me, he really did.
That brings us to last week…..
The CFB Wizard was a rather dismal 45 and 10 or 82% for Week 3…..
Although still picking several significant “Upsets” they paled in comparison to “Doc’s”
(Yeah, I know….)
That leaves Your Favorite College Football Prognosticator at 180 and 23 or 89%
EDITORS NOTE: “IF” only I had listened to “Doc”……
My dear friend from Birmingham, Alabama Jermaine “Funnymaine” Johnson has his own take on last week’s games and surprisingly he even found a way to get Coach “O’s” take on LSU’s stunning defeat at the hands of the Mississippi State Bulldogs.
Before I forget….
Jermaine “Funnymaine” Johnson will be appearing at Zanie’s Comedy Club this Friday in Nashville Tennessee, if you get a chance to see him, I promise you won’t be disappointed.
He cracks me up…..
COLLEGE FOOTBALL NEWS
THE “R” WORD…….
The nasty word I am referring to here is the “R” word…..
As in “Responsibility”
When head football coaches start firing their assistants after two or three games it’s a clear indication that they know nothing about who is responsible for the direction of their football team. I will give them a hint….
“THEY” are…..
Hence why they get that multi-million dollar check….
Don’t spread excuses around like an out of control water sprinkler; when you do that you just sound like a bitter and delusional Hillary Clinton.
Take responsibility for YOUR program.
Remember you read it here first….
When Coaches don’t take responsibility for their team’s success or failures and start pitching assistant coaches under the proverbial bus to salvage their careers and seasons;
They are doomed.
Believe it…
MVP OF THE WEEK
There were several noteworthy candidates for the Most Valuable Player award this week.
The selection was difficult…..
But there is a clear winner….
It’s Larry Pepper
How he manages to get a cold Dr. Pepper to every college football fan every Saturday, is nothing short of amazing.
AUBURN: Mercy Tigers, what the heck happened to you?
OKLAHOMA STATE: Speaking of “mercy”…..
After last week’s two quarter destruction of the Pittsburgh Panthers….
I consulted my Webster’s Dictionary….
EDITORS NOTE: “Yes” kids I said, “Dictionary”….go ask your parents what that is…
Looking up “Mercy Rule”, it said….
See the Oklahoma State Cowboys….
Enough Said…
ODD COLLEGE FACT OF THE WEEK….
This is the first time since 1911 that Kentucky, Mississippi State and Vanderbilt have all been 3-0 and the reason I mention that “fact” is because 1911 also happens to be my favorite handgun.
Just so you know..
COLLEGE FOOTBALL MASCOT CONFUSION…..
I understand the often times confusing situation revolving around college mascots…
Let’s take Tennessee for example…..
They have a guy dressed like a mountain man with a rifle on the sidelines….
But they aren’t the “Mountaineers” or the Davey Crockett’s….
They have a live dog and not one but two foam rubber costumed dogs roaming the sidelines but yet they aren’t called the “Hounds” or the “Dogs” or the “Bow Wow’s”
It’s confusing I know….
Then we have the Commonwealth of Kentucky….
They are known for what?
Racehorses and Bourbon
(God Bless them for both by the way)
However the University of Louisville is known as the Cardinals and the University of Kentucky are the Wildcats. So no tips of the hat or glass as it were, to your heritage?
I don’t get it….
TENNESSEE: Speaking of the Volunteers…..
I continue to get several emails concerning the “Volunteers Trashcan” that is carried along the sidelines of their football games.
I have some rather interesting pictures for you…..
Most of know these types of picture montages as “Before and After” pictures.
The Volunteers “HTB” Trashcan before the game last week with the Florida Gators…
This photo was taken of the “HTB” Trashcan on Sunday morning outside Coach Jones office at the University of Tennessee.
My Friends with “SEC Shorts” have their own take of the Tennessee HTB Trashcan….
Enjoy…..
LSU: It’s important to note my beloved Tiger faithful….
Sometimes “Les” isn’t more…..
It’s just Less
NEBRASKA: Children of the Corn?
You have been playing more like “Candy Corn”…..
TEXAS A&M: Coach Kevin I don’t know what you said to the Aggies at half-time….
But you may want be using that a little speech more often….
Just saying..
CBS SPORTS: I don’t know what to think of the “new” CBS Sports intro video…
Jason Aldean is singing “something” that I doubt any of us understand….
It sound’s like he is mumbling something with a mouth full of damn marbles..
Rock on CBS…..
I think…
EMAIL QUESTIONS and ANSWERS
Q: Dear Mister Wizard
What in the world is going on with the University of Damn Tennessee!
Can you believe they let that damn skinny boy from Florida throw that damn ball all the way down the field at the end of the game!
I am so damn mad I can hardly spit
Mary – Strawberry Plains, Tennessee
A: Hail Mary, I wouldn’t worry about it….
It’s just one game.
Q: Dear CFB Wizard
I have a simple question for you….
Why do you pick so many games each week?
I mean you pick them across the board to include Division II and III games?
Wouldn’t it be easier to pick juts a few “big” games like they do on television?
Thank you and please don’t take this as criticism, we love your picks!
The Davis Family – Biloxi, Mississippi
A: Thank you so much for the kind email Davis Family…
It’s very simple….
Anybody can pick Ohio State over Indiana
But it takes some real skill to pick Delta State over Valdosta State
(Fear the Okra)
I think it’s also important that everybody has some place to go to see “Their” teams picks of the week, because all those “teams” work just as hard each week as Oklahoma and Alabama.
You are Welcome Merica….
Q: Dear Jackass
I don’t appreciate you saying that I messed up people’s college football Saturday!
I didn’t have a damn thing to do with that and now people in the Dollar General are making smart ass comments about me and it’s all your damn fault!
You need to print one of them retractions and clear it up!
Irma – Ocala, Florida
A: Pump the breaks Miss Irma…..
It’s not me that you have a gripe with….
I would suggest taking your complaint up with Jim Cantore
Q: Dear Wizard Man
Boy, I gotta tell you sumthin’ buddy.
This here stuff bout diversifyin are country an stuff like that is just makin me sick.
I mean you got wimmin all up in arms bout stuff. You got menarities protestin bout this that an tha other. An thens those dang trainsginners that don’t seem to be happy bout nothin an all of it just needs ta stop.
But you know what tha worse thang is???? Tha dang NCAA has done gone and got itself involved an’s tryin ta tear up are collige football!!! Yeah they are. Cause, if you ain’t noticed it, you better start lookin at the skedule of yore favrite team.
See what I’m talkin’ bout??? Now bout ever team that plays has a Bi week ta celebrate more a thair diversificatin’ people!!! I don’t care nothin bout bein aware a what Bi-secshuls and stuff like that is doin. ALL I WANNA DO IS WATCHA FOOTBALL GAME!!! So, I guess ma question is, what’s next Mr Wizard? I’m just dang tired of it.
Bobby “Big’n” Butterworth
Round O, Sakerlina
A: Bobby please refrain from sending me any more emails when you are clearly too liquored up to find the “Spell Check” button on your computer.
Thank you
Q: Dear Mr. CFB Wizard
I live in Springfield, Illinois and I have a “cultural” question.
We recently had some “new” neighbors move into our neighborhood and the family is from Alabama due to a change in employment for them.
So here is my question….
Why are they and their children so polite?
It’s “Yes Ma’am” this and “Yes Sir” that…
I have never met nicer people in my life.
We have missed something “Up North” as you refer to it, if everyone is as considerate as this family from Alabama has demonstrated.
Is everyone in the South this nice?
Thank you
Olivia and Robert – Springfield, Illinois
A: Thank you for the wonderful email Miss Olivia…
The fact is there are cultural differences (both good and the not so good) where ever you go, take for example the first time I was stationed in California.
I looked on my roster and saw this name and called the young man over to me….
I pointed at the roster and asked the Marine..
“Is THIS your first name?”
The young Marine said “Yes Sir, its Jesus…”
In my ignorance I replied with….
“Son, that’s NOT how you pronounce IT”
That being said, everybody in my beloved South isn’t as polite as your new neighbors….
I wish they were, but they aren’t
But as for the “Yes Ma’am” I have a brief tutorial for you that may explain the Southern “enforcement” of such manners in our households.
Enjoy….
Q: Dear Sir, I am Leopold Bennigan
Spokesman for BLINDIRS (Blind Leading In National Debate and Instituting Real Solutions) and I would like to inform you that there is a movement coming to END ALL DISCRIMINATION in the area of athletics in our colleges and universities!!!
As you probably know, there is a disgraceful shortage of representatives of the blind community participation in college athletics. The mere fact that NO ONE wants to engage in constructive dialogue to address this is disgraceful.
Currently, we have only ONE athlete participating in NCAA football and he is only a long snapper for the University of Southern California.
While many look at him as a novelty, we at BLINDIRS feel that this token unsighted individual woefully under-represents our community. We have many QUALIFIED athletes who could participate as running backs and receivers with slight modification to the rules.
A change to the rules could be that there should be at least 3 attempts at completing a pass to a sightless individual on any given play and that seeing eye dogs be allowed for running backs with a trainer in the end zone to entice the dog in that direction. Other adjustments could be made to the rules of the game for baseball, gymnastics, basketball, and other sports. Sir, we need an advocate. We need your help
Leopold Bennigan
Spokesman
BLINDIRS
A: Sir, you might be encouraged to know….
That I am a strong supporter of BLM
“Blind Lives Matter”
You are Welcome America
THE GAMES
Thursday 21 September
Temple at South Florida
The Owls will get the Hoot stomped out of them in this one…
Believe it…
NO BULL 44-14
Friday 22 September
Virginia at Boise State
I got several kind and considerate emails this week from Bronco fans expressing their love and admiration for my picks. Let the Love Fest Continue….
BRONCOS 34-17
Utah at Arizona
I don’t recall doing any of my famous or infamous “Two Ute” jokes this year…
Let’s remedy that here and now….
So Two Ute’s walk into a bar with a chimpanzee and an enema bag…
What, you have heard that one already?
Never mind….
TWO UTES 41-38
Saturday 23 September
UNLV at Ohio State
The buckeyes are going to get diabetes if they don’t back away from all these cupcakes. BUCKEYES 115-3
Cornell at Yale
Nope, Don’t care
North Carolina State at Florida State
Although the Seminoles haven’t played in a few weeks due to Hurricanes….
They won’t be all that rusty…
SEMINOLES 34-14
Kent State at Louisville
This game is going to be uglier than watching a hillbilly clean his ears with his car keys
BOBBY’S BIRDS 161-3
Texas Tech at Houston
There will be a shoot-out in Houston on Saturday Night….
And “No” I’m not talking about the liquor store off of Pierce Street.
MAJOR COUGARS 41-38
Army at Tulane
Yawn……
BLACK KNIGHTS OF THE HUDSON 34-10
Chattanooga at VMI
I am going with the Boy’s from the Home of the Moon Pie in this one…
Those things are delicious
MIGHTY MOC’S 38-14
Texas A&M and Arkansas
This one is a toss up……
It’s being played in Arlington Texas, So I am going with…
GIG EM AGGIES 31-17
Massachusetts at Tennessee
It won’t take a minute for the minutemen to realize they are fourteen points down….
VOWELS 49-10
West Alabama at North Alabama
I never should have doubted my boys last week from Florence…..
Go Get Em….
MIGHTY FLORENCE LIONS 34-31
West Virginia at Kansas
This game will get out of hand before the Kansas Band finishes the National Anthem….
Light those Couches!
MOUNTAINEERS 210-3
Robert Morris at North Dakota State
I think Bob is going to be caught in a stampede by some angry Bison….
MIGHTY BISON 44-14
Montana State at North Dakota
I like the Cats from Big Sky Country in this one…
BOB’S CATS 31-17
Pittsburgh at Georgia Tech
This game will be close for a quarter or two….
Then it’s all..
YELLOW JACKETS 34-17
Old Dominion at Virginia Tech
Old Dominion continues their “Let’s get a check and get our Ass Kicked” Tour
Congratulations….
HOKIES 41-10
Ohio at Eastern Michigan
I bet Coach Frank remembers when the Athletic Director at Nebraska fired him…..
He only averaged ten wins a season, played in a National Championship game and produced a Heisman Trophy winner. As I recall…..
Coach Frank was fired for “Letting the program fall into mediocrity..”
How do you like him now?
FRANK’S CATS 34-17
Central Florida at Maryland
I cannot believe Maryland is undefeated…..
Just goes to show you that I’m not as smart as I think I was..
NINJA TURTLES 41-38
Alabama at Vanderbilt
The Commodores said last week…..
“We Want Alabama!”
Be careful what you wish for boys……
CRIMSON TIDE 34-14
Boston College at Clemson
This Atlantic Coast Conference Rivalry is played for the coveted…
“O’ Rourke – McFadden Trophy”
Which will stay in Clemson South Carolina until Hell Freezes over….
DABO’S TIGERS 44-14
Southern California at California
I am sure this is some kind of rivalry in the land of the fruits and nuts…
It’s just that I don’t care
TROJANS 38-21
Texas Christian at Oklahoma State
My Hero’s have always been Cowboy’s…
COWBOYS 41-24
Toledo at Miami
It’s still Hurricane season….
Not that I need to remind anyone here
HURRICANES 44-17
Rutgers at Nebraska
I wouldn’t overlook the Scarlett Knights….
I fear it’s going to closer than you might think
CANDY CORN 28-24
Georgia Southern at Indiana
I no longer have any faith in the Southern Eagles…
They have given me the Statesboro Blues
HOOSIER DADDY 38-17
Wake Forest at Appalachian State
As an Appalachian American I find this pick difficult to make….
But in Honor of the late Great Brian Piccolo….
DEMON DEACONS 34-24
Duke at North Carolina
This rivalry on Tobacco Road is always a good one…
It’s played each year for the “Victory Bell”
The Gong goes to…..
TAR HEELS 34-31
Ouachita Baptist at East Central
I don’t get it…..
“East Central”…what?
Never mind….
GOTCHA BAPTIST 38-17
Louisiana Tech at South Carolina
There are few things harder to handle than an angry rooster….
Trust me I know….
Those things will spur the hell out of you
GAMECOCKS 34-17
Cincinnati at Navy
I got it…..
Cincinnati is on the Ohio River…..
That means nothing to the United States Navy
MIDSHIPMEN 34-17
Michigan at Purdue
The Boilermakers are on a one game winning streak!
And that’s where it’s going to stay….
WOLVERINES 38-17
Nevada at Washington State
My Black Lab “Doc” said to go “against” the dogs in this one…..
MIKE’S COUGARS 41-28
Akron at Troy
In Honor of the Pride of Boyle County Kentucky…..
This one is for you Troy
MEN OF TROY 34-31
Oklahoma at Baylor
I have on good authority that the Oklahoma Marching Band will score two touchdowns during the playing of the National Anthem. Just so you know…
BOOMER DAMN SOONERS 126-3
Mississippi State at Georgia
“Doc” and I had a long conversation about this game…..
The Big Man said to go with…..
BULLY DAWGS 31-24
Delta State at Shorter
I’ve said it before……
So I will say it again
I don’t think Shorter measures up here
FIGHTING OKRA 34-17
San Diego State at Air Force
I know, I know…..
The Aztecs are “ranked”…..
They won’t be after Saturday….
FALCONS 34-31
Syracuse at LSU
The Orange are going to get the juice beaten out of them in Death Valley…
Believe that…
FIGHTN’ TIGERS 44-10
Arkansas State at Southern Methodist
Come on Ponies…..Pleaseeeeee
MIGHTY MUSTANGS 34-31
Penn State at Iowa
This is big boy football…….
It’s going to be a slug fest.
NITTANY LIONS 28-21
Newberry at Carson Newman
The Mighty Eagles lost last week to Wingate….
Not this week…
SPARK’S EAGLES 34-31
Valdosta State at West Florida
The Blazers lost last week to the mighty North Alabama Lions….
Their back is against the wall…
BLAZZZZZZZZZ 28-24
Auburn at Missouri
I have no idea why Auburn fans are worried about this game….
To my knowledge there are no scheduled protests on Missouri’s campus for the day
You are Welcome
WAR DAMN EAGLE 38-17
Florida at Kentucky
I’m still not sold on the Blue Cats….
Sorry…
MIGHTY GATORS 28-24
Notre Dame at Michigan State
This old rivalry between these programs is about to come to an end….
It makes me sad to see traditional games end
GO TELL THE SPARTANS 24-21
Washington at Colorado
Believe it or not….
This game could go either way….
“Doc” said go with…..
HUSKIES 31-28
Oregon at Arizona State
Ducks and Devils……
Sounds like a “new” program on the A&E Channel….
QUACKS 44-34
UCLA at Stanford
I have no idea which of these teams will actually show up on Saturday….
It’s a toss-up
CARDINAL 24-17
Ursinus at Moravian
I can’t tell from this game if it’s a fund raiser for urine / sinus infection or something sinister about foot fungus. I’m confused, Sorry…
Next Week….
Your Week 5 College Football Picks will be on the wire next Thursday for your viewing pleasure just as you have come to expect. In the event I’m out of commission My Black Lab “Doc” has agreed to complete the picks for you all.
Just excuse his lack of spell check….
It’s all I’m saying..
So Stay Tuned…
One More Thing….
Thank you all for reading this little website and Mikerights.com
There will be a “new” story on there next week for you that I hope you will enjoy
Be good to one another this week and enjoy your weekend…
RTR
THE CFB WIZARD