College Football Picks Week 12

November 13, 2014

Ladies and Gentlemen –

I couldn’t have been any more surprised last week than if Ed McMahon himself had shown up at my farm with a van full of balloons and a great big novelty check.

I don’t know if he is still alive or not, but I am pretty sure he still owes me some money.

What does that flyer in the mail mean anyway, I “might” be a winner?

I am drifting off topic here, so let’s get to this week’s games

But seriously, the guy owes me some money

Weekend Rewind…..

For those many (many) fans that wrote me last week and said I was “Crazy as Hell” for picking the Mighty Texas Longhorns over the Mountaineers of West Virginia; Although I hit that one on the money (thank you very much) if it’s any consolation I didn’t see nor predict that West Point would actually win a game against a college that didn’t have “Salon” or “Taxidermy” in it’s name.

I didn’t know the Aggies of Texas A&M would come to play on the Plains

And I certainly didn’t predict that the Mighty Bison’s of North Dakota State’s 33 game win streak would come to an abrupt end.

Alas such is the life of Your Favorite College Football Prognosticator who finished last week at 39 and 10 or 79%. Thus far this college football season The CFB Wizard is 457 and 117 or 80%.

Another week like this last one and I am going to change my name to “Rascadango”


Greetings from the Heart of SEC Country!!!
After making the long trip down to the swamps of South Georgia, the Trojans of Telfair limped back to McRae after suffering a 53-28 defeat at the hands of the Swamp Cats of Homerville. Although the Boys in Blue fought every minute of the game, the 2A perennial frontrunners were just a little to much for these young Gladiators. But, all is not lost. The Trojans sit at 6-4 on the season and are hoping for a long awaited berth in the playoffs for the first time in recent memory. As of this writing, the class 2A playoff berths have not been announced, so keep your fingers crossed….

The Canines of Clark County traveled to Lexington on Saturday to prove that last week’s defeat was an aberration. Though Coach Stoops’ felines kept the game close until halftime, the Junkyard Dawgs pulled away in the second half and trounced the homestanding Cats by a 63-31 score. Isaiah McKenzie did plenty of damage in the special teams department with a kickoff and punt return for TDs, the latter of which sealed the deal for the Cow College. QB Hutson Mason added 4 big TD passes and Nick Chubb kicked in one himself to go along with his 170 yards on the ground. Next up for the Pups is a visit from the Plainsmen of Auburn who will be smarting after an embarrassing loss to the Agriculturists of A&M and looking to take it out on the Sanford Stadium crew between the hedges.

The Trade school made the trip to Carter-Finley in Raleigh to take on the Wild Dogs of NC State. The Sliderule Jocks unleashed their own offensive onslaught as they thoroughly trounced the toothless Pack by a 56-23 talley. The Davis and Byerly combo proved lethal as they accounted for 3 TDs to go along with 2 defensive scores on a pick 6 and a fumble returned for a TD. Tech remains in position to seize the lead in the Coastal should the Blue Devils of Duke slip up but a potential roadblock looms large as they prepare for a visit from the #21 Tigers of Clemson next week.

And Bobcat Stadium out in San Marcos Texas turned out to be a somewhat inhospitable place as the Blue Birds of the ‘Boro slipped out of town with a tough 28-25 victory. Things looked well in hand at the end of 3 as the Buzzards were feasting on the Cats by a 28-10 score. A couple of quick scores which were aided by an onside kick recovery for the felines pulled them to within 3 but a second failed onside kick enabled the Eagles to hang on and run out the clock. Next on the agenda is a date with the Middies of Anapolis in a game which will be aired by the CBS Sports Network at 3:30 on Saturday.

 Things I think:

 Georgia – It got a little close, but it didn’t take long to put it out of reach.

 Georgia Tech – We’ll see what you’re made of this week. Your offense is okay, it’s the defense up against Deshaun Watson that you need to worry about

Georgia Southern – Showed up in the “Also receiving votes” section of one of the polls. 2 fumbles. 2 games. Darn

Alabama/LSU – Two heavyweights slugging it out. Boring? Then you don’t know anything about football

 South Carolina at Florida – A question for both teams… Which one will show up?

Auburn – Karma has a bad habit of grabbing you in the rear end at the most inopportune times. Was that fumble karma’s way of evening things out after last year? But remember, you had TWO “lucky”, game changing plays last year. That means you may have one more of those freak events left and still have Alabama and Georgia left to play.

Kansas – In a reenactment of the Ole Miss fans tearing down the goalposts after a HUGE win, Kansas does so after beating…. Iowa State?

Notre Dame – I’m not going to make too big of a deal about the results of Saturday’s game against the Sun Devils….. But…. the media adulation just amazes me. And remember, that’s what got you embarrassed a couple of years ago in the National Championship Game.

The Season – We’re heading into the 4th quarter of this year’s college football season. It simply goes too, too fast. But, the best is yet to come. Big games ahead this week include Georgia-Auburn and Alabama-Mississippi State. After what is effectively a scrimmage week comes rivalry week. Georgia-Georgia Tech, Clemson-South Carolina, Alabama-Auburn, Florida-Florida State. It’s still too soon to tell who will end up in the College Football Playoffs, but one thing is certain, this national championship season is just a preview of something that is going to end up being bigger than the Super Bowl. Think March Madness is wild? How about College Football’s Wild Winter Showdown? And after it’s all said and done? We’re going to wonder why we didn’t do this years ago.
You know, like the Football Championship Division does it.

Well, That’s it for now. Hope everyone’s team wins and you have a great week.
And remember; make sure you support your local High School Athletics.
These are your future collegians of tomorrow.

Until next time,
I’m Harley Hanesworth


Q: Hey Wizard Guru!

I think last week was the first week ever, that you didn’t make mention of the “Floyd of Rosedale Trophy” game between Iowa and Minnesota. We appreciated the pick (Go GOPHERS!), but you didn’t mention the trophy, so what gives Mister Wizard?

Todd – St. Cloud, Minnesota

A: Good catch Todd, but let me explain my rationale for not mentioning the particular trophy in last week’s Big Ten rivalry game between Iowa and Minnesota.

For those readers that are unaware, the “Floyd of Rosedale” trophy is a giant bronze pig

(Yes, it’s true)

I was concerned that by mentioning the trophy and the subsequent description of that coveted award that too many readers would get the trophy confused with a picture of Wynonna after she left her tanning appointment.

I hope that answered your question

Q: Dear Mr. CFB Wizard

We are Arizona Wildcat fans and we have a question that we hope you can answer

During the initial part of the season, the Wildcats of Arizona had been scheduled to play the Kansas Jayhawks in Kansas, but had somehow at the last minute seemingly changed their schedule to play another opponent. Can you shed any light on that subject?

Thank you

The Peterson Family – Phoenix, Arizona

A: It is my understanding that Coach Rich Rod decided not to travel to Kansas after watching “The Wizard of Oz” with his wife this past summer.

Apparently Rita Rod was concerned that there was a high probability that a farm house would drop on top of her unexpectedly if she were to travel with her husband to Kansas.

Q: You are some a Dumbass!

You thinks that “facts” article you write means something to Florida State fans?

Jameis Winson is the best football player and country and the Noles are Numbeer 1!

So Suck on that you piece of %$#&

[email protected]_ _ _ _

A: Honestly, your misspelled patchwork email looks like a ransom note

Q: Dear *&^%$# &^%$#@

You and all the Seminole hatters can kiss our A#$

There isn’t anything happening at Florida State that isn’t happening anywhere else.

Nobody got raped and nobody was robbed and nobody got killed

So get over yourself A*&^&%@ and find yourself another witch hunt

(Troy) G[email protected]_ _ _ _ _. com

A: It would appear from the large volume of hateful emails from Florida State fans concerning my article on Jameis Winston that many of you have an aversion to the “truth”, you know like most Democrats.


KANSAS: Last Week the Kansas Jayhawks won a football game….

(Yes, I am serious..)

When the final whistle sounded a dozen fans of the Jayhawks stormed the football field and attempted to rip down the goal posts from the end zones.

I will say this one more time…..

When you “win” a football game act like “you have been there before…”

Don’t do anything stupid and don’t show your butt and act like a bunch of…..


Never mind

Carry on Jayhawks

FLORIDA STATE: With all the bad publicity swirling around the Seminole Football team recently it’s important to note that this is the first full week that there hasn’t been a reported rape and no domestic violence reports.

Well, at least that we know of…

MINNESOTA: Coach Jerry Kill of the Golden Gophers has a had a number of health issues the past few seasons and there were many fans, alumni and others that wanted him replaced with another coach.

The athletic administration didn’t cave to the demands of some and this season for the first time since 1967 (Yes I said 1967) the Golden Gophers have beaten both Michigan and Iowa in the same year and taken home both the “Little Brown Jug” and “The Floyd of Rosedale”

Congratulations Coach Kill, you earned it

TEXAS A&M: What in the Hell suddenly got into you guys?

FLORIDA: See above comment….


EDITORS NOTE: I am having some internet issues (again) at the RTR Farm….
So rather than go back to the funeral home and use their internet to finish this week’s article (They keep looking at me like they are measuring me for a suit, if you know what I mean) I have permission by a local assisted living facility to use their WiFi for this weeks picks. Thank you for your patience.

Wednesday November 19

Kent State at Bowling Green
This “rivalry” game in the Buckeye State is played for….
“The Anniversary Award”
(Yes…I am serious)

Thursday November 20

East Carolina at Cincinnati
I would say this pick is a mild “Upset”
Like me being mildly upset when I got the “finger” from a van full of nursing home residents when I arrived here to write this week’s picks.

North Alabama at West Alabama
After only one loss the Lions are still in the hunt for a Championship….
I am a believer

Southern Miss at Texas San Antonio
Beep Beep….

California at Southern California
In an unrelated side note….
Don’t ever eat anything that is offered to you that was once frozen in an assisted living facility. It could be “cake” or it might be “lasagna” but either way it’s going to chip a tooth.

Friday November 21

Tulsa at Central Florida
This game features “Golden Knights and Golden Hurricanes”
Sounds like a party at Elton John or Kenny Chesney’s house

Saturday November 22

Mississippi State at Alabama
“Sweet Home Alabama”

Auburn at Georgia
This game is called “The Deep South’s Oldest Rivalry”
It’s going to be a tussle between the hedges
Believe it

Iowa at Illinois
This Big Ten (or something) Rivalry is played each year for the coveted..
“Bedazzled Marsupial”…..
If you are wondering what that actually is…
It’s a petrified possum wearing a jacket full of bedazzled rhinestones

Wingate at Carson-Newman
I bet everybody that attends “Wingate” talks like Thurston Howell III…

Ohio State at Minnesota
“Yes” I would call this “Your Upset Special”
Get Em’ Coach Kill

Clemson at Georgia Tech
The Tigers haven’t had a lot of luck as of late in Atlanta…
I have a feeling that changes this weekend

North Dakota State at Missouri State
The Mighty Bison lost one game, but the National Championship is still in their sights
Let the late season stampede begin…

Virginia Tech at Duke
I never (ever) thought I would be picking Duke over Virginia Tech
In case you were wondering…
That’s one of the signs of the coming Apocalypse

South Carolina at Florida
The Gamecocks couldn’t spell defense….
If you spotted them the “D” and showed them a “Efence”
GATORS 38-21

Army at Western Kentucky
I don’t think West Point has won two games in a row since 1956…
I am going with the odds in this one

Montana at Southern Utah
The Grizzlies have been playing more like cubs lately than bears…
They get it together this Saturday in the Land of Donny and Marie

Temple at Penn State
I had something rather clever to say here….
But I was distracted by this lady walking back and forth in the assisted living facility wearing sandals. Those are some serious hammer toes she has, is all I’m saying
Now I forgot what I was going to say…

Pittsburgh at North Carolina
I know why all the people in here live so long…
They all smell like moth balls
(One more whiff of that stuff and I’m going to pass out)

Nevada at Air Force
In the event of a shoot-out, which this game is going to be….
Always bet on the Air Force

Rice at Marshall
This Friday is an anniversary in Huntington West Virginia
On November 14th in 1970…..
The Marshall Thundering Herd, along with Coaches, staff, alumni and friends….
Lost their lives returning to Huntington from a game with East Carolina on flight 932
On Friday on the exact day at the same time every year…
The fountain in the middle of campus is turned off and time stands still for one hour
Say it with me…

Idaho State at Montana State
This one will be closer than you think….
But I am counting on the weather in Big Sky County to even this one out
BOB’S CATS 31-28

Texas Christian at Kansas
This game will be uglier than the woman’s hammer toes who keeps walking by me..
(She is seriously creeping me out, if they don’t medicate her I am calling animal control)

Wake Forest at North Carolina State
I have to hurry and get these picks on the wire….
That crazy lady with the weird toes is playing Captain and Tennille’s “Muskrat Love”

Northwestern at Notre Dame
Do we care about this game?
No, of course we don’t

Nebraska at Wisconsin
It’s difficult to win in Madison Wisconsin this time of the year
But I believe the Black Shirts will pull off the victory on Saturday

Oklahoma at Texas Tech
While in Lubbock to see the Sooners run over the Red Raiders….
Don’t forget to visit the Buddy Holly Museum
It’s worth your time Peggy Sue, I promise

Washington at Arizona
Now that crazy old lady is dancing around to “Muskrat Love”…
Thank God for orthopedic sandals and soft carpet or she would break a hip…
ROD’S CATS 41-21

Indiana at Rutgers
My Lord, now she’s singing along with the song….
Her voice sounds like somebody is strangling a cat
(Thank God everyone here is about deaf, I wish I was..)

Georgia Southern at Navy
If you like old fashioned football….
Running the football, the triple option…
Blocking and tackling
Then this my friends, is your game

Memphis at Tulane
I am convinced that the only reason we didn’t play “Muskrat Love” on a loop to Muslim terrorists in an effort to get them to talk, is because it’s considered “Inhumane”
(Personally, I would much rather be water boarded than listen to this…)

Kentucky at Tennessee
Before the damn Politically Correct Nazis got involved…
This game was played each year for the “Bourbon Barrel”
This year the jug of hooch goes to……
VOWELS 34-21

Ouachita Baptist at Henderson State
These Baptists have been making converts all season long as they continue their quest for an undefeated season. This one will be close, but I think Henderson get’s baptized…
(Suck on that one Satan…)

Utah at Stanford
If this old crazy lady dancing around and singing isn’t bad enough….
Now some old coot came out of his room wearing nothing but a man thong to dance along with her…
(I have to get out of here before I catch a glimpse of something that will blind me)
I forgot where I was here…
TWO UTES 28-24

Louisiana-Lafayette at Louisiana-Monroe
This Battle in the Sportsman’s Paradise is going to be one heck of a game…
Don’t leave your seats….

UNLV at Brigham Young
I think I took a wrong turn somewhere…
This isn’t an assisted living facility, this is a fruitcake ranch

Texas at Oklahoma State
You guessed it….
This is another of Your “Upset Specials”

Missouri at Texas A&M
After last Saturday afternoon…..
I almost twisted my ankle jumping back on the Aggie bandwagon

Florida State at Miami (FL)
I really (as in really-really) want to go with the “Upset” here…
It’s going to be close (close)

Michigan State at Maryland
The Spartans will take their frustrations out on the 70’s multi-colored linoleum uniform wearing hapless turtles. I had something else I was going write here, but there is another guy walking around here flapping his arms making noises like he’s a pterodactyl.
I have got to get the hell out of here….

Southern Arkansas at Arkansas-Monticello
Follow my logic here….
Bo knows football; I know Bo and Bo knows Weevils
Enough said…

LSU at Arkansas
This Old South Rivalry and Border War is played for “The Golden Boot”
This one is going to be a lot closer than you might think…

South Florida at Southern Methodist
I must be a glutton for punishment…
Not only do I still set here while the crazies are singing and dancing around me…
I am picking my ponies one more time for a victory

Mississippi College at Delta State
I don’t think any of the residents of this nut farm “Fear the Okra”
Which may explain at least one of their mental problems…

Arizona State at Oregon State
Week after Week I have picked the Beavers and they have disappointed…
Let’s go with reverse physiology on this one

Valdosta State at Florida Tech
I’m sorry that I don’t have anything clever to say about this game
I have to get the picks on the wire and get out of here before somebody comes out with a cage full of gerbils and some rubber sheets.

Next Week….

Your Week 13 College Football Picks will be on the wire next Thursday morning, along with a “Pre-Thanksgiving” article and something to make you laugh on

So stay tuned….

Enjoy Your Games



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