College Football Picks Week 13

November 20, 2014

Ladies and Gentlemen –

You may be glad to know that my “electric internet”, as it is referred to here….

Is now up and running at the RTR Farm, so you will not be subjected to my insistent ramblings this week when I am forced to write the weekly picks while on “location”

I thank you all for your patience with me getting these picks out to you

It isn’t always easy, but it sure is fun

Enjoy Your Picks

Weekend Rewind…..

Week 12 of the college football season was wilder and woollier than Wynonna Judd in a bikini catching salmon with her teeth.

(Sorry for the visual, if you are in the middle of a meal)

That being said Your Favorite College Football Prognosticator finished last week at 33 and 14 or 70% which is actually rather amazing considering I was writing the picks while a host of geriatric lunatics danced and sang loudly around me during the entire process.

After 12 Weeks of this College Football Season The CFB Wizard is 490 and 131 or 79%

Oddly enough this is still a better average than I had in any math class I took in college.


Greetings from the Heart of SEC Country!!!

It’s the end of the line for the 2014 edition of the South Third Gladiators. The Georgia High School Association announced the playoff brackets for the Single A Classification and we, unfortunately, came up a little short and didn’t make the cut. But, the fact that we aren’t advancing shouldn’t put a damper on what was an exciting season. In order to make the grade we’ve got to keep playing hard to beat the big boys like Irwin, Charlton, and Clinch County. These programs are steeped in tradition and have great backing by the kids in those schools, their fans, and their towns. We’re getting there. We had more kids come out for the team this year than in recent memory. We have been filling up the Coliseum of South 3rd for home games, and we have been traveling well.  But, we also have a dedicated coaching staff who has taken this ragtag bunch to greater heights than imaginable only 2 or 3 short years ago. So, from the residents of McRae, Helena, Workmore, and other communities in Telfair County, thanks for a great season and we look forward to next year.

Between the Hedges at Sanford Stadium the Clark County Canines turned plum Mad Dog mean as they thoroughly dominated The Felines from the Plains by a 34-7 tally. Running backs Todd Gurley and Nick Chubb skinned the Cats to the tune of 3 TD’s and over 380 hard earned yards in a game which saw the Junkyard Dawgs score 34 unanswered points after Auburn scored the first TD. The Tigers were held to less than 300 yards for the first time in 2 years as they had no answer to the stifling defense of the Cow College. Next up for UGA is a home date with the Pirates of South Carolina’s Holy City in a warmup before a little Clean, Old Fashioned Hate and the Bees of Hot’lanta.

And speaking of our Capitol City, Bobby Dodd Stadium proved to be an inhospitable spot for the Cats of Clemson. Freshman signal caller Deshaun Watson went out early which spelled doom for Carolina’s Kittens as the Trade School ground out over 300 yards enroute to a 28-6 victory. The defense had 3 I-N-Ts, including 2 that were returned to the house to push the game out of reach. The Wreck will take a week off before their in-state grudge match with arch-rival Georgia.

And finally, the Angry Birds of Statesboro made the trip to Annapolish to try to sink the Middies of Navy but came up woefully short. The Birds started things off right with a nice 13 play scoring drive but the Squids then reeled off 31 unanswered points to defeather the Eagles on a day which saw both teams rack up over 300 yards on the ground. The Blue Birds of the ‘Boro will take a week off to regroup and prepare for the Warhawks of Louisiana as they try to wrap up the Sun Belt Conference Championship.

Things I think:

Georgia – Awesome display of Offense and Defense in another chapter of the Deep South’s Oldest Rivalry.

Auburn – That result was totally unexpected. Better regroup quickly because your in-state rival is salivating for a chance at redemption

Florida – I found out that prior to their home game with South Carolina, the University of Florida recognized one of their players for his military service. But they didn’t stop there. They also recognized South Carolina student Kyle Carpenter, a Marine Corps Medal of Honor recipient, as part of the ceremony. Well done, Florida. Classy.

Tennessee – Is Dobbs the real deal? The kid that turns the program around? It was “only” Kentucky, but it was convincing

Arkansas – Finally got that first SEC win for Bielema.

LSU – Was this the proverbial “trap game” after the emotional big game against Bama?

Carolina – After being left for dead, you showed some life. Defense saved the day…. Wait, What did I just say?

Muschamp – Not enough W’s. It’s that simple.

FSU – And the hits just keep on rolling. What amazes me is the denial and vitriol in the comment sections of articles that are simply reporting events that have occurred. But the Seminole denizens insist this is all a witch hunt and that there is undue criticism of their program and the handling of disciplinary issues by the University and criminal issues by the Tallahassee Police Department.

The latest reported incident is simply amazing. According to the New York Times, an FSU player was involved in a hit and run accident at around 2:30 in the morning in October, and fled the scene on foot yet was only charged with misdemeanor traffic citations for an improper left turn and “unknowingly” driving with a suspended license.

There was no alcohol involved, but, TPD didn’t even perform a sobriety test when the driver who fled returned to the scene. TPD was gracious enough to provide the NYT with 7 examples of accidents that they didn’t charge drivers with hit and run, though the circumstances dictated it, but none of those cases involved drivers fleeing in the middle of the night and none had the extensive damage to the vehicles as in this instance.

What is most interesting is that FSU supporters that commented to these news articles about this gleefully pointed out those 7 instances as justification for the driver not being charged. Again, without taking into consideration that comparing this accident with the 7 others is like comparing apples to oranges. These suspicious comments indicate to me that there are some people out there that are dangerous to themselves and dangerous to others.

Their denial is amazing in that the only thing that matters to them is a “W” on the football field. There’s more to life than a ball game. There’s more to life than winning at all costs. What some people don’t realize is that by shielding and pampering these youngsters, they’re not helping them in the long run by teaching them lessons like accountability, honesty, and integrity. But, then again, some people just don’t get it.

Until next time,
I’m Harley Hanesworth


Q: Dear Mister Wizard –

We haven’t heard much from Hootie Snitch and his “Big Orange Report” on the Tennessee Volunteers this year. Is everything alright with Hootie and will he still have an article coming out anytime soon?

That guy cracks me up!


Tommy – Jackson, Tennessee

A: Tommy, believe it or not….

Hootie and his wife (the former Miss Thelma Stroderback who is the “famous” hand model for the East Tennessee Tractor Supply and Fertilizer Store) are awaiting the birth of their first child presumably to be named “Hootie Junior”

He has promised to be back before Christmas to regal of his recent trip to the International Towing and Recovery Hall of Fame and Museum and Gift shop in Chattanooga Tennessee and the birth of their first child and of course his beloved Tennessee Volunteers.

So stay tuned…

Q: Dear CFB Wizard


Ricky – Athens, Georgia

A: I am assuming….
You are talking about last week’s game Ricky and not the week previously

Those were the Dawgs we have been expecting to see all season

Q: Dear Mr. CFB Wizard

Why isn’t the BIG Ten ever mentioned in any discussions for the National Championship play-off format? Thank you!

Cynthia – Columbus, Ohio

A: Well Cynthia, other than Michigan State getting thrashed by Oregon and Ohio State being embarrassed at home by Virginia Tech and Wisconsin getting run over by the LSU Tigers, can you think of “another” out of conference contest by the Big Ten (or sixteen) that they have won (And “no” the Mid American Conference doesn’t count) ….I’ll wait

Q: What do you think you are some kind of college football Matlock?

You think you have ALL the answers with Florida State, don’t you?

Do you REALLY think Winston’s attorney would have had the other player delete that video of the “supposed rape” if it would have cleared him?

Winston’s innocent and you’re a damn idiot!

(Erick) [email protected]_ _ _ _

A: What an insightful email…..

Yes Erick, why would that attorney have asked the Seminole player that witnessed the incident to delete the video from his cell phone “if” it would have cleared Winston.

That’s the “real” question, isn’t it?



On College Football Saturday please limit the bottom line scores to college football…

Displaying “Raptors”…”Magic” and “Wizards” and a host of other assorted disgruntled Disney characters playing one another in senseless contests is distracting, confusing and aggravating.

Additionally, we don’t care about any other so-called “sports’ taking place on Saturday

Thank you

The CFB Wizard

ESPN COLLEGE GAMEDAY: After College Football Game Day had such “notable” guest pickers this season as…the slightly less gayer and considerably more nasally country music version of Elton John in Kenny Chesney and the Holly-Weird talentless Ho Bag Katy Perry dressed as a cartoon character on crack, it did my heart good that they got it “right” last Saturday in Tuscaloosa.

In case you missed it, Navy SEAL Marcus Luttrell who was in T-Town as a part of the “Patriots Tour” was ESPN College Game Day’s guest picker

Here is a picture of Marcus and Coach Lee Corso after the Coach made his head gear selection. God Bless you Marcus, and ESPN Game Day for having him on…Roll Tide


TEXAS: You made me look like a genius two weeks in a row….

And now you are going to Bowl Game…

God Bless Texas

Hook ‘Em

KENTUCKY: So let me be sure I have this right…..

After you gave your football coach a “contract extension” during mid-season…

He has lost every game since then?

I have one question….

Where can I sign up to coach?

KANSAS: What in the hell suddenly got into you guys, seriously?

MINNESOTA: Heck of an effort last week in the snow against the Buckeyes….

You were o’ so very close, so very close…..

TENNESSEE: In case you haven’t heard…..

Two players were indefinitely suspended from the University of Tennessee football team Monday after they were accused of rape on Sunday morning.

The University and the Coaching staff suspended them within 24 hours until the Knoxville Police complete their investigation.

They were suspended indefinitely within 24 Hours of the incident being reported

Notice I didn’t say 2 years……

The comments in the Knoxville News Sentinel were overwhelmingly supportive

Perhaps the best comment I read from the paper on this incident….

“We don’t want to be the Florida State of the SEC or bring back the Fulmer Cup”

Enough said….

NEBRASKA: You had an opposing running back run for over FOUR HUNDRED YARDS against YOUR “Black Shirt” Defense, in ONE game? Really?

If Coach Bo is a defensive “genius” then I’m a Polish Astronaut

It’s time for Bo to Go

SOUTH CAROLINA: Seriously Coach Steve…..

Where have you been hiding the defense that played last week?

MISSISSIPPI STATE: I only want to say this one time….

Mr. Prescott you wear Tim Tebow’s number…..

Coach Mullen’s Coached Tim Tebow at the University of Florida

There are numerous references comparing the two of you on every sports channel

I have seen Tim Tebow play and you sir are no Tim Tebow

MISSISSIPPI (Something): I am not quite sure…..

Which team in Mississippi this individual is a fan of

But he did it “wrong”


But at least his is still better than this Auburn fans tattoo….


I’m sorry, what was all that talk about National Championship something or another format? I had a hard time listening to what you were crying about while you were getting your golden asses handed to you by Northwestern.

ARKANSAS: Congratulations on the Golden Boot Razorbacks….

You earned it

OREGON STATE: Clearly my “reverse psychology” pick worked for you last Saturday

You’re Welcome Beavers

FLORIDA: Good Will won’t be Hunting for a job for long….Believe that

Nice last drive for a touchdown against an unranked team last Saturday night to preserve a win.

And might I say about that last touchdown drive….

Your offense was running faster than a star player and a university from a rape allegation


Tuesday November 18

Northern Illinois at Ohio
I rarely “guarantee” a prognostication….
But I feel rather certain about this one

Wednesday November 19

Bowling Green at Toledo
This tussle in the Buckeye State between close neighbors used to be called “the Black Swamp Showdown” (presumably due to their close proximity to toxic waste dumps) but is more commonly known today as “The Battle of I-75 Trophy”
(I truly am a wealth of useless information, aren’t I?)

Thursday November 20

Kansas State at West Virginia
Morgantown West Virginia on a Thursday Night….
That’s all that really needs to be said here
Other than…Light those Couches!

North Carolina at Duke
This rivalry on Tobacco Road is played each year for the “Victory Bell”
I can’t believe I am actually writing this….

Friday November 21

Air Force at San Diego State
San Diego State has a mascot representing the “Aztec”, right?
I didn’t think Pontiac made that stupid looking vehicle anymore?

Saturday November 22

Colorado at Oregon
O’ Yeah this one will be close……
Last week the Buffalo’s played each other in a scrimmage and they both lost

Boston College at Florida State
This past week…..
Coach Fisher issued a word chart to his players to be used in the event of an “emergency”
Such as….
“Theft” will be referred to as “a misunderstanding”
“Malicious damage to property” will be referred to as “Shenanigans”
“Grand Theft Auto” will be known as “That video game”
“Leaving the scene of an automobile accident” will be called “an alternate parking place”
“Domestic violence” will be known as “a Ho down”
“Rape and sexual assault” will now be referred to as “Yang’a-Wang-Wang”

Indiana at Ohio State
Believe it or not, this is NOT a Big Ten (Something or another) rivalry…
Primarily because the Hooters haven’t beaten the Buckeyes since 1878

Southern California at UCLA
The Battle in the City of Angels is played for “The Victory Bell”
I will go with the Bears of Bruin in this one..

Rutgers at Michigan State
The Jersey Boys will keep this close until the opening kickoff….
Then it’s all…

Youngstown State at North Dakota State
This is but one of the games in the first round of the Division 1A playoffs…
The Bison at Home in the Fargo Dome
Enough said….

Valdosta State at North Alabama
This is one of the games in the NCAA Division II Playoffs that takes place this weekend
And In case you were wondering….
The once beaten Delta State Fighting Okra and the undefeated Ouachita Baptist have a bye this weekend, while Carson Newman’s Eagles were shut out by the selection committee (damn it..)

Arizona at Utah
After receiving numerous emails again this season concerning my continued references to the use of the phraseology “Two Utes”
My use of that phrase could best be explained in this short, but descriptive video..

TWO UTES 38-34

Minnesota at Nebraska
Here is your sports headline in the Sunday Lincoln newspaper…..
“Kill’s Gopher’s Kill Bo’s Hopes”

Wisconsin at Iowa
Have you noticed that almost every Big Ten game involves some hokey trophy?
This game is played for “The Heartland Trophy”

Montana State at Montana
It doesn’t get any bigger than this instate battle in Big Sky Country
It’s played for the coveted “Great Divide Trophy”
This one is war….

Oregon State at Washington
After last week’s semi-upset (reverse psychology) pick….
I am going conventional on them this week.
(You have to keep beavers guessing or they will damn up your pond)

Stanford at California
This rivalry in the Land of Zima is played for the….
“Stanford Ax”
Considering Californians opposition to everything “weapons” orientated I am surprised they haven’t been forced to rename it “The Stanford Hookah Peace Pipe”

Miami (FL) at Virginia
I don’t think the Hurricanes can generate the kind of wind they had last Saturday two weeks in a row…..

Southern Methodist at Central Florida
Damn it Mustangs…..

Cincinnati at Connecticut
The Huskies of Connecticut lost to “army” last week….
Enough said…

Tulane at East Carolina
I know, I know….
None of us “really” care about this game
But I rarely get to do my pirate imitation around the farm

Penn State at Illinois
We are way past Halloween to be picking the Fighting Pumpkins…
Sorry, but that’s a rule

Maryland at Michigan
I have no logical reason for picking the Wolverines here…
None whatsoever…

Charleston Southern at Georgia
The Big Dogs will get a well deserved rest for most of this game…
But it’s still going to be a beat down

Northwestern at Purdue
Frankly I am surprised this “Big Ten” game doesn’t have some weird trophy involving a strip of bacon, a sombrero and a sock monkey with a block of Velveeta in its paw.

Kansas at Oklahoma
Dorothy, you’re not in Kansas anymore….

Marshall at UAB
The Thundering Herd is the “other” undefeated team that nobody is talking about…

Texas-San Antonio at Western Kentucky
The Toppers have been rolling and the Boys from San Antonio have been reeling..
Sometimes it’s just that simple

Eastern Kentucky at Florida
A quick tune-up for the Gators before the Tussle in Tallahassee…..
(Or maybe a general overhaul is in order but either way….)
GATORS 34-14

Fordham at Army
Really West Point…..Fordham?
In case you were wondering, “Yes”….
I was in fact rolling my eyes back like a great white shark before it attacks

Citadel at Virginia Military Institute
This rivalry between these two fine military institutions….
Is played each year for “The Silver Shako”
Why they are playing for a bait fish is still a mystery to me

South Alabama at South Carolina
While this little game is going on….
Coach Steve will be scheming and planning for the Clemson Tigers next week…
Believe it…

Virginia Tech at Wake Forest
Next week is Thanksgiving Soooooooooo….

Washington State at Arizona State
Have you ever seen a mad, embarrassed devil with a bad sun burn?
Well here is your chance….

New Mexico at Colorado State
You know by now what I have to say about Coach Jim’s Boys don’t you?
They are….

Ole Miss at Arkansas
I called this game three weeks ago……
I am sticking to my guns on it too
(It’s how I roll)…)

Louisville at Notre Dame
Here is a fact for you….
One of the Golden Gnomes greatest players is from Louisville, did you know that?
The Incredible Paul Hornung….
Heisman Trophy, College and Professional Football Halls of Fame (respectively)
That’s enough for me…
(I still love that guy)

Georgia State at Clemson
Here is the good news in this game…..
The Panthers don’t have to drive very far to get their asses kicked
Which is nice…

Texas Tech at Iowa State
With the high cost of ammunition, I appreciate the Red Raiders “saving” rounds this season, but this has been ridiculous….

Syracuse at Pittsburgh
These two teams combined couldn’t beat Marshall on the Herd’s worst day…
That’s a fact

Western Carolina at Alabama
The Iron Bowl is looming….
Let the countdown begin….Roll Tide Roll

Samford at Auburn
We will see you Tigers next week in T-Town for….
The Iron Bowl
Enough said…

Vanderbilt at Mississippi State
I know what the Commodores will be saying after this game….
“There is such a thing as Too Damn much Cowbell”

Oklahoma State at Baylor
Before the season started I thought this was going to be one of the marquee games….
I am not really feeling it now
DA BEARS 44-31

Missouri at Tennessee
A lot of people might call this pick an “Upset”…..
Not me….
I called this one a month ago
VOWELS 34-17

Boise State at Wyoming
Nobody that makes a living on horseback wants to hear these words…
“Cowboy Down”….
(I have been forced to grunt them to myself several times as I wither on the ground)
BRONCO’S 38-17

Next Week….

Your Thanksgiving “Rivalry” Week Picks will be out on Tuesday November the 25th next week. I want you to have time to digest them all before your big meal and even bigger games.

I don’t know about you, but nothing goes better with turkey than a healthy side of “hate”.

And as a side note, it is still better than that bowl of crow I had to eat last year

It was horrible….just horrible

One More Thing….

In Honor of Veterans Day last week

I have a story on about love, loss and the single best comeback I ever heard from one of the greatest military veterans I have ever met.

I hope you all enjoy it

Enjoy Your Games



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