Ladies and Gentlemen –
It’s the last week of the year 2020, can I get a Halleluiah?
But, before this turns into an old-fashioned tent revival, you have the second part of your college bowl games this week, along with the two semi-final championship game predictions.
So, get your streams and whistles out and place that lamp shade firmly on your head.
It’s Party Time
Enjoy Your Picks…
Your Favorite College Football Prognosticator finished the first week of “Bowl Season” at 7 and 2 or 78%.
Not too bad considering I made a Cajun Shepherd’s pie over Christmas that burned me “twice” if you know what I mean. But it still beats eating your Aunt Edna’s casserole that smelled like wet cat food.
Don’t deny it, you know what I am talking about.
That leaves, The CFB Wizard at 486 and 100 or 83% overall for the 2020 Kung Flu College Football Season. Not, too bad, considering that nothing makes any damn sense this past year.
NEW YEARS SAFETY TIP
In the event you are at a New Year’s Eve Party or just celebrating in the privacy of your own home, such as “Doc” the World-Famous Black Lab and myself.
Please be sure to take off your damn mask before you enjoy your libations, or you will appear to be drunker than you actually are by spilling and or dribbling your concoction down the front of your shirt.
Thus, not only looking like a complete dumbass, but wasting good alcohol in the process.
Consider this your last Public Service Announcement of 2020
COLLEGE FOOTBALL NEWS
TEXAS: WE have a very special treat for you here at The CFB Wizard.
Our very own Dr. Seuss has a gift for all the Texas Longhorn Fans for the end of the year.
Well actually he spells his name as “Smith” and he isn’t a doctor either, but you get the jest of it. This is pure genius
THE “ROSE” BOWL: Let me clarify something that the talking heads on television won’t tell you.
Communist California (That’s right I said it) instituted such absurd Kung Fu Flu rules for the Rose Bowl that it made it impossible for either team to play in the game.
That my friends is WHY it was moved to THE COTTON BOWL in DALLAS TEXAS.
Now, some are still referring to this game between Alabama and Notre Dame as “The Rose Bowl” so those in Communist California can dip their beaks in the well of television revenue, despite playing the game at THE COTTON BOWL in DALLAS TEXAS.
For those of you who may be new to this, let me break it down for you.
The Rose Bowl is played in Pasadena which is located in Communist California
The Cotton Bowl is played in DALLAS TEXAS
See the difference?
The damn media is so dishonest, hell they can’t even be honest about that.
THE LAST CFB WIZARD EMAILS OF 2020
Q: Hello, My name, Abu.
I come from the Sudan to America.
I am comedian and wish to write for esteemed CFB Wizard.
Here is joke
Knock – knock
Who is that there?
It is ME Abu!
Please consider me for writer of CFB Wizard
Please and Thank You
Abu – Cleveland, Ohio
A: Well, I will say this Abu.
Your joke isn’t half as bad as what I typically write.
Q: Dear Sir,
In order to provide the widest dissemination possible we pass along this bulletin from the Heisman Committee.
This year, due to Coronavirus protocols and procedures and an abundance of caution, the Heisman Announcement Ceremony has made the unfortunate decision to move this prestigious awards ceremony.
As you know, this renowned and distinguished event is traditionally held annually at the Downtown Athletic Club in New York City. Unfortunately because of lock-downs and the fact that many of our awardees are elderly who may end up being thrown into one of Gov. Andrew Cuomo’s elderly death factories, we are moving the ceremony to another location.
We are excited to announce that the new location for the event is the Destiny Fitness Center in Moultrie, Georgia!!!
We felt that this was the perfect location due to the mild climate and its proximity to many area attractions like the Chehaw Park and Zoo in nearby Albany, Ga and the Wild Adventures Amusement Park just down the road in Valdosta, Ga.
Additionally, everyone knows that no one in Georgia takes the hand wringing over Corona seriously, so it’s the perfect place to gather and enjoy one anothers company. We hope you’ll join us in person or on the TV broadcast for this great event
Michael J. Comerford
The Heisman Trust
A:Actually, That’s the best idea I have heard in awhile
What gives with Sylacauga Ledbetter? I have called my local country station here in Chattanooga to play his music and they hang up on me. Is it because they don’t play “Outlaw” country?
Where can I find his music?
Billy B. – Chattanooga, Tennessee
A: Sir, you can find all of Sylacauga Ledbetter’s music on Sirius “Outlaw” Country as well as on Sirius Radio with Willie Nelson.
Q: Dear Sir
My name is Margaret and I am the wife of Doctor *****, a noted dentist here in Knoxville.
I am writing because my husband, year after year has practically begged you to STOP having Hottie Snitch on your website, as he makes all of us Tennessee Volunteer fans look ignorant and stupid.
But yet, you continued to have that moron on your website, upsetting my husband and other volunteer fans to no end. So, I will ask you, PLEASE stop having Hottie Snitch on your website.
Margaret – Knoxville, Tennessee
A: Just by chance, have you heard Hootie Snitch sing while clogging:
“Who let the Clogs Out”
Because if you haven’t, I can send him your address, I think it would make a marvelous addition to your New Year’s Eve Celebration.
Q: Hey Wizard Boy,
You ain’t never been a friend to me but I’m gonna write this letter to you anyway cause it looks like you got a bunch of people reading your trashy site.
Let me tell you about me ranking Ohio State where I did in my football poll. Yeah, I ranked them #11. And they’re lucky I ranked em that high.
I mean, if li’l ole Clemson had only played 6 games do you think we would have made the playoffs? Heck, the ACC is almost as weak as the Big 10! You’re gonna tell me that li’l ole Coastal Carolina or Cincinnati couldn’t beat Ohio State?
I mean, the dang Buck Nuts only beat Indiana by a TD and barely snuck by Northwestern! Heck, top to bottom the dang Sun Belt is better’n the Big 10!!!
So everybody needs to just cool their jets cause I rank em like I see em. Shoot, I don’t even know why they were on the ballot. So, get over yourselves Buckeyes! We’ll see how low we really shoulda ranked you come January 1st!!!
A: Finally, we can agree on something Coach.
Q: Dear Mr. CFB Wizard
Did I see Sylacauga Ledbetter on the Dolly Parton Christmas Special?
That dude is good!
Jim and Debbi – Fort Oglethorpe, Georgia
A: You most certainly did, and he will be recording a Christmas album with Dolly in the very near future as well.
Q: So, Mister Sexy CFB Wizard, what are you doing for New Year’s Eve?
Wicked Wanda – Pensacola, Florida
A: Thank you for asking ma’am.
It will be a typical New Year’s Eve for “Doc” the World-Famous Black Lab and Myself
We will watch some college football bowl games, have a few cocktails which will probably lead to a no rules game of “Twister.” Don’t judge us, just don’t do it.
Q: Dear Mister CFB Wizard
Do you have any New Year’s resolutions that you would like to share with your fans?
Clair – Mobile, Alabama
A: Based on 2020, I am hesitant to make any resolutions other than this one;
I vow not to expend all my ammunition on the first “wave” of idiots.
THE BOWL GAMES PART II
Tuesday, December, 29
Miami vs. Oklahoma State
Camping World Stadium (Orlando, Florida)
Say what you will about the title of this Bowl game.
But those damn cheese crackers are addicting.
Valero Alamo Bowl
Texas vs. Colorado
Alamo Dome (San Antonio, Texas)
I can hardly wait until the end of the game to hear those immortal words;
“Texas is Back!”
(Those comments don’t tend to age very well, just saying)
Wednesday, December, 30
Duke’s Mayo Bowl
Wake Forest vs. Wisconsin
Bank of America Stadium (Charlotte, North Carolina)
I was going to make an inappropriate joke about the “Duke’s Mayonnaise” sponsor,
But thought better of it. You are Welcome
CHEESE MEN 28-24
TransPerfect Music City Bowl
Nissan Stadium (Nashville, Tennessee)
Frankly, I am glad they cancelled this bowl game.
Who wants to see a bunch of damn transgendered people dressed like Big Bird on crack?
There are plenty of other channels on television that cover that weirdness without ruining my college football bowl games. Thank you
Goodyear Cotton Bowl Classic
Oklahoma vs. Florida
AT&T Stadium (Arlington, Texas)
O’ My Friends, this is going to be a good one.
MIGHTY GATORS 44-41
Thursday, December, 31
Lockheed Martin Armed Forces Bowl
Tulsa vs. Mississippi State
Amon G. Carter Stadium (Fort Worth, Texas)
I wish I had better news for my Bulldog Faithful
But I don’t
GOLDEN HURRICANES 41-34
San Jose State vs. Ball State
Arizona Stadium (Tucson, Arizona)
“IF” high scoring crazy games are your thing, then this is bowl is for you.
GO TELL THE SPARTANS 46-44
AutoZone Liberty Bowl
Army vs. West Virginia
Liberty Bowl Memorial Stadium (Memphis, Tennessee)
I am so happy that the Black Knights of the Hudson got a bowl game.
They deserve it
BLACK KNIGHTS OF THE HUDSON 33-31
Texas Christian vs. Arkansas
NRG Stadium (Houston, Texas)
The “Eyes of Texas” are upon you, Razorbacks
Don’t let us down
Friday, January 1st, 2021
Chick-fil-A Peach Bowl
Cincinnati vs. Georgia
Mercedes-Benz Stadium (Atlanta, Georgia)
Nothing says “New Year’s Day” like a bunch of drunk Bulldog fans barking at each other.
SMART DAWGS 34-28
VRBO Citrus Bowl
Northwestern vs. Auburn
Camping World Stadium (Orlando, Florida)
This game will be like watching two old geezers at the nursing home fighting over the last fruit cup.
It’s funny at first, then it’s just sad.
College Football Playoff Semifinal (Cotton Bowl)
Alabama vs. Notre Dame
AT&T Stadium (Arlington, Texas)
It’s going to be a heck of a fight in the Big D, believe it
CRIMSON TIDE 38-34
Allstate Sugar Bowl (College Football Playoff semifinal)
Clemson vs. Ohio State
Mercedes-Benz Superdome (New Orleans, Louisiana)
I am going to make a wild guess here;
That ALL the Buckeye players that have been out will miraculously return for this game.
It’s a Christmas Miracle
DABO’S TIGERS 44-38
Saturday, January 2, 2021
TaxSlayer Gator Bowl
North Carolina State vs. Kentucky
TIAA Bank Field (Jacksonville, Florida)
I will roll with an “Upset Special” on this one
BIG BLUE CATS 34-28
Indiana vs. Ole Miss
Raymond James Stadium (Tampa, Florida)
This game may very well come down to “who” has the ball last.
PlayStation Fiesta Bowl
Iowa State vs. Oregon
State Farm Stadium (Glendale, Arizona)
The Cyclones are no fluke this year and they will prove it in the desert.
MIGHTY CYCLONES 38-31
Capital One Orange Bowl
Texas A&M vs. North Carolina
Hard Rock Stadium (Miami Gardens, Florida)
This one won’t even be close
GIG EM AGGIES 41-17
Your College Football Championship Pick will be out on Tuesday (5th of January) of next week along with a few other end of the season tidbits to welcome in the New Year of 2021.
I “hope” to have a “new” story on Mikerights.com next week as well.
There is more on the way next week
So, Stay tuned
One More Thing….
At the risk of sounding like one of those mesothelioma infomercials, I think it’s important to take stock of what we have during these uncertain and precarious times. By “taking stock” I am not just talking about ammunition either, although I would encourage you to do so.
None of us are promised tomorrow and that has never been clearer to me than what has transpired in this country of ours during the past year. Too often I feel like I wake up from a nightmare to actually be “in” another nightmare, none of which I recognize anymore.
This isn’t a “cry for help” from yours truly, it’s just a simple reminder to hold close those things that are important to you and to appreciate what you have. There may very well be a storm on the horizon, but I assure you, that if we keep the faith, the Lord will see us through it.
God Bless You All and Thank You for reading both websites.
“Doc” the World-Famous Black Lab and I both appreciate it you all more than you know.
THE CFB WIZARD