Ladies and Gentlemen –
I hope you all survived Thanksgiving and your Aunt Edna’s Ten Bean Casserole Surprise.
Maybe it’s just me, but I don’t eat anything that has the word “Surprise” associated with the title.
Past experience has taught me, that is a good way to spend the day with the fan running in the bathroom. I guess that safety tip would have come in handy for you readers “before” Thanksgiving.
Sorry about that
Enjoy Your Picks…
Weekend Rewind…
Although the Apple Cup and other key games were either postponed or cancelled, yet again. Your Favorite College Football Prognosticator finished Thanksgiving weekend at 49 and 2 or 96%, while also picking The Cyclones of Iowa State over Texas and The Mighty Beavers of Oregon State over Oregon.
Sure, I also picked Penn State over Michigan, but is that really an upset?
I think not.
That leaves The CFB Wizard at 380 and 80 or 83% overall for the 2020 Kung Fu Flu Season.
COLLEGE FOOTBALL NEWS
THE IRON BOWL: I will leave this one right here for the Auburn players that called Mac Jones
“A Game Manager”
TEXAS: What in the Hell is going on with Coach Tom Herman?
Is this the Longhorn equivalent of “The Bachelor”?
VANDERBILT: We’re truly in a new world of diversity and inclusiveness…
Until we’re not
So, this screenshot is from the Vanderbilt media guide
All the players’ position, class, hometown info is listed…
Even height and weight stats!!!
Well… Almost all of the players on the roster
Why wasn’t kicker extraordinaire Sarah Fuller’s weight listed?
After all
We’re all in on equality, right?
After seeing her endlessly on TV on Saturday, they could have at least just said that she’s “big boned.”
MICHIGAN: How’s everything going with the 4th Highest Paid Coach in College Football?
Good?
MISSOURI: You can act all sophisticated in post-game interviews, but we know better.
Here is a little something I like to call, “Christmas in Missouri”
SMU: You couldn’t beat East (Damn) Carolina last week, really?
I can’t even look at you right now
COLLEGE FOOTBALL FANS: We are fortunate this week to have Country Music Superstar!
Sylacauga Ledbetter!!!!!
He is here to perform an original song for the college football fans here at The CFB Wizard.
It’s something I think we can all relate too
Enjoy!
THE CFB WIZARD EMAILS OF THE WEEK
Q: Dear Sir,
As Chancellor of Vanderbilt University, I regret to inform you that we are parting ways with Derek Mason as our head football coach. We reluctantly do this with a heavy heart but feel that this is in the best interest of our student-athletes.
As you know, our football program has fallen on hard times. I mean, when you look and play worse than the University of Tennessee, then you know it’s time for a change. With that being said, we are excited to announce that we have ALREADY made a decision on a new coach!
We are proud to proclaim that in the spirit of diversity and inclusiveness that we are hiring Sarah Fuller to steer the ship for the Commodore Football Team!
I’m sure you saw the breathless coverage of Sarah anxiously pacing the sidelines while waiting for her opportunity to participate in this important event.
She was meticulously accurate with her squib kick for Vanderbilt, and ensured that there would be no run-back for a touchdown to further embarrass our team on this lackluster day.
Some may ask about her qualifications, well, for one, she is a member of a CHAMPIONSHIP soccer team. She simply knows how to win. AND she gave an inspirational halftime speech in which it was noted that not ONE other member of the football team rolled their eyes at.
So join me in welcoming our new football head coach – Sarah Fuller
Daniel Diermeier
Chancellor
Vanderbilt University
A: You’re drunk, go home
Q: Hey there Wizzy Boy,
I..
AM…
DABO!!!!
Yeah, that’s right. I’m dang DABO SWINNEY and I don’t take no stuff from nobody and I ALWAYS get the last word!!! I am the GREATEST football coach of all time. Uh-huh.
Yep, I said it. And if I said it it’s true. I mean who’s the last one to win a National Championship? Me or Little Nicky Saban?
This little back and forth between me and that punk Florida State coach ain’t goin nowhere cause ain’t nobody gettin the last word on me.
Yeah, my mama told me when I was a kid that folks may come at you and beat your ass and say stuff but as long as you get the last word, THAT is the most important thing. It’s the ONLY thing!!! So that Norvell fella needs to just SHUT THE HELL up cause I cut my teeth on Spurrier and upped my game with Saban and he ain’t even coached a whole season.
Dabo Dam Swinney
Head Coach
THE Clemson Tigers
A:Give it a damn rest coach, seriously
Q: Howdy they call me Tennessee Gravy.
I call my wife “Biscuit” because she’s round, soft and flaky.
We got us a daughter we call “Muffin” cause she’s got a face that’s rounder than a Moon Pie.
So, I done and went and figured out a way that the Volunteers can make them college football playoffs.
I used me some math to figure it ALL out!
You want to hear about it?
Tennessee Gravy – Crab Orchard, Tennessee
A: I would rather you not take your shoes off to have to count it out, so let’s pass on this one.
THE GAMES
Tuesday 1 December
Western Kentucky at Charlotte
I am quite confident in this initial pick.
HILLTOPPERS 30-14
Thursday 3 December
Louisiana Tech at North Texas
I know “Doc” The World-Famous Black Lab likes those Bulldogs
But we are going…
MEAN GREEN 33-28
Air Force at Utah State
Don’t count the Mighty Falcons out in this game
In fact, I am picking them here
FALCONS 34-28
Friday 4 December
Louisiana Lafayette at Appalachian State
It’s going to be one heck of a game in Boone North Carolina
But, the Cajuns are just too tough
RAJUN CAJUNS 34-31
Washington State at Southern California
You and I both know that Nobody cares about this game.
TROJANS 6-3
Boise State at Nevada Las Vegas
Well at least they aren’t playing on that hideous blue football field.
Yeah, I said it
BRONCO’S 41-21
Saturday 5 December
Ohio State at Michigan State
O’ Yeah, this one will be close
(Not)
BUCKEYES 51-14
Nebraska at Purdue
It’s going to be damn close
Believe it
CORNHUSKERS 34-31
Penn State at Rutgers
The Nittany Lions are on a two-game winning streak
NITTANY LIONS 31-17
Northwestern at Minnesota
I really (really) want to pick this one as an “Upset Special”
It’s going to be that close
WILDCATS 28-24
Arkansas at Missouri
Once again we are going to try to play this game without the Kung Fu Flu
I stand by my earlier prediction for the “Battle Line Trophy”
RAZORBACKS 34-24
Rice at Marshall
I will make this as plain as I possibly can
Rice is going to get the damn pudding beaten out of them
WE ARE MARSHALL 44-10
Memphis at Tulane
Elvis’s Tigers will Shake Rattle and Roll the Big Easy on Saturday.
Believe it
ELVIS’S TIGERS 44-28
Kent State at Miami (Ohio)
Maybe it’s just me
But every time I hear some announcer say “The Golden Flashes”
I think somebody got naked and escaped the nursing home (again).
RED HAWKS 33-31
Toledo at Northern Illinois
Speaking of mascots
I don’t understand “why” Toledo are called the “Rockets”
NASA isn’t there and they don’t produce any rocket fuel there either.
I have been through Toledo and the whole damn place smells like wet cat food.
Never mind
HUSKIES 31-28
Bowling Green at Akron
It’s a shame that Bowling Green isn’t called the “Velcro’s”, then we could have the “Zippers and the Velcro’s” in this game playing for the “Golden Zipper Trophy.”
(I know that I have issues, you don’t need to email me about it)
ZIPPERS 6-3
Eastern Michigan at Western Michigan
Another of the postponed games attempting a retry
I still to my earlier prediction
BRONCO’S 31-24
Troy at South Alabama
This bitter rivalry in South Alabama is called “The Battle for the Belt”
It’s going to be close, real close
MEN OF TROY 34-31
Syracuse at Notre Dame
Nothing to see here
GOLDEN GNOMES 144-14
Louisiana Monroe at Arkansas State
I don’t know what it is, but “Doc” has got a “thing” for the canine mascot teams.
RED WOLVES 33-21
Florida at Tennessee
This game will be uglier than Fat Phil Fulmer in a thong.
(Sorry for the visual)
GATORS 44-17
Maryland at Michigan
Let the misery continue in Ann Arbor
FIGHTING TURTLES 34-17
Indiana at Wisconsin
Your “Upset Special” of the Week
Yeah, I said it
HOOTERS 28-21
Buffalo at Ohio
In case you were wondering,
“Yes” I am picking up an order of wings today for the football games.
BUFFALO WILD WINGS 34-17
Vanderbilt at Georgia
This game should have a “Mercy Rule”
SMART DAWGS 141-0
Florida Atlantic at Georgia Southern
Despite last week’s loss, I still haven’t given up on the Eagles.
FREE BIRDS 34-21
South Carolina at Kentucky
My Big Blue Nation Fans will be happy this week.
BLUE CATS 34-17
Alabama at LSU
Don’t worry Tigers
We ALL remember that smacked you and your coach talked after last year’s game.
Every word of it
CRIMSON TIDE 41-17
Wyoming at New Mexico
It’s time to Cowboy Up
COWBOYS 33-17
Clemson at Virginia Tech
This game is going to be dead even, until after the toss of the coin.
Then it’s all
DABO’S TIGERS 44-21
Baylor at Oklahoma
Bear Down
BOOMER SOONERS 38-17
West Virginia at Iowa State
Believe it or not, this game will be close (real) close
CYCLONES 38-34
Oregon at California
I could care less
QUACKERS 6-3
Texas at Kansas State
This game should be called, “Who has quit already on the Season Game”
I have no logical reason for making this pick, just so you know.
LONGHORNS 34-31
Western Carolina at North Carolina
Looks like it’s Homecoming at Chapel Hill
Yippee
TAR HEELS 41-14
Liberty at Coastal Carolina
ESPN’s College Game Day will be at this game, and that makes me happy.
It’s going to be a hell of a game.
CAROLINA BIRDS 44-41
Oklahoma State at Texas Christian
I know that “Doc” wants me to pick the “Horned Dogs” here
But I just can’t
COWBOY UP! 31-17
Iowa at Illinois
These Hawkeyes are for real and you can believe that.
HAWKEYES 34-17
Tulsa at Navy
Damn it Midshipmen
GOLDEN HURRICANES 38-21
Ball State at Central Michigan
This one could easily go either way
Believe it
CARDINALS 38-34
Oregon State at Utah
I am refraining from making a Beaver and Two Utes joke here
Just so you know
BEAVERS 28-24
Stanford at Washington
I am beginning to see a trend in “Doc’s” picks.
HUSKIES 28-17
UCLA at Arizona State
In an area of the country I like to refer to as;
The abyss west of the Pecos River
I would qualify this as an “Upset Special”
HERMAN’S DEVILS 34-31
Colorado at Arizona
I recently saw Wynonna Judd on a commercial for some upcoming Christmas program.
I think that’s a sign
BUFFALOS 34-21
Boston College at Virginia
Those Boys from Bean Town are better than advertised.
CHESTNUT HILL EAGLES 34-17
Florida State at Duke
I don’t know if this is an “Upset” or not…
But somebody is going to be
BLUE DEVILS 33-24
Georgia Tech at North Carolina State
Do I have to tell you who “Doc” is picking here?
I didn’t think so
WOLF PACK 34-17
Kansas at Texas Tech
The Jayhawks are to college football as Richard Simmons is to physical fitness.
That summed it up nicely
GET THOSE GUNS UP!
RED RAIDERS 34-10
Houston at Southern Methodist
I don’t want to give up on my Mighty Mustangs.
But I am not entirely comfortable with my pick here.
MUSTANGS 34-31
Next Week…
Your Week 15 College Football Picks will be out next Thursday as you have come to expect from Your Favorite College Football Prognosticator.
You Are Welcome America
You will have a “new” story on Mikerights.com today that I hope you will enjoy.
There will be another “new” story for you next week too
There is more on the way
So, Stay tuned
One More Thing….
Thank you all for reading both websites.
I appreciate your comments, occasional rants and suggestions.
“Doc” the World-Famous Black Lab and I are very thankful for you readers and we both appreciate you more than you know.
Be good to one another this week and yourselves.
RTR
THE CFB WIZARD