Ladies and Gentlemen –
I have some “good” news and I have some “bad” news this week.
The “good news” is you won’t see Coach Jim Harbaugh and the Wolverines get the snot beaten out of them this weekend by Ohio State.
The “bad news” is you won’t see Coach Jim Harbaugh and the Wolverines get the snot beaten out of them this weekend. By Ohio State.
I think that summed it up nicely
Enjoy Your Picks…
Weekend Rewind…
We had some “Good, Bad and Ugly” in the picks last weekend.
Sure, Your Favorite College Football Prognosticator picked the “Upsets” of Coastal Carolina’s Big Win and the Indiana Hoosiers over the Wisconsin Badgers and that was all good.
But I also made some “Bad” picks with Rice shutting out Marshall at home for the first time in 90 years.
Then there was the “Ugly” Missouri win over the Arkansas Razorbacks that I clearly missed.
But all that being said, The CFB Wizard finished last week at 39 and 8 or 83%.
Overall, for the 2020 Kung Flu College Football Season stands at 419 and 88 or 83%.
COLLEGE FOOTBALL NEWS
ALABAMA: This past week, former All-American wide receiver and Coach, Ray Perkins passed away.
He played for Baltimore Colts in Super Bowl V and coached several Professional Football Teams, as well as becoming Head Coach at Alabama with the unenving position of trying to follow Coach Paul W. Bryant upon his retirement.
Roll Tide Coach
SEC SHORTS: I will leave this one right here
LSU: Just in case you forgot, “How” we got here
Let’s do a quick re-cap, shall we?
COASTAL CAROLINA: We SEE You Bad Birds! We see YOU!
TEXAS: Dear Longhorn Fans
I read all your emails and all your comments to me.
Urban Meyer will NOT be coming to Austin for one very important reason.
He is running out of medical excuses when he gets in trouble.
Sincerely
The CFB WIZARD
COLORADO: Here is quick picture of Wynonna Judd…
On her way to last week’s Colorado game to serve as the team’s mascot.
TENNESSEE:Meanwhile in OBKnoxville…
LSU PART DEAUX: With all the upheaval in Baton Rouge this past week.
Country Music Superstar Sylacauga Ledbetter has generously written a song for those down in the dumps Tiger faithful, to lift their spirts in these trying times.
Enjoy…
THE CFB WIZARD EMAILS OF THE WEEK
Q: Dear Sir,
I just want you to know that all those Auburn fans that got worked over about comments the great Auburn coach made at his last post-game news conference are just overreacting.
I mean, c’mon, this COVID stuff has been hard on everybody. And losin’ 4 games really ain’t that bad if you really think about it.
I mean, if the Tigers would have gotten their regular share of cupcake games played this year they’d have at least gone 8 and 4. Heck, they’d have probably ended up 9 and 3 or something if they hadn’t got South Carolina added to the schedule!!!
So, tell em all to chill out and either pay the buyout or shut the heck up!!!
Just sayin’
Mus Galzahn
A:Coach, I think you’re booger eatting has gotten the best of you
Q: Dear Mister College Football Wizard
I got me a real problem and I hope you can tell me what’s a going on.
I saw on the television last Saturday some commercial for “Fantasy Football.”
I think that’s just flat wrong!
Sure, I have thought about Troy Aikman being naked when he was with the Cowboys, but I don’t think that makes me a gay or anything, I’m just a Cowboys fan.
But to have some kind of a website or whatever it is, to talk about football players being a buck naked, is just WRONG!
How can I stop this Foolishness!
Brad – Texarkana, Arkansas
A: I’m not really sure how to answer this question Brad.
But at least you confirmed what I have always believed about Cowboy fans.
Q: Dear Sir,
I’m a big time Texas Longhorn fan and I want you to know something. All this talk about Urban Meyer not taking the coaching job down here IS NOT TRUE!!!
That’s right! It is completely FALSE!!!
And do you want to know why? Cause Urban Meyer took a selfie in front a Conoco station the other day and Tweeted it out and I think I know exactly where that convenience store is!!!
It’s down Manor drive at the corner of East 51st Street. And THAT my friend is just a hop and a skip away from where???? THE UNIVERSITY OF TEXAS CAMPUS!!!
Here’s the picture from his Tweet. It said he had run out of gas and he was looking to get a ride to where he was going. And where could that be???? Well, you’re a Wizard, so figure it out!!!
So, everybody can just stop all that crazy talk because Meyer is in Texas as we speak. And guess what? Bama, A&M, Ohio State you better watch out cause WE’RE BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!!!
Tom Strokenoff
Texas Fan
Elroy, Tx
A:I thought Urban Liar had a bad heart and a brain tumor?
Just saying…
Q: Let me re-introduce myself again.
Cause you got off on the wrong foot with me and my family last week mister.
My name is Tennessee Gravy and I got me a Webelow’s badge in Bad Assery.
I call my wife “Biscuit” because she’s round, soft and flaky as hell.
We got us a daughter together that we named “Muffin” cause she’s got a face that’s rounder and flatter than a Moon Pie.
So, you done went and was making the fun of us last week in your smart-ass comment.
Did I mention I got me Webelow’s badge in Bad Assery?
You best watch your attitude mister!
Tennessee Gravy – Crab Orchard, Tennessee
A: Ok, so what was your question again?
THE GAMES
Thursday 10 December
Florida Atlantic at Southern Miss
It’s not that I have lost faith in the Golden Eagles this year;
NO wait, that’s exactly what I am saying, sorry.
HOOTERS 33-17
Pittsburgh at Georgia Tech
(Please see the above description and replace Golden Eagles with Yellow Jackets)
Thank You
PANTHERS 34-24
Friday 11 December
North Texas at Texas El Paso
I am sure the Miners are favored in this game, but we are going with;
MEAN GREEN 34-33
Charlotte at Marshall
No Excuses this Week
WE ARE MARSHALL 28-17
Arizona State at Arizona
They call this Bitter Rivalry, “The Duel in the Desert”
(Que the Clint Eastwood spaghetti western’s music)
It’s played for the coveted “Territorial Cup”
I say:
HERMAN’S DEVILS 34-31
Nevada at San Jose State
“Doc” The World-Famous Black Lab is rather adamant about this pick.
I have no idea why
WOLFPACK 34-27
Utah at Colorado
Little Known Fact;
“Two Utes and a Buffalo” is the actual “secret security” code used when Wynonna Judd and her two backup singers enter a building.
(I know, I am a storehouse for strange facts known by few)
BUFFALOS 34-17
Saturday 12 December
Alabama at Arkansas
The Tide Continues to Roll
CRIMSON TIDE 41-14
Michigan at Ohio State
Sorry Boys and Girls, this massacre will not be shown this weekend.
Oklahoma at West Virginia
It’s going to be closer than you might think
But in the end, it’s going to be all
BOOMER SOONER 34-24
Illinois at Northwestern
This Old Rivalry near the arctic circle is played for the “Land of Lincoln Trophy”
Why there is a luxury car involved in this game, I have no idea.
WILDCATS 28-17
Georgia at Missouri
Dogs and Cats
I “think” you already know what “Doc’s” pick is in this game.
SMART DAWGS 34-14
Rutgers at Maryland
“IF” they actually play this game…
The Turtles are going to light up the score board
Believe it
NINJA TURTLES 49-21
Minnesota at Nebraska
This relatively new rivalry is played each year for the “5 Bits of a Broken Chair Trophy”
Which ironically resembles both team’s collective seasons this year.
CORNHUSKERS 34-31
Wake Forest at Louisville
I have no idea which one of these two teams will actually show up on Saturday.
I am going out on a limb here and say;
CARDINALS 33-31
Ohio at Kent State
To the Kent State fans that sent me emails this past week with jpeg pictures.
“NO” I didn’t open them and “NO” I don’t want to see any pictures of any “Golden Flashes”
“IF” I wanted to see some geriatric people naked I would take a case of liquor to the nursing home and wait outside in the parking lot for the show to start.
FRANK’S CATS 34-31
Miami (Ohio) at Bowling Green
I am of the opinion that the Falcons have been grounded for the season.
RED HAWKS 38-14
Northern Illinois at Eastern Michigan
I think the Eagles give the Dogs the Bird in this game.
EAGLES 44-38
Houston at Memphis
I am afraid that Elvis has left the building.
COUGARS 34-28
Western Michigan at Ball State
After last week I am convinced that the Broncos have been bucked.
CARDINALS 44-24
Alabama Birmingham at Rice
I have seen about a hundred “Men’s Warehouse” commercials this week.
I take that as a sign
BLAZZERS 38-17
Akron at Buffalo
This game reminds me that I need to put my order in for pickup by 1100 on Saturday.
WILD WINGS 44-21
Coastal Carolina at Troy
In the unlikely event that you were unaware.
These Birds are for real.
Believe it
CAROLINA BIRDS 34-17
Central Michigan at Toledo
I am still not sure exactly what a “Chippewas” actually is;
But it’s a fun word to say, even when you are alone.
CHIPPEWAS’S 33-31
Incarnate Word at Arkansas State
I hate the arrogance of this college!
They think they are the ONLY ones with the incarnate word, really?
Well, you don’t jackasses.
RED WOLVES 41-10
Purdue at Indiana
This Old Rivalry in land of the frozen tundra is played for the coveted “Old Oaken Bucket”
And the bucket of spit goes too;
HOOSIERS 41-28
Wisconsin at Iowa
This bitter rivalry in the Big Ten (Or whatever) is played for the “Heartland Trophy”
I am guessing that the Badgers get heart burned over this one.
HAWKEYES 34-28
Michigan State at Penn State
This nasty little rivalry is played for “The Land Grant Trophy”
How I remember all this useless knowledge is beyond me.
Never mind
NITTANY LIONS 28-17
North Carolina at Miami
As Your Favorite College Football Prognosticator, it’s important that I pay close attention to “signs” as to who will win what game. With that being said, “Doc” The World-Famous Black Lab just broke wind like a truck driver after a chili cook-off.
HURRICANES 34-31
Texas at Kansas
Look at this way Jayhawk fans
You always have basketball
LONGHORNS 44-14
Navy at Army
I hate to make this pick
But I have zero faith in the Midshipmen this year
As in “None”
BLACK KNIGHTS OF THE HUDSON 33-14
Cincinnati at Tulsa
Believe it or not, this game will be a lot closer than you might think.
BEARKATS 38-34
Washington at Oregon
It’s going to be close.
Real close
QUACKERS 34-31
Tennessee at Vanderbilt
Well, it looks like they have finally rounded up enough Ho’s for “The Hillbilly Ho Down” Rivalry game.
Not that there are any shortages of them there, I’m just saying
VOWELS 38-17
Duke at Florida State
I have no logical reason for making this pick.
Just so you know
BLUE DEVILS 28-24
Appalachian State at Georgia Southern
Although both of these fine teams have stumbled through the season, this is going to be one heck of a game. Believe it
FREE BIRDS 34-33
Boise State at Wyoming
Don’t be surprised if the Cowboys pull away with a victory in this one.
I won’t be
BRONCOS 34-31
LSU at Florida
You got to give Coach O this much.
When it comes to excuses…
He puts the “Special” in Ed
MIGHTY GATORS 38-14
Oklahoma State at Baylor
I will break this one down for you.
The Cowboys are better than advertised and the Bears are worse than advertised.
You Are Welcome America
COWBOY UP! 34-14
Louisiana Tech at Texas Christian
I am going to tell you what you already know about this game.
The Bulldogs are outmatched in this one.
HORNED FROGS 38-21
Southern California at UCLA
This “rivalry” in Communist California is played for “The Homeless Diaper”
Which sums up everything I think about that state.
TROJANS 3-2
Auburn at Mississippi State
I want it to rain during this game so some announcer will say;
“It’s raining cats and dogs for the cats and dogs game”
Before you ask, “Yes” I am that easily amused.
WAR DAMN EAGLE 28-24
Ole Miss at Texas A&M
I am not sure as of the publishing of this article “IF” this game will be played.
But we will make the pick nonetheless
GIG EM AGGIES 41-28
Virginia at Virginia Tech
This Fierce Instate Rivalry is played for the “Commonwealth Cup”
It’s going to be ugly
FIGHTING TURKEYS 28-24
Utah State at Colorado State
Believe it or not
This is going to be one heck of a game
RAM TOUGH 38-34
San Diego State at Brigham Young
The Mormons were defeated last week by the Mullets and they will rebound this week.
Believe it
COUGARS 44-10
Fresno State at New Mexico
This is actually one of “Doc’s” favorite games.
Nothing but Dogs….
BULLDOGS 41-38
Stanford at Oregon State
I will not make an inappropriate Beaver Joke this week
I will not make an inappropriate Beaver Joke this week
I will not make an inappropriate Beaver Joke this week
I will not make an inappropriate Beaver Joke this week
I will not make an inappropriate Beaver Joke this week
BEAVERS 34-14
California at Washington State
I think I have made my position on all things California quite clear earlier.
COUGARS 34-21
Nevada Las Vegas at Hawai’i
This past Monday was Pearl Harbor Day
In Honor of that fateful day, I will go with Hawaii
WARRIORS 38-17
Next Week…
Your Week 16 College Football Picks will be out next Thursday or before per usual.
But wait there is more!
Next week we will have the return of the self-described Number One Tennessee Fan in the World, Mr. Hootie Snitch with his unique “version” of the Hootie’s Christmas Story.
You Are Welcome America
You don’t have a “new” on Mikerights.com today, but in the event, you haven’t read last week’s story, I am sure it’s one you will enjoy.
Hopefully I will have a “new” story for you next week.
So, Stay tuned
One More Thing….
Thank you all again for reading both websites.
“Doc” the World-Famous Black Lab and I are very thankful for you readers and we both appreciate you more than you know.
Be good to one another this week and yourselves.
RTR
THE CFB WIZARD