Ladies and Gentlemen –
We have quite the cornucopia of rivalries on the Thanksgiving menu this weekend.
The table will be decorated this year with a tasteful Hero’s Trophy, along with a Battle Line Trophy to compliment the table.
There is an Apple Cup covered in a delicate dose of Modern-Day Hate served over a Victory Cannon.
Paul Bunyan’s Axe will be used to carve the Slab of Bacon over a delicious Egg Bowl.
For dessert there will be a bitter Civil War to tantalize the palate.
Those with a stronger disposition, there will be a portion of pure hate and discontent served up in;
The Iron Bowl
Enjoy Your Picks…
Weekend Rewind…
Last week Your Favorite College Football Prognosticator won a few and lost a few, but still finished Week 12 at 41 and 9 or 82%. Not too bad, all things considered.
That leaves The CFB Wizard at 331 and 78 or 81% for the 2020 Kung Fu Flu Season.
Considering that nothing (And I do mean “Nothing”) makes any damn sense this year, that’s not too bad.
COLLEGE FOOTBALL NEWS
THE COLLEGE FOOTBALL PLAYOFFS: Here is your explanation in three minutes, enjoy.
COLLEGE FOOTBALL COMMENTATORS: I don’t know “when” this trend in sports “commentary” started…
But when did the three idiots they have calling a football game start to chit-chat back and forth during a damn live football game like three drunk dudes setting behind you in a movie theater?
Two weeks ago during the Iowa Hawkeye game, Fox Sports had three Polish Morons which I assume is a oxymoron, but that aside all they did was talk back forth between each other during the whole damn game with little or no discussion of the game, not that a discussion is necessary “IF” you are watching the damn game.
But last week, during the Alabama-Kentucky game Jordan Rodgers wouldn’t shut his damn mouth during the whole game, talking about texting his fiancée during the game while she was at the drive-thru etc.
The other two gibbering idiots weren’t any better, talking about their shoes and clothes etc.
I don’t know when or where this trend started, but it’s annoying as hell.
So, STOP IT.
PEYTON MANNING: Speaking of annoying the hell out of people….
Is it “possible” that I could go through an entire Saturday without seeing his dumbass on a commercial?
Seriously?
EDITORS NOTE: “IF” I wanted to see someone that always looks like they just smelled a fart, I would have a mirror next to my toilet.
But now I see that ESPN has given this buffoon a damn television program, interviewing actors, celebrities etc. about their views on football. Riveting television programing to be sure.
In the commercial for this waste of an hour out of your life program he is even interviewing,
(Wait for it)
Bill Clinton
I wonder if there will be any discussion of Epstein’s Island.
Asking for a friend
KENTUCKY: Although the Wildcats lost last week to Alabama
It’s important to note that they could have opted out of the game over the Kung Fu Flu.
I have mad love and respect for the Big Blue Nation for showing up to fight.
The LSU Tigers could learn a thing or two from you and so could Florida State.
COLLEGE FOOTBALL REFEREES: What the hell is going on with referees this season?
I am not just talking about the Southeastern Conference goobers either.
Last week the Big Ten referees cost Purdue a win against Minnesota by calling this play back over, “Offensive Interference.”
Here you go….
ARKANSAS: Speaking of getting screwed over by referees.
The Razorbacks were once again screwed last Saturday in the LSU game by the very same referee crew that cost them the game against Auburn.
I don’t know what needs to be done about this crew of blind umpires, but they shouldn’t be allowed to work a Pop Warner game.
THE CFB WIZARD EMAILS OF THE WEEK
Q: Hello
My name is Schwinn (Like zee bicycles)
I am German, I come from the Germany and move to America on student visa.
American the football and zee soccer we call are different very much.
You say zee soccer, but we say it is zee football but not as your zee football.
Sometimes confuse Schwinn.
The difference in name of game.
Thank you
Schwinn – Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
A: Honestly, I couldn’t tell if that was a question…
Or you were trying to get my help to invade Poland.
Q: Dear Mr. CFB Wizard –
I think you are the biggest Joke on planet earth.
Paul – Joliet, Illinois
A: Have you ever been to Wal-Mart at Midnight?
That might change your mind about me being the “Biggest Joke” on Earth.
Q: Hey there Mister Wizard!!!
Do you have any special plans for the Holidays?
Love the websites and the picks!!
Thanks!!
Trudi – Fort Worth, Texas
A: Hopefully; I will be doing my part to improve American – Ukrainian relations with this vibrant artist, and without the need of a powerful father or a seat on the board of a oil and gas company.
No need to thank me, it’s what I do America.
THE GAMES
Thursday 26 November
Colorado State at Air Force
This Rocky Mountain High Showdown is played each year for the;
“ Ram-Falcon Trophy”
Aim High…
MIGHTY FALCONS 38-34
New Mexico at Utah State
The Battle of the Aggies
(I don’t know if that is exactly true, I was just doing my part to make this sound exciting)
AGGIES 34-31
Friday 27 November
Iowa State at Texas
This needs to be said…
During Thanksgiving it should be “The Lonestar Showdown” with Texas A&M
That’s the message
CYCLONES 44-41
UMass at Liberty
The Flames get their Fire back after being knocked off last week by North Carolina State
FLAMESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS 44-10
Southern Miss at Alabama Birmingham
I just saw a commercial for Men’s Warehouse
I think it’s a sign
BLAZERS 34-17
Nebraska at Iowa
This tussle in the Midwest is played for the “Hero’s Trophy”
I wish I had better news for the Cornhusker faithful this week, but I don’t
HAWKEYES 34-24
Notre Dame at North Carolina
Golden Gnomes and Tar Heels
Sounds like the makings of a Disney movie
GOLDEN GNOMES 34-17
Central Florida at South Florida
They call this disagreement “The War on I-4”
Let the fussing begin
GOLDEN KNIGHTS 41-17
Central Michigan at Eastern Michigan
In the Land of the Frozen Tundra, this rivalry is played for “The Victory Cannon”
Regardless of where they are from…
I support any rivalry that involves firearms or artillery.
CHIPPERS 34-31
Wyoming at Nevada Las Vegas
All my hero’s have always been Cowboys
COWBOY UP! 38-24
Stanford at California
They call this rivalry in the land of the fruits and nuts…
“The Big Game”
Whatever weirdos
SOMEBODY 3-2
Oregon at Oregon State
This bitter rivalry game is called simply, “The Civil War”
Believe me, there isn’t anything civil about it.
“UPSET SPECIAL”
BEAVERS 38-34
Washington at Washington State
This nasty rivalry in the Pacific Northwest is played for “The Apple Cup”
Although “Doc” The World-Famous Black Lab wants me to pick the Big Dogs, I have to go with;
COUGARS 41-28
Saturday 28 November
Kentucky at Florida
Not going to be close Big Blue Nation, sorry
MIGHTY GATORS 44-17
Arkansas at Missouri
This cross-state rivalry is known simply as; “The Battle Line Rivalry”
It’s played for the Battle Line Trophy
I am going whole Hog on this pick
RAZORBACKS 34-17
Texas Tech at Oklahoma State
It’s going to be a close game in Stillwater
Believe it
COWBOYS 33-28
Ohio State at Illinois
This “rivalry”, if that’s what you want to call it, is played for the (wait for it)
“Ill- Buck Trophy”, but what it actually is, is a damn petrified Turtle
Seriously
BUCKEYES 44-17
Maryland at Indiana
Get your calculators out, this is going to be a high scoring affair.
HOOTERS 44-41
Penn State at Michigan
This rivalry in the Big 10 (Or whatever the number is this week) is played for;
“The Land Grant Trophy”
I can feel the excitement from here
NITTANY LIONS 28-24
North Carolina State at Syracuse
I think we already know what “Doc’s” pick is here
WOLF PACK 41-24
Southern Methodist at East Carolina
Come on Ponies…
Damn it
MIGHTY MUSTANGS 41-21
Louisiana Tech at Florida International
“Doc” has a soft place in his heart for those grumpy looking dogs.
BULLDOGS 34-31
Georgia Southern at Georgia State
This, my friends is a bitter (really bitter) rivalry
It’s called; “The Modern Day Hate Game”
It’s going to be a good one
FREE BIRDS 34-31
Kent State at Buffalo
This isn’t a commercial or an endorsement per se, but their wings are delicious.
BUFFALO WILD WINGS 44-24
Ball State at Toledo
Since neither team can spell “Defense” I will make this bold prediction.
CARDINALS 90 – 88
Tulsa at Houston
I wish I had better news for my friends in Cow Town
But, I don’t
GOLDEN HURRICANES 41-24
Miami (Ohio) at Akron
I assume this is some sort of a rivalry in the land that Bucks Nuts
But I simply don’t care
REDHAWKS 33-31
Texas El Paso at Rice
Your guess is as good as mine on this one
MINERS 33-31
Minnesota at Wisconsin
This Old Rivalry is played for “Paul Bunyan’s Axe” and a slab of bacon.
Any rivalry that involves pork products and a large edged weapon is something I can support.
CHEESE MEN 33-24
Coastal Carolina at Texas State
State’s one game winning streak comes to an end on Saturday.
CAROLINA BIRDS 41-21
Florida Atlantic at Middle Tennessee
I have no idea which one of these team’s personalities will show up for the game.
But I like;
HOOTERS 33-31
Louisiana Lafayette at Louisiana Monroe
This rivalry has one of the best names in all of college football;
“The Battle on the Bayou”
(Que the Credence Clearwater Rival Music)
RAJUN CAJUNS 44-21
North Texas at Texas San Antonio
Although I “Remember the Alamo” each and every morning I wake up…
I am going
MEAN GREEN 38-24
South Alabama at Arkansas State
“Doc” has this fascination with wolves lately.
I have got to him to watch something other than the Animal Planet
RED WOLVES 33-31
Auburn at Alabama
There are rivalries and there are rivalries
Then there is;
“The Iron Bowl”
CRIMSON TIDE 41-28
Pittsburgh at Clemson
Nope, not even close
DABO’S TIGERS 44-14
Northwestern at Michigan State
The fact I am making this pick says all you need to know about the year 2020
WILDCATS 28-17
Colorado at Southern California
I would rather be forced to stare at an empty aquarium for three hours than watch this game.
TROJANS 3-2
Cincinnati at Temple
Yawn…
BEARKATS 44-10
Mississippi State at Ole Miss
The only other rivalry more bitter than “The Iron Bowl” is this game;
“The Egg Bowl”
It’s a slug fest from beginning to end.
FOAM RUBBER BLACK BEARS / LAND SAND SHARKS / COL. SANDERS IN A COSTUME 44-41
San Jose State at Boise State
That Blue Football Field is an abomination to all that is Holy in College Football.
There, I said it.
BRONCO’S 38-17
Rutgers at Purdue
After last week, I have a feeling the Boilermakers are going to have a mean on
BOILERMAKERS 33-17
Louisville at Boston College
Closer than you might think for three quarters, then it’s all
CHESTNUT HILL EAGLES 34-24
Western Kentucky at Charlotte
Believe it or not, I call this game a toss-up
HILLTOPPERS 31-28
LSU at Texas A&M
This game is going to be uglier than Rosie O’Donnell in a string bikini
(sorry for the visual)
GIG EM AGGIES 44-21
Kansas State at Baylor
Flip a coin on this game
It could go either way
WILDCATS 28-24
Duke at Georgia Tech
I still believe in the Rambling Wreck
(Sort of)
YELLOW JACKETS 33-31
Memphis at Navy
Sorry, Navy but you did this to yourselves.
ELVIS’S TIGERS 38-14
Oklahoma at West Virginia
It’s going to be damn close
Believe it
BOOMER DAMN SOONERS 33-31
Georgia at South Carolina
“Doc” is giving me “that” look, so I will go with
SMART DAWGS 34-17
Tennessee at Vanderbilt
They call this rivalry, “The Hillbilly Ho Down”
As of this publication the game has been “Postponed”
I assume it has been postponed due to the lack of Ho’s to be knocked down.
I have lived in Tennessee and I know there is no shortage of Ho’s there.
More news as this story develops.
Texas Christian at Kansas
I don’t have the heart to correct “Doc” on his pick here, so let’s just roll with it.
HORNED DOGS 34-10
Arizona at UCLA
I would rather trim a herd of Chia Pets than watch this game.
BRUINS 6-3
Troy at Appalachian State
The Appalachian-American’s bounce back after last Saturday
But it’s going to be close
MOUNTAINEERS 33-28
Virginia at Florida State
Nobody Cares
DUDES ON HORSES 28-17
Nevada at Hawai’i
(Please see the description on the above game)
WARRIORS BREAK DANCING ON RAINBOWS 5-3
Utah at Arizona State
Coach Herman is the real deal, and you can believe that.
SUNNY DEVILS 31-21
Next Week…
Your Week 14 Picks will be out next Thursday per usual and as you have come to expect.
You Are Welcome America
You will have a “new” story on Mikerights.com next week too.
(I promise)
But if you haven’t read the last story, it is sure to get a good laugh out of you.
There is more on the way
So, Stay tuned
One More Thing…..
It’s that time of year to be thankful for what you have “not” what you don’t have.
“Doc” the World-Famous Black Lab and myself are very thankful for you readers and we both appreciate you more than you know.
Be good to one another this week and yourselves.
Happy Thanksgiving to you all
RTR
THE CFB WIZARD