Ladies and Gentlemen –
It’s no time to cry over losses or “upsets” from last week…..
It’s the “Third Saturday in October” and you know what that means?
The time for the greatest rivalry in all of college football
The game for the Cereal Bowl and Goat Trophy
I am talking about of course the game between Carlton and St Olaf
What game did you think I was talking about?
Enjoy…..
Weekend Rewind….
I know that many of you are expecting me to comment about the “hex” of Friday the 13th and the upsets that took place last weekend. Let me say this and be clear about it.
I don’t believe in silly superstitions or medieval and outdated beliefs of “bad luck”, it simply isn’t true or believable. However I will say as a part of my “process” here at The CFB Wizard I am writing the picks this week with a clove of garlic in each pocket, while wearing my necklace of rabbits feet and “yes” I did line the inside of my shoes with Velveeta, but that has nothing (nothing) to do with superstitions.
It’s not superstition; it’s just a part of the process after a particularly bad week of prognostication.
EDITORS NOTE: I am not superstitious, honest I’m not…
So last week, Your (once) Favorite College Football Prognosticator was a dismal (very dismal) 39 and 12 or 76% and currently stands at 303 and 52 or 85% for the season.
EDITORS NOTE: Hence the “process” that I described above..
As you have come to expect my good friend from Birmingham, Alabama Jermaine “Funnymaine” Johnson has his own take from last week’s games that I am sure you will enjoy.
He cracks me up….
Enjoy…..
COLLEGE FOOTBALL NEWS
ALABAMA: Last weekend the University of Alabama celebrated the 25th Anniversary of their 1992 National Championship game at homecoming with their game with Arkansas in Tuscaloosa.
I wrote last week about the great Coach Gene Stallings at the Texas A&M game so I won’t repeat that he is only three weeks removed from a massive heart attack. But I will say that this, that’s Texas tough, that’s a Junction Boy and that’s a man that I wish I was.
We Love you Coach, it wouldn’t have been the same without you.
CLEMSON: Love him or hate him, whatever…..
I have written about it before and I even included it in my book “Sunnyside Up” “before” they were National Champions, by the way.
Coach Dabo Swinney much like every Clemson fan I have ever met…..
Is nothing but class…
After the Syracuse Orange upset the Tigers last week, Coach Swinney went to the Orange locker room to congratulate them on their win.
EDITORS NOTE: You read that correctly….
Coach Swinney went to the victor’s locker room….
To congratulate the team and coaches on their win.
That is class and character….
Believe it
COLLEGE FOOTBALL “FAKE” NEWS: Speaking of Clemson…..
It was widely reported that Coach Swinney wouldn’t be attending the reunion and celebration at the University of Alabama for the celebration of the 1992 Crimson Tide National Championship that Coach Swinney was a part of as a player.
Because (they said) he was so “butt hurt” over his teams loss to Syracuse the night before
It was reported from ESPN and the SEC Network…..
HE wouldn’t show, they said….
EDITORS NOTE: Really?
Well (Spoiler Alert) Coach Swinney DID show up to a tremendous applause when he his name was called and enjoyed the reunion and celebration of the 1992 National Championship.
But you know who didn’t retract the story?
ESPN or the SEC Network……
Sounds like they are the ones who were butt hurt over his attendance….
I’m just saying
MICHIGAN: I know, I read your emails…..
You are stressed beyond believe after losing to Michigan State and then surviving last weekend at Indiana. I know, I hear you and I understand your frustration.
However, all is not lost my beloved fans of Maze and Blue
I have something to make you feel better
EDITORS NOTE: Don’t Hassle the Hoff….Just don’t
CBS SPORTS: The premier game last weekend on CBS Sports was the game between the LSU Tigers and Auburn at Death Valley. They too celebrated the 10th Anniversary of their National Championship with a ceremony on the field.
Coach Les Miles and the members of that mighty Tiger team hoisted the crystal ball at midfield and to say the Tiger faithful were celebrating and applauding would be an understatement. The ovation and cheering went on and on with several students and fans pouring from their seats onto the field to celebrate with their beloved team.
Then CBS had to ruin it…..
The blonde bimbo sideline reporter was to interview Coach Les Miles…..
She could have asked him about that particular championship team…..
The National Championship….
The fact that Coach Miles has won more games than any other Coach in Tiger History….
She could have asked him about his future plans in coaching….
But no
Instead she and CBS Sports were disrespectful to one of the legends in college football.
She had a paper plate with grass clippings and asked Coach Miles “what type of grass he preferred”, assuming that this was to be “funny” I am sure.
But what it was; was disrespectful, rude and abhorrent.
Coach Miles always demonstrated class, character and sportsmanship as a coach.
To reduce him to some cartoon character is unforgiveable.
He deserves better.
OLE MISS: I think I have this figured out…..
The “new” Ole Miss Foam Rubber Land Shark Rebel mascot is due to an upcoming sponsorship with the Discovery Channel promoting “Shark Week” however other questions still linger.
What’s with the Foam Rubber thingy?
Is there a seat cushion sponsorship on the way too?
Seriously, why is the Foam Rubber Land Shark Rebel such a Rebel?
Is he a vegetarian?
Does he wear skinny jeans and his grandmother’s old hats to class?
Does this make him not only a “Rebel Land Shark” but could he be a “Goth Rebel Land Shark” too?
More on this pressing issue as the story develops…
TEXAS: You know times are hard in Austin and with the Texas Longhorns when their beloved mascot BEVO takes a part-time job.
BAYLOR: I think I “may” have identified the Baylor Bears problem this season….
THE CFB WIZARD SPONSORS
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I have recently tested this product myself, and I can’t say that I have any new hair growth but I will say I have been able to pick up some wonderful AM radio stations out of Des Moines Iowa while wearing it.
DEAR COLLEGE FOOTBALL FANS:
So you are angry and you want to fire your football coach?
What’s next?
Take a minute, and just listen.
Each university and college has its own culture and when they culture is vile, hateful and ugly to the head coach, his wife and family what kind of message is that sending?
I know what you are saying, “But we are So-in-SO and we deserve to WIN!”
Well, news flash, life doesn’t work like that. And it never will.
“IF” the culture of your program is hateful and mean do you really (really) think you are going to get someone (anyone) to coach your football team?
“IF” the fans, boosters and former players “run” the program, what message does that send to a potential coach?
Because if you aren’t happy winning (Because it wasn’t by enough points) and you damn sure aren’t happy losing, then what does that say about the state of the culture of your particular program?
Think about it…..
P.S. Jon Gruden isn’t going to coach anywhere, anytime, at any college or university.
IOWA: College football is all about tradition and pageantry….
We live for it…..
If you haven’t seen the newest tradition at Iowa, take a moment….
Between the first and second quarters of each home game, the fans in the stadium wave to the children in the hospital across the street that are battling life threatening illnesses.
Just to let them know, they “care”…..
It’s a beautiful thing to behold….
EMAIL QUESTIONS and ANSWERS
Q: Dear Mr. CFB Wizard
Sir, I think you missed an opportunity for a birthday “shout-out” to one of the all time greatest coaches, in Coach Bill Snyder from Kansas State who turned 78 years young on October 7th.
My question however is this; I have read through several newspapers here and online can’t find anything about what his friends and family got Coach Snyder for his birthday.
What do you think they got Coach Snyder for his birthday?
Thanks!
Tommy – Lawrence, Kansas
A: Depends
Q: Hey Wizard!
What the heck? Last week you didn’t hammer on Tennessee or Arkansas?
Get on them!!
What gives????
War Damn Eagle!!!
Eddie – Opelika, Alabama
A: That is an excellent question, one that I have wanted to answer for awhile.
(I can’t believe it came from an Auburn fan)
I didn’t (and won’t) pile on to others misery that they are experiencing.
There is a difference between being “funny” and being cruel.
I understand that cruelty is in vogue, as is fueling the fires of discontent and discouragement. I live in an area of Tennessee, where that type of behavior is commonplace, but I won’t feed it or become susceptible to that type of behavior.
I hope that answered your question.
Q: Hey Dr. Dumbass!
Man did you EVER miss picking Syracuse over Clemson!!!!
YOU missed it!!!
What says you now????
Theo – Ithaca, New York
A: I certainly did “miss” that game Theo…..
I missed that game about as bad as the Clemson offensive line missed their blocks on the Syracuse blitzes on the Tiger quarterback.
Q: Dear CFB Wizard
I am a Michigan Wolverine fan and I have one question for you.
Will I wake up on Sunday morning to the headlines that Michigan has defeated Penn State in Happy Valley?
Thanks
Paul – Ann Arbor, Michigan
A: Paul I would say you have a higher probability of seeing the below headline before you read that Michigan defeated Penn State in Happy Valley this season.
Q: Dear Sir
We represent several bicycle enthusiasts who are riding our bicycles from Knoxville Tennessee to Key West Florida to “Raise Awareness of Alzheimer’s” for the Pat Summit Foundation. We call this ride, “Pedaling for Pat.”
Can we count on your support to “raise awareness of Alzheimer’s”?
Thank you
Pedaling for Pat – Knoxville, Tennessee
A: I think everybody is already “aware” of Alzheimer’s….
Well unless you actually have Alzheimer’s, then you aren’t aware of anything.
But to answer your question directly…..
This whole “raise awareness” stuff is ridiculous
We are ALREADY “aware” of the existence of autism, cancer etc.
So wear your ribbons, ride your bikes and tell yourselves that you are “making a difference” and stop sending me emails.
Q: Dear Mister CFB Wizard Man
I got another joke for you!!!
Listen now, this just happened yesterday!!
I was in the Piggly Wiggley and I kind of pushed my buggy across the front of this old lady on one of them electric scooters, and so’s I feel bad and I says to her….
Ma’am I didn’t cut you off did I?
Now I doubt she saw anything with them old people goggles she was a wearing but she says to me, “WHY No!”
Then it come to me like a flash or something so I says
“I AIN’T NO WINO, I’m a BEER DRINKING MAN!!”
Get it!!
I am a telling you I like to have died laughing right then and there!!
HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!
Scooter Bob – Baneberry, Tennessee
A: The fact I published your letters two weeks in a row is a clear indication that I have some serious issues.
THE GAMES
Thursday 19 October
Memphis at Houston
No disrespect intended Coach Major…..
This is just business
ELVIS’S TIGERS 34-28
Friday 20 October
Western Kentucky at Old Dominion
Don’t they actually mean…..
“Old Domino’s Pizza?”
It’s a reasonable question…..
HILLTOPPERS 38-17
Marshall at Middle Tennessee State
I recognize that I am going against conventional wisdom here….
I don’t care
WE ARE MARSHALL 34-31
Air Force at Nevada
I wasn’t aware that I had to fill out a requisition form for the Falcons to win a game….
(You guys get too wrapped up in your paperwork)
FALCONS 38-34
Colorado State at New Mexico
It has been brought to my attention that Chuck Norris owns a house in both New Mexico and Colorado, as well as Texas. That being said here is your Chuck Norris fact….
“Fear of spiders is called arachnophobia, fear of tight spaces is called claustrophobia, fear of Chuck Norris is called logic”
RAM TOUGH 41-24
Princeton at Harvard
I don’t care and neither should you…..
Saturday 21 October
Maryland at Wisconsin
I don’t think the fighting turtles can cut the cheese here…..
(Yes, in case you were wondering; I am that easily amused)
CHEESE MEN 34-24
Oklahoma State at Texas
Yeah, this is going to be ugly…….
COWBOY UP! 44-28
Akron at Toledo
This big rivalry in the Buckeye state is played for something really (really) important
I just can’t remember what it is….
Sorry
RICKEY ROCKET 34-31
Valdosta State at Delta State
If you know what’s good for you dear readers…..
FEAR THE OKRA 34-17
Iowa at Northwestern
The Hawkeyes are quietly winning…..
While the Wildcats are loudly losing
HAWKEYES 33-17
Oklahoma Baptist at Ouachita Baptist
Thankfully there will be NO snake handling at this revival…..
Or so “they” say….
GOTCHA BAPTIST 28-24
Purdue at Rutgers
The only thing that would make this pick interesting is another Chuck Norris factoid….
“Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked a horse in the chin, it’s their descendants are now known as Giraffes”
BOILERMAKERS 34-13
Louisville at Florida State
I still believe in the power of the Semicolon…..
Or Seminoles, whatever….
SEMINOLES 28-24
North Greenville at Carson Newman
I really miss Coach Sparks…….
This is for Him..
SPARK’S EAGLES 33-31
Southern Nazarene at Arkansas Monticello
Something tells that Bo knows……
BO WEEVILS 33-17
Idaho at Missouri
This game reminds me of a girl I knew in High School named Ida….
She had a rather questionable reputation
MO TIGERS 41-14
Iowa State at Texas Tech
The amount of overabundance of offense in this game I find to be offensive.
GET THOSE GUNS UP!
RED RAIDERS 44-38
Temple at Army
I can’t believe I am actually making this pick….
BLACK KNIGHTS OF THE HUDSON 33-28
Western Illinois at North Dakota State
The Mighty Bison are stampeding towards another Championship….
MIGHTY BISON 38-17
Pittsburgh at Duke
Let’s be honest with one another here….
This game isn’t very intriguing
So lets have another Chuck Norris fact….
Chuck Norris has already been to Mars that’s why there is no sign of life
BLUE DEVILS 31-28
Boston College at Virginia
I don’t really need to tell you, but I can do this all day…..
There used to be a street named after Chuck Norris, but it was changed because nobody crosses Chuck Norris and lives.
CALVARY GUYS 28-17
Carleton at St. Olaf
Here it is…..
The rivalry game of rivalry games…..
It’s the game for the Cereal Bowl and for the Goat Trophy!
Hold on to your seats and grab your goat
ST OLLIE 24-21
Troy at Georgia State
Despite the loss to South Alabama…..
I still believe in….
THE MEN OF TROY 33-24
Kent State at Ohio
Franks Bobcats are quietly winning and working towards the Conference Championship
Believe it
FRANK’S CATS 34-17
Tennessee at Alabama
This game is……
Oil and Water
Cowboy’s and Indians
Democrats and Republicans
Except it’s worse (Way Worse)
CRIMSON TIDE 34-14
Syracuse at Miami
This game will be closer than you think…..
It could easily go either way
HURRICANES 31-28
North Carolina at Virginia Tech
I do believe the folks in Blacksburg have finally tuned themselves around….
HOKEY POKEY 33-17
Indiana at Michigan State
I know that you have been waiting for this Big Ten (Something or another) Conference rivalry game, am I right? This one is played for “The Old Brass Spittoon”
The bucket of warm spit goes too…..
SPARTANS 34-31
Central Florida at Navy
I would call this one an “Upset”……
GO NAVY….
MIDSHIPMEN 34-31
Georgia Southern at Massachusetts
The Eagles are winless this year……
Yeah I know…
MINUTEMEN 34-17
Arizona State at Utah
Believe it….
TWO UTES 33-17
Illinois at Minnesota
This old Big Ten Conference (Twenty Four?) Rivalry is played for the coveted…..
“Henrietta Hoopastank Victory Pogo Stick”
(Don’t ask, you really don’t want to know….)
O’ SO VERY GOLDEN GOPHERS 41-17
Oklahoma at Kansas State
Sorry I forgot your Birthday Coach Bill……
Here is an Oklahoma butt whipping in honor of your great day.
BOOMER DAMN SOONERS 44-21
Kentucky at Mississippi State
My Black Lab “Doc” said go with the dogs in this one…..
Actually “Doc” said some other things about picking them in week’s past but I don’t want to repeat it.
BULLY DOGS 33-31
Oregon at UCLA
You know what’s coming, right?
Another interesting Chuck Norris fact….
Chuck Norris was in all 6 Star Wars movies as (The Force)
QUACKERS 33-31
Southern Methodist at Cincinnati
Let the Horses run……
MIGHTY MUSTANGS 34-23
Louisiana Monroe at South Alabama
You don’t really think I would go against South Alabama after they beat Troy, do you?
Nope, I wont….
JAGUARS 31-24
South Florida at Tulane
I think the Boy’s from Tampa are going to beat the Green out of the Wave in this one….
NO BULL 44-10
Ursinus at Susquehanna
I cannot support a college that is named after a urinary sinus infection….
SUSIE-Q
Southern Miss at Louisiana Tech
This rivalry in the South is simply called…..
“The Rivalry in Dixie”
It’s going to be a good one…
GOLDEN EAGLES 28-24
Brigham Young at East Carolina
It’s time for the Cougars to (finally) win a game…..
COUGARS 33-17
Moravian at Juniata
I don’t know about that gal from Yugoslavia, but Juanita is ready to scrap….
J-LO 34-14
LSU at Ole Miss
This bitter rivalry is known as…..
“The Magnolia Bowl”
I say “Upset Special”
FOAM RUBBER LAND SHARK REBELS 28-24
Michigan at Penn State
One thing you will be able to count on in this game…
Coach Harbaugh’s head pops off before halftime
Believe it
NITTANY LIONS 41-17
Southern California at Notre Dame
Another of the traditional rivalry games in college football…..
This one is played for the “Jeweled Shillelagh”
As opposed to the “Rash Covered Shillelagh”
Sorry that was disgusting….
FIGHTING IRISH 34-31
Citadel at Chattanooga
I haven’t gotten a single game right with either of these teams this year…
Here we go…
MIGHTY MOCS 31-28
Auburn at Arkansas
I’m sorry Razorback fans, the news doesn’t get any better this week…..
WAR DAMN EAGLE 38-14
Montana State at Northern Colorado
I am going Big Sky Cats in this one….
BOB’S CATS 28-24
Wake Forest at Georgia Tech
Everybody has written the Yellow Jackets off this year….
Except me…
YELLOW JACETS 38-17
Kansas at Texas Christian
I have an interesting question……
Since the Jayhawks are EVERYBODIES Homecoming game…..
Who do they play at Homecoming?
It’s a reasonable question
HORNED DAWGS 49-0
West Virginia at Baylor
Get your lighter fluid ready Mountaineer fans…..
Light those Couches!
MOUNTAINEERS 44-10
Arizona at California
Much like you I think it’s time for another Chuck Norris factoid….
Did you know….
The original title for Alien vs. Predator was Alien and Predator vs. Chuck Norris
The film was cancelled shortly after going into preproduction because no one would pay nine dollars to see a movie fourteen seconds long.
DA BEARS 28-24
North Alabama at Central Washington
It’s a long flight…..
Different time zone…..
I still believe
FLORENCE LIONS 33-28
Wyoming at Boise State
Cowboy…Down
BRONCO’S 41-24
Colorado at Washington State
Despite the Upset last week…….
Pirate Mike’s Cougars are for real…
Believe it
MIKE’S CATS 33-28
Next Week….
As you have come to expect from Your Favorite College Football Prognosticator
Your Week 9 College Football Picks will be on the wire by next Thursday
I am working on several stories for Mikerights.com edition next week as well
So Stay Tuned…
One More Thing….
I can’t thank you all enough for reading The CFB Wizard and Mikerights.com and thank you so much to those who purchased my book “Sunnyside Up”.
So on behalf of both Doc and Myself, “Thank you”, we appreciate it
Don’t forget to be good to yourself and to those around you this week and always…
Enjoy your weekend…
RTR
THE CFB WIZARD