Ladies and Gentlemen –
Here are we are halfway thru the 2015 College Football Season….
So much has changed hasn’t it?
It seems just like yesterday….
That everybody had dismissed the Clemson Tigers and The Florida Gators
All except Your Favorite College Football Prognosticator
You are Welcome America
Weekend Rewind….
Let’s get right to the good news shall we?
The CFB Wizard was the only person, sports service or whatever in the nation….
That Picked all THREE “Upsets” in the Top Ten last Saturday
NOT CBS, ESPN, ABC, NBC or even M.O.U.S.E.
Yes, Your Favorite College Football Prognosticator even picked Norwich’s first win of the season, if you can believe that
EDITORS NOTE: Much like Richard Petty and Elvis…..It’s good to be the King.
I would say this past week’s picks embodied my personal motto….
“Anything worth doing is worth over doing”
EDITORS NOTE: My motto may explain a restraining order I have been served with recently. What does “stalker” even mean?
It sounds like a made up word to me.
And not for nothing…
But Gretchen Wilson didn’t have to have her attorney send me that, I am just saying.
Just call me girl we can work this out…That’s all I’m saying.
Sorry I was distracted there for a minute, but Week 5 The CFB Wizard was 49 and 15 or 77% and after five weeks Your (Very) Favorite and (Adored) College Football (Beloved) Prognosticator is currently 302 and 54 or resting comfortably at 84%.
Now for the “bad” news if you will…..
The attorney here at The CFB Wizard Headquarters (Inc) Larry “Loopy” Lansford, has informed yours truly that I have violated my sponsorships agreements with each and everyone of my sponsors for the past two years by not “plugging” them during the seasons.
I thought I could mention them all in one sentence like a NASCAR driver does but apparently that violates another of my sponsorship agreements.
So I have a lot of ground to make up this week, but I will try not to overwhelm or annoy you with advertisers throughout this week’s article.
It is my goal to subliminally weave these many vital sponsors to The CFB Wizard throughout this week picks.
I am sure it will be so seamless, that you will hardly even notice.
We will return to our normal format next week
Enjoy your games….
SOUTH GEORGIA FOOTBALL NEWS and VIEWS
Greetings from the Heart of SEC Country!!!!
Coach Kevin Burleson wanted to turn the season around last Friday night and he did exactly that. The Gladiators of South Third defended their Coliseum admirably as they turned the visiting Patriots of Rochelle away to the tune of a 26-6 route. Tyrese Ellis was a beast on both sides of the ball and Brandon Mackey absolutely shredded the visitors as they built up a big lead early and never looked back. The entire town of McRae made their presence known and the boys didn’t let them down as they had an outstanding effort on this night. On tap for the Boys in Blue is a trip down to Pearson to take on the Confederates of Atkinson County in another big Region 2A showdown. Let’s travel down there and pack the house and show our Trojan Pride!!!
The rains that settled in over the State of Georgia proved to be a gloomy portent of things to come on Saturday as the homestanding Clark County Canines took on a pack of feisty pachyderms in a contest that got out of hand by halftime and went South from there. The Tide, who played as if their backs were to the wall, traded punches with the Hounds for just over a quarter and then the wheels fell off. A blocked punt returned for a TD completely changed the complexion of the game and from there it was just a matter of watching Bama run up and down the field. I’m proud of our boys and our Coach but we’ve got to turn things around quick as we have to travel to Neyland Stadium to take on a wounded Vols squad, followed by a visit from the Cats of Columbia and a gala affair in Jacksonville with a guest appearance from a resurgent bunch of Nasty Reptiles of Gainesville.
In the meantime, the results weren’t much better up on North Avenue as the Slide Rule Jocks had the lead removed from their pencils as the Blue Goats of Chapel Hill came back from 21 down to wreck the Trade School by a 38-31 score. This exercise in futility resulted in the 3rd straight loss for the Bumbling Bees as they not only dropped like a rock from the top 25 but also continue to fall like the rains that have swamped our fair state. It doesn’t get much easier for the Wreck as they travel to Clemson for what, at first glance, looks like another notch in the “L” column.
But, the news wasn’t all bad for our State as the Blue Birds of the ‘Boro flew the coop to take on the Warhawks of Louisiana-Monroe in another big Sun Belt matchup. Matt “The Mauler” Breida ground out 149 yards and visited the end zone twice as the Fair Fowl of Southeast Georgia built up a 31-10 halftime lead. The Hawks tried to make a game of it as they scored 24 straight to get within 7, but Coach Willie Fritz had the offense put the pedal to the metal and the affair ended with the Birds comfortably leading 51-31. The Eagles will take a much deserved break next week and then entertain the Agriculturalist of New Mexico State in their continued bid to take the Sun Belt Championship for the second straight year.
Things I think:
Georgia rushing championship race – Breida: 149 yards/2 TD’s(Season: 738yds) Chubb: 146 yards/1 TD(Season: 745 yds) Ironically, Breida has only 73 carries vs Chubbs 91.
Week 5 – Not what I expected. Some teams that weren’t supposed to struggled. Some teams that at the beginning of the season looked pedestrian, well, looked good
Mississippi State – You didn’t come back for this Dak. I think the Bulldogs were a little overrated
Ole Miss – Didn’t see this one coming. The Swamp is a tough place to play, but, Holy Cow.
Florida – That game in Jacksonville looks a whoooooole lot different this week
Ohio State – How bout them Hoosiers. For your sake you better just be cruising as you await your Wolverine and Spartan brethren in November
Charlie Strong – I’m not a fire the coach guy. I’m not one to suggest regime change. But I will say this. Charlie, for your own good……
Tennessee – Finebaum has been interesting this week
Alabama – Next time you feel your backs are against the wall, do it before Auburn, A&M, Arkansas, anybody but Georgia….
South Carolina – I thought that the 52-20 score was partly about payback for years of torment from the HBC, but now it appears that you really are on the verge of a disaster in Columbia.
The Polls – After lackluster performances, Michigan State fell but Ohio State held on to number 1? Hopefully, like last year, the CFB Committee won’t be afraid to drop a number one who is playing like a middle of the pack team.
Clemson – Moved into the upper echelon after the Notre Dame win. Smooth sailing until November 7th.
LSU – You’d do well to figure out how to win in other ways besides riding young Leonard. Being one dimensional won’t bode well for you with A&M and Bama on the horizon
Pac 12 – Right now all I see is one power out west. Utah. And you’re supposed to be on par with the SEC?
Michigan – That early loss doesn’t look quite so bad right now
Well, That’s it for now. Hope everyone’s team wins and you have a great week.
And remember; make sure you support your local High School Athletics.
These are your future collegians of tomorrow.
Until next time,
I’m Harley Hanesworth
THE GAMES
Thursday, October 8
Southern Methodist at Houston
I am going with the first “Upset” of the Week on this one
Roll Ponies Roll
MIGHTY MUSTANGS 41-38
Washington at Southern California
I know that many Husky Fans are depressed over their team this year…
I am right there with you
For deep depression caused by your college football teams performance
Try “Zoloft”…..
TROJANS 34-17
EDITORS NOTE: Possible side effects of Zoloft may include….
Irritability
Screaming at your kids when your team doesn’t make 4th and two…
Migraine headaches
Thoughts of killing your favorite team’s athletic director
An uncontrollable urge to purchase a pet lemur monkey
And anal leakage
Friday, October 9
Southern Mississippi at Marshall
Sorry my dear friends from Mississippi….
WE ARE MARSHALL 34-17
North Carolina State at Virginia Tech
“IF” the Turkeys don’t win this game….
Then I am done with them for the year
(I am serious)
HOKIES 28-24
Saturday, October 10
Wake Forest at Boston College
I recognize that this may not be regionally pertinent…
(But I have job to do here folks…)
“IF” you are in or around Muncie Indiana this weekend…
(And I can’t imagine why you would be..)
Then you should try “Indiana Fried Chicken”
It makes a great tailgating experience….
You may have seen or heard their recent advertisements…
“NO we aren’t KFC!
Our chicken tastes like rancid bacon that was rolled in sawdust!”
YUM!
CHESNUT HILL EAGLES 31-24
EDITORS NOTE: It may be time to have a little “talk” with the sales staff of The CFB Wizard, I don’t like where this is going
Georgia Tech at Clemson
No let down, no Irish Hangover….
I told you these Tigers were the “real thing”
Just like a delicious Coke a Cola……
DABO’S TIGERS 34-21
Norwich at Gallaudet
I cannot believe these colleges that can’t pronounce or spell things properly
It’s “Gall Dern It” (Get it right people)
CADETS 24-21
Brevard College at Carson-Newman
“Brevard” sounds like the name of a rich kid with a bicycle that has chrome wheels
The jackass…
SPARK’S EAGLES 41-21
Alderson-Broaddus at Duquesne
In the event you have a speech impediment do not attempt to pronounce these two teams in quick succession, or you will swallow your tongue.
DUQI HOWSER 24-21
EDITORS NOTE: On second thought…Isn’t the name of that one school supposed to be…“Alderson Broad-Ass”…
Delta State at Shorter
Last week my beloved Okra got unexpectedly fried…..
Not so this week, they are coming out of the tunnel
FIGHTING OKRA 41-17
Arkansas at Alabama
I have some dear friends in Razorback Country….
My pick isn’t personal
This is just business
CRIMSON TIDE 28-17
Troy at Mississippi State
Poor Ole Troy….
That boy is fixing to get dog bit
BULLY DOGS 38-14
Florida at Missouri
This game will be close for a while…..
Then it’s all………..
MIGHTY GATORS 34-20
New Mexico State at Ole Miss
Seriously, what makes the foam rubber black bear mascot a “rebel”?
Does he ride a Harley?
Is the foam rubber black bear a loner?
Does he wear his hair like Elvis?
So many questions, so few answers
FOAM RUBBER REBEL BLACK BEARS 55-10
LSU at South Carolina
As of this posting, this game will be played in Baton Rouge due to the recent flooding in the Great State of South Carolina. Pray for those folks in my adopted state…
God Bless you all….
HEY FIGHTN’ TIGERS 41-17
Georgia at Tennessee
The Dogs are mad, the Vowels are reeling and their fans are hating..
(That sums it up nicely)
HUNKER DOWN DAWGS 34-17
Oregon State at Arizona
Before we get to this particular “pick”…..
Few things go better with a college football game than a pizza..
So why not order the best Chinese Pizza in the Southwest
Quan Chang’s Chinese Pizza
“We no care what health department say, there No flea collar on our Pizza!
ROD’S CATS 44-21
Harvard at Cornell
Nobody cares….
Northern Iowa at North Dakota State
This one is going to get out of hand quickly..
Believe it
MIGHTY BISON 38-17
Idaho State at North Dakota
I think these Potatoes are going to be turned into soup in this one
THE FIGHTING SIOUX 44-21
Colorado at Arizona State
If you desire something more sophisticated for your tailgating needs..
Why not try..
Quan Chang’s Frozen Sushi, available in the frozen food section in select stores.
You know what Chang says about his Sushi….
“When last time you get Salmonella? It Good!”
SUN DEVILS 51-10
EDITORS NOTE: Don’t judge me..
These are the only sponsors I could get
California at Utah
So Two Utes walk into a bar with a bear…..
Stop me if you have heard this one before
TWO UTES 38-24
Washington State at Oregon
I am sure this game will be challenging for both teams.
But do you know what is really challenging into today’s world?
Finding a Christmas or a Birthday gift for a child that is both fun and educational
Then why not consider the Hasbro Resus Monkey Dental Kit, also makers of the Hamster Proctology Kit and the Gerbil colon flusher, it’s hours and hours of Fun AND it’s educational for children of all ages.
(Anesthesia and Medical Malpractice Insurance is not included)
QUACKERS 44-14
EDITORS NOTE: Please don’t judge me; at this point I am embarrassed for myself
Baylor at Kansas
One Question…
Why?
DA BEARS 245-3
Texas Christian at Kansas State
I am afraid that Bill’s Cats are out Frogged in this one
HORNED FROGS 44-21
Oklahoma at Texas
The Red River Rivalry
The Sooners and The Longhorns
Dallas Texas….
Damn it, Just Damn it
BOOMER DAMN SOONERS 44-10
Iowa State at Texas Tech
I know, I know….
I have picked the Red Raiders two weeks in a row and lost….
We are riding in the right direction this weekend
GET THOSE GUNS UP!
RED RAIDERS 41-21
Oklahoma State at West Virginia
If you are traveling to Morgantown to see your beloved Mountaineers play…..
What do you do when you have an uncontrollable urge to burn a couch?
Wait till you get back home? Heck NO you don’t!
Go to Homer’s Used Couch and Consignment Furniture Emporium in Morgantown!
It’s like Homer always says, “Everything we have is Flammable!”
COWBOYS 44-41
East Carolina at Brigham Young
The Cougars have slipped a bit lately…
But these kids are tough (especially at home..)
COUGARS 41-21
Connecticut at Central Florida
This one is a toss-up (Yes I am serious)
O’ SO GOLDEN KNIGHTS 34-31
Wyoming at Air Force
Two Words….
“Bombs Away..”
FALCONS 34-24
Miami (FL) at Florida State
I can remember when this game was called “Thieves and Thugs”
Now it’s just the “Thugs”
That is sort of sad in a weird way….
CRIMINOLES 34-17
Virginia at Pittsburgh
After a big win against your most hated rival…
Nothing tastes sweeter than some Keebler’s Monkey Clumps!
This year with even more real monkey clumps!
PANTHERS 24-21
EDITORS NOTE: That doesn’t sound right to me…
Southern Nazarene at Arkansas-Monticello
This season I believe….
I think Bo has been Weevil-ed
NAZZZZZZZZZ 33-10
Ouachita Baptist at Arkansas Tech
No “upsets” for the boys from Tech this week…
But a Baptism is however on the Church Bulletin
GOTCHA BAPTIST 31-21
Syracuse at South Florida
I truly wish I cared…
But I don’t
URANGE 24-21
Wisconsin at Nebraska
This Big Ten (Twenty Two…) Conference Rivalry is played for the “Freedom Trophy”
Soon to be changed to “Enjoy Your Freedom While You Still Got It Trophy”
CHEESE MEN 38-17
Minnesota at Purdue
What do you do with a child with a lisp or a slight speech impediment?
You are probably asking yourself, “How can I help them?”
The answer you have been searching for is here…
Mike Tyson’s “Hooked on Phonics”
The children will feel empowered with new found confidence when they realize that they can speak better and pronounce words clearer than….
The former Heavyweight Champion of the world!
As Mike likes to say “This sysim is Tee-wiff-ic!”
O’ SO Very GOLDEN GOPHERS 33-17
Middle Tennessee at Western Kentucky
They call this rivalry…
“100 Miles of Hate”
Buckle Up in Bowling Green, it’s going to be a long day
HILLTOPPERS 34-31
Appalachian State at Georgia State
I am a Appalachian-American….
And we hyphenated American’s have got to stick together..
(Don’t make me break a damn banjo out on you)
MOUNTAINEERS 28-14
Northwestern at Michigan
There is nothing like saying you are “prepared” for game day…
Like dipping into your “survival” stash of “Yoder’s Canned Meat and Cheese”
Sure that stuff will last a hundred years…
And you know it’s all probably harder than woodpecker lips..
But after you gnaw on it a while, you know it will be delicious!
Yoder’s Canned Meat and Cheese!
WOLVERINES 28-24
EDITORS NOTE: Kill Me now…
Texas State at Louisiana Lafayette
The Cajuns haven’t been doing to much Rajun the past few weeks…
That all changes in Lafayette on Saturday Night
RAJUN CAJUNS 38-17
Maryland at Ohio State
Who doesn’t love a good pork rind, am I right?
I know I do, but some of those delicious things are too filling.
So why not try the only premium Arab diet pork rind sold in America
Abu Mohammad’s Diet Pork Rinds!
There is an inscription on every diet pork rind in Arabic!
“Death to Infidels!” or “Israel must Die!” or even “I got your Jihad right here!”
Pick up a bag of them today!
BUCKEYES 121-3
EDITORS NOTE: Look on the bright side….
Abu Mohammad isn’t selling “Bomber Jackets”
Indiana at Penn State
I can hardly believe I am making this pick..
HOOSIERS 28-17
Weber State at Montana
I don’t know about the boys from the Grill and Smoker College..
But I do know a thing or two about the boys from Big Sky Country
GRIZZZZZZZZ 41-10
Sacramento State at Montana State
There is no way that I am picking a California college against anything from the Big Sky
It’s a Rule…
BOB’S CATS 38-34
Illinois at Iowa
This Big Ten (Isn’t it sixteen?) Conference rivalry is played for the coveted…
“Victory Sock Monkey”
Which ironically can be purchased from Aunt Marie’s Sock Monkey’s Emporium
The most recent addition to her collection which are available for purchase are the…
“Mr. T” Sock Monkey
And don’t you “pity the fool” who doesn’t have one of these gems?
OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA
HAWKEYES 28-17
EDITORS NOTE: I can’t do this sponsor thing any more…Good Lord
Duke at Army
Can’t they both lose?
(Sometimes I wish for too much)
BLUE DEVILS 3-2
Miami (OH) at Ohio
The Cradle of Coaches is taking it on the chin this year….
Damn it..
FRANK’S CATS 33-14
Eureka College at Westminster
What the hell are those people from the “Dog Show” doing playing football?
If they hurt one of those dogs and I am whipping somebody’s ass
EUREKA! 21-17
St. Olaf College at Gustavus Adolphus
I am always suspect when this many German’s get together and drink beer…
(If I was France I would be nervous as hell)
OLE GUS 31-14
Valdosta State at West Georgia
The Blazers bounce back this week after a loss to the Mighty Florence Lions
Believe it
BLAZZZZZZZZZZZ 31-17
North Alabama at Western Oregon
What’s “West” of Oregon, the Pacific Ocean, right?
This is dumb as hell…
MIGHTY FLORENCE LIONS 33-28
Kent State at Toledo
I am sure this is some kind of “rivalry” in northern Ohio
And I am equally sure that I don’t care..
GOLDEN FLASHES 38-17
Navy at Notre Dame
My Midshipmen will keep it close….
But not close enough…
FIHGTINGG IRRISSH 41-24
Boise State at Colorado State
Let me remind you all once again…
These Broncos are for real (again) this year
BRONCO’S 38-21
Louisiana Tech at Texas San Antonio
I “almost” called for an “Upset” on this one….
(Almost)
BULLDOGS 34-31
Michigan State at Rutgers
Yippee another Big Ten (Or something) Conference “Rivalry”
It’s in New Jersey…
So it must be played for the “Car Jacked Trophy”
That’s it…
SPARTANS 41-10
Next Week….
Your “Lucky” Week 7 College Football Picks will be out (early) as you might expect…
There will be some surprises for you next week…
(Yes I am serious)
So Stay Tuned
One More Thing…
I have been remise in thanking you all for reading this college football blog week after week along with Mikerights.com while riding along with me through so many seasons. In death, disease and deployments you have been with me through it all.
I will never be able to thank you all enough
God Bless you all
Enjoy Your Weekend
RTR
THE CFB WIZARD