College Football Picks Week 9

October 23, 2014

Ladies and Gentlemen-

This past week marks two “firsts” for the 2014 season

I received more hate mail in the past week than I have the entire year combined

(Maybe there’s a full moon)

And the Fighting Okra of Delta State lost their first game of the season

(Damn it)

Weekend Rewind…..

I knew things weren’t going to go well with Your Favorite College Football Prognosticator last week when I was 0 and 3 going into Saturday’s games.

Then The Mighty undefeated Fighting Okra of Delta State went down…

But all in all The CFB Wizard finished last week at a rather disappointing 37 and 13 or 74% for the 8th week of the College Football season.

That leaves us at 348 and 91 or 79% for the 2014 season.

Now I would like to take a minute to address some of the “hate” mail I received last week

Last week I was called on numerous occasions a “racist”

My response…

“I have always been a hundred yard dash man, but I don’t race that much anymore”

In a various emails last week I was called a “homophobe”

My response…

“I have done a lot of crazy things, but I don’t recall ever “Phobing” anybody”

In several emails I was referred to as a “sexist”

My response…

“Well that’s were you’re wrong, I don’t text naughty pictures of myself”

I was also called “Politically Incorrect” numerous (numerous) times last week

My response…

“Guilty as Charged”

In more than a few emails I was said to have contracted something called “xenophobia”

My response…

“For your information I have never played a xylophone in my entire life!”

And last, but certainly not least, I was called in a couple of emails….

“A dumbass illiterate redneck from the South that doesn’t know anything about football”

My response…

“Your anger towards my distinguished self and the South is misplaced, perhaps you would feel better owning your very own “Grit Tree” in which to pick your very own Southern Grits from and or to use as a conversation piece when you and your northern friends are espousing on the wonderful attributes of Toledo, Newark or Detroit or wherever you are from.

Where can one find such a unique conversation piece you might ask?

You may purchase said “Grit Tree” from yours truly and for a limited time only (For my northern friends) the cost is on $99.99 (plus postage and handling). Please make your checks out to RTR Farm in care of Your Favorite College Football Prognosticator”

You’re Welcome


Greetings from the Heart of SEC Country!!!

 It was a great weekend for football here in Southeast Georgia as the Trojans of Telfair took on the Rebels of Atkinson Country in a big Region 2A slugfest on Saturday night. The homestanding Gladiators of South Third jumped out to a 13-0 halftime lead only to see the Confederates mount a furious counterattack before finally hanging on for a 28-24 win. This game was nip and tuck for the entire 2nd half as these two teams looked like Ali-Frazier in a frenzied slugfest. The freshman, Ian Blankenship, again came up big for the Boys in blue going 6 for 17 and a touchdown in the passing department to go with 52 yards and 2 TD’s on the ground.. Senior Gage Harrelson came up big on the defensive side of the ball with 13 total tackles. And Sophomore Tyrone Taylor carried the load on the ground with almost 80 yards on 8 carries and a touchdown. Next up for the Trojans is a visit from the always tough Indians of Charlton County who make the long trip up from Folkston in a battle for conference supremacy. We need a big turnout next week, folks. So let’s be loud and proud down in the Coliseum of South 3rd. See ya there!!!

Saturday in Little Rock was a monumental day for the Junkyard Dawgs. Not only did they dispel the myth that they were a one dimensional team without Todd Gurley, but they proved that the one sided skirmish with the Kitties of Columbia (West) was no fluke. Nick Chubb again took advantage of his opportunity to shine in Gurley’s absence to the tune of over 200 yards on 30 carries. Hutson Mason came up with some key passes including a big TD pass to Chris Conley to put the game out of reach. And the D came up with some big stops as the Cow College left War Memorial Stadium waiting for their first SEC win in forever with a big 45-32 win. Next up for the Canines is a visit to Jacksonville for a Cocktail Party after a well-deserved bye week as they continue on their quest for that elusive SEC Championship.

Meanwhile, the Slide Rule Jocks came up with a formula that didn’t add up as they fell to the Heels of Chapel Hill by a 48-43 score. But, with the Wreck holding a slim 43-42 lead on the Blue Carolinians, the D couldn’t hang on as North Carolina scored a touchdown with only 11 seconds left to seal the deal. Next up for the Trade School is a trip to Pennsylvania to take on the Cats of Pittsburg and another attempt to right the ship. The Angry Birds of Statesboro will make the short trip to Hot’lanta for a date with the Felines of Georgia State this Saturday as they attempt to march on to a Sun Belt Championship in their first year in the league. The Cats sit at the Bottom of the conference but always prove to play touch at the Dome.

 Things I think:

 Georgia – Keep Churning with Chubb

 Alabama – The reports of your demise have been greatly exaggerated

 Arkansas – Still trying to get that first conference win for Bielema

 Florida – Hate to see the fans turning on a coach like they did Saturday

 South Carolina – You’re at a turning point. Time to see what you’re really made of

 Mississippi State – In the driver’s seat and perched atop the polls. Can you do this all season?

 Ole Miss – One slip up from those hated Dawgs and you’re up there yourselves.

 Florida State – Coach Fischer has to “coach” his QB not only on the field but on post-game comment preparation. Proof positive he doesn’t get it

Notre Dame – Nice try. Never been a Domer….But I was for a few hours Saturday night.

The Pundits – The comments these people get paid to make always amazes me.

I’m not even sure they really believe what they say. But, they’ve got to say something to keep people pouring over their columns and listening to their shows. Speculation on Muschamp is rampant. Why Florida should get rid of him now. Why they should wait.

The big discussion about Bama and their certain fall. But when you look at it, they’re getting paid, in essence, to fill air time between games. That’s it. They really serve no other purpose. And they are rewarded handsomely for these pretty much useless efforts.

But we watch…. and read…. and listen….. Because we are starved for news of what’s going on with our teams and the heroes that play for them. That, in essence, is where the world of sports media is today.

Well, That’s it for now. Hope everyone’s team wins and you have a great week.
And remember; make sure you support your local High School Athletics.
These are your future collegians of tomorrow.

Until next time,
I’m Harley Hanesworth


Q: Dear Mister CFB Wizard
We are having a bet here at work and are in hopes that you will settle the debate for us once and for all.

So where are you all from exactly?

Ted – Cleveland, Ohio

A: I all is exactly from Alabama

EDITORS NOTE: Ted made the classic mistake in this email of trying to substitute the Southern term “ya’ll” (which is plural) for the northern saying of “You All”.

Consider yourself duly corrected Ted


Tuesday October 21

Arkansas State at Louisiana-Lafayette
I don’t often guarantee an outcome of a contest or the score of a game
But I am very (very) confident about this pick

Thursday October 23

Connecticut at East Carolina
I spent the last fifteen minutes on this pick trying to think of something (anything) nice to say about the state of Connecticut…
(I’m still thinking….)

Miami (FL) at Virginia Tech
Two points to be made about this particular contest
I haven’t seen any turkeys so far this fall hunting season…
And I haven’t seen the Tech Turkeys show up since the Buckeye game

Friday October 24

South Florida at Cincinnati
When the air outside starts to cool and the leaves begin to turn colors….
It’s the perfect time for some hot chili…
I am going with the Boys from the Home of Skyline and Gold Star in this one
(Their chili is delicious)

Brigham Young at Boise State
The cougars haven’t been the same since they lost their quarterback…..
But they will keep this one close….
BRONCO’S 34-31

Oregon at California
This will be the best college football game on at midnight Friday EST!!!
Of course it’s also the only game on at that time of the night..
But I don’t want the facts to ruin it for anybody

Saturday Oct 24

Texas at Kansas State
My trembling hands can’t believe I am actually writing this…..
(I am ashamed of myself)

Rutgers at Nebraska
The couple at the beginning of that horror movie in the cornfield will fair better than the Scarlett Knights in Lincoln, Believe it

UAB at Arkansas
The other day I caught a northern commentator on ESPN refer to the University of Arkansas football team as the “hugs” of course he is the same guy that pronounces the Atlanta professional football team as the “FALL-cuns”.
Let me take a moment, to give another of my northern brethren a brief (but so very important) lesson in Southern diction…
It’s pronounced “HAWGS” as in “HAW-GGGS” (You got to say it from your throat)
HAWGS 41-17

Arkansas-Monticello at Southern Nazarene
I know I am going out on a limb here…..
But I am going with the old adage here
“Weevils may wobble but they won’t fall down”

Memphis at Southern Methodist
You can call this one an “Upset” if you want too….
But I am saying “Come ON Ponies!”

North Carolina at Virginia
I will admit it…
I have been far to cavalier about picking Virginia this season…
My apologies

Minnesota at Illinois
This Big Ten (or something..) Rivalry….
Has been played each year since 1900 for the coveted “Rhesus Monkey Grinder”
I don’t know what that is exactly, but it’s probably racist

North Dakota State at South Dakota
This isn’t the “Dakota Marker” rivalry, but it’s still a good one….
Let the stampede begin….

Maryland at Wisconsin
I cannot in good conscience pull for the Maryland multi-colored ugly ass uniform turtles…Primarily because their uniforms are the leading cause of seizures in America.

San Jose State at Navy
I have to take a stand in this game….
We have far too many people from Latin America invading our country illegally for me to pick a team with “Jose’” in the name. Sorry, But Somebody had to say it…

Georgia Southern at Georgia State
I have noticed (Because I notice such things…)
That there are an unusually high number of litter box commercials on television when a particular college football team with a feline name is playing.
Coincidence….I think not

Montana at Cal Poly
Does Polly want a cracker?
Then how about a big mean grizzly bear that looks like an angry Wynonna at a Weight Watchers meeting?

Texas State at Louisiana-Monroe
The Bobcats will keep this one close….
But this game belongs to the Boys from West Monroe

UCLA at Colorado
Despite the Bruins “multiple playing personality disorder” or MPPD
(That’s a condition where you never know which team is going to show up…)
I still think they can and will defeat the stumbling, bumbling buffaloes

West Georgia at North Alabama
The Mighty Lions of Florence are roaring towards a clash with the once beaten Fighting Okra of Delta State for the conference title and shot at the “Big Time”

Mississippi State at Kentucky
I have received a number of emails this past week from several Wildcat faithful asking…
“Will the Wildcats keep this one close against the Bulldogs?”
My answer is “Yes”……
Until they hear “And the Home of the Brave….”
Then they will be fourteen points down

Michigan at Michigan State
This Big Ten (or is it sixteen?) Rivalry in the Land of the Frozen Tundra…
Is played each year for the “Paul Bunyan Trophy”
Interesting enough this may be the game that Coach Brady of Michigan get’s the Ax

Texas Tech at Texas Christian
I was asked recently…..
“How can you tell the difference between a Horned Frog and a regular Frog?”
A Horned Frog can be seen out and about with a large zodiac medallion around their neck and smelling like they put cologne on with a pump sprayer; bad toupees and or comb-over’s are optional

West Virginia at Oklahoma State
There will be more scoring in this one game…..
Than Bill Clinton does at an intern’s convention
(Hard to believe, but true…)

Oregon State at Stanford
If you are looking for some inappropriate comments or story here about…
“The Cardinal and the Beaver”
Then you will be disappointed
I will not stoop so low as to make such vulgar and inappropriate jokes
(I am saving those for next week)

Arkansas Tech at Ouachita Baptist
Get the baptismal ready……
Because Tech is going to get dunked on Saturday

Florida Atlantic at Marshall
Huntington West Virginia on a beautiful autumn afternoon for a college football game…
If you haven’t ever been there to see it, you need to

Georgia Tech at Pittsburgh
I received an email recently from a Pittsburgh fan asking….
“What do the Pittsburgh Panthers cheerleaders do after they score a touchdown?”
My answer….
“From what I can tell, they snort and stomp their hooves on the ground”
I hope that helps…

Louisiana Tech at Southern Miss
I would call this pick an “upset”…..
Since the golden eagles have played like caged canaries all season…

Boston College at Wake Forest
Slightly off the subject of this “titanic” matchup…
I have “invented” a word that I enjoy using at every inappropriate opportunity…
As in…..
“I’m sorry I’m late for the meeting, but I caught my Rascadango in the car door”
(I know what you are thinking…I need to get out more)

Delta State at West Alabama
The Mighty Okra rebound from getting fried last week…..
(Believe it)

Vanderbilt at Missouri
I do dearly love the Music City….
So I hate to say this to all my Nash-Vegas faithful
But I do believe that the Commodores ship has sunk this season

Old Dominion at Western Kentucky
The Toppers of Hills disappointed me last week against the Owls of Atlantic
I believe they will topple “geriatric” Dominion this week…
(I didn’t use the phrase “Old” for Dominion in the above sentence because I didn’t want to get hateful emails this week from nursing home residents…those emails always smell like apple sauce and prune juice)

UNLV at Utah State
I think this game will be uglier than Al Sharpton without any makeup
(In case you were wondering the military term for that degree of ugly is called “Fuggly”)
AGGIES 44-17

Arizona at Washington State
The defense “game plan” for both teams in this game can best be summed up with this….
“When in trouble or in doubt, run in circles scream and shout”
If that saying sounds familiar…
It also happens to be the motto for MSNBC
ROD’S CATS 44-41

Temple at Central Florida
I don’t know what it is….
Maybe I have had too much coffee this morning
But this game made me suddenly realize how much I miss Shirley Temple

North Greenville at Carson-Newman
After an early season loss……
Coach Sparks has the Eagles looking like a Championship contender
Believe it

Syracuse at Clemson
The Mighty Tigers have sustained more injuries lately than Zumba night at Fat Camp..
But they have more than enough talent to squeeze the orange out of Syracuse

Wyoming at Colorado State
This Western Rivalry has been played each year since 1899 for the coveted…
“Bronze Boot”
I am rolling with Coach Jim’s Boys in this one

Ole Miss at LSU
Since 1894 these two Southern neighbors have battled it out for the
“Magnolia Bowl Trophy”
Many Tiger fans are hoping for a Billy Cannon type “Halloween Miracle” this week
I don’t think it’s going to happen…
But I still get chills when I watch replays of Billy Cannon making that run

South Carolina at Auburn
The Ole Ball Coach has been “poor mouthing” his team for a week…..
So I will say this about that….
Just when you think Coach Steve doesn’t have a chance, he surprises you
“Upset Special!!!”

Alabama at Tennessee
This game is billed as “The Third Saturday in October”
It’s Republicans verses Democrats
It’s Cowboys verses Indians (The ones with feathers in their hair, not dots on their head)
It’s Oil and Water
It’s War

Ohio State at Penn State
Coach Franklins Lions will make this a game until the third quarter….
Then it’s all…

Shorter at Valdosta State
The “Shorter Hawks” still doesn’t make any sense to me at all….
They might be more motivated if they had an appropriate name wouldn’t you say?
I am still going with “Shorter Dwarfs”
It’s got a ring to it, don’t you think?

Southern California at Utah
I hate to upset the Two Utes here…..
(Primarily because I can’t stand all the crying and wailing)
But I am going “Upset” on this one…

Arizona State at Washington
The Mighty Huskies will keep this one close (closer than you think)
Don’t be surprised if this score goes the other way

Next Week….

Just in time for Halloween….

Your Week 10 College Football “Spook-tacular” Picks will be out next Thursday……

Along with a Halloween “surprise” or two for you to enjoy

So Stay Tuned…..

One More Thing….

As promised…..

There is a “new” story on this week in the continued series “High Crimes and Good Times” detailing one of the most humorous, and dare I say heroic acts ever committed by a United States Marine in the face of the enemy on United States soil.

I hope you enjoy it….

Enjoy Your Games



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