College Football Picks Week 8

October 16, 2014

Ladies and Gentlemen –

There is no point denying it….

I was wrong last week (as your numerous emails kindly pointed out)

And unlike our Government that blames everything on the “Intelligence Services”

I am willing to admit, when I am wrong

So let’s get too it


Last Week I picked both Mississippi State and Ole Miss to lose

Clearly I was wrong on both counts

To be honest, I didn’t think either team could be “on point” this past week after such emotional wins the previous week, once again I was wrong.

But if someone would have told me in August that the National Champion of College Football could possibly come from the winner of the “Egg Bowl”, I would have said

“Go home and sleep it off, you’re drunk”

So I say this with all conviction that the current Capitol of College Football resides in the Great State of Mississippi with not “one”, but “three” (Yes I said “Three”) undefeated teams in the Magnolia State.

The Mississippi State Bulldogs

The Ole Miss Rebels

And Of Course….

The Delta State Fighting Okra

Yes friends, if you know what’s good for you; You Better Fear the Okra


Weekend Rewind…..

Despite Your Favorite College Football Prognosticator missing all but one Pick from the Great State of Mississippi (Fear the Okra) last week, I was a much improved 41 and 9 or 82% of Week 7.

That leaves The CFB Wizard holding steady at 80% for the season at 311 and 78.

Not too bad, all things considered, if I do say so myself


Greetings from the Heart of SEC Country!!!

It’s was a quiet weekend on South 3rd Friday night as the Boys in Blue took a well-deserved bye week and began preparation for the final stretch of the season and a home date with the Insurgents from the South down in Pearson. The Rebs will be visiting our Coliseum in hopes of derailing our season and move back into the upper echelons of Region 2A. I’m sure Coach Burleson and his staff have an ample supply of smart pills on hand to stop this Rebel squad who are coming into the game with an identical 4-2 record. The Head man had this to say recently “You know, we’re getting better. We only had 39 kids on the team last year. This year it’s 51. And 21 of those are Freshmen. The middle school runs the same play book as the Varsity so they’re not lost when they get here. It’s been tough. We’ve had injuries. We’ve had some hiccups. But we’re getting better and are competitive.” Thanks, Coach. Everyone here in McRae appreciates the efforts.

The college football weekend started off with a bang, and it didn’t start Saturday. On Thursday we learned that Mr Everything running back Todd Gurley would not be available for the crucial Saturday matchup against the Felines of Faurot Field over in Columbia West. But the Red Clay Hounds didn’t let that stop them from turning Memorial Stadium into a Columbia Kitty graveyard as they mauled the Cats to the tune of 34-0. Nick Chubb churned out over 140 yards rushing while Hutson Mason was 22 for 28 with 150 plus yards and a TD in the passing department. He also added an acrobatic TD plunge which the Russians would have even been envious of should he decide to compete on the gymnastics circuit. The defense got their pound of flesh also as they limited Maty Mauk to 97 yards through the air and picked off the haggard QB 4 times.  Overall, an impressive win. Next up for the Cow College is a date with the suddenly lethal Hogs of Fayetteville in an attempt to maintain their dominant placement in the SEC East standings.

Meanwhile, up on North Avenue, the #22 Trade School came up on the short end of a 31-25 score against the resurgent Demonic Demons of Durham and ended a 10 year winless streak against the Sliderule Jocks. The back breaker was Tech’s porous D giving up 3 straight early second half scores which gave the visitors a 19 point lead. Next up for the Jackets is a trip to Chapel Hill to try to stop a North Click offense who has been throwing points on the scoreboard in bunches.

It was Homecoming this weekend in Statesboro and the Blue Raptors of Paulson gave the revelers plenty to celebrate as they vanquished the Vandals of Potato-land by a 47-24 score. The Nest was abuzz with excitement as the Coach Fritz’s Birds build up a 33-10 lead late in the 3rd, only to see these Delinquints of the Kibbie Dome make a run and close the gap to 9 after a Kevin Ellison fumble at the Southern 19 yard line. The game still appeared to be in doubt until a 26 yard Pick Six by Matt Dobson sealed the deal. This was indeed a monumental win as no other Sun Belt newcomer has ever reeled off 4 straight conference wins to start a season. The Angry Birds will take a week off and prepare for another trip to Atlanta in hopes of adding to the misery of the 1-5 Kittens of Georgia State in the Georgia Dome.

Things I think:

Arkansas – I agree with the talking heads. They’re looking pretty good right now. That game could have gone either way

Bama – I don’t agree with the assessment that the “Dynasty” is over (A carefully conceived description by Finebaum designed to stir up things up in the name of ratings) or that there ever was a dynasty. This isn’t Pro Football or Baseball where you have what is basically  the same roster for years on end. Constant turnover means an ever changing landscape. It’s been a “good run” and should continue.

Mississippi (The State) – Once disdained as a laughing stock. Now? Everybody in the College Football universe envy’s you. Enjoy

Ole Miss – Nice, convincing win…. once again. Bo is good and the D rose to the occasion Saturday night.

Mississippi State – Impressive. Almost lost focus but you kept things on track. 3 weeks. 3 SEC wins. Enjoy the well-deserved week off

Underdogs – Don’t know about you, but I like to see underdogs win. I pulled for both Magnolia State teams again Saturday. But now I’m conflicted.
Are they still underdogs now that they’re ranked this high?

Cinderella – She wears maroon and she wears blue. Don’t lose your slipper in the coming weeks. Traps await you on “Hugh and Dan’s Excellent Adventure”

Florida – Muschamp lives to coach another week. I have and will never be a proponent of regime change from my little niche on this site so that is not the intent of the comment. Honestly, I just don’t know if Will can survive the season.

South Carolina – With every week that goes by, the losses look worse and the wins look bigger. A&M looks weaker with every passing week. This last Missouri game really makes you look bad. But Kentucky and Georgia keep winning. You guys really confuse me. Are you that bad or are you having an unusual spate of “inexplicable” losses you seem to have every year?

Integrity – I have never been prouder of my Georgia Bulldogs than I have been over the last few days. Todd Gurley apparently ran afoul of NCAA regulations and was promptly suspended until an investigation was completed. This created much angst and gnashing of teeth amongst Bulldog Nation because, let’s face it, Nick Chubb is not Todd Gurley and after him, the depth chart looks pretty bleak.

But the point is that despite the prospect of losing a big game against a quality opponent which could have significant ramifications in the standings, the University of Georgia made the hard call.

They made the right call.

I’m not a pious or self-righteous man who stands on a pedestal and piously throws stones at others, but this series of events runs completely contrary to the way FSU has handled the Jameis Winston situation.

There are two investigative articles in the New York Times and one by Fox Sports which seem to indicate that Florida State University has an entirely different set of values. That is, everyone from the Athletic Department to the Administration has had a hand in covering up and hindering the process of getting to the bottom of some serious allegations regarding Winston. If what the articles seem to indicate is true, what does FSU really stand for?

Is winning a championship more important than a student who has alleged that she has been sexually assaulted?

Integrity: It’s a big word. It’s an important word. It’s a difficult word that, for some, don’t seem to know its meaning.

Well, That’s it for now. Hope everyone’s team wins and you have a great week.

And remember; make sure you support your local High School Athletics.
These are your future collegians of tomorrow.

Until next time,
I’m Harley Hanesworth


Q: Hey Wizard Man, I got me a problem and I need some help right now!

Me and Dorothy done went out last week, and I think we done went and got that damn Ebowla virus. Both our feet have been a itching and Dorothy is a saying that she don’t feel good and the virus is a spreading to her other foot.

We go to the same bowling alley every week cause we are in a league and never had a problem before.

Do you think we got that Ebowla virus from them damn rented shoes?

Cause we are Fixing to sue somebodies ass!


Todd Cabbage – Cross Plains, Tennessee

A: I’m just guessing because you’re a Tennessee Volunteer fan that you probably wore those rented bowling shoes barefooted.

Which is just nasty….

Q: Dear Sir,

I would like you to know that although you have recommended people not do this, I am getting married on November 1st, the day of the Michigan – Indiana game.

I was worried about this at first because most of my friends live in Ann Arbor and are HUGE Wolverine fans. But, do you know what?

My problems have been solved by none other than…. BRADY HOKE!!! That’s right!!!

Because our team sucks so bad this year, I won’t have to worry about making people mad with this 4 o’clock wedding on game day, and we’re almost guaranteed that there will be minimal traffic problems for our guests because nobody will want to go to the game!!!

So, if you don’t have anything to do, come on up and watch us get hitched!!!

Love ya,

Miley Cyprus – Ann Arbor, Michigan

A: Congratulations Miley on finding the silver lining in a miserable Wolverine season…..

Q: Dear Sir,
Did you see the results of last week’s football games? I mean, I know you did because you’re the Wizard, but WOW!!! We are all so happy down here in Jackson that we’re doing really special things for everybody down here at Aunt Edna’s Bake Shop.
We’ve got Frozen Freeze pops, Mullen Muffins, Baked Bo Banana Bread, and because we lead the state in morbidity rates due to excessive weight, some sugar free Knock Ya Nekkid Prescott Pound Cake!!! I mean, I’m going to tell you what!!!
We haven’t been this happy in the state of Mississippi since Reconstruction ended!!!!

Aunt Edna – Jackson, Mississippi

A: Aunt Edna, How about making some Frosted Okra Cakes?
Darling don’t forget those Delta State “Fighting Okra” are undefeated too.

Q: Sir,
Let me start this correspondence by saying that I am a big college football fan.
Although I think YOU are racist, sexist, and bigoted, I do find occasionally find some sophomoric humor in some of your weekly writings.

Although we don’t agree on many topics, I feel that we could sit down and share a bottle of Pinot Noir should the occasion arise. One topic I think we can agree on though is Todd Gurley from the University of Georgia.

I received a petition on the White House Website regarding Mr Gurley and his suspension and feel that this deserves the highest attention from my lofty position because it is a PERFECT example of income inequality. We in the Democratic Party have perfected the art of dividing the nation along racial and economic lines in order to maintain our political positions.

Adding this hot button topic fits perfectly into our vision of maintaining a majority in congress “One Victim at a Time.” Our strategists are fanning out to college campuses across the country to spread the word. I have instructed the Attorney General to pursue this matter with the utmost jurisprudence.

My Press Secretary has been ordered to craft a message which will resonate with all college football players and recruits across the nation to inspire them to the highest magnitude of victimhood that they can achieve.

We will prevail, sir, because I, and all fellow Democrats have never come across a victim that they didn’t want to exploit.

B. Obama
United States of America

A: I’m stunned….

You actually told the truth there for a moment


ESPN COLLEGE GAMEDAY: Congratulations you got it right last week with your “Guest Picker”; someone who “actually” went to Mississippi State University

After the past two weeks I was half expecting to see “George Michael and WAM!”

REJECTED: Slightly off the subject of college football news….

I was “rejected” again this past week by a perspective publisher

Would you like to know why I was rejected?

Because they said I was a “racist”


Because they took this one line out of the story “Color Me Bad” on

In case you forgot or perhaps are unaware this is what I wrote concerning one particular color in the story of useful crayon colors for grownups…

“Illegal Alien” or “Undocumented Crayon” (Light to Medium Brown)

So after everything I sent them, writing that one sentence makes me a racist

I wonder if any of those smart publishing people are aware that nobody from Sweden or Norway is currently crossing our Southern borders illegally.

It’s a legitimate question

It occurred to me this past week, with all the rhetoric about athletic uniforms, school colors etc that “if” some schools are going to ignore and discard their official school colors then perhaps it’s time for a few “mascot makeovers” as well. Here are but a few of my ground breaking ideas…..

SHORTER: Shorter College official mascot and team nickname is the “Hawks”

Shorter Hawks, seriously that doesn’t make any sense at all.

What’s a “short” Hawk anyway? I don’t get it, so how about this….

“The Shorter Dwarfs”……Doesn’t that make sense?

That goes together like peanut butter and jelly

They can even have an angry midget stalking the sidelines during the game

That would be both scary and intimidating

INDIANA: Let’s admit it….

Nobody knows what the hell a Hoosier actually is….

So how about this novel suggestion

“The Indiana Hooters”

Not only would they get an endorsement from a noted (and dare I say classy) restaurant chain, but they would also get a substantial upgrade in the attractiveness of their cheerleaders as well.

IOWA: A “Hawk’s Eye”, or “Hawkeyes”, it’s all too confusing and their current mascot looks like a third grade Paper Mache project gone horribly wrong.

My suggestion is simply this….

“The Iowa Popeye’s”

They could get the opportunity to use a beloved cartoon character as a mascot, but even more important; they could also get a sponsorship from a wonderful fried chicken franchise located in the heart of Louisiana.

I call that a “Win-Win”

The Buffalos of Colorado need a spark and I am not talking about them needing a light to fire up their legal marijuana fix.

No, what they need is a change of mascot that is still in keeping with their tradition of running on to the football field in pregame ceremonies with a big angry, hairy, difficult to control beast of a mammal.

My Suggestion….

“The Colorado Wynnona’s”

You’re Welcome America


Tuesday October 14

Louisiana-Lafayette at Texas State
I have never been more sure of anything in my life….

Thursday October 16

Virginia Tech at Pittsburgh
For some unknown reason I don’t have the same confidence in this pick as I do in my above prognostication.
HOKIES 28-24

Utah at Oregn State
I was going to say something here about Two Utes skinning a Beaver…
(But I thought that sounded kind of nasty)

Friday October 17

Fresno State at Boise State
This rivalry (yes folks, it’s a rivalry game)….
Is played each year for “The Milk Can”
(If you think I am going to make a Dolly Parton joke here, you’re wrong)
BRONCO’S 34-31

Temple at Houston
If all you have to do on this Friday night is too stay up and watch this game, then you need to get a hobby. I’m serious

Saturday October 18

Baylor at West Virginia
The lack of defense in these two teams is highly offensive to me
DA BEARS 101-89

Kansas State at Oklahoma
This one is going to be a tussle from start to finish….
Don’t leave your seats…

UC Davis at Montana
Forecast for the game…..
33 degrees, with a chance for rain and sleet with a sustained twenty mph wind
Welcome to Football Weather in Montana California Boys

Purdue at Minnesota
I dearly love these ancient Big Ten (or twenty something) rivalries don’t you?
This one is played for the “NBC Trophy”
Because No Body Cares…
(Seriously they don’t)

Iowa at Maryland
Warning: The subliminal message in this pick may have you purchasing and or grilling delicious, tasty chicken for college game day.
POPEYE’S 33-24

Indiana State at North Dakota State
The Sycamores from Indiana State considered changing their name last week to…
“The Suck a Mores”
But they were afraid they would be confused with the Michigan Wolverines

Furman at South Carolina
If Coach Steve’s Roosters can’t beat Chewbacca’s College then they better pack it in for the season

Western Kentucky at Florida Atlantic
To tell you the truth….
I don’t give a hoot about Florida Atlantic in this game

Tulane at Central Florida
Just a thought….
But I wonder since there are “Scarlett Knights” and Golden Knights” if there are any….
“Bedazzled Knights” ……I bet they are sparkly

Weber State at Montana State
Don’t get me wrong…
I think Weber makes some of the best grills and smokers in the world….
But their prowess in college football, not so much

Syracuse at Wake Forest
This game will be like watching geriatric patients on dollar steak night at the Sizzler
They will gnaw around for a while and then they will just get tired and quit.
URANGE 17-10

Virginia at Duke
There is a John Wayne Marathon on AMC this weekend….
(It’s a sign…)

Akron at Ohio
The Bobcats of Ohio have had a rocky few weeks……
I think they will rebound this week against Ricky Rocket

Delta State at West Georgia
In the immortal words of President Franklin D. Roosevelt
“The Only thing we have to fear is…..The Okra”
(In case you were wondering, that’s the Mississippi interpretation)

Western Michigan at Bowling Green
I haven’t checked the actual statistics….
But I think the last football game the Broncos won was in 1989..
When they played IT Technical College (online)

Texas A&M at Alabama
“Sweet Home Alabama”

Michigan State at Indiana
This rivalry game (Aren’t they all) in the Big Ten (4.0) is for the coveted….
“Old Brass Spittoon”…..
Which by the way, is both decorative and functional

St. Olaf College at Carleton
The rivalry of rivalries is finally upon us….
“The Cereal Bowl” for the “The Goat Trophy”
(Yes I am serious…)
Sadly that Goat Trophy looks like a girlfriend I once had in High School
(Don’t judge me…..she looked good in a sweater)
CARL 24-17

Rutgers at Ohio State
Its difficult to get excited about this match-up after picking the Cereal Bowl and the Goat Trophy, you know what I mean?

UCLA at California
If you enjoy watching massacres, then this is the game for you.

Kansas at Texas Tech
I would like to reiterate my position for the Kansas athletic department…
“I am available (for a nominal fee) to coach the Jayhawks to a substantial loss from the confines of my RTR Farm, thereby eliminating any costly contracts or relocation expenses, Thank you”

Carson-Newman at Tusculum
Little known fact……
You can’t properly pronounce “Tusculum” ………
Unless you have just drank a glass of buttermilk
(You have to have that stuff lodged in the back of your throat to say it properly)
I’m just saying….

North Carolina State at Louisville
Coach Bobby’s Cardinals aren’t “there” yet…..
But they are getting closer than you think
Believe it

Clemson at Boston College
This Atlantic Coast Conference rivalry game is played for the….
“O’Rourke – McFadden Trophy”
I don’t know what that actually is, but if two Irishmen are involved then somewhere there will be copious amounts of alcohol consumed.

Cincinnati at Southern Methodist
Damn It Mustangs…..
Damn it…

Army at Kent State
I have been authorized my the Department of the United States Army to share this short but poignant video on the state of the West Point Military Academy’s football team

North Alabama at Florida Tech
The Mighty Lions are undefeated and are hunting a National Title this year….
Roll Lions Roll

New Mexico at Air Force
Doesn’t the United States Air Force have a bombing range in New Mexico?
I thought so…..

Oklahoma State at Texas Christian
Another week and yet another shoot-out for the Frogs…
This one however will have a happy ending
(I think)

Georgia at Arkansas
It’s been said that a college football game that is between two predominantly “running” teams takes less time to complete than a game between two pass happy teams.
If that’s the case….
This game will be over in forty five minutes
DAWGS 24-21

Colorado at Southern California
I was going to pick the Buffalos in this game and then I remembered…
Yeah, that’s the Colorado Buffaloes, never mind..

Ouachita Baptist at Harding
This is going to be one heck of a game….
As these two undefeated powers square off for supremacy of their conference
I’m Baptist soooooooooo…..

Marshall at Florida International
The Mighty Herd from Huntington are currently undefeated
(That’s right I called it)
So I got three simple words for you….

Tennessee at Ole Miss
The Vowels will keep this one close…..
Until the Third Quarter, then it’s all

Georgia Tech at North Carolina
I got the living crap stung out of me the other day by some yellow jackets…
I would say that’s a sign of sorts

Missouri at Florida
If I had any idea which one of these teams would show up on any given day this choice would be made easier. But since that isn’t the case
I am going with the power of the swamp…
GATORS 24-21

Utah State at Colorado State
This is going to be a close one, but I have to go with Coach Jim’s Boys

Nebraska at Northwestern
We are far too close to Halloween to go against…..

Kentucky at LSU
The Wildcats are much improved and that’s a fact….
But it’s hard to win in Death Valley on a Saturday Night
No matter who you are…..

Notre Dame at Florida State
In an effort to inspire his team in this week’s big game….
Coach Fisher and the Seminole athletic department have authorized the entire football team to declare Jihad on the City of Tallahassee this week

Washington at Oregon
There was a time that I would have actually been interested in this game….
I just can’t remember what time that was
QUACKS 41-21

Iowa State at Texas
Dear Longhorns….
Please win this game so I don’t have to order a discount liver from the Corpus Christi Vietnamese Vital Organ Emporium and subsequently have it installed (as it were) by my local taxidermist.
Thank you…
The CFB Wizard

Nevada at Brigham Young
Despite losing their quarterback for the season…..
I still have a feeling about these cougars
(I just hope that feeling isn’t related to that burrito I had for lunch)

Stanford at Arizona State
I wish this game didn’t come on at midnight EST, because it’s going to be a good one
(Hey, I have to get my beauty sleep Ok?)

Next Week…..

Unless the Good Lord has other plans for me, Your Week 9 College Football Picks will be out next Thursday morning, just like you expect them to be.

Isn’t it nice there is something you can count on in this crazy world?

One More thing…..

I stated in an article before last season began……

How I was contemplating that the 2013 season was my last year of writing The CFB Wizard. I thought many of you had grown tired of my occasional recycled humor, diatribes and random absurdities.

The fact is, I have needed you all more this past year than you needed me

Thank you all for coming along with me this season

I appreciate it, more than you know

Enjoy Your Games



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One Response to College Football Picks Week 8

  1. ant on October 16, 2014 at 2:58 pm

    Totally confused by your UCLA / California pick… That’s a heck of a strategy to pad your stats! DA BRUIN BEARS?
    BLACK BEAR REBELS… Is that a racist remark? Maybe that publisher was on to something?
    Then that touching closing… Thank you Mr Wizard for sucking it up and gettin’ her done this year. In spite of that nagging injury!

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