College Football Picks Week 14

November 30, 2016

Ladies and Gentlemen –

I hope that you all survived Thanksgiving, the weekend rivalry games and your Aunt Edna’s “Ten Bean Spam Casserole Surprise” that smelled like moth balls, and old odor eaters.

For those brave souls that actually attempted to eat such “surprises” during Thanksgiving from your eccentric relatives I know this week’s college football picks are a welcome relief.

After all there are only so many times you can read the same Reader’s Digest while you are setting on the toilet and praying that your legs don’t go numb.

Enjoy Your Picks

Weekend Rewind….

Apparently Your Favorite College Football Prognosticator was distracted by the Iron Bowl last week and for lack of a better term “punted a few of the games into the stands” so to speak. O.k. on more than a few games, but in all fairness My Black Lab “Doc” even missed a few of his “dog” game picks too.

Maybe he and I both had too much of the “Pre-Thanksgiving Iron Bowl Celebratory Libation Concoction” I prepared before we made the picks last week.

(Say that three times fast and see if you don’t drool on yourself)

And just to prove the above point on my lack of attention to detail; last week I “failed” to pick The Bayou Classic between Grambling and Southern, which is shameful on my part, just shameful.

But that aside The CFB Wizard was a subpar 35 and 16 or 69% on rivalry weekend.

(I know, I know….)

And as the 2016 college football season winds down we stand at 618 and 146 or 81%.

EDITORS NOTE: Considering over 750 games were “picked” this year, 81% is still a higher percentage than any grade I ever received in a chemistry class.

That being said, this is no time to cry over rivalry hate and discontent…..

Because this week we have “Bedlam”, FCS playoffs and Conference Championships

Tell your significant other to bring you some more toilet paper, adjust yourself so you can wiggle your toes while setting on the can and enjoy this week’s edition of The College Football Wizard.


Ok, so let me be sure I have this right…

Because you know “us” Southerners aren’t too bright

So “they” say you have to “win” a conference championship from the “power five” conferences to be in the playoffs, but “they” don’t want to invite the Big Ten Champion, instead they would rather have Ohio State, who isn’t even in the conference championship game.

There has even been some rumblings about wanting “Ohio State and Michigan” in the playoffs leaving the Big Ten Champion outside the four team playoff and leaving out at least one other conference champion as well.

I know two things about this ridiculous logic…..


It isn’t fair that the Big Ten Champion is left out of the playoffs – Period.


”IF” this discussion was about two or more Southeastern Conference teams being in the college football playoffs, the Yankees and every sports writer from Los Angeles to Kalamazoo would be on their hind legs raising nine kinds of hell over it.

If you don’t believe it, remember all the cane that was raised when Alabama and LSU played for the National Championship a few years ago?

I thought the playoff committee was supposed “fix” all that, didn’t you?

TENNESSEE: After the Volunteers were beaten by the Vanderbilt Commodores last Saturday night in Nashville, Coach Butch Jones had this to say after the game…

“I know a lot of people out there expected us this season to have an Eastern Division Championship and a Southeastern Conference Championship and compete for a National Championship. But we have won the biggest championship this year, the championship of life.”

EDITORS NOTE: “Yes” you read that correctly, “the championship of life”

You have to “know’ when you say something that stupid that ridicule is coming.

Case in point…

TN Life 1

TN Life



EDITORS NOTE: Enough said….

TEXAS: Congratulations to Coach Tom Herman….

Good Luck, you are really (really) going to need it

Believe me

MICHIGAN: Really Coach Jim……

You blamed the referees after the game for your loss?

What’s next, the sun was in your eyes and you don’t play good on artificial turf?

NAVY: Last Saturday the Midshipmen scored “75” points against Southern Methodist…

That’s right I said “75” points

I have one word for that performance…


SOUTH CAROLINA: I think the picture says it all….


OLE MISS: What in the hell happen to you all?

VANDERBILT: I don’t know what happened recently in Nashville…

But the Commodores haven’t looked this good since Lionel Richie was the lead singer.

LSU: Congratulations on the most awkward news conference in recent memory.

When the Tiger Athletic Director Joe Alleva introduced Coach “O” as the Head Coach of the LSU Tigers and shook his hand, I couldn’t but help think that Joe looked like he just smelled a fart.

The day finally happened…

We won’t have to hear the ever annoying voice of Verne Lundquist on college football Saturdays, as he is officially retired from commentating during college football games.

(Praise the Lord!)

Unfortunately we still have to endure the gibbering idiot Gary Danielson.

Rather than retirement I was hoping for something more along the lines of a “murder-suicide” thingy with Gary, but sometimes you have to take your blessings as they come.


Your wrap-up of the Southeastern Conference rivalry weekend is brought to by my good buddy from Birmingham Alabama.

Mr. Jermaine “Funnymaine” Johnson

Nobody does it better


Q: Hey Mister Wizard!

Did you find any good deals shopping on “Black Friday” this year?

I completely outfitted my entire family in the newest game day gear!

The prices were great and the gear is awesome!

What did you get on “Black Friday”?

Keep up the good work!

We love you here in Georgia!

Go Dawgs!

Beth – Kennesaw, Georgia

A: How dare you ma’am!

I will not be baited into your racist, bigoted rhetoric!

What’s next I ask you?

Will Hispanics have to shop on Mexican Mondays!

Let’s not stop there, How about Amish April shopping deals on buggies and beard combs!

What about Jewish July!!

This type of categorization and compartmentalization of races in just wrong!

But to answer your question I do all my shopping on “White Wednesday”

Q: Dear Mister College Football Wizard,

My name is Bobby “Buck Knife” Bertram and I run the Buck Knife Cutlery Corporation.

My reason for contacting you is because I have noticed that, while you are a premier authority on all things college football, you have no advertising to speak of. Well, I have a proposal for you.

Because you are the pre-eminent site regarding college football on the planet, I would like to start advertising on the CFB Wizard site with my “Ed Orgeron Jobbers Special” Buck Knife.

This little beauty is perfect for concealing in your pocket and whipping open when the situation dictates. It’s razor sharp blade is perfect for plunging into the back of a trusting boss who has no idea that you’re planning on a coup d’etat and have your eyes on his job!!! I just love the whole concept. So, get back to me as soon as possible so that we can get this puppy in the public’s eye.
Bobby “Buck Knife” Bertram
Buck Knife Cutlery Corporation
Houma, Louisiana

A: I like your idea Bobby, but in all fairness it’s already been done…

Several years ago some innovative entrepreneur from Tennessee invented the “Loyalty Buck Knife” that then assistant coach Phil Fulmer used to stab Head Football Coach Johnny Majors in the back with and “buck” him out of a job.

Q: Good day kind Sir!

I happen to be a songsmith and a bit of a virtuoso, as well as a connoisseur of several genres of music, so with that introduction behind us…..

I have a fun and an unusual question for you sir!

So my question is this: “if” you were to describe any of the conference championship games or competing teams this weekend through song, what would they be?

Thank you!

Rupert – Long Island, New York

A: That is an interesting question….

I would have to say in regards to the PAC 12 Championship I would say this is the most appropriate song to describe the upcoming contest and the respective teams.

The Big 12 Conference Championship game, no wait….

They don’t have a championship game, never mind

The Atlantic Coast Championship Game between Clemson and Virginia Tech can best be described with this classic song.

The much maligned participants of Wisconsin and Penn State in the Big Ten Conference Championship game appeared to be left out of the championship playoff discussions.

The much anticipated Southeastern Conference Championship game features the Florida Gators who are hoping for something along the lines of a “miracle”.

Then there is the Alabama Crimson Tide fresh off a victory in the Iron Bowl

Enough Said…


Friday 2 December

Western Michigan and Ohio
This championship game is for all the marbles in the MAC
I like Coach Frank’s Cats…
But the Bronco’s are the real deal

Colorado and Washington
Nobody saw these two teams playing in the PAC 12 Championship game
(Including yours truly….)
My Black Lab “Doc” says, “Go with the Dogs”
Good Boy…

Saturday 3 December

FCS Playoffs

Youngstown State at Jacksonville State
This playoff game features the “Penguins” of Youngstown…
(Yes I said “penguins”)
And the Gamecocks of Jacksonville State
I’m going with the boys from Alabama…

Chattanooga at Sam Houston State
My loyalties are torn here…..
But I predicted in the preseason that Chattanooga would make it to the finals
I am sticking to my guns on this pick

San Diego at North Dakota State
Fargo Dome in beautiful Fargo North Dakota
It’s going to be loud….
The Bison are stampeding towards another championship
Believe it
BISON 31-17

Wofford at The Citadel
I consulted my Black Lab “Doc” on this pick….
Although he tends to occasionally make a big “Woof” sound..
He nonetheless chooses the “Dogs” in this one
(It’s how the Big Dog Rolls)

Richmond at North Dakota
This pick is for all the NCAA Speech and Mascot Police.
(I bet their eyes rolled back in their head just reading it..)

Division II Playoffs

North Greenville at North Alabama
This playoff game is in beautiful Florence Alabama….
“Sweet Home Alabama”

Kansas State at Texas Christian
This Big 12 Championship game is between…
No wait, they don’t have a conference championship game
Hell, they don’t even have “12” teams in the conference!
Never mind

Troy at Georgia Southern
If nothing else I am consistent in picking Alabama teams this weekend…

Temple at Navy
After the Midshipmen’s display last weekend over the Mustangs….
There are only two words left to say…

Louisiana Tech at Western Kentucky
I may regret this pick…
Although “Doc” wants the Bulldogs in this one..
I am going with..

Oklahoma State at Oklahoma
For those of you that didn’t get enough hate and discontent last weekend..
I present….
“The Bedlam Game”

New Mexico State at South Alabama
Like I stated earlier….
I am “Alabama Consistent” this weekend

Louisiana Lafayette at Louisiana Monroe
This rivalry game in the “Sportsman’s Paradise” is called…
“The Battle on the Bayou” and it’s played for the “Wooden Boot”
The SEC Championship game is getting ready to come on…
So you will have to watch this game Bayou Self

Baylor at West Virginia
Another of the Big 12 Conference..
I keep forgetting “they” don’t have a championship game…
Light those couches anyway mountaineers!

Clemson and Virginia Tech
The Atlantic Coast Conference Championship
This one will be close…
Until the third quarter, then it’s all

Wisconsin and Penn State
The Big Ten Conference Championship, that oddly enough nobody on the playoff committee wants to recognize. It’s sad really…

Alabama and Florida
The Georgia Dome in Atlanta Georgia…
It’s the Southeastern Conference Championship
It’s going to be a good one

Next Week….

We have a few games to pick, to include the FCS and Division II Playoffs and then it will be time to settle in for the “Big Boy” playoffs and Bowl games.

Somewhere along the way there will be the much anticipated “2016 CFB Wizard College Football Awards” and something to keep you motivated throughout the holidays.

So stay tuned…

One More Thing….

You have a “new” story on today that I hope you will enjoy and I hate to disappoint you but my book “Sunnyside Up” will not be released until after the first of the year. The front and back covers has been approved, but it will not hit the “electric internet” or book shelves until January.

I appreciate everyone’s encouragement, it’s on its way….


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