Ladies and Gentlemen -

What a weekend in College Football……

Despite being a dismal 31 and 10 (76%) I was the ONLY College Football Prognosticator in the Country that Picked the Mighty Longhorns over the Boomer Sooners of Oklahoma…

EDITORS NOTE: I greatly appreciate my Longhorn Fans…
However I will NOT be a candidate for Governor of the Lonestar State Next Year…

Despite the FACT my opponent hates Christmas, Children and Darrell Royal…
“I am Your Favorite College Football Prognosticator and I approved this message…”

 

Also…..
Picked LSU to fall to the Gators of Florida…
AND said to the Missouri Tigers…
“The Cowboys are closer than they appear in your rearview mirror…”

But I should have listened to Lee and Bulldog Jim…
They tried to tell me…
Those Mississippi State Bulldogs had the Commodores number in Starkville…
Great Job Guys…
I will pay closer attention next time..

 

Let’s take a look at “The Weekend That was” in College Football…..

Enjoy!

 

TEXAS: The Longhorns have a Colt that is nothing short of a thoroughbred…
GREAT win over a CLASS Sooner Team…

MISSOURI: I have a suggestion….
MAYBE if your Quarterback Chase Daniel had spent less time this past week complaining about “last” weeks win over Nebraska and getting a “really cool” haircut and spent MORE time studying the Oklahoma State defense MAYBE you all would be Number One this week…
Dumbass….

FLORIDA: I do believe Superman does wear Tim Tebow pajamas…..

 

MISSISSIPPI STATE: Never should have doubted Coach Croom and those Bulldogs…

NOTE TO SELF: Shouldn’t have doubted Lee and Bulldog Jim either….

 

KENTUCKY: What is the Deal?
You give Alabama ALL they can handle and then you lose to Carolina?

What gives?

PENN STATE: Wow…..

Talk about “Cutting the Cheese….”

EDITORS NOTE: Yes, I am that easily amused….

 

IVY LEAGUE: You all STILL Suck…

 

CLEMSON: To Coach Tommy….
I Told you so…..

To My Tiger Family…
Have NO Fear My Beloved Tiger Friends and Family….
You all are about to get a REAL Football Coach…

Believe it.

 

AUBURN: Whose ass you gonna “Fire” this Week Ears?

That whole being an arrogant ass thing isn’t alot of fun when you lose, is it?

 

ARKANSAS: Congratulations and thank you for making my weekend complete…

 

TENNESSEE: I find it curious that “Big Orange” Fans are mad as hell that they are losing…
Why?
Because you all weren’t upset when a Vol Player raped a mentally handicapped underage girl in the athletic dorm?
And got away with it…

You all weren’t mad when the punter had five DUI’s…
And got away with it…

You didn’t blink an eye when your defensive lineman attacked a student that he outweighted by nearly 200 pounds and disfigured him….
And got away with it…

There are A LOT more stories like that…
ARE you upset about those?

Where you upset with the lack of disciple on the Fat Mans Team?

Or was Winning More Important…
More Important that ANYTHING…

GOT to Beat Florida…
GOT to Beat Bama…
At any cost…

Shame on you….

TENNESSEE (PART II): I just can’t resist….

How is that having the LARGEST recruiting budget in the ENTIRE Nation thing working out for you?

I mean really…
Did you have to go ALL the way to San Diego California to find a Running Back with “Fumble-itis”?

Just wondering….

 

MICHIGAN: You lost to Toledo….

Enough said…..

MICHIGAN (PART II): Look at the bright side Coach Rod….

Your Wife still has “Rock of Love III” with Bret Michaels….

 

EAST CAROLINA: What the Hell?

Did you all just quit playing football or what?

 

GEORGIA: I want to take a moment to say Good-Bye to the GREAT Larry Munson…

He has been the voice of the Georgia Bulldogs for as long as I can remember…

I will miss the sound of his voice..
Knowing he is there, even if I am not listening to him…

Hearing him say…

“HUNKER DOWN DAWGS!”

“RUN YOU SILVER BRITCHES!”

Or…….

“Loran Whattayagot?”

My Favorite Larry Munson Quotes…..

“Hunker down, you guys!…I know I’m asking a lot, but hunker down one more time!”
- In a defensive  series late in the game against Auburn in 1982, which clinched the SEC title for Georgia

“My God Almighty, he ran right through two men! Herschel ran right over two men! They had him dead away inside the 9. Herschel Walker went 16 yards. He drove right over those orange shirts and is just  driving and running with those big thighs. My God, a freshman!”
- Calling Herschel Walker’s first touchdown run against the Tennessee Volunteers in 1980.

“So we’ll try to kick one a hundred thousand miles. We’re holding it on our own 49-and-a-half … gonna  try to kick it sixty yards plus a foot-and-a-half … and Butler kicked a long one … a long one … Oh my God! Oh my God! … The stadium is worse than bonkers!”
- Calling Kevin Butler’s field goal in the final seconds to win over Clemson in 1984

“They’re beating us like we’re Maryland or Wake Forest or somebody”
- Calling the loss against Georgia  Tech in 2000.

“We just stepped on their face with a hob-nailed boot and broke their nose! We just crushed their face!” - Calling Georgia’s last-second win over Tennessee in 2001

“Touchdown! Oh, God, a touchdown!”
- Calling David Greene’s touchdown pass to Michael Johnson as Georgia defeated Auburn in 2002, clinching the Bulldogs’ first-ever SEC Eastern Division championship

 

Enjoy Your retirement Larry….

It won’t be the same without you…

HOW BOUT THEM DAWGS!

RTR
MEB

Ladies and Gentlemen -

It’s that time of the year (Again)……

The names of the games alone are enough to make you break into goosebumps….

They are called many things….

The Red River Rivalry or The Red River Shoot-Out…

But the game between Oklahoma and Texas is above all else….

A Border WAR….

 

Then there is the tussle between the Hedges in Athens…
Between…

Tennessee and Georgia…..

Also…
This weekend…
The Black Shirts of Nebraska Invade Lubbock….

EDITORS NOTE: Have I mentioned that Lubbock is the home of Buddy Holly?

 

In “The Swamp”…..
The Defending National Champion LSU Fightn’ Tigers are in Gainesville to take on the Mighty Gators….

 

Jo Pa and his Lions of Penn State take on the “Power of Cheese” in the Wisconsin Badgers…

And who can forget….
Another weekend with the NCAA’s collective head (and ass) in the sand as they pretend we are all going to forget the investigation into Reggie Bush and the Southern California Trojans…

Don’t worry my friends…

I won’t let you forget…

There is a lot to cover, so let’s get to it!

 Enjoy Your Picks!

 

College Football NEWS and VIEWS

TENNESSEE: I have the answer to your Football problems!
The problem my semi-beloved Volunteer fans is rooted in the lack of players from Tennessee on the Tennessee Volunteer football team roster….

Do you know how many “Starters” From the state of Tennessee are on the Volunteer football team?

“5″…..
As in the number “After 4″ and the number “Before 6″….
In case you all forgot…
That is out of 22…(24 if you count the punter and kicker..)

Why is this important?

Does anyone in California or Washington D.C. or Oregon “really” care what the University of Tennessee does or doesn’t do on any particular weekend?
Do they even know where “Tennessee” is located?
Your players from those places don’t care either…
Because they didn’t grow up with “IT”…

If you don’t think this is important then I have a “little” Trivia question for all the Tennessee Volunteer Fans out there….

“When was the last starting Quarterback at the University of Tennessee…..
From the state of Tennessee….”

This may take a while…so I’ll wait.

EDITORS NOTE: The GOOD News for all the disgruntled Tennessee Volunteer fans out there, is that YOU have a “Tennessee” team to pull for in the state that has more than “5″ starters from the State of Tennessee on the Team…

They are called the Vanderbilt Commodores….

CONGRATULATIONS (again) VANDY!!!!!!!

TENNESSEE (PART II): As a side note from the Tennessee - Auburn game
Maybe the Fat Man should have gone to court before the Auburn game and faced the music like he was suppose too…

Ever think about that?

I have…
There is a name for it too….

It’s called Karma…

 

MISSOURI: SOooooooo Tiger Quarterback Chase Daniel said he was being spit on by the Husker defensive players last Saturday….
The time to complain about that kind of behavior “isn’t” on Sunday afternoon…dumbass.

 

WEST POINT: Congratulations on your first “Big” Win last weekend since Appomattox….

 

VANDERBILT: Your First 5 and 0 start since 1943….

The first time you beat Auburn since 1955…..

And Yes….

I predicted it…….

No Need to thank me…

 

CLEMSON: To My Beloved Tiger Friends and Family….
I feel and understand your pain and frustration…

Have no fear….
Change is coming…..

 

TELEVISION COMMERCIALS: Seriously….Geico.

KILL the DAMN caveman commercials….

It’s over….

Stop the madness….

I am serious….

 

WISCONSIN: So the Badger Marching Band was “suspended” because of hazing?

How bad can “hazing” really be with a marching band…

 

AUBURN: So do you all believe in the “Corso Curse” Yet?

You thought I was joking about that…didn’t you?

 

AUBURN (PART II): SOOOooooo Ole Ears Tubberville fired the Offensive Coordinator Tony Franklin this week after what? Five games?

There are two ways to look at this War Eagle Fans….

One…Talk about wanting your “instant” Grits?

or…

Two…
When Ole Ears feels the heat, it’s time for somebody to go under the bus…

 

ESPN: Last Saturday’s College Gameday with Kenny Chesney….
There is SOOOoooo many things wrong with THAT I don’t know where to begin…

We ALL know he was there to promote his “New” Album…

We also know he is trying to be the Jimmy Buffet of “His” generation….

However I think naming your album…
“The Butt Pirates of the Caribbean”
Well, that is just wrong….

 

NCAA: Seriously….The jokes over!
When are you going to let us all in on the “results” of the “Investigation” into Reggie Bush and the Univer$ity of $outhern California Trojan$?
If your “Investigators” need any help finding Reggie Bush’s Momma and Daddy’s house I will be happy to show them how to use “MapQuest”.

I am here for you…..

 

$OUTHERN CALIFORNIA: So last weekend Trojan Quarterback Mark Sanchez re-injured his knee during the game with Oregon…
The PAC 10 Officials threw a flag and penalized the Oregon Ducks a 100 yards for hurting a “Hyphenated- American” which resulted in the automatic loss of the game….

I think that is the first time I ever heard of that penalty?
What about you?

 

$OUTHERN CALIFORNIA TROJAN$ TESTIMONIALS

“The Southern California Trojans defeated the Klingons, saved the whales and made us the kick-ass World Super Power we are today!”

- William Shatner

 

“I really like that big white horse that this part of the Southern California Mascot….
With it’s long face…big teeth…and wide butt…
I would have sworn I was looking at my wife..”

- Miles Brand: President NCAA

 

 U$C TROJAN$: Seriously…..
Shouldn’t you all be on Probation by Now?

You know…
NO Television….
NO Bowl games…
Loss of 20 Scholarships…
Per year…
For five years…
Loss of your National Championship…
ALL of your wins for those years…voided.
Loss of the Heisman for Reggie Bush…

Sound about right?

 

EMAIL QUESTIONS and ANSWERS

Q: We saw what u-ins wrote about Peyton Manning last week!
You is innorant as hell!
Peyton is a Saint!!!!
Just like that Old Teresa’s Mother!
If wants to touch them Tennessee players before the game, well then By God we knows he got a good reason!
Maybe he’s a trying to heal them or something!
Cooter - Erwin, Tennessee
A: If you will try and justify those comments…..
Then I REALLY don’t want to know what you would do for a “Klondike Bar”….

It would be too embarrasing….

Q: Mike I am a Proud Georgia Tech Yellow Jacket Fan…
My neighbor told me because I don’t own a weed eater that means I am a Homosexual.
Is that true?
Chip - Atlanta, Georgia
A: Break out your Kenny Chesney CD’s Chip…
It’s true…

Q: Mike, you haven’t mentioned it in a while, but is your sister-in-law still dating that guy with the glass eye from the Carnival?
Sally - Benton, Arkansas
A: I can’t remember his name, so around my house we just refer to him as ”Mr. Peepers”….
But I have to tell you that they broke up. but promised to “Remain Friends”…
Which really means, we may see him “again” at Thanksgiving…
God Help me…

Q: Mike I have a question that I really hope you can help us out with..
We Texas A&M Aggies are having a tough year…
Some would say, a really tough year…
Is there anything that you can tell us that will give us hope and encouragement?
Roger - La Grange, Texas
A: I wish I could help you out Roger…
But when I saw “La Grange Texas” on your email…
The only thing I could think of was….

“Haw Haw Haw…..”

“Have mercy…..”

EDITORS NOTE: I am thankful that I finally got to have a ZZ Top reference…

Q: Mike, why would Peyton Manning “defend” Phil Fulmer they way he did a week ago on the Auburn sidelines?
Thanks!
Chris - Maryville, Tennessee
A: Chris…
I have on good authority it has to do with a “certain” picture involving a “former” Tennessee Quarterback….
A Hamster…
One Bottle of Wesson Oil…
And..
A “Certain” grossly overweight Tennessee Football Coach….

Playing a game of Semi-Nude “Twister” that went horribly wrong…

 

THE GAMES

Saturday October 11th

Texas and Oklahoma
The Texas State Fair….
Dallas, Texas
The Red River Shoot Out…..

The Cotton Bowl….

This game has all the atmosphere of a gunfight….

My Friends, it doesn’t get any bigger than this….

HOOK’EM HORNS 27-24

 

Iowa at Indiana
So we go from the “Red River Shoot-out”……
To the Homers and the Eyes of the Hawk…
This like going from watching the Sugar Bowl…
To watching re-runs of the 2002 Mid-American Regional Junior Chess Championships…

Kill me now….
HOMERS 24-21

EDITORS NOTE: If the folks from Indiana will go with renaming their team the “Gomers”; I can almost guarantee a “sponsorship” from Jim Nabors…
Just think about it…
That’s all I ask…

Toledo at Michigan
Must be “Homecoming” in Ann Arbor…
But Please don’t let Coach Rod’s wife be the “Homecoming Queen”….

You have one Ten Dollar Hooker for a Homecoming Queen and that’s all everyone talks about for ten years….
You don’t think so?
Ask the folks in OBKnoxville…..
WOLVERINES 34-17

East Carolina at Virginia
The Pirates right the ship this weekend…
(Thought that up myself…)
PIRATES 27-17

Syracuse at West Virginia
Victory in Morgantown smells like….
BURNING Couches!
Light Em UP!
MOUNTAINEERS 33-14

Minnesota at Illinois
Golden Gophers: The OTHER White Meat…
ZOOK’S FIGHTING PUMPKINS 34-17

Rutgers at Cincinnati
Have I mentioned that Cincinnati is the Chili Capitol of the Mid-West…
Well it is…
If you ever get a chance to try that “Goldstar” or “Skyline” Chili….
Lord…that is something special

Also as a medical side note: IF you are suffering from constipation, you will be “cured” within 12 hours of eating any of the above mentioned chili…

Forget I mentioned it….
BEARKATS 28-23

Colorado at Kansas
I must confess….
These Hawks of Jay fought like the Devil last weekend and….
NEVER gave up….
I like that…
JAY’S HAWKS 38-27

South Carolina at Kentucky
After the Wildcats scared the crap out of me last weekend…
This one is easy…
WILDCATS 24-21

Utah at Wyoming
I love those folks from Cowboy Country…
But Cousin Vinnie says this game is about the….
TWO UTES 28-17

Kansas State at Texas A&M
I have no reason to believe this will actually happen..
Just so you all know…
GIG EM AGGIES 28-24

Vanderbilt at Mississippi State
Common Wisdom would favor the Bulldogs…
But there is something special about these Commodores…
COMMODORES 24-14

EDITORS NOTE: Sorry Jim…I hope I am wrong.

Ursinus at Franklin Marshall
As in “Your Sinus”?
I guess it’s better than “UR-Anus”…
Never mind…

Nebraska at Texas Tech
Did I mention that Lubbock is the Home of the Great Buddy Holly?
I thought so…
“All my life I’ve been a waiting…
Tonight they will no hesitating….”

SO Get THOSE GUNS UP!
RED RAIDERS 43-17

EDITORS NOTE: I have been waiting for the right time to spring a Buddy Holly reference on you…

Arizona State at USC
The Sun Devils couldn’t beat a damn egg….
TROJAN$ 136-0

Tennessee at Georgia
Between the Hedges…
UGA VII is Hunkered Down….
RUN YOU SILVER BRITCHES!
HOW BOUT THEM DAWGS? 27-17

EDITORS NOTE: Many of you may think…
“He just picked Georgia because he Hates Tennessee…”
That is only half the story…
I do dearly Love those Dawgs…

Purdue at Ohio State
It is written….
“And a freshman shall lead them….”

- Book Of Hayes

It’s in the Bible….Enough said.
BUCKEYES 33-17

Notre Dame at North Carolina
I wish I cared…
But I don’t…
TAR HEELS 31-24

Greenville at LaGrange College
“Haw Haw…Haw…”
Sorry, I still can’t get over my earlier ZZ Top reference….

Michigan State at Northwestern
I know…
I Know…
The Wildcats have their BEST Record since 1962….
Bla..Bla…Bla..
But that Ringer Kid is a Stud…
CALL THE SPARTANS 24-21

Texas Christian at Colorado State
Did somebody say TCU is the Home of Bob Lilly?
I did…
HORNED FROGS 28-24

Garner Webb at Georgia Tech
“Garner Webb” sounds like a Law Firm…
I hope they know “accident” and “Workers Comp” Law…
YELLOW JACKETS 44-0

Carson Newman at Catawba
You really can’t pronounce “Catawba” correctly unless you spit on yourself…
Which is disgusting…
SPARKS EAGLES 31-21

Central Florida at Miami (FL)
Must be “Homecoming” in Coral Gables…
Don’t disappoint me two weeks in a row Canes…
Please?
HURRICANES 38-14

New Mexico State at Nevada
The Wolfpack are a really good football team this year….
BUT the Aggies (with threats to the Administration to bring back “Pistol Pete” by yours truly…)

Are something special…..
I am a believer…
AGGIES 43-38

Arkansas at Auburn
If the Tigers lose again I wonder who Ears will toss under the bus?
No need to worry….
It ain’t happening….
WAR EAGLES 24-17

Juniata at Muhlenberg
Sounds like the story of some Mexican gal riding a mule doesn’t it?
Never mind….

Arizona at Stanford
Gosh, this would really be a “Great” PAC 10 matchup to watch….
But the Hamster Olympics are on ESPN 3 at the same time…..
CARDINAL 6-3

New Mexico at Brigham Young
The Low Blows take a shot in the Jimmy…..
COUGARS 38-17

EDITORS NOTE: Yes, I am that easily amused….

Washington State at Oregon State
Unless you are Sigfried and Roy….
Or Kenny Chesney…..
YOU believe in the Power of the Beaver…
BEAVERS 34-14

EDITORS NOTE: O.K. What did I say this time?
I was just talking about the Beaver…
So let it go….

Ball State at Western Kentucky
You may wonder: Will Ball State continue on their Cinderella Season?
Yes, for another week anyway…
CARDINALS 27-17

Iowa State at Baylor
I was trying to come up with a “Bears and Cyclones O’ My” Wizard of Oz reference…
But it just sounded creepy…
Sorry…
BEARS 27-24

Oklahoma State at Missouri
The Cowboys in the rear view mirror are a-lot closer than they appear…
MO’S TIGERS 33-28

LSU at Florida
I believe the Fightn’ Tigers have the better overall team…
But this game is in the Swamp..
And the Gators have Tim Tebow….
MIGHTY GATORS 24-21

Penn State at Wisconsin
The Badgers believe in the “Power of Cheese”…
Well Jo Pa “Cuts” the Cheese whenever he wants….
So there…
JO PA’S LIONS 31-17

Boise State at Southern Miss
After last week’s disappointment…..
(Which (by the way) would NOT have happened if you would have kept Coach Bowers..)
BRONCOS 34-17

Tulsa at Southern Methodist
I only have three words to say about this game…
“My Poor Ponies…”
GOLDEN HURRICANES 43-24

Tulane at UTEP
You say “Potato”, I say…
MINERS 31-14

EDITORS NOTE: I know….
It didn’t make alot of sense to me either (At First)
But after you think about it for a minute..
You will laugh your butt off…

Air Force at San Diego State
This game reminds me of one of my “favorite” selections in the New American Modern Revisionist History Book….
“The American Air Force Bombs the peaceful Ancient Aztecs; thus the term, “Stone age”
This selection can be found before the chapter on “When the U.S. Marines attacked the North Pole and Killed Santa Claus…”
We Americans are so naughty….
FALCONS 28-17

UCLA at Oregon
This game is like trying to pick the winner in a turtle race…
QUACKERS 3-2

Sunday October 12th

Louisiana Tech at Hawaii
This is the Very BEST Game on Sunday Night at Midnight Eastern Standard Time…

But if given the choice…
I would rather watch “Dog the Bounty Hunter”…
That theme music is really catchy…

RAINBOW BRIGHT 34-31

Enjoy Your Games!

RTR
MEB

Ladies and Gentlemen -

Before we get into Saturday’s Picks I have to say…

I am still mad about last night……

I am One and Two on Thursday night (again)?

DAMN it….

This is the reason my average has fallen faster than the stock market the last two weeks…

As you know I was a disappointing 30 and 15 (76%) last week…

Which leaves me at an embarrassing 202 and 51 for the season or 80%.

Hold on for a minute…..

I just said thirty “Hail Bryants”…..
Now I feel better…

Enjoy Your Picks!

 

College Football NEWS and VIEWS

HAWAII: This message is for Rainbow Head Coach Greg McMackin…
YOU “demoted” Coach Brian Kajiyama?
Shame on you…

NOW I am really glad you are losing…

YOU do not deserve to live in the same state as “Dog the Bounty Hunter”…
I love those guys…

 

TENNESSEE: I recall the NCAA’s “Big Fat Secret Witness” had this to say about “Why he had a problem with the University of Alabama”….

“That University (Alabama) is recruiting in my backyard (Memphis), and I have to question why anyone would leave MY state for another school…”

- Fat Phil Fulmer (Also Known as the NCAA’s “Secret Witness”)

Really?

Well, somebody better alert the Fat Man because the Miami Hurricanes have gotten some key players out of his backyard under the shadow of his ever expanding ass….

From Memphis too……

Running Back…Graig Cooper
Corner Back…Carlos Armour
Offensive Line….Tyler Horn

 Let’s cut to the chase shall we?

Are you Tennessee Vol fans EVER going to be embarrassed by this gibbering jackass’s behavior?

Have you all sold your soul’s for a win?

Just wondering….

 

VANDERBILT: IF you beat Auburn this Saturday Night…
You all will be 5 and 0 for the first time since 1943…..

I am a Believer…..

 

CLEMSON: My Tiger Family…I have GOOD news.

This is how it’s going to work…

Dumbass Tommy’s Contract will be bought out by the end of the year…

Your “New” Coach?

Meet Coach Johnson of Vanderbilt…

He IS a Clemson Man…

and will be Your Football Coach in 2009…

Believe it…

 

NCAA: Seriously, when can we expect to hear about the “Investigation” into Reggie Bu$h and the $outhern California Trojan$?

In the words of Duane “Dog” Chapman…

“I will not give this up until I take my last dying breath”

 

EDITORS NOTE: I wonder if people that “Google” Reggie Bu$h or the $outhern California Trojan$ ever get tired of seeing the Ole CFBWIZARD pop up…

 

NCAA (PART II): Has Fat Phil called you all yet about the Miami Hurricanes recruiting in Memphis?

 

MIAMI (FL): “IF” you happen to see what appears to be an overweight Manatee hiding in the bushes on the Hurrcane campus wearing a “Big Orange” T-shirt…

That smells like ass and potted meat…

Don’t worry…
OR call the Animal Control folks….

It’s just Fat Phil Fulmer conducting another “Investigation” for the NCAA….

 

$OUTHERN CALIFORNIA: YOU jackasses aren’t on probation or “Looking down the barrel of the Death Penalty” YET?

Really?

I guess that only applies to “Real” Southern Schools…

 

ESPN: How much longer must we be held hostage to the halftime segment entitled…”Dr. Lou”?

Why we must we be subjected to listening to a 140 pound Tom Turkey spit and slur during the entire halftime?

Lou sounds like Slyvester the Cat after a three day drinking binge….

 

ESPN (PART II): Everytime I hear Pam Ward talk…

I die…

Just a little bit…

Inside…

PLEASE make her STOP!

 

ESPN (PART III): SOOOOOooooooooooo….

You all really don’t want to talk about the NCAA and PAC 10 “Investigation” into Reggie Bu$H and the Univer$ity of $outhern California Trojan$?

You do know I am going to bug the hell out of you and talk trash until you do?

Right?

Just so we understand each other…

 

HASKELL INDIAN NATIONS UNIVERSITY: For the first time in almost 75 years the university is re-introducing football on campus….

Why is this important?

Before this Country’s GREATIST athlete enrolled at Carlisle Indian School….

Jim Thorpe played football at Haskell Prep…..

That football field IS sacred ground…

Good Luck this weekend Boys!

 

EMAIL QUESTIONS and ANSWERS

Q: Mike, what is your “Problem” with “everything” California?
Juniper - San Diego, California
A: Because you all suck…

I hope that cleared up any misunderstanding…

Q: I have a question for you…
Why do they call Pittsburg State the “Gorillas”?
Thanks!
Chuck - Abilene, KS
A: Have you ever seen their Cheerleaders?

I rest my case….

Q: Hey, I got me a question!
My sister has what the doctor calls “Web” feet.
Does that mean if we hook her up to a computer, that
We is gettin our own “Web”-”site”?
GO VOLS
Stu - Pikeville, Tennessee
A: So Stu…
How close do you live to the Nuclear Power Plant?

Just wondering…

Q: Seriously Mike…
How old is Bobby Bowden?
Thanks!!
Tommy - Blacksburg, Virginia
A: Tommy…
When Bobby Bowden was born…
They hadn’t even invented dirt yet…

 

THE GAMES

Saturday October 4th

Penn State at Purdue
I would sooner doubt John Wayne than second guess Jo Pa…
JO PA’S LIONS 34-17

Duke at Georgia Tech
This is an imperfect world we live in….
Or…
They would BOTH Lose…
YELLOW JACKETS 31-23

Iowa at Michigan State
I like that Spartan Running Back…
That Ringer kid is a Class act…
CALL THE SPARTANS 23-14

Indiana at Minnesota
Gophers and Homers?
This is what I have to choose from?
Where is David Hasselhoff when you really need him?
OOOO SO GOLDEN GOPHERS 23-17

Boston College at North Carolina State
Not that it fits here….
But did you all know…
That a Boston accent is one of the VERY Best Birth Control devices known to mankind?
EAGLES 24-21

Rutgers at West Virginia
The folks from New Jersey (Pronounced: Newww Jorseee) are introduced to what is commonly referred to as:
A Mountain Ass Whoppin…
Light those Couches!
MOUNTAINEERS 34-17

Akron at Kent State
What a choice I have here…
Zippers or Protesting Wusseys…
I would rather watch monkeys sling poop for three hours…
ZIPPERS 23-10

Oklahoma at Baylor
This game is going to be uglier than my sister-in-law’s Prom Night…
“With” Power Blue Eye Shadow…
(Sorry for the Visual…)
BOOMER SOONER 38-13

Florida at Arkansas
There are few things in this world as mean as a wounded Gator…

Well…
That and my sister-in-law with a Hang Over…

Never mind…
It’s kind of the Same thing…
MIGHTY GATORS 43-10

Kansas at Iowa State
The Cyclones don’t have enough wind to make a popcorn fart…
HAWKS of JAY 33-17

Alcorn State at New Mexico State
Somebody really named their school after Al’s Bunion?
That is just disgusting…
AGGIES 34-14

EDITORS NOTE: Bring back “Pistol Pete”…..
I am NOT Kidding!

Western Kentucky at Virginia Tech
You say “Hill Toppers”…
I say……
“Turkey Feed”
HOKIES 33-10

UNLV at Colorado State
You know what they say?
What happens in Vegas…
Usually gets cured in the Doctors office in about ten to fourteen working days…
REBELS 28-20

South Carolina at Ole Miss
Forget about last week…
It’s a new day…..
GAMECOCKS 31-28

Stanford at Notre Dame
EVERYBODY in the Country Picked the IRISH last week…
TO LOSE…
BUT Your Favorite College Football Prognosticator..
No Need to thank me…
FIGHTING IRISH 28-17

Army at Tulane
Dare I pick the once proud Black Knights of the Hudson?
NOOOOOOOooooooooooooooooo!
GREEN WAVE 24-14

Kentucky at Alabama
I love my Big Blue Fans…
There are no better fans on the planet…
SO I will keep this one simple…
CRIMSON TIDE 34-17

Texas Tech at Kansas State
Do you know what time it is?
It’s TIME to get those GUNS UP RED RAIDERS!
RED RAIDERS 38-20

Mars Hill at Carson Newman
You know we have a screwed up immigration policy when People from “Mars” have their own college…
SPARK’S EAGLES 38-10

Illinois at Michigan
It’s October…..
Which means it’s too close to Halloween…
To go against the Fighting Pumpkins…
ZOOK’S PUMPKINS 31-21

 
Arizona State at California
You may call me “crazy”….
So did that “know it all” Doctor…
SUN DEVILS 24-23

Southern Methodist at Central Florida
Say it with me…
MIGHTY..MIGHTY…
MUSTANGS! 33-31

Florida State at Miami (FL)
The Good News?
Coach Bobby thinks he is meeting Woodrow Wilson and getting an award for “discovering” Sea Monkeys…
The Bad News?
It’s STILL Hurricane Season…
CANES 33-17

Navy at Air Force
Didn’t the “Village People” have a Sailor in the “group”?
That’s what I thought…
FALCONS 38-24

Nevada at Idaho
When I hear or read about Idaho I don’t think about football or potatoes..
I remember that girl “Ida” from High School…
She had a rather “progressive view of morals” for her time…
Forget I mentioned it…
WOLFPACK 28-24

Auburn at Vanderbilt
I am not sure I believe it myself…
But I am a Believer….
COMMODORES 17-16

San Diego State at Texas Christian
Didn’t the Aztec’s Kill the Baby Seals?
I learned that from a southern California History Teacher..
HORNED FROGS 38-10

Connecticut at North Carolina
Did you see the Tar Heels play last weekend?
My point exactly…..
TAR HEELS 24-17

Texas A&M at Oklahoma State
My favorite movie of all time?
After “Lonesome Dove”?
John Wayne: The Cowboys.
Enough said…
COWBOY UP! 27-10

Maryland at Virginia
I will not doubt the POWER of the NINJA turtles…
Again…
NINJA TURTLES 38-13

UTEP at Southern MIss
I will let you all in on a little “secret” to picking the games…
UTEP is in El Paso…
Southern Miss is in Hattiesburg Mississippi…
El Paso smells like a used urinal cake…

Hattiesburg smells like heaven…

That’s how it’s done…
GOLDEN EAGLES 24-17

Northern Illinois at Tennessee
By the time the Knoxghanistan Newspaper gets finished writing about this game….
You will think the Vowels beat the damn New England Patriots…
Enjoy it while you can…

YOU all got the Big DAWGS next week….
VOWELS 43-17

Ball State at Toledo
Have I mentioned that David Letterman went to Ball State?
Well, so did one of the best looking women in South Carolina…
So there…
CARDINALS 34-24

Washington at Arizona
I would LOVE to watch this game…
Really I would…
But there is a “special” about Gary Coleman on Vh1 “Behind the Music”…
I wish he would write a song called “What’ Ch-U Talking about Willis”..
Sometimes I wish for too much…
WILDCATS 6-3

Oregon at U$C
In a “Perfect World”?
They would BOTH lose….
By A lot…
TROJAN$ 3-2

Texas at Colorado
What is the first thing I think about when I wake up?
I Remember the Alamo…
HOOK EM HORNS 38-14

Ohio State at Wisconsin
This is the Game of the Week….
The “National Sports Media” believes the Badgers will win this game….
Thank God you all have me…
MIGHTY BUCKEYES 27-23

Rice at Tulsa
I LOVE Rice Pudding….
But (Like I said) it is STILL Hurricane season….
GOLDEN HURRICANES 24-23

EDITORS NOTE: Sorry…that just sounded nasty.

Missouri at Nebraska
Coach Bo will keep this closer than you think….
Keep the faith my Black Shirt Faithful….
The Huskers ARE on their way back…
MO’S TIGERS 34-23

Wyoming at New Mexico
I hate picking the Low Blows….
It’s the same feeling you get when you order something from Tony Little…
LOW BLOWS 13-7

Hawaii at Fresno State
For those that are hearing impaired…..
Let me repeat the earlier statement concerning Hawaii Warrior Football….

This message is for Rainbow Head Coach Greg McMackin…
YOU “demoted” Coach Brian Kajiyama?
Shame on you…

YOU do not deserve to live in the same state as “Dog the Bounty Hunter”…
I really do love THOSE guys…
BULLDOGS 34-17

 Washington State at UCLA
I have to change the dirt out of my ant farm or I would watch this game…
Really….
BRUINS 23-17

Enjoy your Games!

RTR
MEB