College Football Picks Week 5

September 26, 2013

Ladies and Gentlemen –

It’s hard to believe that we are into the Fifth Week of College Football…

And I’m not even ready for the 4th of July yet….

I have got to remind myself to get a Day Planner and put those hotdogs in the freezer

I’m sure they are still good, right?


As you might imagine last week wasn’t much of a test for Your Favorite College Football Prognosticator

Finishing Week Four of the College Football Season at 61 and 8 or 88%

(I know, but please don’t use words like “genius” or “phenomenal” it will only embarrass me)

That leaves the CFB Wizard at 257 and 44 or 85% overall this early in the season.

We have a lot more college football, so now isn’t any time to rest on our laurels.

By the way, what the heck is a “laurel” anyway? And why do people “rest” on them?
It’s a mystery



Greetings from the Heart of SEC Country!!!

The Boys in Blue tasted defeat for the first time this season and didn’t find it exactly to their liking as the Bees of Southeast Bulloch dropped the homestanding Trojans by a 35-26 score. The Jackets started things off by putting 21 unanswered points on the board but these Gladiators came storming back with 18 of their own in the 3rd quarter to cut the lead to 3. The difference was 3 missed extra points. The bumble bees finally put the Trojans away with a late touchdown for the final margin of victory. Despite the setback there was some outstanding play on both sides of the ball. QB Kevin Clark rang up 300 yards and 2 TDs through the air and added a couple of rushing TDs to go with his stellar night. Roy Pound hauled in 5 catches for 130 yards and 2 touchdowns while Teviest Howard had 6 receptions of his own for over 100 yards. Next up for Telfair is that long trip down to Homerville for a date with the Panthers of Clinch County to open Region 2A play. Let’s fill up those cars and be that 12th man for our gridiron gladiators.

The Red Clay Hounds took on a seemingly overmatched, at least on paper, Mean Green of North Texas on Saturday. Someone forgot to tell the visitors that this was a tuneup for the Canine’s upcoming game against the Tigers of LSU. The Cow College found themselves in a death match with the score tied at 21 in the 3rd quarter. The Sanford Stadium faithful were finally rewarded with a win as the Dawgs finally woke up to put this one away by a 45-21 score. I don’t think the Dawgs will lose their concentration next week as the Bayou Bengals attempt to derail any SEC East championship hopes of the homestanding Pups. Up on North Avenue the Slide Rule Jocks took on the Mountain Goats of Carolina. The Heels head butted the Wreck in the first quarter and jumped out to a 13-0 lead that got the fans a little on the nervous side. Tech finally turned things around by outscoring the visitors 28-7 over the next 3 rain soaked quarters. I’m not one to quibble, but that was a tight game, played in a rain storm, and there were a lot of empty seats up at Grant Field. In Statesboro, Coach Monken no doubt worked on some things in preparation for those dangerous Snakes of Chattanooga. Things went from bad to worse with the Running Back position as workhorse Dominique Swope is still injured and backup Torrance Hunt has been suspended indefinitely. Monken will scheme to get QB Jerrick McKinnon lined up at RB with young Kevin Ellison lining up under center. The chess match will commence a 6 pm Saturday at Paulson Stadium. Stay Tuned.

Up in Raleigh, North Carolina, the Dabo’s Orange clad Cats took on a nasty bunch of Wolves in a Thursday night affair. After some sloppy play by the visitors and some pretty tenacious defense by the Wild Dogs the Tigers finally pulled away with a 26-14 win. Big 10 folks need not poke at anybody from the SEC about their schedule. Ohio State took on their 4th cupcake of the season and ran up a 76-0 rout of FAMU. Really? The Reptiles of Gainesville took on the Vols of Knoxville Saturday and came away with an expensive 31-17 victory. This one cost them Quarterback Jeff Driskel, who broke his lower leg during the contest. And finally, in another SEC contest, the Bayou Bengals took on the Plainsmen of Auburn in Death Valley and came out on top by a 35-21 score. The Tigers of Auburn are making progress but they’re not there yet.

That’s it for now. Hope everyone’s team wins and you have a great week.

And remember; make sure you support your local High School Athletics.

These are your future collegians of tomorrow.

Until next time,

I’m Harley Hanesworth


LSU: It’s a sad day in the college football world and within the Bayou Tiger Nation

The former Coach of the 1958 National Champion LSU Tigers

The Coach of the 1959 Heisman Trophy Winner Billy Cannon

The Great Coach Paul Dietzel passed away Tuesday morning, he was 89 years old.


If you haven’t heard of him or don’t know who he is, let me tell you about him

Paul Dietzel was a World War II bomber pilot, an offensive lineman, an accomplished artist, college administrator, a husband and father, and even wrote the University of South Carolina’s fight song which they still play to this very day.

But as far as how he will be best remembered, the title of Dietzel’s 2008 autobiography said it best:

“Call Me Coach.”

Coach Dietzel, was an innovative and charismatic leader of LSU’s first modern day national championship football team and Coach of its last undefeated season.

Coach Dieztel died one day short of his 69th anniversary with his wife Anne, who survives him along with son Steve, daughter Kathie Dietzel DuTremble, daughter-in-law Judy Dietzel, and two grandsons, David DuTremble and Paul Dieztel II. The latter is a candidate for Louisiana’s 6th Congressional District seat.

Coach Dietzel coached at LSU from 1955 through the 1962 Orange Bowl, compiling a 46-24-3 record. In 1958, he led the Tigers from being unranked in the preseason to a perfect 11-0 record, culminating with LSU’s first ever National Championship.

“Coach Dietzel was a man of great honor and integrity,” LSU Athletic Director Joe Alleva said in a written statement. “His 1958 National Championship set LSU on a path of being what it is today. We will be forever grateful for coach Dietzel and what he meant to this university.”

He popularized the Wing-T offense and used the strict substitution rules of the day to his advantage. He named his third-string defensive unit the Chinese Bandits after characters from a comic strip called “Terry and the Pirates.”

In 1959, Dietzel led LSU to its epic 7-3 Halloween night triumph over Ole Miss, a victory marked by Billy Cannon’s legendary 89-yard punt return that cemented his push to become the Tigers’ only Heisman Trophy winner.

He coached LSU to a 10-1 record and the 1961 Southeastern Conference title, stepping down after a 25-7 win over Colorado in the 1962 Orange Bowl to fulfill a long-time ambition to become the coach at Army, where he had served as an assistant.

His stay at West Point lasted only four seasons. After the 1965 campaign, he became head coach and athletic director at South Carolina.

The Gamecocks’ first game under Dietzel in 1966 was at LSU, a game he approved while the Tigers’ coach as a “breather” for his team. LSU won 28-12 under former Dietzel assistant Charles McClendon.

Dietzel stayed at South Carolina though 1974, leading the Gamecocks to their only conference title: the 1969 Atlantic Coast Conference championship. He served as commissioner of the Ohio Valley Conference and athletic director at Indiana before returning to LSU as athletic director in 1978.

He hired Charles “Bo” Rein to succeed McClendon in 1979, but Rein died in a plane crash on Jan. 10, 1980. Dietzel quickly moved to hire one of his star players, 1962 Heisman Trophy runner-up Jerry Stovall.

Dietzel was reassigned within the university in 1982 amid allegations that the athletic department was running an unchecked budget deficit. In 1983, Dietzel went to Samford University for two years to oversee the start of its new athletic program.

He and Anne split their retirement years between Baton Rouge and Beech Mountain, N.C., before retiring permanently to Baton Rouge in 2003.

In lieu of flowers or gifts, the Dietzel family has requested that donations be made to the Fellowship of Christian Athletes Baton Rouge chapter.

There won’t be another like Coach Dietzel pass this way again my friends, there just won’t be.

God Bless you Coach and thank you

ESPN: I often find myself writing something funny or negative about college football announcers or commentators or a process I like to refer to as “negatively-funny”.

I do that because there is never any shortage of material.

From ESPN’s Jesse Palmer’s inability to pronounce even the simplest of names

To Beth Mowins screeching, paint peeling voice, I am never without material

But it occurred to me, that I haven’t taken the time to tell you who is “Good”

By “Good”; I mean they are the best in the business

Matt Millen won four World Championship Rings (Yes,” Four”) during his twelve year NFL career playing with four different teams as a starting linebacker. Not only was he an outstanding college and professional football player, but he is one of the best announcers around today – period.

Matt just calls the game

He doesn’t criticize players, coaches or say such stupid things like

“If I was the Coach….” Or “I wouldn’t have called that play…”

His insights into the game are without equal

If you haven’t heard him, then you don’t know what you are missing

One more thing about Matt, that I feel obligated to tell you here.

It’s about Matt Millen the “Man” and his character.

I don’t think he would mind

When he was the starting linebacker of the soon to be World Champion Oakland Raiders

In the days when the Oakland Raiders, were feared and revered throughout the NFL

Matt Millen was the only member of the Silver and Black defense that was married at the time

The other players, young, single and wilder than wild should be would always try to get Matt to “hit the clubs” with them and each and every time, Matt would decline.

So imagine his teammates surprise on one particular invite that Matt said, “Sure I will meet you there”

His teammates were even more surprised when Matt actually showed up at the designated location

In no time the club was crowded and everyone was socializing and certainly everyone recognized the professional football players in the room.

It didn’t take long for a sultry young woman to come over to Matt Millen while his teammates started laughing and jeering each other with a “here you go!”

The young woman asked “Aren’t you Matt Millen of the Oakland Raiders?”

“Yes Ma’am I am” Matt replied….

The young lady got closer and whispered “Can I have your number?”

His teammates were listening to every word; stunned

“Sure!” Matt said and grabbed a napkin from a nearby table and pulled out a pin and began to write
He handed the napkin back to the grinning pretty young lady and as she stared at the napkin her smile faded to something that looked like bewilderment.

As the woman looked at the napkin and then back at Matt she said…

“This just says Matt Millen #55”

Matt replied with a smile

“Darling that’s the only number you are going to get from me, I’m a happily married man”

Enough Said…

DELTA STATE: The Mighty Fighting Okra won one heck of a fight in Florence against the North Alabama Lions; Congratulations, that was a Victory for the ages.

MICHIGAN: One question…..

Are you TRYING to give your fans and Alumni heart attacks?

I’m just wondering….

TEXAS: I’m sorry I doubted you last week

But I have my reasons


You were so close too

SPORTS MEDIA HYPE: Perhaps this should be a commentary instead of a sentence or two

But I for one am sick of the hype of “Johnny Football”

I don’t know which is worse

Having to endure countless hours of hyperbole on a single football player


Having to suffer through the constant media barrage of Miley Mo Ho or whatever her damn name is..

AIR FORCE: For those of you that may be unaware….

The starting quarterback of the Falcons is named (wait for it…)

Jalen Awini, which is pronounced JA-LEEN A-WEENIE

(Yes, I’m serious…..)

The Falcons have A-WEENIE as a quarterback

VIRGINIA TECH: In keeping with the above ‘theme” or whatever….

This past Saturday one of the ESPN announcers said of Virginia Tech’s defensive lineman David Wang

“He is the third of his brothers to attend Virginia Tech and I can tell you from being at practice this week, he is the biggest Wang of the Bunch”

EDITORS NOTE: Good to know

TENNESSEE: This past week, former “coach” Phil Fulmer was invited to the Volunteers practice by current coach Butch Jones for the former to give a “motivational speech” to the current players.

Phil Fulmer had this to say about his “emotional” return to the Volunteers…

“It meant a lot to me to come back here and speak, I just wish I had the chance to stab Butch Jones in the back and steal his job like I did Johnny Majors. But they made me squeeze through a metal detector before I came here or I would have turned him into a human pin cushion”


Q: Dear Wizard

You are always taking stabs at modern culture, I guess because you are some old idiot!

Progressivism is the only way to go!

Take for example your jabs at people’s names and what they name their children

(Which YOU have done in past articles!)

Let me simply say this, because you clearly don’t understand today’s culture

Those of us that actually “care” about our children give them unique names so they will “stand out”

Thus giving them a sense of importance, pride and accomplishment by having a unique name

Something I doubt your narrow mind would understand.

I named my daughter “Syphilis” which is Swahili for “Gentle River”

My life partner and I are expecting another child and will give he or she or he-she a unique name too.

When you open your mind the possibilities are endless

Tulia – Chlamydia – Dementia – Townsend – Los Angles, California

A: Ah, I have two things for you here….

One, I am fairly sure “Syphilis” doesn’t (in any language) mean “Gentle River”

I think it universally means, “Seek Medical Attention Immediately”

Secondly, what are you going to name the next kid “STD”?

Now I am sorry that I gave you any ideas….


Thursday September 26

Virginia Tech at Georgia Tech
As I mentioned last week…….
Despite what your 5th grade gym teacher told you
The Hokey Pokey is NOT what it’s all about, even if you have a Wang Dang Doodle

Iowa State at Tulsa
A member of the staff here at the CFB Wizard may have cracked the code on…
“What is a Golden Hurricane”
After a recent trip to New Orleans a member of the CFB Wizard staff had so many Hurricane’s that they actually ended up on the weather channel. They had to this to say about their “Hurricane” experience…
“If you have enough Hurricanes, you actually become a Hurricane; you will find the room spinning around, you will start breaking wind and it ends when you eventually flood your own pants”
(Mystery solved…..)

Concordia (AL) at West Alabama
For the last time….
That is NOT how you spell “accordion”
These School of Music people need to get it together

Friday September 27

Utah State at San Jose State
If you are staying up on Friday Night just to see this game….
Then you need to seriously get out more
AGGIES 31-28

Middle Tennessee State at Brigham Young
(Please see the above and place the above statement here)

Saturday September 28

Ole Miss at Alabama
This is the kind of game that makes me want to start drinking early….
(Like yesterday)
It’s going to be close
Real close

California at Oregon
I would watch this game but…
I’m afraid that the multi-colored glow in the dark uniforms of Oregon could possibly give me a seizure

North Dakota State at South Dakota State
The Jackrabbits of South Dakota are tough…..
But they are playing….

Wake Forest at Clemson
These Tigers are for real…..
Don’t doubt me on this one

Stanford at Washington State
Coach Mike’s Cougars will keep this one close for most of the game…..
But by the fourth quarter it will be time to hoist down the Pirate flag

LSU at Georgia
This is going to be one heck of a tussle between the hedges……
I think the Big Dogs will tree the Big Cats
(That’s what my Black Lab “Doc” thinks anyway)

Southwestern University at Hendrix College
I didn’t know Jimi had his own college?
That rocks….

Florida State at Boston College
The Seminoles hasn’t played well on Chestnut Hill in days past…
Particularly when the weather is bad….
It will be both this weekend, but they will prevail.

Texas A&M at Arkansas
My Dear Razorback faithful…..
I’m sorry
AGGIES 43-14

Oklahoma State at West Virginia
Save your matches, and your lighter fluid….
There will be no burning, smoldering couches in Morgantown this Saturday Night…

Catawba at Carson Newman
I cannot in good conscience pull for a college or university whose names sounds like something I coughed up after eating a pound of crawfish.

Montana State at North Dakota
I do not believe the Fighting Sioux will win this game….
I just wanted to put their name in here so the NCAA speech police would send me another email

South Carolina at Central Florida
This will be no ordinary Clown Show for the Boy’s from O Town
(I am referring to the city in Florida, NOT the defunct musically challenged Boy Band)

Miami (FL) at South Florida
I don’t know if the “U” is for real, but I do know that the Tampa Boy’s are not.

Arizona at Washington
It does my heart good to see the once Mighty Huskies playing well….
Somewhere Coach Don James is smiling

Charleston Southern at Appalachian State
Although the Mountaineers have been hard to predict this year
I think they will Buck the Buccaneers from their Mountain Home

Florida at Kentucky
It’s at this point in the college football season that Wildcat fans everywhere are asking….
“How much longer till Basketball season?”
GATORS 27-14

Southern California at Arizona State
Hey Trojan fans!
How about that Coach Lame Kitten?
Was that a GREAT hire or WHAT?
DEVILS of the SUN 34-14

EDITORS NOTE: For those Trojan fans who are expecting me to say “I told you so”, you will be sorely disappointed. I am too good a person to say “I Told You So” and I will not lower myself for some cheap thrill by saying “I Told You So”. Despite the fact I received hundreds and hundreds of emails during the “Reggie Bush Investigation” calling me all kinds of nasty names, I will still not lower myself to say “I TOLD YOU SO” or anything of the like.

Southern Miss at Boise State
The Bronco’s certainly aren’t the powerhouse we have seen in recent years…
Nether are the Golden Eagles..
I call this one a toss-up
BRONCO’s 24-17

Chattanooga at Georgia Southern
Believe it or not…..
This one is going to be close (Way Closer) than you might think

Arkansas State at Missouri
If the Red Dogs of Arkansas can’t beat the Memphis Tigers….
Then they sure can’t handle the Mo-Jo

Troy at Duke
Do I care?
Absolutely Not

Moravain at Dickenson
If you attend Moravain does that make you a “Moron”?
(I think it’s a legitimate question)
EMILY D 28-17

Central Michigan at North Carolina State
My two dogs, “Doc” the Black Lab and “Sadie” the German Sheppard are staring at me over this pick.
It’s either getting close to their dinner time or they are trying to influence the selection.
I can’t take any chances here.

East Carolina at North Carolina
There are far too many directions on the map here for me
I’m a man, which means we don’t “get” or “take” directions
It’s how we roll

Angelo State at Valdosta State
I know, I know…..
Angelo State is in the Great State of Texas and that would be a likely pick for me.
But I just got a heck of a deal at the “Men’s Warehouse”

Furman at Citadel
This Battle in the Palmetto State is always a good one….
The Military College of South Carolina and Furry Man
It’s going to be close

Colorado at Oregon State
This matchup in the PAC 12 Conference features “Buffalo’s and Beavers”
Sound’s like bar I went to once in North Dakota….
Before you ask, “NO” I don’t want to talk about it, frankly I’m sorry I even mentioned it

Juniata at Franklin Marshall
I’m a little confused here….
Is it “Franklin Marshall” or “Franklin AND Marshall” or just “Frank and Marsh”?
(Applying the proper college football etiquette, isn’t as easy as it looks sometimes)
J-LO 24-21

Virginia at Pittsburgh
There was a time when this game would have been the headliner of the weekend…
But that time would have been immediately following the Spanish American War
Which doesn’t really have anything to do with today

UAB at Vanderbilt
Have I mentioned that I am a fan of Lionel Richie and the Commodores?
I have?
For those of you that are in your twenties……
That was a time when musicians actually “made” their own music and played “instruments”
(Hard to believe, but it’s true)

Susquehanna at Gettysburg
I cannot either support or pull for any college named after the “G” word….
SUSIE-Q 28-24

Miami (OH) at Illinois
I would watch this game…..
But I have to rearrange my sock drawer…
It’s a Fall thing, sorry

Montana at Northern Arizona
I am of the opinion this early in the season….
That the Grizzly Bears of Big Sky Country can’t be stopped

Arkansas Monticello at Southwestern Oklahoma
Just so you know…
I called the Great Bo Jackson this week and he confirmed the pick
“Bo don’t Know Weevils”

Southern Methodist at Texas Christian
My Poor proud Mustangs….
Dang it

South Alabama at Tennessee
The Volunteers shouldn’t be surprised if the Jaguars make this a game….
Because they will
VOWELS 34-21

St Olaf at Gustavus Adolphus
There are three things you can count on when this many German’s get together for a sporting event…
1. They will consume copious amounts of beer and other alcoholic beverages
2. They will be loud, boisterous and have a good time
3. And immediately following the football game they will invade Poland
ST OLLIE 24-21

Northern Illinois at Purdue
The Boilermakers have an outstanding College of Engineering
Yeah, that’s about it….

Toledo at Ball State
There was a very important reason to watch this game…
But I can’t remember what it was

Oklahoma at Notre Dame
In keeping with the recent intelligible theme from “The FIHIGITINIG IRIISIH”
“Game it not so Good Go For you the Sooner’s against, it bad”

Florida Tech at Delta State
If you have never been to the beautiful town of Cleveland, Mississippi…
There are two things you should know….
1. “Does Eat Place” has the best damn steaks in the country, period.
And secondly……………
2. “FEAR the OKRA”

Texas El Paso at Colorado State
I think the Miner’s season has had a cave in….
I’m just saying..

Iowa at Minnesota
Since 1891 these two teams have met to play for the coveted…
(Wait for it…)
“Floyd of Rosedale” Trophy..
Which in actuality is just a big Ole Bronze Pig
The good news?
With a trophy like that you don’t to worry about any Islamic terrorists stealing it

Connecticut at Buffalo
In case you were wondering….
“Yes” my two dogs also influenced this pick
(Don’t judge me, you should see the way they are looking at me)

Southeastern Oklahoma at Ouachita Baptist
I am confused…..
Southeastern is called “The Savage Storm” and their mascot is a guy in foam rubber Buffalo costume
Let me say this….
If you have a storm that is so bad that damn buffalos are flying around…
Then your butt needs to be in an underground shelter

Army at Louisiana Tech
If this West Point Football team had been fighting in World War II…..
We would still be fighting the Germans and the Japanese and quite possibly Rhode Island

McDaniel at Ursinus
Don’t get me wrong….
I love Charlie Daniel’s, not really sure who Chuck McDaniel’s is or why he has his own college
Not that it matters…
This is the Urinary – Sinus College
PEE and SNEEZE 28-24

Houston at UTSA
I will be the first admit…..
I have underestimated the football prowess of the United Tennis Savants Association…
Not this week..

Navy at Western Kentucky
Coach Bobby will have a shoot-out on his hands in Bowling Green
Don’t leave your seat…

Westminster at St Scholastica
YOU would think that a “Saint” named after a scholastic achievement would know how to “spell” it.
What is this anyway, a combination of “scholastic” and “Battlestar Galactica”?
Now that I think about it, that’s kind of cool
Never mind
DOG SHOW 24-21

Florida Atlantic at Rice
I’m with the Great Bill Cosby on this one….

Wyoming at Texas State
The Cowboys may have to hang on before this one is History
It’s going to get tight
COWBOYS! 34-28

Tulane at Louisiana Monroe
This Battle in the Bayou State will be over before you can say “Crawfish Pie”

Wisconsin at Ohio State
“IF” this game was played in Madison I would feel differently….
It isn’t, so I don’t

Air Force at Nevada
Sometime during the telecast of this football game when the Falcon’s have the football…..
You will hear….
“A-Weenie took a hard hit on that play”
I’m sorry, that’s funny I don’t care who you are

Sunday September 29

Fresno State at Hawaii
I would watch this game…..
But a “Dog The Bounty Hunter” marathon is on one of my cable channels

Enjoy Your Games



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