Centennial Football Picks Week 3

September 11, 2013

Ladies and Gentlemen –

In Honor of what would have been Coach Paul “Bear” Bryant’s 100th Birthday Today….

I present the Week 3 College Football Picks

There is a lot I could say here, but I will simply say this…

Thank you for everything Coach

Happy Birthday

Coach 1


Last week your Favorite College Football Prognosticator was rather amazing (if I say so myself…)

Finishing the second week of the college football season at 78 and 10 or 89%

Overall the CFB Wizard after two weeks is 144 and 23 or 86%

You might be thinking that I am some sort of a “genius”

Nothing could be farther from the truth and that kind of adulation embarrasses me

You might think that I have some sort of “sixth sense” when it comes to these games

Actually, I don’t have any sense at all and I have references to support that claim

You might be under the impression that I have some sort of “super power”

That wouldn’t be true either, although if I had a super power it would entail being a “blame shifter”

I am nothing more than a College Football Prognosticator…..

But enough about me, let’s get to this week’s games



Greetings from the Heart of SEC Country!!!

Another Friday night and another win!!! The Boys of South 3rd took on the visiting Jeff Davis Yellow Jackets Friday night and made it clear that they didn’t appreciate insects in their house. The place was rocking and the boys were knocking – heads, that is. Although the score was knotted at the half, the Boys in Blue jumped out to a 27 – 14 lead in the 3rd quarter, led by elusive QB Kevin Clark’s 9 for 16 passing day, Raymond Freeman pounding the rock with 102 bruising yards on the offensive side of the ball, and Senior Julian Sanchez’s 13 total tackles and a fumble recovery.. The visiting Bee’s got it close again in the 4th but a late TD by Telfair sealed the deal. Coach Burleson wasn’t satisfied in the outcome but never the less said, “I’ll take a W in any way, shape, or form.” Next up for the Trojans is a non-league game against the winless, but always pesky, Baconton Blazers up in Baconton, Ga. So, remember, there’s plenty of room on the bandwagon, so load up, head out to the game, and cheer on the Trojans!!!

Sanford Stadium was the scene of a monkey jumping off of quarterback Aaron Murray’s back on Saturday. The Red Clay Hounds had proved that their bite was much worse than their bark as the plucked the visiting Columbia Chickens by a score of 41-30. Proving he wasn’t afraid of a visiting Circus Clown, Murray led the Pups to an impressive victory with some accurate passing and timely runs to go with Todd Gurley’s brusing 130 plus yards. But the star of the show turned out to be the Defense as the visiting Roosters could only put 6 points on the board after going into halftime with the score knotted. 536 yards on the “vaunted” Carolina defense is the stat that sticks out the most. Next up for the Canines is a well deserved off week after 2 consecutive dates against top ten teams and then a relative easy date with the Mean Green of North Texas. The Slide Rule Jocks took a week off to clean the cake off of their uniforms after pasting Elon in week 1. But next up for the Wreck is a date in Durham with a resurgent Bunch of Blue Devils. This could indeed be a barn burner. Over in Statesboro, the Blue Birds of Prey turned the Red Flash of St. Francis into a Blue Flush, as the Eagles cruised to a 59-17 home victory that would have made ole’ Erk smile. Though the visitors held the time of possession advantage it did them no good as Southern averaged only 4 plays on heir 13 drives in hammering out 550 plus yards of offense. With hard running tailback Dominique Swope out due to injury concerns, William Banks shouldered the load with 72 yards and 3 TDs to go with QB’s Jerick McKinnon and Kevin Ellison’s 245 yards in the the passing game. The Paulson faithful were also treated to 3 field goals to shake off the kicking curse that has plagued the Eagles for the last couple of years. Next up is a trip to the Upstate of South Carolina for a game with the Pups of Wofford as the Birds attempt to win the “unofficial” SoCon championship.

Down in Florida, the 12th ranked Gainesville reptiles suffered an upset at the hands of ACC member Miami. Once again the offense struggled, but the D also let them down in the end. 2 weeks. 2 ACC wins in big games. Makes you scratch your head. Up on Rocky Top, the Orange Mountain Men brought Bobby Petrino’s Western Kentucky version of the Mountain Men back to earth with a 52-20 drubbing. Butch may be getting things back on track in Knoxville. Down on the Plains, the results have been significantly better as the Cats clawed the Red Wolves of Arkansas State by a 38-9 score. Orange aint exactly my favorite color but I’m glad to see these two teams getting fixed. It’s good for the Conference and it’s good for football.

That’s it for now. Hope everyone’s team wins and you have a great week.

And remember; make sure you support your local High School Athletics.

These are your future collegians of tomorrow.

Until next time,

I’m Harley Hanesworth


This week’s Tailgating Recipe Tip comes from LSU Fightn’ Tiger Country….

“Armadillo Eggs”

(“Yes” you read that correctly)

Take jalapeno pepper s, split them in half….

Take out the seeds and the pepper veins

Pack the remaining half a jalapeno with cream cheese

Wrap the jalapeno pepper with the cream cheese filling with hot or mild breakfast sausage, until the pepper is completely covered with the sausage leaving no sight of the jalapeno pepper.

Wrap the sausage / jalapeno pepper with bacon using wooden toothpicks

Place on an open grill and turn slowly without having the damn thing catch fire from the bacon grease

(So don’t leave it unattended unless you want the fire department to crash your tailgating experience)

Continue turning until the bacon is crispy and the sausage is completely done (About 20 minutes)

Pour melted butter (NOT margarine) over the Armadillo Eggs and you are ready to go!

They are delicious, I promise you


I want to start off by saying I think South Carolina’s Jadeveon Clowney is a fine athlete and an outstanding defensive lineman. However, talk that he is the greatest thing EVER, is wrong.

Because he isn’t, not even close.

I can say this because I have historical references on which to draw from..

Two Words for you…

“Reggie White”

Tennessee’s Reggie White was not only dominating the line of scrimmage

(Each and every play I might add….)

But he also was one of the greatest “men” to ever play the game of football

On and off the field too I might also add

Certainly there are other such great players that played in recent and distant memories

But none stand out to me like the great Reggie White…

There aren’t too many defensive linemen that will knock you down, help you up and then tell you..

“God Bless you”

Enough said…..


ESPN: The Winner of the Weirdest Moment of the Week…..

During a break in the Notre Dame – Michigan game an incoherent “music artist”

(And I use that term loosely)

Peanut M&M or whatever that idiot’s name is….

Was a guest in the ESPN booth with Bret Musburger and Kirk Herbstreit

While Kirk laughed at the awkward stupidity of the moment….

Bret attempted to “talk” with this gibbering idiot, which was a lot like talking to a mumbling rock

Let me simply say this…

“IF” this goofball can actually sell a record….

Then my Black Lab “Doc” is Elvis Presley……….

SOUTH ALABAMA: Great win for a young program over the Tulane Green Wave…..

Congratulations Boys

NOTRE DAME: I want to take this opportunity to thank the Irish fans for the irate and misspelled emails they sent me for picking Michigan over Notre Dame.

Those misspelled emails did prove one thing…..

Now I know how the “FITGHTING IRISH” got the misspelled stadium cups

Thanks for solving the mystery

SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA: For all the Trojan “fans” that have sent me hundreds and hundreds of nasty emails defending “coach” Lame Kitten since he arrived in southern California, let me say this………

How do you like me now?

TEXAS: I am still too upset to write……………

WESTERN KENTUCKY: I will say this again…

Please refrain from having “Butterfingers” as a pregame snack

It has a tendency to carry over to the football field

ANNOUNCER GAFFE OF THE WEEK: This past week ESPN’s affiliate for Southeastern Conference games featuring Dave Neal and the former 1989 Heisman Trophy winner Andre Ware had this pregame exchange take place before the Western Kentucky – Tennessee Volunteer game

Dave Neal: “So Andre……

“What does Tennessee have to do today to avoid being knocked-up by Western Kentucky?”

Andre Ware: “Ah….What?”

EDITORS NOTE: The only thing that would have made this even funnier if Andre Ware would have said…

“Well Dave, I would say don’t turn the football over, or make costly penalties and have them keep their legs together”

GEORGIA: My Dear Georgia Bulldog Faithful…..

I recognize that I didn’t pick you to win last week and underestimated how tough a bulldog can be when they are backed into a corner. If it is any consolation my two dogs “Doc” the Black Lab and “Sadie” the German Sheppard aren’t speaking to me this week because of my pick.

Great Win Big Dawgs….

Now if I can only get Doc and Sadie to stop giving me dirty looks

ARKANSAS MONTICELLO: I should have known better than to pick a team whose mascot is a pestilence that was eradicated in the South in the 20th Century.

Dang Bo Weevils

FLORIDA: Damn it Gators…

NIKE: Just when you think you have seen it all in this “Let’s see how ridiculous we can make the football uniforms” age we live in, there comes along one or two “ideas” (if you can call them that) that just make you want to laugh like a lemur monkey on crack cocaine.

For example

The Hoosiers of Indiana somehow thought that “candy striping” their helmets, giving it that wonderful “glow-pop” look was somehow enticing and intimidating.

Not known for their ingenuity, they also thought having the logo from the state license plate was somehow attractive, which is as funny as it is sad.

Hoosier Helment

But even those horrendous helmets pale in comparison to the “new” Kentucky Wildcat’s NIKE Helmets

Kentucky Wildcats Nike Pro Combat Helmets 5

There isn’t anything like telling your opponent “This isn’t our Sport”….

But just wait till basketball season!


Valdosta State: #1 in the DII Top 25 Poll. A tough win against the ‘Cats of Fort Valley State up the road in Macon, Ga. Next up, the Hawks of Shorter swoop into Bazemore-Hyder stadium for a big Gulf South Conference matchup. The Death Valley of D-II will rock
Delta State: Trying to turn things around after a lackluster season last year. With a new coach and high octane offense the 1-0 Fighting Okra are coming off a big road win over Mississippi Valley State down in Itta Bena, Miss. Next up is Texas A&M – Commerce on the big stage in Dallas, Texas. It won’t be full, but you can bet it will be loud.

West Alabama: #16 in the DII Top 25 Poll. Coming off a 42-6 win home victory over the Panthers of Clark Atlanta, these Tigers travel to Lake Charles for some gumbo and a little interstate squabble with the Cowboys of McNeese of the Southland Conference. The Cowpokes upset FBS member South Florida last week so watch the bullets fly on Saturday.

Minnesota State: #2 in the DII Top 25 Poll. The Mavericks of Minnesota State took the trip to Bismarck, ND and manhandled Mary’s Marauders by a 34-21 score. Next up is the home opener for these Rebels of the Midwest with a date against the 0-1 Golden Eagles of Minnesota Crookston of the Northern Sun Conference. When the sun sets, let the bar fight begin.

The Citadel: The Military College of the South got off to a rocky start for 2013 losing to fellow Holy City redsidents Charleston Southern and to SoCon rival Wofford. The Canines take a trip to Cullowhee, NC to take on the Catamounts of North Carolina. Look for the Blue Clad Hounds to mount an offensive to turn the tide of battle and get back on the winning track.

Appalachian State: The Mountain Men of Boone, NC have taken a step in the wrong direction in 2013 to date. After being crushed in Missoula by the Griz of Montana, the Agriculturalists of North Carolina A&T invaded The Rock and came away with a win to put App State at 0-2 on the young season. This is not what the fans of the Mountaineers are used to. With an off week coming up, look for the Coon Skinners to try to get back to their winning ways against Elon.

Troy: The Trojans of Troy have started the season on the right foot with 2 victories over in state rival UAB and interstate rival Savannah State. These Warriors leave the friendly confines of Veterans Memorial and travel to Jonesboro, Ark for a big matchup against the Red Wolves at Liberty Bank Stadium. This one should be a barn burner and give a good representation of what Southern Football is all about.


Thursday September 12

Texas Christian at Texas Tech
Conventional wisdom would say that the Red Raiders have the edge in this game……
I have never been conventional or wise and I can provide references to support both claims

Troy at Arkansas State
This game between these two powerhouses is always a shoot-out…
This one will be no exception

Tulane at Louisiana Tech
The Green Wave have been reduced to an olive drab trickle….
(Mentioning two separate color combinations for green isn’t too bad for a color blind guy)

Friday September 13

Air Force at Boise State
I wouldn’t rule out the Mighty Falcons in this one….
It might very well be closer than you think

Texas A&M Commerce at Delta State
The fine people in and around Cleveland Mississippi live by three very simple rules…
1. Love the Lord
2. Love your neighbor

Saturday September 14

Stanford at Army
The Army hasn’t seen this kind of ass kicking since the Little Bighorn..

Carson Newman at Colorado Mines
For a minute there, I thought it said “Colorado MIMES”
Which made wonder how they communicated in the huddle
Never mime…

Louisville at Kentucky
They call this instate rivalry game “The Battle of the Bluegrass”
By “Battle” I actually mean….
Kentucky is going to get a butt kicking of biblical proportions

Georgia Southern at Wofford
I can’t say “Wofford” without thinking of either the Whooping Cough or Tuberculosis
Neither of which can I pull for in an athletic contest…
EAGLES 41-21

Tulsa at Oklahoma
I am still not quite sure what a “Golden Hurricane” actually is or why they are in Oklahoma…
But it sounds like somebody had too much to drink and peed through the back of a box fan

Akron at Michigan
There is one positive in this game for the Fighting Zippers of Akron….
They don’t have to drive very far to get their butts kicked
Which is nice….

Susquehanna at John Hopkins
I used to know a Johnny Hopkins….
We used to sneak Schlitz out of his dad’s garage and drink it warm out in the woods
I wonder if it’s the same guy?
(By the way, that stuff tasted like it already been drank once already)

UCLA at Nebraska
This game is going to be a tussle from the opening kickoff until the final whistle blows
Regardless of how they have played so far, I still have faith in the Black Shirts..

Bowling Green at Indiana
Some people might call this an “upset”……….
Those people are off their prescription medication

Western Illinois at Minnesota
The very fact that both Colorado AND Minnesota will be undefeated after three weeks should tell you to build a bunker because Armageddon is right around the corner.
Consider this you safety tip of the week…..

Virginia Tech at East Carolina
The Fighting Turkeys will have to run (and run some more) if they expect to win this game
And I think they will do just that….

Georgia State at West Virginia
Smoking smoldering couches on Sunday Morning in Morgantown smells like….
Light em’ if you got em’…..

Juniata at Dickenson
This matchup is intriguing on a number of levels….
On one hand you have Emily Dickenson mostly known for her poetry and for inventing the 4-3 defense..
Then you have Juanita, who is widely known for what has come to be called “The J-Lo Beat Down”
This should be a good one….
J-LO 23-17

Southern Miss at Arkansas
To say that the Golden Eagles have a scoring problem would be a gross understatement…
I am beginning to believe they couldn’t score in a women’s prison with a fist full of pardons

Louisiana Monroe at Wake Forest
I wouldn’t go as far as to call this one an “upset”, a “mild to moderate surprise” perhaps….

New Mexico at Pittsburgh
I don’t know if the Lobo’s are Ted Nugent fans……
But they will get Cat Scratch Fever in the Iron City on Saturday

Citadel at Western Carolina
The mounting cats will get chased up a tree by the Chuck Town Bulldogs….
Believe it….

Eastern Michigan at Rutgers
The Jersey Boy’s are better than they have played the past couple of weeks….
They get a chance to prove my point against the Eagles of Michigan

Fresno State at Colorado
As was mentioned earlier…..
“IF” Colorado were to win this week (And they will….)
That will make “three wins in a ROW” for the Buffalos…….
Which as we all know is a sign of the coming Apocalypse….
(It’s in the Bible)

Youngstown State at Michigan State
I understand that Youngstown State are called the “Penguins”
I think that is somewhat disrespectful….
The “Fighting Nuns” would have been more appropriate

Boston College at Southern California
Funny College Football Fact…..
Since the “mighty” Trojans were named as the “Preseason Number One Team” last season…
They have gone an “amazing” 8-7……
Excuse me, make that 8-8

Alabama at Texas A&M
I am not feeling good about this pick……
But I’m incapable of picking against my beloved Tide
It’s just how I ROLL

Tennessee at Oregon
This game is like trying to decide who to pull for in a War between two Arab countries
QUACKS 38-24

Montana at North Dakota
This Border Rivalry doesn’t have a catchy name and they don’t play for any trophies.
It’s just two great teams battling for supremacy
This is going to be a good one

Nevada at Florida State
There is absolutely no truth to the rumor that former Seminole Coach Bobby Bowden was chased from the practice field recently while waving his arms wildly and screaming “Who wants to see my monkey!”
Those rumors are ugly and unfounded….
That particular event actually took place in a 7-11 parking lot near Kissimmee Florida and neither Coach Bobby nor his pet monkey “Chewy” were taken into custody.

Cal Poly at Colorado State
I can’t in good conscience pick a college that doesn’t even know how to correctly spell “POLLY”
It’s spelled will TWO “L’s” dumbass…

Muhlenberg at Franklin and Marshall
I went to elementary school with a girl named Edna Muhlenberg…
She was a booger eater…………
FRANK and BEANS 34-17

Georgia Tech at Duke
It has been reported that the Blue Devils of Duke had a “huge” Bonfire and Pep Rally in preparation for the upcoming game with the Rambling Wreck of Georgia Tech.
Both students reportedly had a wonderful time….

Delaware at Navy
The highly professional staff here at the CFB Wizard have determined through exhaustive research that the University of Delaware mascot “The Blue Hens” are actually just regular chickens that are suffering from oxygen deprivation.

North Alabama at Jacksonville State
On paper the Lions seem to be outmatched in this game with the Gamecocks…
But I’m a believer…

Wagner at Syracuse
Doesn’t “Wagner” make vacuum cleaners?
Those things really suck….
ORANGE 44-10

Ball State at North Texas
Seriously what the heck is a “Mean Green” anyway?
Why would you name your team after a kitchen cleanser?

St Olaf at Luther
Just by the sound of his name….
I am betting that Saint Olaf was a big ole boy
I’m just saying

Northern Colorado at Wyoming
In the immortal Words of Willie Nelson….
My Hero’s have always been……………
COWBOYS! 28-21

Northern Illinois at Idaho
I am convinced that Famous Potatoes football season is already baked

Iowa at Iowa State
This instate rivalry in the Land of Corn is played for the coveted “Cy-Hawk Trophy”
(“No”, I didn’t make that up….)
The “new” trophy not only celebrates the agriculture of the state but also the rise in mobile Meth labs

Breaking bad Toy


Central Florida at Penn State
The Golden Knights will probably be favored in this game…
But they will not leave Happy Valley, very Happy

Washington at Illinois
Do you ever wonder…..
If the Huskies shop in the Husky section of the department store?
O.K. then maybe it’s just me…

Ursinus at Gettysburg
For reasons that should be abundantly clear…
I cannot in good conscience pull for anything Gettysburg
I am going with the Urinary – Sinus College in this one…
PEE and SNEEZE 34-14

Southern Utah at Washington State
After last week’s win, you really don’t think I would go against the Mad Pirate this week do you?
You are right, I won’t

LaGrange College at Millsaps
I can’t help it….
But each and every time I read LaGrange College, I think of ZZ Top…
“Haw haw haw haw…”

Ohio State at California
I wish I could get excited about this game….
But I can’t..

Vanderbilt at South Carolina
The Commodores will keep this one interesting for a little while….
But it’s like the old farmer used to say….
You can’t stop a rooster from crowing

Kent State at LSU
The only “Golden Flashes” you will see in Death Valley will be the flash of the cameras when the beautiful LSU Golden Girls take the field with the Golden Band from Tigerland
Believe it…..

Mississippi State at Auburn
Tighten those chin straps…..
It’s going to be a slugfest on the plains

Northwestern State at Cincinnati
Despite losing one of their best players last week to injury….
I still think the Boy’s from the Home of Skyline Chili can bring home the win
(In case you were wondering, yes that was a shameless plug)

Coast Guard at Merchant Marine
This “rivalry game” is played for the coveted….
(Wait for it…..)
“Secretaries Cup”
How embarrassing…

Massachusetts at Kansas State
Simple fact…….
You can’t say “Massachusetts” while drinking a glass of buttermilk without spitting up something that looks like Ling-Ling the Panda’s front paw.

Memphis at Middle Tennessee
Two things to remember here….
Memphis has great barbeque and a lousy football team…
That about sums it up

Lamar at Oklahoma State
I have a feeling that by the time Lamar hears…..
“And the Home of the Brave….”
They will be 21 points down
COWBOY UP! 55-10

Ouachita Baptist at Southern Nazarene
I can’t say I know who is going to win this game….
But I bet before it’s all over somebody get’s dunked in the baptismal

Western Kentucky at South Alabama
This game will be interesting on a number of levels because of last week’s contests
I believe Coach Bobby and the Hilltoppers bounce back this week…
But not by much

Maryland at Connecticut
The Huskies will experience a rare form of color blindness from staring at the Maryland uniforms…
This confusion will ultimately cause them to lose the game….
And much like the viewers at home, lose their lunch too.

Kansas at Rice
I don’t care about this game and neither should you….

Notre Dame at Purdue
This “rivalry” in the Land of Hoosier is played each year for “The Shillelagh”
Not to be confused with the “Jeweled Shillelagh” or the “Infected Shillelagh”
(Sorry for the nasty visual…)

Ole Miss at Texas
Never thought I would see the day……….

North Greenville at Virginia Military Institute
If this game was against “Northeastern Central Western Greenville” I would feel differently…

Texas El Paso at New Mexico State
There is going to be a shoot-out in the Desert……
Last one with the football wins..
MINERS 38-34

Marshall at Ohio
This bitter rivalry is called “The Battle for the Bell” and as you might imagine it’s played for
“The Bell”
(Thank God they weren’t playing for a toaster oven or it would have screwed the rivalry up)

Weber State at Utah State
The Boy’s from the Grill College are in for a Smoking…..
AGGIES 44-10

Western Michigan at Northwestern
Like it or Not; Northwestern is for real this year….
Believe it..

Oregon State at Utah
“O.k. so Two Utes and a Beaver walk into a bar….”
Stop me if you’ve heard this one

Central Michigan at UNLV
I wish I had something positive to say about the Running Rebels of Las Vegas…
Wait, I just thought of one…
Wayne Newton lives in Las Vegas

Wisconsin at Arizona State
This is going to be one heck of a game…..
I wouldn’t leave my seat on this one if I were you

UTSA at Arizona
I am still not quite sure why the United Tennis Savants Association is playing college football…
It’s a mystery…

There is more on the way so stay tuned…..

Enjoy your Games



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3 Responses to Centennial Football Picks Week 3

  1. Lee on September 11, 2013 at 6:26 pm


    I’ll be in College Station Saturday along with about 15 relatives. Even though they seated us somewhere near the orbital path of the International Space Station, I’m pretty sure we’ll be louder than all those Aggies – RTR!


  2. MEB on September 12, 2013 at 7:01 am

    RTR Brother!


  3. Chris on September 13, 2013 at 3:26 pm

    HeeHee “Mean Green Kitchen cleanser. Mean Joe Green. Nice page…bookmarked

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