College Football Picks Week 2

Ladies and Gentlemen –

The opening week of College Football is behind us….

And your Favorite College Football Prognosticator finished the first week of the season at 78 and 10 or 89%. Not too great but not too bad, if I say so myself.

We have a lot to talk about so let’s not waste anymore time here

Enjoy your picks…


I will be the first to person to tell you that I have no patience with stupid people.

And in most instances I can avoid them, except on College Football Game Days.

Case in point: Before the kickoff of the Texas Christian Horned Frogs and the Baylor Bears game, ESPN College Football “commentator” Rod Gilmore said this….

“The Horned Frogs take the field tonight for the first time in a long time without Andy Dalton the greatest quarterback in TCU History”


Former TCU Quarterback Andy Dalton is the Greatest Quarterback in TCU History?

Either Rod Gilmore was higher than a Georgia Pine when he said that or….
he is a complete dumbass.

EDITORS NOTE: I vote for complete Dumbass

Rod had you EVER heard of “Slinging” Sammy Baugh?

He was a quarterback at TCU

Have you EVER heard of Davey O’Brien?
You know that guy they named that “quarterback” trophy after?

He was a quarterback at TCU too

Rod, you rode the “short” bus to school, didn’t you?

Then on Saturday morning…..
Everybody’s favorite idiot Mark May of ESPN said this…

“Houston Nutt is on the hot seat at Arkansas this year….”

Way to keep up with current events jackass

Houston Nutt has ONLY been the Coach at Ole Miss since 2008

So what’s the lesson to be learned here, other than the fact Rod Gilmore and Mark May could be in the Hollywood remake of “Dumb and Dumber”?

You may not be able to avoid stupid people but you can sure have that mute button handy


His name is Matt Jones and he attends Gretna High School near Omaha Nebraska

He is 6 Ft 6 in tall and 235 lbs
Matt is the quarterback and the punter on the team.
The first game of the season the Gretna Dragons Beat Norris 28-17 and Matt threw for 2 touchdowns and ran for another one. His longest punt in the game was for 52 yards..

Matt also plays first base and pitches on his High School baseball team.
He pitches in the low 90 Mph range

He is an outstanding student from and outstanding family.

EDITORS NOTE: If the Nebraska Cornhuskers don’t pick him up, I know a fine school in Tuscaloosa Alabama that he might be interested in, oh yeah…
And they play a little football down there too.


Harley Hanesworth here, reporting from Telfair County, deep from the heart of SEC country.

Well, folks, it looks like our Georgia Bulldogs went out and stepped in a giant pile of horse manure, literally. Between the bizarre alien Halloween costumes, I mean uniforms and the lost looks of the players and coaches trying to figure out exactly what was going on, these Dogs won’t hunt. I got on the Atlanta Journal Constitution website ( and the natives are restless. Unlike Jim Tressel, who cashed in on his National Championship collateral to stay popular with the fan base, Mark Richt is a marked man. There were many comments made in response to the Schultz column, but I think this one surmises the overall sentiment nicely: “Richt can take his’n and lose to yore’n or take yore’n and lose to his’n”. It’s still early in the season so much remains to be seen on whether this team is on the road to a championship or a highway to hell.

Around the rest of the SEC Alabama, Arkansas, and Florida all rolled to easy victories in tune up games. Even Vanderbilt got in on a little of the early season beat down activities. Tennessee and Mississippi State came out on top in convincing fashion and LSU flexed a little SEC muscle in a nationally televised win over Oregon. South Carolina got by East Carolina, although the Conner Shaw experiment in the first quarter almost blew up in the Head Ball coaches face. I don’t know what that was all about, but Spurrier went with, and stayed with, Garcia for the rest of the game, which proved to be the difference.
Auburn squeaked out a win over mighty Utah State?
Yeah, the Cammy Cam era over on the Plains looks like it’s about to come to a rather unspectacular and unceremonious end if they don’t get their game together.
Kentucky really made me cringe in that display of futility over Western Kentucky. And Mississippi fell to the Mormons. I don’t think those Southern Baptists in Oxford are too happy about getting beat by the heretics from Utah.

Over in the ACC, there were mixed results. Florida State, Vahhh-Tech, Clemson, and North Carolina had a relatively easy warm up on Saturday. Georgia Tech actually had a passing game in a victory over Western Carolina. But before the boys from the North Avenue Trade School get too excited let’s see how they fare against some of the Conferences “Elites.”
And that brings up a point that I’ve been pondering for a while.
Some of the teams over in the country’s best basketball conference have improved themselves and are rising through the ranks. Of note are the Florida State Seminoles.
But, while this has been occurring, the traditional bottom dwellers continue to drop. It appears to me that the gap between the “haves” and “have not’s” is widening more than the economic gap in this country under the Obama administration.
Well, at least the ACC doesn’t have to worry about things like a mortgage crisis and illegal aliens. Although, Duke, Boston College, and Wake Forest played their games like they were from a foreign country.

And lastly, some games of note from around the country. Ohio State once again showed their dominance over the state of Ohio in blanking Akron. The post Tressel era started on a positive note, but, without Pryor and company, it’s a little too early to anoint the Buck-sters with another Big Something Championship.
You know, some teams start out against some lower tier opponents to get the reps in and tune up for the difficult games down the road. Some teams go for some early competition to bolster their rank in the standings.
Oregon and Georgia made gutsy moves by scheduling tough opponents in the first week of the season. However, I don’t know what in the world Notre Dame was thinking. Already over-rated by being ranked number 16 in the country after accomplishing, well, they haven’t accomplished anything in years, and then, going out and promptly getting beaten by South Florida is not exactly Einstein-ish. That’s not the way you establish yourself as a national powerhouse. To tell you the truth, it doesn’t do much for the recruiting effort either. Let’s just hope that there’s more UNDER the golden dome than there is between the ears in the South Bend athletic Department.


Harley Hanesworth


OKLAHOMA: The Mighty Sooners won the game with Tulsa this past Saturday, but lost the Great Lee Roy Selmon this weekend to a stroke. He was only 56 years old. He was one of the greatest players in Oklahoma Sooners History and one of the greatest players to ever play the game of football and his presence will be sorely missed.
There won’t be another one like him pass this way again


KANSAS STATE: What’s the deal Wildcats?
First you wheel Bill Snyder’s petrified body on to the field to “motivate” the players.
Then, in an effort to “motivate” the fans and alumni, you decided to conjure up a cartoon character for a mascot so we can make college football “Eco Friendly”.

EDITORS NOTE: Just for the record Kansas State fans…
We aren’t laughing with you, we are laughing at you

INDIANA: All the hype, all the talk and all the “excitement” at Hoosier U…
And you couldn’t even beat BALL STATE?


OREGON STATE: I was going to make a joke about the Beavers getting shaved on Saturday, but I am above that kind of sophomoric humor.

TEXAS A&M: Can’t we date a while before we get married? I hate arranged marriages..

GEORGIA: I predict it’s going to be a long and painful season for the Dawgs and I’m not just talking about looking at those God awful “new” uniforms either.

NEW MEXICO STATE: I should have known better than to pick an “upset special” with a team that has a mascot named “Lasso Larry”. I was half expecting Moe and Curley to come out of the tunnel with him in cowboy outfits.

LSU: That’s how you pluck a Duck…

WEST VIRGINIA: The Morgantown City Council voted recently to make “couch burning” a felony within the city limits. Have they no respect for tradition?

MARYLAND: The University of Maryland is being sued in Federal Court as a part of a class action lawsuit by an as yet named number of people who claim that watching the Maryland Terrapins playing on television in their “new” uniforms has caused them to suffer from epileptic seizures.

One unnamed litigant said it this way….
“When I saw the University of Maryland’s “new” uniforms on television I became dizzy and disoriented and began to vomit on myself in my recliner and my eyes rolled back in my head. I staggered to the kitchen and as I looked over my shoulder and saw the terrapins on television (again) I passed out and went into full seizure mode”

EDITORS NOTE: Who designed these uniforms, Stevie Wonder?

ARMY: Here we go again…
I pick you to win and you lose…
When I pick you to lose, you win…
Can’t we all just get along?

COLORADO: Please see “Army” above…

AUBURN: This past Saturday during the defending National Champions rousing win over the Utah State Aggies, a member of the staff at the CFB Wizard was fortunate enough to have intercepted headset traffic from Auburn Coach Gene Chizik.

Here is a portion of the transcribed conversation.

Yes, Mr Lowder…..

I know, Mr Lowder……

I’m not going to tell anyone, Mr Lowder……

No, he put it all in that Swiss bank account you set up, Mr Lowder….

No, he didn’t give me the PIN number Mr Lowder….

Yes, sir, I’ll have him in your office this evening to shine your shoes, Mr Lowder…

No, sir, I’ll have to wait till Monday morning to pick up your shirts, Mr Lowder….

Please don’t be angry with me Mr. Lowder..

I’m really trying Mr. Lowder….

NOTRE DAME: As you may have read….
The famous sign in the Fighting Irish locker room “Play like a Champion Today”
Has been replaced with…
“Play like overrated conceited arrogant jackasses with a sense of entitlement because we are Notre Dame Today”

EDITORS NOTE: If nothing else…
You have to appreciate the honesty in the new locker room sign

MINNESOTA: Even though they lost a close contest against the California Trojans..
Make no mistake about it; these Ground Hogs are for real.

CLEMSON: Unless you are a fan of the Clemson Tiger’s the name Jake Nicolopulos may not sound familiar to you. He was an incredibly gifted high school football player at T. L Hanna High School in South Carolina and all his life he dreamed of playing football for the Mighty Clemson Tigers.

Jake’s dream came true….
He was offered a scholarship to play for his beloved Clemson Tigers in 2009

Then in December 2009 the star football player had a stroke that almost killed him.

He would never play football again

This past Saturday Jake made it down “The Hill” at Clemson

Jake came out with the coaches and rubbed “Howard’s Rock”.

He started at the front of the line taking in the scene and Coach Dabo Swinney helped him to the side and hugged his neck as the Clemson Tigers football team lined up and then streamed down the hill and onto the field.
He had to have someone hold his arm and he was the last one down as they were rolling up the carpet behind him. But nearly two years after the stroke that almost killed him; Nicolopulos didn’t care that he was the last one down the hill.

“Awesome,” he said Saturday, with a smile that likely won’t go away for days.

Nicolopulos still walks with a noticeable limp. He shakes hands with his left hand, because he still can’t do much with the right one after the stroke that nearly killed him.

Nicolopulos had already promised to come to Clemson, and the University kept its commitment.
He is a student-coach on scholarship, taking two classes, even though in the excitement right after coming down the hill at Death Valley, he couldn’t recall their names.
He apologized, but never stopped smiling.

The run down the hill was the conclusion of several promises Clemson coach Dabo Swinney and his chief recruiter back in 2009, Brad Scott, made at Nicolopulos’ bedside after the stroke, when some wondered if Nicolopulos would ever walk again. They presented him with a No. 9 Clemson jersey, his number in high school, and he grabbed the shirt with his left arm, the only one he could move at the time.
He pulled it up to his face and cried.

Three months later, rehab had helped him enough that he could sign his name to his letter of intent to Clemson. Seven months later, he was at Memorial Stadium to watch the Tigers 2010 opener against North Texas.
On Saturday, he wore khaki pants and a Clemson polo shirt as he got on the sidelines. He slapped players on the back on the bench and always answered when someone asked how he was doing. “Good. Leg is OK.”

Swinney promised Nicolopulos’ family they would treat him like any other Tiger.
The head coach has said more than once that his team can learn a lot from him.
“God had a little bit of a different plan for him. But I don’t have doubt at all Jake Nicolopulos will make an impact at Clemson,” Swinney said when he signed him.

The team has had an impact on Nicolopulos too.
He smiled even bigger when asked how much Clemson’s support has meant. “Great,” he said.
Then someone else passed by and asked Nicolopulos how it was running down the hill.
He briefly searched for another word.
“Crazy,” he said as he ambled down the sideline, slapping more of his teammates on the back.

If this video doesn’t bring a tear to your eye, then nothing will

EDITORS NOTE: For a University and a Coaching Staff to not only keep their promise to this young man, but to show such care and concern for him, if that isn’t Class and Character, then I don’t know what is


Thursday September 8th

Arizona at Oklahoma State
The Prairie Wind is going to howl the fur off these Cats
COWBOY UP! 34-17

Fayetteville State at Carson Newman
Spark’s Eagles will break these Bronco’s
Believe it

Friday September 9th

Florida International at Louisville
Florida doesn’t know what “International” is until they come to Kentucky
They have a Paris AND a London in the same state…
So There

Missouri at Arizona State
This early season matchup between the Big 12 Light…
(Remember it has all the taste of a regular conference but fewer calories)
And the PAC 10 or 12…
It should be a good one…

Saturday September 10th

Oregon State at Wisconsin
I have two very good reasons why I can’t watch this game
“Sea Monkeys”
Enough said….

Apprentice School at Campbell
At first glance I thought Donald Trump had his own college.
Then I noticed the name of the team is the “School Builders”
As in “the Apprentice School Builders”
And that reminded me that I still have a plunger stuck in my toilet…

Florida Atlantic at Michigan State
I was going to watch this game but…
My therapist said I need to spend more time with my Blender

Toledo at Ohio State
The second game on the Buckeye “Beat every little college in Ohio’s ass Tour”
I can hardly wait until they line-up against that Vietnamese Nail Salon and Beautician College in Cleveland, it should be a dandy.

Iowa at Iowa State
This bitter instate rivalry is played each year for the coveted Cy-Hawk Trophy.
You may have seen the “new” Cy-Hawk Trophy that was unveiled last month…

The picture of the trophy leads me to this question…
How can a bunch of grownups (who buy their own toilet paper and pay taxes) set in a room and think…
“Hey! This is a good idea for a football rivalry trophy!”
What the hell were they thinking?

Central Michigan at Kentucky
I wonder if there is actually a guy named Chip Pewas or Chip P. Ewas?
I know, sometimes I wonder too much…
But I am still going to Google it..

Glenville State at North Alabama
The Lions of Florence are roaring and Glen has a number of deeply rooted personal issues that prevent him from concentrating on the game this week.
Yes, it’s just that simple

San Diego State at Army
A uniformed army fighting some ancient Aztecs…
Isn’t that how Montezuma’s Revenge came about?
I can’t take any chances on this pick, because I can’t see my television from the toilet
AZTECS 33-17

South Dakota State at Illinois
This game reminded me there is a “Leave it to Beaver” marathon on TV Land
I have to watch it; I can’t betray Wally

Cal Poly at Montana
Poor Cal, he is in for the mauling of a lifetime by the Mighty Grizzly Bears
Believe it

Juniata at Dickinson
Two very important points to consider concerning this game…
One: I didn’t know Emily Dickinson had her own college
Two: Juanita was Barney Fife’s girlfriend at the diner in Mayberry
I think I made my point
J LO 24-17

William and Mary at Virginia Military Academy
Bill and Mary are spoiling for a fight and the Cadets of VMI aren’t
which is sad….

Tusculum at Georgia Southern
I cannot in good conscience pick a team that sounds like a hunk of mucus
I’m sorry but the cold and flu season is right around the corner

Mississippi State at Auburn
Did you hear that noise?
It’s all the fair weather Tiger fans jumping off the Auburn Bandwagon

Rutgers at North Carolina
I never thought I would say this about the once mighty Tar Heels playing a Rutgers team
This one could go either way…
HEELS of TAR 28-24

Marist at Bucknell
I don’t know much about Buck, but that Marist is a Fox

Norfolk State at West Virginia
Regardless of what the Morgantown City Council says..
I believe in meaningless college football celebration rituals that have no apparent value

Maine at Pittsburgh
Although Iron City Beer tastes like it’s already been drank once…
I will go with the boys from Steel Town

North Colorado at Colorado State
The Mighty Rams will bear down on North Colorado in this game
RAMS 33-21

Susquehanna at John Hopkins
Johnny Hopkins better bring his “A” game to this matchup…
Because you know how Susie mean gets when she’s all liquored up
SUSIE Q 24-17

Alabama at Penn State
This game in the Happiest of Valley’s could go either way
Believe it

Nevada at Oregon
I wish I cared about this game, I really do….
But I don’t.
QUACKS 38-28

Garner Webb at Ohio
I would have thought Garner’s Momma and daddy would have taught him..
Not to play with Bobcats
That boy is going to get the hell clawed out of him

Stanford at Duke
I would rather watch Uncle Todd’s colonoscopy video (again) than watch this game

Virginia Tech at East Carolina
The Pirates stayed with the real USC last week through three quarters..
They won’t be as fortunate this week

Texas Christian at Air Force
The Mighty Falcons of Air Force are good and the Frogs are Hurting…
This one will be closer than you think

North Greenville at Presbyterian
The Crusaders of North Greenville Baptist College meet the Blue Ho’s
I wonder if Jimmy Swaggart will be there?
BLUE HO’S 24-21

North Carolina A&T at Appalachian State
Who knew a North Carolina phone company had their own college?

California at Colorado
I would rather stare at an ant farm for three hours than watch this game

Occidental at Puget Sound
Can’t these colleges get their names right?
Its “accidental” NOT “occidental”..
Who ever heard of…
“I occidentally tripped and sprained my ankle”
That’s just dumb
PUDGY 21-17

Eastern Illinois at Northwestern
There are Panthers and Wildcats featured in this game
I hope they have some big litter boxes handy

Valparaiso at Youngstown State
This game begs the question..
If these Yankees aren’t ten miles from the Arctic Circle…
then why do they have a penguin for a mascot?
I rest my case…

New Mexico State at Minnesota
Lasso Larry tripped me up last week…
I won’t make the same mistake two Saturday’s in a row

North Carolina State at Wake Forest
The History of Macaroni Art is on the Learning Channel or I would watch this one

Wofford at Clemson
Chewbacca U bit off more than they can chew in this one….
Welcome to Death Valley

Purdue at Rice
This game will be like watching two old people in a nursing home fight.
At first it’s kind of funny and then it’s just sad

Hawaii at Washington
The once proud Huskies stumbled slightly coming out of the gate last week…
But I believe in the Big Dogs

Southern Miss at Marshall
The Thundering herd in the rearview mirror are closer than they appear..
This one will be close, real close

Cincinnati at Tennessee
This game in OBknoxville will feature a “special” halftime show…
Luke “Turnip Head” McKinney and his dancing possum “Perry” will perform a tribute to Elvis Presley with the University of Tennessee “Pride of the Southland” marching band.
This will be quite a treat for the local Vol fans as Luke was bitten by Perry while rehearsing “Jailhouse Rock” and required rabies shots and wasn’t expected to make the show.
VOWELS 34-17

Tulsa at Tulane
Interestingly enough this game features “Golden Hurricanes and Green Waves”
What is interesting about that factoid you may ask?
If you drink to many Hurricanes on Bourbon Street you will be leaning over the toilet bowl watching the Green Wave before the sun comes up the next morning.
Consider this your safety tip of the week
O’ so very GOLDEN HURRICANES 34-24

South Carolina at Georgia
Dawg Gone….

Rhode Island at Syracuse
I cannot promote or pick a team that is predicated on a lie!
Everybody knows Rhode Island isn’t an island, what do you think we are stupid?
OTTO the ORANGE 43-10

Gustavus Adolphus at Wartburg
The only thing I could think about when I saw this matchup was…
I bet that German guy could brew some fine beer…
GUS’S BREW 23-17

North Dakota at Idaho
You may not be aware of this unusual factoid about the University of Idaho…
The majorettes and flag girls on their marching band are called
“The Ida Honkies”

UNLV at Washington State
This game reminds me..
Have you seen the latest commercial for Ex-Lax?
“Has constipation made you a walking time bomb?”
Catchy don’t you think?
Never mind…

Charleston Southern at Florida State
This game is going to be uglier than Hillary Clinton in a Hooter’s Girl uniform
(Sorry for the disturbing visual)

Southern Illinois at Ole Miss
I recently saw the “new” Ole Miss mascot and I have a question…
What is it about a Black Bear costume that says “Rebels”?
Is it a rebellious bear that won’t listen to the other bears?
RUN it’s a REBEL Bear!
I don’t get it…
But you all do know that’s stupid as hell, right?
Just so we all agree…

Texas State at Wyoming
It’s time for the Boy’s from Laramie to Cowboy Up

Fresno State at Nebraska
The Fresno Fritters should have taken a right at Pismo Beach….
It would have been less painful
CHILDREN of the CORN 41-10

New Mexico at Arkansas
This game is going to be uglier than Leonard Nimoy singing the Ballad of Bilbo Baggins

HAWGS 51-10

EDITORS NOTE: I apologize if the above video caused anyone’s ears to bleed

UAB at Florida
I have no idea why the folks from Birmingham decided to name their team the “Blazers” and a have a Dragon for a mascot, because I have never seen a dragon in Alabama.
But there was this one night in Hueytown….
I don’t want to talk about it

Ball State at South Florida
Both teams are coming off big wins last week…
But South Florida is mighty strong
And that’s No Bull…
DA BULLS 33-28

Virginia at Indiana
Hoosier? As in…..
Who’s your daddy this week?

Navy at Western Kentucky
The Hilltoppers of Western have an outstanding running game….
The Problem here is, the Midshipmen’s is better

Morgan State at Bowling Green
I didn’t pick the Falcons to win last week and I paid the price…
Consider this my way of apologizing…

Jackson State at Tennessee State
A classic matchup between two storied college football programs…
Some of the greatest players to have ever graced the field have played in this game.
“Jefferson Street” Joe Gilliam, Ed “Too Tall” Jones and the Great Walter Payton to name but a few. And as a side note…
The halftime “Battle of the Bands” is not to be missed…

Houston at North Texas
The Folks from Denton are called the “Mean Green” which sounds a lot like one of those miracle stain removers if you ask me. I wonder if it will remove ass kicking stains.

Brigham Young at Texas
This game is going to prove which team is actually as good as advertised
I’m Hooked

Memphis at Arkansas State
The Fighting Elvis’s from Graceland will rock the Red Wolves
or at least they “should”

Northern Illinois at Kansas
Don’t be surprised if this one goes the “other way”

Georgia Tech at Middle Tennessee State
The Wreck Ramble up the road to Murfreesboro Tennessee and believe it or not…
They will “pass” their way to victory in this game.
I’m not joking…

UTEP at Southern Methodist
My proud ponies were rode hard and put up wet last week against the disgruntled Texas A&M Aggies, but Coach June’s Boys get back on track this week.
(I hope)

Nicholls State at Western Michigan
The Bronco’s will reduce the Colonels to Lance Corporals by the third quarter..
Believe it
BRONCO’S 38-10

Utah at Southern California
Stop me if you have heard this one…
“There once was a man from Nantucket that had two Utes in a bucket”
That’s how it goes, right?
TWO UTES 34-31

Connecticut at Vanderbilt
You want to know what I really like about Connecticut.

Northwestern State at LSU
The Demons from Northwestern are about to be exorcised…

Notre Dame at Michigan
There was once a time when this was a marquee matchup….
This isn’t the time

Weber State at Utah State
If the Aggies can scare the hell out of the defending National Champions then they can certainly dispose of the folks from the Outdoor Grill School of culinary delight.
AGGIES 38-17

Boston College at Central Florida
The Boy’s from O-Town (Not the defunct boy band) take it to the Eagles of Chestnut Hill

San Jose State at UCLA
Yet another stop on Jose’s “I like to get my ass kicked tour”
It’s fun for the whole family

Sunday September 11th

Post Game Commentary

Before September 11th became known as a “Day of Infamy”
It was more known, at least in Alabama, as the birthday of Coach Paul “Bear” Bryant.

Coach Bryant always carried a poem with him in his wallet.
He would occasionally unfold it and read it to his players and he said he read it to himself at least twice a day for as long as he could remember.

On this day I think it’s fitting to share Coach’s poem with you

“This is the beginning of a new day.
God has given me this day to use as I will.
I can waste it or use it for good.
What I do today is important as I am
exchanging a day of my life for it.
When tomorrow comes, this day will be gone forever.
Leaving something in its place I have traded for it.
I want it to be a gain, not loss–good, not evil.
Success, not failure, in order that I shall not forget
the price I paid for it.”

Coach Bryant would have been 98 years old on September the 11th..
and I would still be scared to death of him.

I miss you Coach. Always will
Enjoy your games…



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