College Football Picks Week 1

August 31, 2011
By

Ladies and Gentlemen –

As you know by now…….
The finest College Football Picks anywhere in the Country are right here and ready for your viewing pleasure. (No need to thank me, it’s what I do)

We have some big games and some “not so” big games, but they are all here for you

So let’s get to it

It’s time for College Football

And one other thing…
It’s good to be back, I have missed you all.

Enjoy…………

COLLEGE FOOTBALL NEWS

LSU: I am sure by now you have all heard about the four Tiger knuckleheads who got into a fight at a bar in Baton Rouge, one of which is starting quarterback Jordan Jefferson.

You may be thinking “He isn’t too smart”

Some of us already knew that….

TEXAS A&M: If the Aggies are willing to ditch their rich tradition because the University of Texas has created the “Longhorn Network” then I have an idea.

Why don’t the Aggies create their own network and stay in their own conference.

Unless they are just mad because they didn’t think of it first.

GEORGIA: I thought “Tradition” actually meant something in Athens, I guess I was wrong

So you ditched your “classic” uniforms for this futuristic transformer crap

If you were going for the “stupid” look, congratulations you hit the mark

MARYLAND: You got no room to laugh at Georgia, so don’t even giggle.
Your “new” helmets courtesy of Under Armour….

Look like a linoleum kitchen floor design from the 1970’s

It’s so ugly and disturbing I can’t have a picture on the site for fear someone will have an epileptic seizure from staring at them too long.

NIKE: In this late breaking news story, we see that NIKE has accomplished a preseason coupe by signing numerous SEC schools to uniform contracts.

Here we see teams modeling the latest creations.
Georgia in Red
Tennessee in Orange
Vanderbilt in Black
Kentucky in Blue, and…..

A SPECIAL flamingo pink for Florida
They do look spectacular.

AUBURN: In this age when the national media makes “stars” and “celebrities” from torrid sex tapes I am sad to report that it is “rumored” that Auburn Coach Gene Chizik has gotten on the bandwagon of this very disturbing and disgusting trend with a “sex tape” of his own.

The video in question is reported to show Coach Gene Chizik and as yet unidentified young female in a night of unabashed passion and debauchery.
here is no word yet on the age, name or address of the young female sheep involved in the video.

EDITORS NOTE: I know, I know….
That was Baddddd Badddddddd

MIAMI: With the latest suspensions of Hurricane players linked to the ongoing NCAA Investigation, it was reported today that Miami will take the unprecedented step in playing their remaining eligible players “four ways”. Hurricane Head Coach Al Golden explained it this way…

“With only six players eligible on the football team each player will have to play two separate positions on offense and defense, which makes it a four way player. It’s like the old days of players playing offense and defense except different”

EDITORS NOTE: Good Luck with that Coach…

OHIO STATE – MICHIGAN: The below picture was sent to the Staff at the CFB Wizard courtesy of a Wolverine Fan. How do I know it was a Wolverine Fan that sent it?

The email smelled like sauerkraut

OLE MISS: Ah Houston, I think you have a problem…..

EMAIL OF THE WEEK

Sir,
I am Harley Hanesworth, world renowned sports columnist for the Telfair Enterprise, here in McRae, Georgia. I’ve read and kept up with your column for many years and have been inspired by it. I have written many times in the Enterprise after this inspiration and, as a result, have almost been run out of town on numerous occasions.
I don’t think the locals here get me.
With that in mind, I would like to submit from time to time some insights and commentary on things in the college football world that you may deem worthy to print, if you so desire. With that in mind, here is a little something I ginned up while downing a bottle of Gilbey’s.

College football is about to begin.
Numerous publications have written about the teams, posted their schedules, and even have the bowl schedules posted. The bowl schedules kind of caught my eye. I was looking at this list and noted how the names of such, remarkably, reflect the caliber of talent that the individual bowls select to play in their “prestigious” events. Here are some examples:

The Humanitarian Bowl – Aptly named since it is actually a humanitarian gesture to invite teams from the MAC and WAC to participate in postseason play

Beef O’Brady’s Bowl – Should be the “Where’s the” Beef O’Brady’s Bowl. Certainly a lack of it with teams from the Big East and Conference USA participating

Poinsettia Bowl – Flowers are appropriate to celebrate the death of another season for the contestants from the Mountain West and WAC

MAACO – This is actually an acronym. Means “Maybe Alaska And Colorado Observe” this highly riveting game between the Mountain West and PAC 12 is the cure for insomnia

Independence – Participants from the ACC and Mountain West were selected due to their blanket coverage on Independent TV. (Channels 14 and above)

Champs Sports – Should have actually been called the Chumps Sports Bowl with these juggernauts from the ACC and Big East gumming each other into submission

Insight – I’ll give you all the insight you need.
The Big Ten vs The Big 12.
They can’t even get their conference names right

Chick-fil-A – Nothing says ass whipping like a team from the SEC taking on the boneless breast of a conference rep from the ACC

TicketCity – Fans from the Big Ten and Conference USA will be getting rung up by local law enforcement after trying to skedaddle out of town after the final gun.

And just one final observation.
The Outback, Capital One, and Gator Bowl all feature matchups between the Big Ten (Dozen?) and the SEC. I always wondered why the losing numbers just kept piling up for the Big Ten vs SEC schools. Now I know. They’re a glutton for punishment.

Respectfully

Harley Hanesworth

FOLLOW-UP EMAIL OF THE WEEK

Mr “Wizard” (as you refer to yourself),

I was appalled and taken aback at the recent publication of my letter on your sordid website.
Have you no common decency?

Do you not understand the principles of confidentiality?
As a result of your disgraceful act, I have been bombarded with cards, letters, and emails from your wretched followers. However, the ultimate humiliation was a call from the Secretary of Defense himself.
He was quite upset and almost had me in tears!!
Therefore, as some of your minions may have noted, we have rescinded the blockage of your website; however, it is only for CONUS use.
I was able to convince my superiors of the National Security concerns that we have over your outlandish and subversive drivel. You see, we had what we call a “PC” dilemma.
What I mean is that we had your most un-politically correct website but we also had many unhappy soldiers that couldn’t pick up your site. Although it is for their own good, we can’t have our soldiers walking around pouting and pouching out their succulent, plump, lower lips, all slouched over and with their heads down.

We need to have these young people standing erect and proud, with their firm, muscular chests poked out, and their tight, taut butt cheeks, pinched tightly to form a… ah, well, you know what I mean.

As I said, in order to remedy the dilemma we have formally lifted the ban of your site here in the US. But rest assured, we of the REE/TARD Brigade will be watching you.
We will be monitoring your every word.
Rest assured, sir, that when I put my hands on a soldier, hug them tightly, and whisper softly in his ear; I will be personally assuring him that you will do no more harm.
He will feel my warm breath on his face, my firm hands pulling him gently into a warm embrace…. and, ah, I’ll make him feel better.
YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!!!!

Militarily,
Beauregard T. Thistleballs,
General
United States Army
REE/TARDS
University of Southern California ‘69

THE PICKS

Thursday September 1st

Carson Newman at Glenville State
I think Glen’s ego has gotten out of hand….
First he has his own town and now he wants to have his own State.
Coach Sparks Boys will bring him back to reality
SPARKS EAGLES 34-24

Drake and North Dakota
This pick is for the NCAA politically correct police….
FIGHTING SIOUX! FIGHTING SIOUX! FIGHTING SIOUX! 33-10

Wake Forest at Syracuse
I was going to watch this game but…..
It’s on at the same time as my “Trombonists Anonymous Meeting”
Sorry….
DEMONS DEACONS 28-24

New Hampshire at Toledo
Good News “Rocket Fans”…..
Your “new” mascot Rocky the Rocket will be unveiled at this game….
It looks like a TeleTubbie on Crack….

Congratulations…
ROCKY ROCKET 28-24

Western Carolina at Georgia Tech
I still think “Catamount” sounds like something nasty is going on…
YELLOW JACKETS 38-14

West Alabama at South Alabama
This is a Backyard Brawl early in the season and it’s all Alabama
I’m a South Alabama man….
JAGUARS 24-17

Montana State at Utah
Stop me if you have heard this one….
Two Utes and a Bobcat walk into a bar with a Midget and a Rabbi….
I told that one already? Sorry…
TWO UTES 43-24

Fordham at Connecticut
You may not know this…
The Great Vince Lombardi was one of the “original” Seven Blocks of Granite of the 1936 Fordham Rams Football Team and they are all legends of the game of college football.
Unfortunately that’s not going to help them much here….
HUSKIES 34-10

Mississippi State at Memphis
The Boys from the Land of Elvis are going to be “All Shook Up” by the Bulldogs
Believe it
BULLY DOGS 34-10

UC Davis at Arizona State
I don’t care and neither should you
DEVILS of the SUN 41-10

Central Oklahoma at North Alabama
The Lions of Florence are loaded this year
Remember you heard it here first….
MIGHTY LIONS 38-21

UNLV at Wisconsin
Behold the Power of Cheese Whiz!
BADGERS 44-10

Kentucky at Western Kentucky
There will be a lot of Bluegrass in this game….
And I’m not talking about what fans will be smoking in the parking lot before kickoff
WILDCATS 33-17

North Carolina Central at Rutgers
The Carolina Eagles will get a beat down and their fans get car jacked…
Welcome to New Jersey………
SCARLET KNIGHTS 38-10

Murray State at Louisville
The Racers get rode hard in the Ville
Believe it….
STRONG CARDINALS 43-10

South Carolina State at Central Michigan
When I make a mistake I own up to it….
I have reported in the past that a Chippewa’s is an “infected mole”
Nothing could be further from the truth, as I recently discovered, and I offer my sincere apologizes for such erroneous reporting. You expect a higher standard than that.
In fact it is another term for “Chipped Beef on Toast”…
As in: “I will have two eggs over easy and a plate of Chippewa”
I hope that has cleared up any misunderstanding
CHIPPEWA’S 28-10

Bowling Green at Idaho
I had every good intention of watching this game…..
But I plan on being trapped in a small dingy off the coast of Paraguay at the same time
SMALL POTATOS 28-24

Friday September 2nd

Youngstown State at Michigan State
Penguins and Spartans….
Sounds like the makings of a Disney movie to me…
GO TELL THE SPARTANS 33-17

Texas Christian at Baylor
The Bears of Baylor have a good football team this year…
Just not good enough in this match-up.
HORNED FROGS 28-24

Saturday September 3rd

Delaware State at Virginia Military Academy
I don’t know much about the Hornets of Delaware but George Patton went to VMI
and that’s good enough for me…
KEYDETS 24-21

Jacksonville at Citadel
This isn’t the Jacksonville State Gamecocks or I would pick them to spank the Dogs.
But since it isn’t I won’t
BULLDOGS 34-6

Duquesne at Bucknell
Did you know…..
That you can’t say “Duquesne” properly unless you just drank a glass of buttermilk?
JOHN WAYNE and THE DUKES 24-17

Alabama State at Mississippi Valley State
There are Hornets and Delta Devils in this match-up…..
I have met my fair share of both…
And both of them will run you out of the barn when you least expected it…
Consider that to be your safety tip of the day
DELTA DEVILS 21-14

Arkansas State at Illinois
The Indians of Arkansas State can’t be the “Indians” anymore because the “Indians” are offended so now they are the Red Wolves. The Fighting Illini can’t use “Chief Illiniwek” as a mascot because another gaggle of idiots are offended.
I’m offended that both universities are getting jacked around by the NCAA over their mascots, does that mean they get to keep things the way they were?
Just wondering….
FIGHTING PUMPKINS 38-10

Western Michigan at Michigan
I was going to watch this game but “former” Wolverine Coach Rich Rod is going to be on a “new” VH1 reality program with his wife Rita Rod called “Guess that Skank”.
Its times like these I wish I had TiVo
WOLVERINES 43-10

Southern University at Tennessee State
I know I have heard it all before….
The Jaguars have the better team in this contest
But as far as I am concerned they will always be Big John Merritt’s Tigers
I still miss the Big Man
BIG JOHN’S TIGERS 24-21

Alcorn State at Grambling
The Great Doug Williams has returned to Grambling to be the Head Football Coach of the Tigers
Welcome Back Coach……
But just for the record….
Coach Rob will always be “The Man” at Grambling….
ROB’S TIGERS 33-28

Louisiana Monroe at Florida State
Poor ole Monroe….
That boy is headed for an ass whipping of Biblical proportions
SEMINOLES 52-0

Utah State at Auburn
The Aggies are the worse team in Division I College Football……
And you know what that means?
The Tiger fans will be rolling the dying shrubs at Toomer’s Corner at Midnight..
What? Too soon?
WAR DAMN EAGLE 103-0

Eastern Kentucky at Kansas State
Coach Bill Snyder’s petrified body will be on display on the sidelines to inspire the Cats to victory over the Colonels of Kentucky.
You do know Coach Snyder has been dead since 1998 didn’t you?
WILDCATS 33-17

Indiana at Ball State
Have I mentioned that David Letterman is an alumni of Ball State?
I have? That won’t matter much this time either….
WHOSE YOUR DADDY 33-21

Akron at Ohio State
Its Football Time in Columbus Ohio and you know what that means!
“The Ohio State Buckeyes Beat Every Little College Ass in Ohio Tour”
Ahhh Good Times…
MIGHTY BUCKEYES 38-10

UCLA at Houston
The “University of California Left at Artesia” is going to be introduced to what I like to refer to as…“A Houston Texas Ass Whipping”
Enjoy…..
COUGARS 31-24

Louisiana Tech at Southern Miss
There is nothing like a college football game in Hattiesburg Mississippi
I can almost smell the BBQ smoking from here…
GOLDEN EAGLES 28-24

Rice at Texas
What I wouldn’t give to be in Austin Texas on Saturday Night….
I’m a legend on 6th Street in case you didn’t know
MIGHTY LONGHORNS 34-10

Kent State at Alabama
Welcome to Tuscaloosa Alabama!
Here is your cashier’s check for visiting us…
Now please make your way to Bryant Denny Stadium where..
You will get your asses kicked between your shoulder blades.
CRIMSON TIDE 38-10

Indiana State at Penn State
The “Fighting” Sycamores come to Happy Valley….
Whoever heard of a “Fighting” Tree?
“HEY Everybody RUN for your Lives! It’s a FIGHTING Tree!”
That’s just stupid…..
JOE PA’S LIONS 55-0

Troy at Clemson
With Troy traveling to Death Valley to meet the Mighty Clemson Tigers this week

This is an excellent time to tell you my favorite story about “Helen of Troy” Alabama….
Helen was the proprietor of a little General Store outside of Troy and she had been single for as long as anyone could remember. All she did was work at her store and go to church, that was about it.
Then one day….
There was this salesman from Birmingham that was on his way to Troy on business and he had just drunk two Coca-Cola’s and he had to relieve himself before he got into town. So he stopped on the side of the road and went into some bushes to take care of his business.
What this fellow didn’t know was that he was relieving himself on a yellow jackets nest. And a few of those aggravated creatures came boiling out of that nest and stung him on his personal business.
Frightened and scared the salesman ran out of the bushes and jumped into his car and stopped at the first place he found, which just happened to be Helen’s General Store.
The injured salesman got out of his car and stumbled into Helen’s Store holding his swollen personal business and asked Helen “What can you give me for this?”
Helen said “A pair of diamond earrings, keys to a new Ford F-150 and the title to the store”
The two haven’t been heard from since….

THE MIGHTY TIGERS 38-10

Campbell at Old Dominion
This game boasts a Battle between Camels and Monarchs…
Yes you read that correctly….
And to make this “even” better the Campbell Camels mascot is named….
“Gaylord the Camel”
Enough said….
BIG BLUE MONARCHS 27-17

Tulsa at Oklahoma
After months of extensive research by the professional staff at the CFB Wizard we have finally determined what the folks at Tulsa mean by a “Golden Hurricane”.
It’s what happens when somebody is all liquored up and they pee into a box fan.
And please, don’t ask how we came to that conclusion.
BOOMER SOONERS 49-10

Richmond at Duke
I had every intention of watching this game….
But a documentary on the history of Styrofoam is on the Learning Channel at the same time.
It’s a matter of priorities
DEVILS of BLUE 33-17

Appalachian State at Virginia Tech
The Mountaineers are about to learn the answer to an age old question..
“Yes”, the Hokey Pokey is what it’s all about…..
HOKEY HOKEY HI! 34-13

Weber State at Wyoming
I had no idea that the fine folks from Weber Grills had their own college….
They make some of the finest outdoor grills known to mankind….
Not that it matters much here……
COWBOY UP! 34-7

Georgia Southern at Samford
It doesn’t matter how many times I have written this column…
Every time I see “Samford” I think of Sanford and Son….
If they ever have a quarterback named “Lamont” I will lose it
SOUTHERN EAGLES 33-10

Cal Poly at San Diego State
Frankly there is too much activity in this match-up to suit me…
You have some guy named Cal who likes to be called “Polly”
(Which is an indication that Cal has some “issues”)
Then you have a group of ancient Aztecs running around presumably to perform ritual sacrifices on someone, worship the sun while building monuments to something or another.
This game is just too busy for me….Sorry
ANCIENT AZTECS 38-17

McNeese State at Kansas
Warning: Watching this game could cause…
The viewer to experience severe flatulence in the cerebral cortex
HAWKS of JAY 33-17

Northern Arizona at Arizona
An instate Battle in the Land of Sand….
This time of the year Arizona is ten degrees cooler than the surface of the sun….
HOT CATS 28-17

Sacramento State at Oregon State
I have said this for years and I stand by my statement….
I believe in the Power of the Beaver
MIGHTY BEAVERS 38-10

Liberty at North Carolina State
Someone told me that Liberty is known as the “Flamers”
I had no idea Kenny Chesney had his own college, did you?
WOLFPACK 44-6

Miami (OH) at Missouri
Here is how this game breaks down, so pay close attention
Miami of Ohio has a very good football team
The Missouri Tigers are way (way) better than good
Yes, it’s just that simple sometimes
MO’S TIGERS 31-17

South Carolina at East Carolina
I have on good authority that Gamecock quarterback Stephen Garcia is changing his game day routine this season in an effort to show more consistency in his play at quarterback.
He is going to start getting liquored up “before” the games this year.
Party on Stephen….
MIGHTY ROOSTERS 43-10

James Madison at North Carolina
I don’t know that much about Jimmy Madison
But his wife Dolly makes some killer mini donuts….
TAR HEELS 24-17

William and Mary at Virginia
I don’t know what Bill and Mary were thinking when they scheduled this game…
But I bet there was liquor involved
CAVALIERS 24-17

Delaware at Navy
Why did the Blue Hen cross the road?
To get its ass kicked by the United States Naval Academy, that’s why.
MIDSHIPMEN 34-24

Brigham Young at Ole Miss
I might be wrong on this one, but I don’t think so
COUGARS 24-17

Boise State at Georgia
UPSET SPECIAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The Bulldogs take it to the Broncos in a close one between the hedges
Believe it
SIC EM DAWGS 31-28

Eastern Washington at Washington
An Eagle can’t whip a Big Dog….
It’s in the Bible
MIGHTY HUSKIES 38-10

LSU and Oregon
Cowboy Stadium, Dallas Texas

Oregon Coach Chip Kelly tolerates thugs and drug use on his team…
LSU Coach Les Miles doesn’t…

In perhaps the Biggest game of the early 2011 Season…

Chip Kelly is keeping his thugs on the team to play in the game
Les Miles suspended his players, including the starting quarterback.

The Ducks are prostitutes to NIKE and will change their uniform designs on a whim…
The Mighty Tigers hold true to tradition…..

It’s the Southeastern Conference and the Pacific Athletic Conference

There can only be one winner…
And here is my pick…
“The Ducks get plucked while their offense gets stuck and their fans tell Chip Kelly to get lost”
HEY FIGHTN’ TIGERS 28-24

EDITORS NOTE: You thought I was going to say something nasty there didn’t you?
Shame on you….

Montana at Tennessee
If you have an opportunity to see this game on television I want to clarify something for you.
There IS a BIG difference between the Montana “Grizzly” Bear mascot and the University of Tennessee female Cheerleaders. One is exceptionally large with an extreme amount of body hair, a long snout, unsightly teeth and a bad disposition.
The other is a college kid in a foam rubber bear costume.
I hope that clears up any preconceived misunderstanding…
VOWELS 38-17

Northwestern at Boston College
This has all the makings of a classic matchup between two evenly matched teams
Unfortunately I don’t care
WILDCATS 23-21

Elon at Vanderbilt
I am a big fan of Lionel Richie….
So I will go with the Commodores in this one
BRICKHOUSE COMMODORES 33-10

Buffalo at Pittsburgh
I was hoping I would get a chance to see this game….
But I have to rearrange my sock drawer.
It’s a scheduling conflict
PANTHERS 38-10

South Dakota at Air Force
I have never seen the Air Force bomb Coyotes…
But I suppose anything is possible…
MIGHTY FALCONS 33-14

Charleston Southern at Central Florida
This game will have Buccaneers and Golden Knights…
Sounds like a party at Elton John’s house
O’ SO GOLDEN KNIGHTS 41-10

Howard at Eastern Michigan
I don’t care if Howard is crazy enough to ride a Bison..
Those Eagles are going to whip his Buffalo riding ass
EAGLES 33-10

Louisiana Lafayette at Oklahoma State
I think the Prairie Wind is going to touch the Cajuns in the naughty place..
And it’s going to hurt, a lot.
COWBOYS! 53-10

Ohio at New Mexico State
UPSET SPECIAL!!!!!!!!
Lasso Larry turns up the heat in the desert for the Cool Cats of Ohio
(Thought that one up myself)
LASSO LARRY 23-21

Colorado at Hawaii
Much like me you probably only have one question concerning this game in Hawaii…
When is Dog the Bounty Hunter’s new season premiering on the A&E Network?
BUFFALOS 31-17

Middle Tennessee at Purdue
I was planning on watching this game and then I realized….
It comes on at the same time as the Cosby Kids and Fat Albert marathon on TV Land.
Heeey Heeey Heeey I can’t watch this game…..Fat Albert’s on!
BOILERMAKERS 28-20

Marist at Sacred Heart
I am infuriated that the Pioneers think their heart is somehow more “sacred” than anyone else’s.
That kind of arrogance disgusts me.
Not that it matters, that Marist is a Fox.
RED FOXES 23-21

Army at Northern Illinois
Each year I start out picking West Point to win and they lose…
Then I pick them to lose and they win…
Here we go again…
BLACK KNIGHTS 24-17

Texas State at Texas Tech
The Red Raiders mascot “The Masked Rider” rides “Red Raider” around the stadium each time they score. Before this one is over they may need a “stunt” horse.
GET THOSE GUNS UP! RED RAIDERS! 106-0

Chattanooga at Nebraska
The Boy’s from Chattanooga….
Are going to feel like they were run over by the Chattanooga Choo Choo before this one is over
CHILDREN OF THE CORN 44-0

Lafayette at North Dakota State
I understand that the NCAA is wanting the “Bison” of North Dakota State to change their mascot too. It has been reported that a Bison in Montana is “offended” by the assertion that all Bison come from South Dakota.
(Don’t laugh, it makes about as much sense as the NCAA stance on American Indian mascots)
MIGHTY BUFFALO 23-10

Furman at Coastal Carolina
Maybe it’s just me….
But “Chanticleers” sounds like something that requires a shot of penicillin.
CHEWBACCA 31-17

South Florida at Notre Dame
Don’t be surprised if this game goes “the other way”
FIGHTING IRISH 33-28

San Jose at Stanford
Do you know the way to “San Jose”?
Yeah, it’s over there next to a sign that says “Free Ass Whipping Here for Jose”
CARDINAL 41-10

Missouri State at Arkansas
Before MO’s Bears hear “And the Rockets’ Red Glare..”
They will be down three touchdowns….
HAWGS 77-0

Florida Atlantic at Florida
You have to wonder how wise an Owl really is for scheduling this game with the Mighty Gators
MIGHTY GATORS 38-10

Idaho State at Washington State
I would rather be horribly ravaged by wild gorillas than watch this game
COUGARS 10-6

Stony Brook at Texas El Paso
Two points to make in the game…
One: Stony Brook Chalets in Gatlinburg Tennessee is a great place to visit and relax.
(Before you ask, yes that was a shameless plug)
Two: El Paso is a not so great place to visit and relax.
That is unless you like scorching heat, gang violence and illegal aliens.
I hope this helped..
MINERS 31-14

Minnesota at Southern California
I am afraid the O’ So Golden Gophers have bitten off more than they can gnaw in this one
TROJANS 43-14

Colorado State at New Mexico
I can’t watch this game…..
The E! True Hollywood Story of “Slim Whitman” is on at the same time…
He’s a legend
RAMS 31-17

Fresno State at California
I was planning on watching this “great” game featuring all things California…
But I intend on giving myself a concussion with a claw hammer until…
I no can watch PAC 10 or 12 football good no more….
GOLDEN GRAM BEARS 6-3

Sunday September 4th

Marshall at West Virginia
The “Friends of Coal Bowl” comes early this year….
Make no mistake about it, there is enough hate in this one to last all season
Light those Couches!
MOUNTAINEERS 31-24

Southern Methodist at Texas A&M
My Poor Ponies…..
I wish I had better news…
But this game is going to be uglier than Hillary Clinton in a string bikini..
Sorry for the visual…
If it’s any consolation, it made me sick too
GIG EM AGGIES 44-17

Monday September 5th

Miami at Maryland
Since the Canes only have six players eligible for this game I will go with the….
FIGHTING LINOLEUM KITCHEN FLOOR 23-21

SPECIAL PICK OF THE WEEK

Saturday September 3rd

Tennessee Tech at Iowa
This time of the season I always make some smart ass comment about the Hawkeyes mascot, etc
Not this year…..

This pick is for Iowa native Petty Officer Jon T. “JT” Tumilson United States Navy SEAL and his faithful dog Hawkeye. A Damn good man and a damn fine dog.
HAWKEYES 44-10

Enjoy your games….

RTR

THE CFB WIZARD

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4 Responses to College Football Picks Week 1

  1. Deke on August 31, 2011 at 7:18 pm

    Mike,
    It is great to see the CFB Wizard out of the starting gate and running fast. You provided simply outstanding humor, great picks and one devastating visual (Hillary in a string bikini). I thought Skillet was going to come out with the Helen of Troy story!

    You are a legend on 6th street, Hardy street, Bourdon street, Beale street and Eglin Parkway to name a few!

  2. Margaret on August 31, 2011 at 10:07 pm

    So glad you’re back, and loved the Helen of Troy story!! GO TIGERS!!!

  3. Scott Lee on September 1, 2011 at 11:42 pm

    I grew up in Troy, Alabama, and I know for a fact that the Helen of Troy story is true, more or less…

  4. Bulldog Jim on September 2, 2011 at 11:59 pm

    Here we go! Much luck! Your pal, BJ

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