Breaking College Football News

December 5, 2010

Ladies and Gentlemen –

I bring you extremely disturbing breaking college football news from Atlanta….

Reader discretion is advised….

Atlanta Georgia…….

This Sunday morning following the Southeastern Conference Championship game…..
Atlanta police were called to a Motel 6 in downtown Atlanta after numerous reports of screaming, crying and loud music were coming from one of the rooms.

Once the police arrived…
They found CBS college football commentator Vern Lundquist banging on a motel room door wearing in what was reported as….

Ass-less leather chaps and a gimp mask, screaming for more “Cammy Cam Juice”

Once the police entered the motel room they found what was later described as…
“A peak into Dante’s Inferno”

It was further reported that fellow CBS college football commentator Gary Danielson
Was found handcuffed to one of the motel room beds with a ball gag in his mouth, wearing only a “I (Heart) Can Newton” t-shirt and War Eagle thong.
Once the police removed the restraints, Gary was said to have been babbling…

“Cam Newton is BETTER than Vince Young, Steve Young and the entire cast and crew of the Young and the Restless, I want to have his children!”

To make matters even more disturbing….
CBS College football sideline reporter Tracy Wolfson….
Was said to have been passed out on the toilet due to an overdose of “Cammy Cam juice”
holding a mislabeled Gatorade bottle wearing a “homemade” Auburn Cheerleaders uniform.

Although Auburn quarterback Cam Newton was reported by the Atlanta police, to have been in the motel room for the reported “Love Feast”…
The NCAA and Auburn trustee Bobby Lowder “ruled that Cam Newton wasn’t there” and “his eligibility isn’t in question”

No arrest were made and….
CBS Sports has no comment on the “supposed” Cam Newton Love Feast…
But paramedics who responded to the incident….
Did report that Vern Lundquist is said to be pregnant with Cam Newton’s first child.



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3 Responses to Breaking College Football News

  1. The BamaPrincess on December 8, 2010 at 4:52 pm

    Mr. Wiz – – – you are sooo funny!! It’s about time someone started reporting what’s really going on with Vern and Gary ! 😉

  2. Scott Lee on December 10, 2010 at 11:45 pm

    I hear ya brother, and believe every tidbit… but WDE anyway. (I never trusted that Gary Danielson fu**er anway).

  3. MHolley on December 15, 2010 at 5:14 am



    Hope all is well with you and yours.

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