Trick or Treat rewind…

November 1, 2009

Ladies and Gentlemen –

I ask you….
Who got treats and who got tricked this weekend?

The Homers of Indiana certainly got “tricked” into believing a two touchdown lead was enough to beat the Iowa Hawkeyes.

And the South Carolina Gamecocks had more than enough “Butterfingers” to start the game in Knoxville, which counted as a tasty “treat” for the Volunteers.

But perhaps the best treat of all was watching the Trojans get the hell quacked of them.

Let’s take a look back at the Halloween games and answer a few of your emails….

Don’t be afraid, there’s nothing to be scared of…


PENN STATE: In an effort to eliminate any reference to a “cross”, the “six” students that protested the recent student T-shirt promoting the Lion football team, will ceremoniously burn all Christopher Cross records on the Happy Valley campus.

TENNESSEE: I had a feeling the Volunteers were going to have a “uniform” change…
My Gay-Dar was going off before kickoff…

EDITORS NOTE: Seriously, the black jerseys look stupid, just so you know.

GEORGIA: See “Tennessee” above and substitute “Helmets” for jerseys.


OREGON STATE: Beaver Jim, I finally got one right…..

ILLINOIS: What was I thinking going against the “Fighting Pumpkins” on Halloween?

NORTH ALABAMA: The Lions of Florence are for real this year….
Is another National Championship in their future? I sure hope so…

VIRGINIA TECH: It’s getting close to Thanksgiving..
So you Turkeys better get it together or you your season is going to be cooked.

AUBURN: Didn’t I tell you the Tigers would beat Ole Miss? Who loves you?

WEST VIRGINIA: Come on Mountaineers, there are people in Morgantown with couches that need to be burned.


TEXAS: I don’t think the “Prairie Wind” touched any of the Mighty Longhorns on Saturday Night.
The questions, can anybody else touch them before the Big 12 Championship game?

EDITORS NOTE: The above was in no way a reference to MC Hammer, so you can’t touch this..

OREGON: Quack Attack, indeed. Congratulations.

LSU: For my Mighty Tiger fans in honor of Halloween….

CHATTANOOGA: Nice win Moccasins, very nice win.

MICHIGAN: It was erroneously reported that Coach Rod’s wife was dressed as a “witch” on Halloween
for the wolverine game with Illinois. This is incorrect and hurtful.
She was dressed as herself, she just looks and acts like a witch, there’s a difference.

MISSISSIPPI STATE: I guess the Bulldogs did tree the Cats, sorry I doubted you Bully.


NCAA: Now that your media sweethearts won’t be eligible for the National Championship…
You think we might find out what the status is on that big “investigation” into Reggie Bush and the Southern California Trojans?


Q: Dear sir
I have been really angered by the obviously biased calls for the best coach that ever lived, Bobby Bowden, to retire.
I watched the entire GREAT triumph over NC State today and I am certain that Coach Bowden acts like a coach better than anyone around.
Did you see him waive his hands and point? Just like a normal coach would do.
Did you see him get excited and break into a little bit of a geezer trot when he was trying to get Damotok’s attention?
Joe Pa’s not even that fast.
Now I will give you the fact that he did look a little disoriented when he walked out on the field for the post game handshake but, hey, he knew he was supposed to do something when the final gun sounded!! So, leave my Coach alone all you naysayers!
Solomon in Sopchopee

A: Bobby is so old he remembers when being “disoriented” meant you got lost in Tokyo.

Q: Dear Sir,
There’s been all kind of stories going around but one has left me scratching my head.
Is it true that my beloved Dawgs had a couple of drives stall yesterday because our quarterback, Joe Cox, has a revoked license?
Just wondering
Lemuel in Ludowici

A: The Cocktail Party’s over Lemuel, back away from the alcohol.

Q: Dear Sir,
I just want to let you know that my Georgia State Panthers kick off their inaugural season next year!!! Our head coach, Bill Curry, is cooking up something extra special cause our first game is against those Alabama Crimson Tide boys!!!
I’m looking for a big win there and maybe an undefeated season!!
Then its National Championship time!!!
Only 309 days til kickoff!
Albert in Alpharetta

A: Does the term “Beat Down of a Lifetime” mean anything to you Albert?

Q: Dear Mister Wizard
This week while we’ve been practicing I’ve been seeing all these pictures all over the place. In the locker room, in the weight room, heck, even in the bathroom stalls there are pictures of Florida beating us, pictures of the scoreboard of the 49-10 beat down we took, and even Urban Myers calling timeout. So, I’ve just got this to say.
I’m convinced. In fact I’m so convinced that I’ve called Gainesville and talked to them about transferring. Heck, Tebow leaves this year and they’ll need a new quarterback next year. Do you think that I’ve got any eligibility left if I leave now?
Joe Cox

A: It’s over Joe, just let it go…..

Q: Mike, I hate to ask…
But what costume did Hootie Snitch wear on Halloween this year?
Chip – Pensacola, Florida

A: I didn’t see it Chip….
But I was told it looked like a unicorn wearing a gimp mask….
Sorry for the visual.

Q: As commissioner of the Southeastern Conference, I would appreciate if you would publish this letter on your popular website:
To all,
I would just like to thank you for making this one of the most exciting football seasons in recent Florida Gator history. We here at the SEC, in an attempt to maintain our superiority over other conferences in the country, would just like to fill you in on our exciting new policy. Our intent is to make sure we have a premier team represent the SEC, and YOU the fan, in the Championship game every year. What with Tim Tebow being the media darling that he is, we felt it necessary to give him an appropriate show of love for his Senior season. With that being said, please stop raising such a fuss on the questionable calls made by our officiating crews during games with Florida. It’s all a grand plan from which every deserving SEC school will receive their shot at a National Championship. Our plan is to get Alabama to the table next year, and if their offense continues to improve, we’ll get LSU back in 2011. Afterward, we’ll look at the remaining schools who have not represented our fair conference in the National Championship game for future consideration. Well, all but Georgia, Vandy, and Mississippi State. They’re going nowhere fast.
Best wishes,
Mike Slive
Southeastern Conference
P.S. Tell Lane Kiffin that he’d better keep his mouth shut or the only post season bowl they’ll be playing in is the Igloo Bowl in Anchorage Alaska. And we’ll put it on Pay Per View

A: Ouch…..

Q: Mr Wizard,
I’m really pumped about my Tennessee Volunteers football team this year. We have had a great season so far. We almost beat Florida a couple of weeks ago.
We REEEEEEEEEEEEEEAlly almost beat Alabama last week.
We beat South Carolina and that smartass Coach Genius and I’m very, very excited.
But with the way our team is playing I feel real good about our chances.
Mr. Wizard how bad do you think we might almost beat the rest of the teams on our schedule this year?
Go Vols!!!
Minday in Memphis

A: I think you will “almost” win the remainder of your games this year…

Q: Dear Sir,
Hey there Mr Smarty Pants. All you Bamer folks thought you pulled a fast one on me when you THOUGHT you cut off the sound to my headset on Saturday. Shows how smart ya’ll are. I was listening to the entire compilation of the Barney the Dinosaur tunes on my cassett deck I had stuffed in my pocket. HAHAHAHAHAHA.
My daddy was the only one you messed up and he only coaches the defense, and that’s really not that important.
So keep trying CHEATERS!!
Like I said after the game, we’re gonna beat you next year!!!
Or the year after. Or the year after that.
I love you, you love me!!
We’ll beat you in 2023!!!
Go Vols!!!
Lane Kiffin

A: See you in OBknoxville next year Jackass….

Have a great week folks….
Your Week 10 Picks will be out later in the week..
So stay tuned..


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2 Responses to Trick or Treat rewind…

  1. HOOTIE SNITCH on November 1, 2009 at 6:33 pm

    That’s a bunch of bull crap about my costume!
    It looked like a unicorn WITH an orange mullet in a gimp mask
    Get your story straight next time

    Hootie – Out!
    PS Come on by my new resturant, it’s about done…

  2. Bulldog Jim on November 8, 2009 at 12:12 am

    BAMA Mike, Hello my friend. All well here. We visited Oregon/Washington last week and Maureen and Steve said, “HELLO!” Is it ok to send them info about your newsletter/site? ALSO, I am expecting my Bulldogs to pull an upset next week! What do you think? Your pal, BJ

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