Ladies and Gentlemen –
What a week it was…
Your Favorite College Football Prognosticator was a rather amazing 42 and 10 last week or 81%
and that leaves us at 411 and 107 or 79% for the season.
But enough self adulation, this week we have “even” more Big Ten games….
Played for a variety of trophy’s and valued memorabilia and the tussle in T-Town.
Later in the week we will discuss the Bowl Championship Committee…
Which is actually not a committee at all, but a room full of chimpanzees
wired up on Red Bull and sugar throwing poop at college football teams listed on a wall chart.
More on this “detailed process” as it has been described in the media later in the week.
We have some games to discuss…
Enjoy your picks!
Thursday November 5th
Virginia Tech at East Carolina
I know, I haven’t hit a game with the Hokey’s in a couple of weeks….
But I have on “good authority” that Lou Holtz is going to be the “guest” Mascot this week.
Get your Gobble on Lou…..
MIGHTY TURKEYS 31-10
Miami (OH) at Temple
Believe it or not (and I ‘m not sure that I do…)
The Owls of Temple are on the verge of their first bowl game since 1979….
That’s enough motivation for anybody…
HOOT OWLS 24-17
Friday November 6th
Boise State at Louisiana Tech
Have I mentioned lately that I picked the Broncos to finish the season undefeated?
Enough said….
BRONCOS 34-17
Saturday November 7th
Vanderbilt at Florida
This game reminds me of the old saying……
“If you love something, let it go….
If it doesn’t come back then the alligator must have eaten it’s ass up”
At least that’s what they say on the bayou…
MIGHTY GATORS 38-10
Central Florida at Texas
Before this one is over the Golden Knights will wish
they jousted with midgets on burros instead of trying to stop the stampeding Longhorns.
Which as a side note…
Midgets jousting on burros screams pay-per-view to me….
especially if they are wearing sombreros
MIGHTY MIGHTY LONGHORNS 44-10
LSU at Alabama
The Tussle in T-Town…
A classic matchup that will be a fight until the final whistle blows…
Don’t blink…
CRIMSON TIDE 20-17
Northern Arizona at Ole Miss
SOoooooooo the “Chancellor” in Oxford stated this week that “He” will remove the Rebel fight song
if the students continue to chant “The South will rise again…” at football games.
Here is a little hint….
You got a jackass running a university that doesn’t understand college students…
Because even I know you don’t “threaten” a bunch of college kids….
Stand by Dumbass….
REBELS 43-17
Chattanooga at Appalachian State
UPSET SPECIAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The Mountaineers are going down with a moccasin sticking out of their butt.
Sorry for the visual….
MOCCASINS 28-24
Ohio State at Penn State
This game will be and ole fashion slug fest from start to finish……
I think the Buckeyes will win a close one…
but I have a feeling that Joe Pa has something up his sleeve, or hidden in his hair, or behind his glasses…
You get the picture….
JOE PA’S LIONS 23-21
Tusculum at Carson Newman
When I had the “Kangaroo Flu” recently, I think I coughed up a Tusculum…
It was disgusting…
SPARKS EAGLES 33-14
Oregon State at California
Beaver Jim, I wish I had better news for you…..
GOLDEN BEARS 33-24
Virginia at Miami (FL)
Here’s how this game works….
The Cavaliers lost to the Duke Blue Devils last week…
Enough said….
HURRICANES 152-0
Oklahoma at Nebraska
This game isn’t the marquee game that it once was…..
But it doesn’t mean they don’t hate each other with a passion…
I like that in a football game…
BOOMER SOONERS 28-17
Henderson State at Ouachita Baptist
Little known fact about the Ouachita Baptist denomination…
They don’t have their own “Theme Park”….
Unlike a few other denominations I could mention…
FIGHTN’ BAPTIST 33-10
Connecticut at Cincinnati
The Huskies are playing more like anorexic Chihuahuas
BEARKATS 33-17
Oklahoma State at Iowa State
This game is played each year for the “Telephone Trophy”…..
I’m not making that up…
The Cowboys will lasso this Cyclones….
I saw it once in a movie called “Tall Tales”
It was “based” on fact….
COWBOY UP! 31-21
Florida State at Clemson
No Bowden Bowl this year….
Just and ole fashioned Tiger ass whipping…..
DABO’S TIGERS 33-28
Kansas at Kansas State
This instate rivalry is called “The Sunflower Showdown”
It’s played each year for the coveted Governors Cup
Anytime you have a rivalry game that has the word “Flower” in it……
it’s just not that big a deal outside your own state, it’s a rule.
HAWKS of JAY 34-17
Tennessee Tech at Georgia
The Eagles have the same chance of winning this game between the hedges
as Kenny Chesney does of discovering his heterosexuality.
In case you are keeping score, that would be slim and none.
HUNKER DOWN BULLDOGS 43-10
Wofford at Citadel
Sure it’s cool that Chewbacca has his own college…..
but the military of college of South Carolina’s Dogs will take a bite out of his hairy butt.
CAROLINA’S BULLDOGS 31-17
Duke at North Carolina
This battle on Tobacco Road is played for the “Victory Bell”
Which hasn’t seen the Blue Devil campus since Coach Steve was there….
That trend continues on Saturday…
TAR HEELS 24-17
Purdue at Michigan
This Big Ten matchup can only mean one thing….
You guessed it, another “rivalry trophy”
This game is played annually for the coveted “Sphincter Cannon”
If I were you, I would stay away from that thing when they fire it…
WOLVERINES 24-23
Washington at UCLA
I still believe in the Power of the Huskies….
At least this week I do….
HUSKIES 23-17
Hofstra at Delaware
Did you know when Lou Holtz says “Hofstra”…..
Mark May has to wear a dental shield to keep from getting sprayed in the face with spit.
Just thought you should know.
BLUE HENS 24-14
Furman at Auburn
Just for the record “Furry Man” is not a reference to my sister-in-law in a tube top.
If it was, it would be called “Run for your life! It’s a Yeti in damn tube top!”
I kind of made myself sick just thinking about it…
WAR DAMN EAGLES 43-14
Georgia Southern at Samford
That Fred Samford cracks me up with that whole shtick
“This is big one! I’m coming to see you Elizabeth”.
I don’t know what that has to do with this game.
I just thought I would mention it.
STATESBORO EAGLES 24-13
South Carolina at Arkansas
This game should be called the Schizophrenic Bowl
Because you don’t know which team is going to show up for the game…
RAZORBACKS 33-28
Oregon at Stanford
Quack, Quack…..Quack, Quack…..Quack
ATTACK!
(I think that’s how it goes; I’ll ask Coach Pete, he should know…)
QUACKERS 34-24
Texas A&M at Colorado
Talk about your Schizophrenia
Neither of these teams has established anything that resembles an identity…
Other than they both have had the hell beat out of them by the Longhorns..
No wait, I am about two weeks ahead on that prediction for the Aggies, sorry.
GIG EM AGGIES 24-20
Wake Forest at Georgia Tech
Even Jimmy Swaggart won’t be able help the Demon Deacons this week, but he will go on a crying jag.
Which is nice…
YELLOW JACKETS 33-14
Wisconsin at Indiana
Just what we needed
Another Big Ten “rivalry” game!
This game between these two stalwarts of the conference…..
Is played each year for the coveted “Piñata of Meat”, which if I’m not mistaken is filled with “Pork by-products”.
This also may explain why there are no Muslims on the respective teams.
CHEESE BADGERS 31-17
Eastern Kentucky at Kentucky
The Colonels will be reduced to Privates before halftime, believe it.
BIG BLUE WILDCATS 38-14
West Alabama at North Alabama
This Heart of Dixie Battle between West and North will go to the Roaring Lions..
You can take this pick to the bank
MIGHTY LIONS 34-10
Western Michigan at Michigan State
The Bronco’s are going to get spanked by Sparky…
Which is kind of a weird visual, I’m sorry about that
SPARTANS 34-17
Illinois at Minnesota
This storied Big Ten rivalry is played for the “Petrified Polar Bear Turd”
This is further evidence that both states are located ten miles from the Arctic Circle
FIGHT’N PUMKINS 33-24
Baylor at Missouri
MO knows Bear taming….
Need I say more?
MO’S TIGERS 31-17
Maryland at North Carolina State
I would watch this game but VH1 “Behind the Music” is having a special
On whatever happened to the cast of “Break’n 2 Electric Boogaloo”
I wonder if they are still “Pop’n and Lock’n”?
WOLFPACK 23-17
Syracuse at Pittsburgh
The Panthers are going to claw Otto the Orange to a pulp…
Thought that up myself…
PANTHERS 34-14
Louisville at West Virginia
This game isn’t what it once was…..
But it will end with couches burning into the Morgantown night….
Light Em if you got Em!
MOUNTAINEERS 28-17
Northwestern at Iowa
I love these Big Ten games….
Almost each and every game is played for “something” important
This game is certainly no different..
The rivalry between these two schools is played each year for the
“Snow Globe of Beef Jerky”
I shudder to think where they came up with the idea for this “trophy”
EYES of the HAWK 33-21
Memphis at Tennessee
This volunteer instate rivalry is played “every so often” as the media guide described for
“The Tennessee Cousin Bucket of Lovin”
They further state in the media guide….
“Don’t knock it if you haven’t tried it…”
VOWELS 43-10
Brigham Young at Wyoming
Cowboy Down……
BRIGHAM’S COUGARS 31-10
Navy at Notre Dame
This game has two of the oddest mascots in college football..
A Goat and a Leprechaun….
Now, if they would let the Leprechaun ride the goat THEN I would watch it..
FIGHTN’ IRISH 34-24
Rice at Southern Methodist
My favorite pudding isn’t ready for the wild ponies….
MIGHTY MUSTANGS 38-17
Army at Air Force
The next to final game for the “Presidents Cup”…..
Aim High
FALCONS 28-14
Kent State at Akron
A game between “Zippy” and the “Golden Flashes”….
Sounds like the making of a Gay Pride Parade…
ZIPPY 23-17
Texas El Paso at Tulane
This rough season has reduced the Green Wave to chartreuse trickle
MINERS 34-17
Texas Christian at San Diego State
Have I mentioned lately that I picked the horned amphibians to go undefeated this year?
I know that I “mentioned it”, I was just bragging..
Sorry…….
HORNED FROGS 33-10
Worchester Tech at Susquehanna
This game really puts me in a quandary..
On one hand I love Worchester sauce and I think it’s cool that have a college for that..
But on the other hand I know Susie will threaten to whip my ass if I don’t pick her..
I won’t be intimidated..
SUSIE 23-17
Fresno State at Idaho
I wonder whatever happened to Mister Potato Head’s kids, Ida and Spud.
I hope he kept his eye on them….
Yeah, thought that up myself too.
BULLDOGS 31-28
Washington State at Arizona
I would watch this game this game
But QVC is going to have a sale on their “Rhesus Monkey Dentist Kits”.
Before you ask, “No”, I don’t have a monkey.
I just want to watch the demo
WILDCATS 24-17
New Mexico at Utah
This game highlights Ute’s and Lobos….
Sounds like a Disney Movie…
TWO UTES 34-17
Houston at Tulsa
Speaking of movies….
Is it just me, or did you want to see Apollo Creed in Apollo 13?
Never mind, it’s just me.
COUGARS 38-23
Southern California at Arizona State
Hey Pete, you want a Quacker?
That never gets old for me…
TROJAN$ 6-3
Utah State at Hawaii
This game only serves to remind me that I am missing “Dog the Bounty Hunter”
Damn it…
WARRIORS Pop’n and Lock’n on RAINBOWS 31-24
Sunday November 8th
Nevada at San Jose State
Poor Jose…..
He is going to get beaten like a rented Burro….
As a side note…
This pick is much funnier when spoken out loud with a Mexican accent.
WOLFPACK 33-17
Enjoy your games and have a Great Weekend
More next week, so stay tuned…
RTR
MEB