College Football Picks Week 1

September 2, 2009
By

Ladies and Gentlemen –

It’s finally here……
The start of the 2009 College Football Season….

This season we will see….
A Bedlam game and Back Yard Brawls….
Civil Wars and tussles over an old Brass Spittoon, an Oaken Bucket, a Wagon Wheel and a Victory Bell.
And yes….
There will be Holy Wars and fights over the Golden Boot and numerous battles for Bones, Buckles and other assorted hardware.

So put your tray table in its upright position….
And tighten those safety belts….
This season is going to be a bumpy ride….

Enjoy Your Picks!

THE GAMES

Thursday September 3rd

South Carolina at North Carolina State
This is the way to start the season…..
Two evenly matched teams with bad blood between them…
The Wolfpack will be tough…..
But I rarely go against Coach Steve….
GAMECOCKS 24-21

Eastern Kentucky at Indiana
Hoosier Colonel?
HOOSIERS 27-17

Utah State at Utah
This is the Battle of the Brothers….
The first game in the fight for the Beehive Boot…
After last January I am a believer…
TWO UTES 34-31

EDITORS NOTE: Admit it…
I continually amaze you with the depth of my college football knowledge

Oregon at Boise State
In the last 60 games in beautiful Boise Idaho the Bronco’s won 58 of them….
That’s good enough for me….
Down go the Ducks…..
Remember you read it here first…
BRONCOS 33-28

WARNING: Viewing this game with the Oregon Duck “dancing highlighter” uniforms on the blue football field of Boise State can cause dots to appear before your eyes lasting for several hours.
If this condition persists, please see a physician.

Glenville at Chattanooga
Little known fact….
The Native American Word originally used for Chattanooga is….
“Chu na see Ka-ema Wa-sue Na maa”
Which means….
“White man make racist shoe school…..”
Coincidence? I think not..
RACIST SHOE U 21-10

Quincy at Southeast Missouri State
They named a school after that medical examiner on television?
That’s just crazy…
REDHAWKS 24-10

Friday September 4th

Tulsa at Tulane
In this game we have “Green Waves” and “Golden Hurricanes”
It sounds like a bunch of Port-O’-Johns got turned over…
Sorry for the visual….
GOLDEN HURRICANES 31-17

West Chester at Delaware
Just because Chester was on “Gunsmoke”…
Doesn’t mean he has to throw the “West” in his name…
We know “Gunsmoke” took place in the old west…
This is just insulting…
BLUE HENS 34-10

Assumption at Worchester State
I think we can “Assume” from this game…
That Worchester Sauce is a wonderful compliment to almost any tailgating experience.
LANCERS 20-10

EDITORS NOTE: In case you were wondering….
Yes, there are times that I actually amaze myself…

Saturday September 5th

Portland State at Oregon State
In a choice between Vikings and Beavers…
I will take Beavers each and every time…
BEAVERS 44-10

Central Arkansas at Hawaii
I have four words for you concerning this game…
“Dog the Bounty Hunter”
WARRIORS on RAINBOWS 53-0

EDITORS NOTE: I know….
Dog the Bounty Hunter doesn’t have anything to do with this game..
I am just glad he is back on the air…
In case you were wondering…
That would be on A&E on Wednesday Nights..

Towson at Northwestern
I wonder…..
Does “Tow Son” have anything to do with my favorite Tow Truck museum?
http://www.internationaltowingmuseum.org/
Just wondering…
WILDCATS 38-7

Dixie State at Southern Utah
Honestly, you had me at “Dixie”…
THUNDERBIRDS 24-10

Montana State at Michigan State
The Bobcats will be turned into house cats before the third quarter…
Believe it…
SPARTANS 38-21

Appalachian State at East Carolina
This game will be a closer than you might think….
PIRATES 31-29

Minnesota at Syracuse
Fighting Gophers and Otto the Orange…..
Sounds like a nightmare from Alice and Wonderland….
O So GOLDEN GOPHERS 23-17

Kentucky at Miami (OH)
After an exhaustive Google search I can assure you there isn’t a single palm tree anywhere in “Miami, Ohio”
With that in mind I cannot in good conscience pull for a team who’s entire history is based on a lie.
WILDCATS 33-28

EDITORS NOTE: I don’t want any hate mail from the folks in “Miami” Ohio…
I feel the same way about the folks from Rhode Island….

Wartburg at St Norbert
I have a lot of questions about this game….
Why is Norbert a saint and why do they have a college for people with warts?
GREEN KNIGHTS 23-17

Navy at Ohio State
I have some advice for Navy in this game…
Immediately after the midshipmen hear “and the rockets red glare…”
Somebody yell “Abandon ship!”
BUCKEYES 38-10

Akron at Penn State
Here is how it works…..
A “Zip”….not that I am completely sure what that is…
Cannot beat a Lion, Nittany or not….
JOE PA’s LIONS 34-9

Liberty at West Virginia
The Statue of Liberty carries a lighted torch…
In Morgantown they light couches after a win….
Not really sure about the correlation here..
Just thought I would mention it…
MOUNTAINEERS 38-6

Toledo at Purdue
I will tell you what came to mind when I realized this game would be about “Rockets and Boilermakers”…
I would need a Boilermaker if I was going to ride a Rocket….
Hence, why I never made it as an Astronaut
BOILERMAKERS 33-24

Northern Iowa at Iowa
A Panther can’t beat a Hawkeye….
I saw it on the Animal Planet, so it must be true
HAWKEYES 38-10

Western Kentucky at Tennessee
This game will be uglier than Prom Night at the Blind School…
And that’s just the fans….
VOWELS 56-0

Jacksonville State at Georgia Tech
The roosters will be fried chickens before the second quarter expires…
YELLOW JACKETS 44-10

Youngstown State at Pittsburgh
If you don’t want to see the hell beat out of a bunch of penguins…
Then don’t watch this one…
PANTHERS 34-14

Northeastern at Boston College
These colleges with more than one direction in their name make me believe that Rand McNally really does have his own university.
EAGLES 34-6

Nicholls State at Air Force
The Colonels will be reduced to Privates First Classes before halftime…
FALCONS 43-10

Weber State at Wyoming
Not that it’s all that important here…
But the folks at Weber make a wonderful grill perfect for tailgating..
COWBOY 28-10

San Jose State at Southern California
Yippee!
Another “Big” In state rivalry game for U$C….
TROJANS 114-3

Nevada at Notre Dame
The first home game of the season in South Bend…
And you know what that means…
They let that Leprechaun run around the stadium naked…..
Which is just icky….
FIGHTING IRISH 33-21

Western Michigan at Michigan
There is no truth to the rumor….
That Coach Rod’s wife had her breast job done by a veterinary school in West Virginia.
This is incorrect and hurtful.
Her procedure took place at Auburn University Veterinary School
I hope this cleared up any misunderstanding
WOLVERINES 28-24

Baylor at Wake Forest
UPSET SPECIAL….
Believe it…BEARS 24-21

Georgia at Oklahoma State
I have some bad news for my Bulldog faithful….
COWBOY UP 28-17

Carson Newman at North Alabama
A clash of Titans in Florence Alabama……
Each is a traditional powerhouse in their own right…
What a way to start the season…..
Wish I was there eating some of that wonderful Coleman’s BBQ….
SPARKS EAGLES 28-24

Jackson State at Mississippi State
The folks from Starkville and I agree….
You can never have enough cowbell….
BULLDOGS 24-10

Missouri at Illinois
This border clash is known as “The Arch Rivalry Game”
The past few years it’s been all MO’s Tigers…
This year…
FIGHTING PUMPKINS 24-17

Southern Illinois at Marshall
Three words for you….
“WE ARE MARSHALL”
THUNDERING HERD 28-17

Northwestern State at Houston
That darn Rand McNally has more colleges than Wal-Mart has superstores…
COUGARS 41-10

Citadel at North Carolina
The Heels lay it to the Dogs…
Film at Eleven….
TAR HEELS 31-10

Ouachita Baptist at Texas College
I have heard of Southern Baptist….
But I haven’t a clue to what an Ouachita Baptist is….
But I am willing to bet they won’t recognize each other in Hooter’s either
TIGERS 17-14

Middle Tennessee State at Clemson
If I have to go another year without tailgating with my adopted Clemson Family…
I am going on strike…
DABO TIGERS 34-17

Louisiana Tech at Auburn
The Bulldogs will keep it close until the opening kickoff….
WAR DAMN EAGLE 38-17

Missouri State at Arkansas
I am not quite sure what “Woo Pig Suey” means when the Arkansas faithful yell this at Razorback games….
I think in Latin it means “Bears get their Butts Beat”
HAWGS 43-3

Charleston Southern at Florida
If this game was a boxing match they would stop it in the first quarter…
MIGHTY GATORS 54-0

Wofford at South Florida
I think it’s wonderful that Chewbacca has his own college….
Not that it matters here…
BAD BULLS 34-10

Florida Atlantic at Nebraska
Welcome to Lincoln!
And enjoy your Husker ass whipping….
BO’s CORNHUSKERS 38-10

Brigham Young at Oklahoma
This game will played in beautiful Arlington Texas…
Don’t count the cougars out of this one….
SOONERS 38-34

New Mexico at Texas A&M
I hate to go against the Lobos…
But the Aggies are my favorite Agro-Americans….
GIG EM AGGIES 31-24

Louisiana Monroe at Texas
What in the Hell was Monroe thinking?
Those Longhorns are going to kill him!
HOOK EM HORNS 43-10

Northern Illinois at Wisconsin
Behold the Power of Cheese Whiz…..
BADGERS 38-14

Army at Eastern Michigan
West Point plays football like old people drive…
Slow and sloppy…
EAGLES 31-10

Northern Colorado at Kansas
I would watch this game…
But the History of Macaroni and Cheese is playing on the Food Channel
JAYS HAWKS 34-6

Alcorn State at Southern Miss
Nothing like a football Saturday in Hattiesburg …
I can almost smell that BBQ smoking from here…
GOLDEN EAGLES 41-10

North Dakota at Texas Tech
I feel bad for the folks from North Dakota…
They only have two seasons up there…
Winter and Fourth of July…
GET THOSE GUNS UP RED RAIDERS! 43-10

EDITORS NOTE: As a side note…
I hope while the Folks from North Dakota are in Lubbock they take in the Buddy Holly Museum.
It’s a must see…

San Diego State at UCLA
I would watch this game…
But this is the time I scheduled to rearrange my sock drawer.
Sorry…
BRUINS 33-17

Indiana State at Louisville
What is supposed to be so scary about a “Sycamore” Tree?
Everybody RUN! The Sycamores are coming!
That’s just stupid…
CARDINALS 41-0

Western Carolina at Vanderbilt
I can’t help but ask….
Catamount what?
I don’t get it…
COMMODORES 28-10

Idaho at New Mexico State
Famous Potato University are known as the Vandals..
Now there is an interesting mascot…
What is the name of their fight song?
“Pillage and Burn”?
AGGIES 24-17

Alabama at Virginia Tech
Prime Time In the Atlanta Georgia Dome…
No Hokey….
No Pokey…
CRIMSON TIDE 24-20

Stanford at Washington State
I would watch this game….
But the Regional Pineapple Skinning Championships are on ESPN U at the same time….
Sorry about that…
CARDINAL 6-3

Stephen F. Austin at Southern Methodist
I cannot in good conscience make any jokes about Stephen F. Austin…
It’s against my religion…
MIGHTY MUSTANGS 38-28

Central Michigan at Arizona
For just a second I almost cared about this game…
Then I realized it was just gas…
WILDCATS 7-3

Idaho State at Arizona State
Bengals and Sun Devils….
Reminds me of a nightmare I had after a night of ill prepared Mexican Food…
I believe there was an iguana in there too…
Never mind..
DEVILS in the SUN 44-10

Maryland at California
The Ninja Turtles are outmatched in this one….
But the good news is…
Coach Fridge has successfully beaten anorexia…
Which is nice
GOLDEN BEARS 33-17

LSU at Washington
Twenty five years ago this would have been a heck of a game…
It’s not, so it won’t be..
HEY FIGHTN’ TIGERS 38-10

Sunday September 6th

Ole Miss at Memphis
I think this rivalry is played for the Velvet Elvis…
Thank you, thank you very much…
REBELS 34-17

EDITORS NOTE: Not that it’s all that important here..
But I do a phenomenal Elvis impersonation…

Colorado State at Colorado
The Rocky Mountain Showdown
For the coveted Centennial Cup….
This game always comes down to the last minute…
Hold on to your seats….
BUFFALOS 33-31

Monday September 7th

Cincinnati at Rutgers
All the experts are picking the Scarlett Knights…
That’s why I am going with the Boys from Chili Town…
BEARKATS 21-17

Miami at Florida State
This is a classic Instate rivalry……
It has produced some of the greatest games in college football history…
In fact….
Coach Bobby remembers….
Setting in the stands with his father watching one of the first games in this rivalry…
I believe it was in 1909…..
SEMINOLES 24-17

Your Week 2 College Football Picks and Prognostications will be out next week…
So stay tuned….

And enjoy your games…

RTR
MEB

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6 Responses to College Football Picks Week 1

  1. Skillett Wilson on September 2, 2009 at 12:11 pm

    Mike,

    Awesome as usual, I just have the problem that I do not know ALL the school mascots/names, so some I can’t tell WHO you have winning!

    I do not think you have to worry about Alzheimer’s, your intellect is still as sharp as Skillet’s!
    Did you tell Dan Bates what you did to his dip yet?!

    GSV

  2. MEB on September 2, 2009 at 1:24 pm

    One question for you Skillet……

    Wuz you there?

    Glad to hear from you my friend!
    RTR
    MEB

  3. The BamaPrincess on September 2, 2009 at 5:44 pm

    HA! You did NOT get me this time. This time I KNEW better than to drink anything while reading this. Therefore, I did not spew any liquid from my nose as I laughed and read this!! (*Sorry for the unprincesslike visual*) You do not fail, Mr. Wizard! Had no idea the Au vet school was doing breasts nowadays – where do you come up with this?? ROLL TIDE ROLL!

    We’ll all be together in spirit this Saturday, right?

    The BamaPrincess

  4. Bulldog Jim on September 2, 2009 at 8:00 pm

    BAMA Mike, Great start to a new season. Hope all is well and that we both enjoy this Saturday Nite. I will be watching the Red E’s romp and stomp! (I Hope). Thanks again and much love, BJ

  5. MEB on September 3, 2009 at 4:20 am

    Thank you so much Bama Princess!

    I have on good authority Rita Rod’s surgery was done by first year Vet students….

    Which may explain why she looks like a dog standing on its back legs….

    RTR
    MEB

  6. MEB on September 3, 2009 at 4:24 am

    Bulldog JIM!

    Lets hope we are both happy this weekend my friend!

    My Best to you and yours!

    RTR
    MEB

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