July 13, 2011

Ladies and Gentlemen –

While the Auburn Tigers are rowing up the River of Denial and the Ohio State Buckeyes are self imposing and publically self abusing themselves, the Ducks of the University of Oregon are happily paddling with their cute little webbed feet in the NCAA pond of poop.

I know many of you Ducks fans will cry fowl at what I am about write.

EDITORS NOTE: Before you ask, yes I can do these puns all day…

But as you may recall it was reported some months ago by yours truly that the University of Oregon was “paying” for a recruiting service to, as the University Athletic Department described, “To screen and evaluate athletes for the University of Oregon’s Football Program”.

And by “screen” the high school athletes, they actually meant “steer the high school athletes to the University of Oregon football program by any means possible”.

EDITORS NOTE: I know, screen and steer are so close to each other in the dictionary it’s like the words are interchangeable, am I right?

Then of course we read that the $25, 000 Dollar payment for the “2011 National Recruiting Package” only covered four states and it didn’t have anything to do with any potential college recruits from 2011.

Say what? Four states are a “National” recruiting report?

To make this story even funnier, if that’s possible, the “recruiting package” didn’t arrive until four months after the first check was cashed for the “service” and not so coincidentally it arrived days after a media enquiry requesting information on the 25K “service”.

Let’s not get into the pesky argument that high school game films and other material were “supposed” to have been included in this “National Recruiting Package”, because they weren’t.

We are all grown-ups who pay taxes and buy our own toilet paper so let’s not do the duck dance of the sugar plum fairies on this topic.

Will Lyles of the “recruiting service” was paid by the Oregon Athletic Department to steer high school athletes to the University of Quack. Mr. Lyles didn’t receive his second installment for his “services” and that is why he eventually started squealing like the little piggy that went to market.

The fact Oregon Coach Chip Kelly lied about his association with Mr. Lyles only compounds this issue and brings into question the coach’s character, integrity and the University’s commitment to those values.

But then again, wasn’t this the same coach that reinstated Oregon leading rusher LaGarrette Blount after he sucker punched a Boise State player after the Quacks lost the game to the Broncos?
That “indefinite suspension” lasted only 67 days. It was long enough to make even Phil Fulmer proud.

Then of course we have the little issue…..
with starting Oregon Cornerback and All-American Return Specialist Cliff Harris…..

You might remember that he was cited for driving on a suspended license in a rental car that wasn’t rented in his name at over 118 miles an hour at 0435 in the morning.

Oregon Coach Chip Kelly said in a statement that the team was disappointed by Harris’ lack of judgment, which he called unacceptable.

EDITORS NOTE: Those are pretty harsh words Coach!
Wow…”Disappointed” AND “Unacceptable”? OUCH!

Coach Kelly went on to say…..

“Once we have finished collecting all the information in this situation, we will determine the appropriate action”

Let me help you out here Coach……

Since the vehicle wasn’t in his name, then who allowed him to drive it?

It was another University of Oregon employee that “rented” the vehicle that Harris was driving.

EDITORS NOTE: Say, isn’t that an NCAA violation for Impermissible benefits?
You might want to get the NCAA on the phone (again) with this one Coach

Did I mention there were other Orgon Ducks players in the car with Mr. Harris?

Never mind

I can’t help but wonder, since the vehicle wasn’t in Harris’ name and he had a suspended driver’s license, then why didn’t the Oregon State police NOT tow the vehicle and take Mr. Harris to jail?

This of course also means he was also driving the vehicle without auto insurance, which in case you didn’t know, is reason alone to have the rental vehicle towed and the state of Oregon to fine the web feet off that respective duck.

That should have been a given, because that is the LAW…..

EDITORS NOTE: I am sure that Mr. Harris’s standing as a proud member of the Oregon Duck Football team had nothing to do with this, right?

Before you Oregon Duck fans get your tail feathers all ruffled, Coach Kelly “indefinitely suspended” Cliff Harris from the football team. And by “indefinitely suspended” I mean almost thirty days.

So to put all the Ducks in a row here…

The University of Oregon has an out of control booster in “NIKE” Knight

College football players that flaunt the law and the NCAA rules

A Head Football Coach that doesn’t mind lying and violating NCAA Rules

An Athletic Director that clearly hasn’t seen a newspaper or read the internet on anything to do with his athletic programs, that is unless NIKE wants him too.

So what’s the difference between the University of Oregon and the Ohio State University?

The difference my fine feathered friends is quite simply this:

The Ohio State University Buckeyes are trying to clean up their embarrassing mess

The University of Oregon Ducks are choosing to lie and scam their way out of their mess

Somewhere Phil Fulmer is smiling…..



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4 Responses to Quacks

  1. Kaye on July 13, 2011 at 2:35 pm

    Maybe the ducks should have a swoosh on their helmets

  2. The BamaPrincess on July 13, 2011 at 9:58 pm

    You know, if the Utes ever get into this kind of mess, and you write an article with nothing but Ute puns, my mother will be over the moon!!! 🙂

    As always – nicely done . . .

    The BamaPrincess

  3. Kaye on July 14, 2011 at 2:22 pm

    It would have to be two Utes

  4. MEB on July 14, 2011 at 2:44 pm


    Consider it done Miss Kaye


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