Breaking College Football News

December 27, 2010
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SECRET SANTA

(AP) Auburn, Alabama…

It has been reported that Auburn quarterback Cam Newton found “yet another” bag of cash in his locker today after practice, just the latest awesome gift he has received via the “Auburn football Secret Santa gift exchange”.

“Dis is a great program. A program, dat supports its af-lettes,” said Newton. “Like you know, them other schools have Secret Santa’s, but the thing that’s great about ours is it’s like dis year-round. In fact, I’ve been getting me gifts since the day I walked in here.”

Most of the cash, goods, electronics and services Newton has been given have had no Christmas markings at all. Which lead the Auburn quarterback to only one conclusion….

“Auburn has them some elfs that be working on the af-lettic department. I know dat Mister Lowder runs dis place and even though he don’t look like Santa, he knows how to deliver the goodies” said Newton. “That’s why he be changing things up like that. You know, sometimes he’ll just have a booster, (I mean elf) hand me an envelope of cash to confuse me even more.”

Cam went on to give encouragement to Auburn fans and about his future in College Football…
“You know with the salary cap in pro football and all, I figured I could make mo money here next year, I mean, why take a pay cut am I right? So I am thinking about staying fo one mo year”

While Newton has received some of his Secret Santa gifts directly, others have been funneled first through his father, the Rev. Cecil Newton.

“As a Reverend and a man of the cloth, I know many things about the Holy Christmas holiday,” said Rev. Newton. “So I can say, for example, that a gift of an iPad with 3G and Wi-Fi is more appropriate than one with just Wi-Fi or just a regular iPod. In other words a Mercedes is better than a Buick, if you catch my meaning. The Lord loves a cheerful giver.”

The Heisman-winning quarterback says he has also been a generous Secret Santa himself.
“I didn’t sign up for the program, but I sort of see Auburn University as my Secret Santa, you know like I’m paying it backwards or something,” he said. “I’ve earned them millions and millions and millions of dollars this year. You’re welcome, Auburn. Don’t spend it all in one place.”

RTR

THE CFB WIZARD

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