Ladies and Gentlemen –
The rumors are true….
Today Coach Bobby Bowden stepped down
As the Head Coach of the Florida State Seminoles
We will talk about this monumental event
Some College football news from around the country
And take some rather angry emails from you my beloved readers
Today is a sad day throughout the Seminole Nation…
They are acting like they lost their Casino license…
So let’s get to it…
As you know by now Coach Bobby Bowden retired today….
Some have said it’s because he is “too old” to Coach
I say that’s baloney
Sure, Coach Bobby is “old”…
That goes without saying…
I even have a picture of Coach Bobby “before” he was known as Coach Bobby
This picture was taken at the White House after….
He was decorated by President William McKinley for leading troops up San Juan Hill.
Coach Bobby is nothing short of a Legend….
As we have chronicled in past articles…..
A “Reality Television Star”
Who isn’t looking forward to seeing “Bobby’s Boys”?
The camping scene when Bobby and his “Boys” are cooking out
When he tells Tommy….
“Get your hands off my wiener”
Priceless
For those of you worried about what Coach Bobby will do in “retirement”
Have no fear my friends
Coach Bobby “always” has a plan
Coach Bobby will soon be seen on the QVC Channel
In “Bling Bling with Coach Bobby B”
It’s going to be glorious…
TIGER WOODS
As you all know by now I do not mix my sports together…
However, with my beloved college football coverage being constantly interrupted this past weekend with Tiger’s “accident”
and along with the nauseating blubbering from television commentators about his “condition” after his “accident”
I feel obligated to weight in….
Let me be sure I got this right….
Tiger couldn’t pull out of his own drive way at what 10 miles an hour?
Without hitting a fire hydrant…
EDITORS NOTE: What? Did the Fire Department, just place it there over night?
And then….at least according to the “News” careened off the fire hydrant into a tree and at what…15 miles an hour?
Ok, you want my thoughts….
Here goes….
If Tiger can’t pull out of his own damn drive way without bouncing off a fire hydrant and hitting a tree…
Then I don’t want to receive another email asking “Why there aren’t enough minorities in NASCAR”
EDITORS NOTE: And we all really supposed to believe
His wife didn’t take a driver to the driver?
SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA & UCLA
Let me be sure I have this right….
Poor Coach Pete of U$C was “upset” with the Coach of Stanford because..
The Cardinal went for two points late in the game against the “great” Trojan defense, when the game was well in hand.
Yet, when the Trojans were up this past weekend against UCLA…
Coach Pete opted to launch a touchdown pass to “run up” the score against the Bruins.
That’s the essence of why we hate them….
Coach Pete Carroll and the Trojans and Bullies when they can be…
But cry babies when it comes back around….
FOX SPORTS
Fox reporter and noted Southern California Trojan lover Lisa Horne
Wrote and article this week entitled
“Why this college football season stunk”
Ah, could it be that her Trojans had a “bad” year?
I have an idea!
How about writing on the NCAA Investigation into Reggie Bush and the Southern California Trojans!
That should keep her ass busy for a while.
NCAA
Seriously, where are you with the “BIG” Investigation into Reggie Bush and the Southern California Trojans?
If you think I am going to let this go, you are wrong.
CBS SPORTS
For those of you that witnessed the CBS coverage of the Gator – Seminole game this weekend, I want to clear up an ugly rumor that has been circulating the cyber world.
Noted CBS College Football commentator Vern Lundquist….
Is NOT pregnant with Tim Tebow’s baby…
Vern is just a fat syphilitic troll that happens to be in love with Tim.
Hope that cleared up any misunderstanding
NOTRE DAME & COACH CHARLIE
The Fighting Irish Athletic Administration dismissed Coach Charlie Weis this week
Many of you have written me, worried about his future….
Have no fear by beloved readers….
I have on “good authority” that Coach Charlie Weis
Will be the “new” Kool Aide Guy!
I think he’s perfect!
I can hardly wait for his commercials!
EMAILS QUESTIONS & ANSWERS
Q: Sir,
As an alumni of Florida State University…
I would just like to express my disappointment in your incessant baiting of Coach Bobby Bowden.
As you know, Coach Bowden was only a few wins short of the blind guy, Joe Paterno of Penn State.
But, the important thing was not the wins, it was the longevity.
You see, as a member of the Seminole club, I know the wins were not as important as one may think.
No, Coach Bowden was going for a much better record.
Oldest Coach!!!!!
Yes, our coach Bobby Bowden could have had that illustrious distinction and gone down in the Guinness Book of World Records as oldest coach if he could have kept going for only 13 more years. And with his health being as good as it was, what would stop him from going until he was at least 100?
I know, I know, he seemed like he just loved to look at the grass or the little cartoons they drew for him on the play card, but that was the beauty of it all.
He could just stand there harmlessly, watch the ballgame, and wonder who was playing. Sadly, I think you may have contributed to his coaching demise with the ever present and constant degrading remarks and endless badgering.
I’m sad for you, Mr Wizard, but Coach Bobby is going on to a better place…….
Sun City, Arizona.
I heard he’s already picked out a name for his Fantasy Football Team: The Old Gray Mares That Got Kicked Out of Tallahassee.
Tammy in Tallahassee
A: Glad I could help Tammy…
Q: Hey, you, wizard boy,
Yeah, I didn’t even capitalize you name cause I HATE YOU!!!!
You make me SICK!!!
The coach of my BELOVED IRISH got fired today ALL BECAUSE OF YOU!!!! Everything was okay until you put that stuff on your page the other day about moving “up” to the Colonial Athletic Association and playing for a FCS National Championship. AREN’T YOU CLEVER!!!?!
Then you had to put that ugly picture of Jimmy Clausen in his speedo’s on there.
WELL, HA HA HA!!!(Do you have one of those pictures with a frontal shot? I couldn’t see anything) And then you put that letter from the Pope on there.
YOU’RE GOING TO HELL!!! Or purgatory, whichever comes first.
By the way, could you tell the Pope that I’ve been really good and that the boy I was with after the Pitt game, well I don’t want to talk about it.
I know how he feels about promiscuousness and birth control.
But, other than that, I want you to BURN!!!!
Sophie – South Bend, Indiana
A: Sophie, say 12 “Hail Bryant’s” and you will fell better, I promise.
Q: Dear Sir,
I’m just as mad as a person could be.
Tim Tebow is such a SELFISH person that I can’t believe it.
You know, I was at the Florida-Florida State game, and during the walk up to the stadium I saw him cure a blind guy and healed two guys in wheelchairs.
But, do you think he’d go over to the Seminole locker room and cure our Quarterback so we could have a fair game? Nooooooooo. And his name is Christian!!!
I just think he could have helped us out and maybe we could have made a couple of touchdowns, that’s all I’m saying
Perry – Fort Walton Beach, Florida
A: Perry I don’t think even Billy Graham….
Could have saved the Seminole quarterback last week
Q: Dear Mister Wizard
Did you just see the SEC commercial?
All the schools had things on their signs like “invented bionic arm” or “cured cancer” something exotic all except Florida…
“Invented Gatorade”
Dave – Athens, Georgia
A: Well, did you see the sign for the University of Tennessee?
It says…”We can spell Tang”
Q: Mike, I know this is going to get your blood up..
But did you see the article on PETA wanting The University of Georgia to replace UGA VII with a robot or a costumed person.
Saying that using a “live” English Bulldog on the sideline is to stressful for a breed that has so many medical problems.
What do you think?
Mark – Hattiesburg, Mississippi
A: Mark I will tell you what I think….
That kind of thinking just proves that my theory is correct…
“Some people just need killing”
Your Picks will be out tomorrow…
Just in time for the “Civil War”
So stay tuned
RTR
MEB