Ladies and Gentlemen –
Before we get into this weeks picks….
I want to thank Hootie Snitch for providing his “unique” perspective on last weeks games and answering your email questions.
But just for the record I am a lot closer to Two Buck Tim than I am Tim Buck Two…
Last week your favorite college football prognosticator was a “disappointing” 42 and 15 or 75%.
And for the season I stand at 453 and 121 or a rather lackluster 79%.
But I take solace in my prognostication powers
when I heard that ESPN college football “analyst” Todd McShay, according to the network…
was making his picks at a “furious” pace by selecting “16” games currently this season where he stands at 10 and 6.
I know what you are thinking……
But before we roll into Week 11’s Picks I want to wish…….
A Happy Veterans Day to all Veterans, past, present and future.
And a Happy Marine Corps Birthday to my Marine brethren around the world
We’ve Been Keep’n it Real since 1775….
Enjoy your games!
Bret Musburger on Alabama Coach Nick Saban
During the game with LSU in 2007 which the Crimson Tide lost
“There is the highest paid coach in American folks;
it doesn’t look like the folks in Alabama are getting a lot for their money does it?”
EDITORS NOTE: Just for the record dumbass….
I don’t think we pay Coach Nick enough, buy I think it has worked out o.k., don’t you?
Wednesday November 11th
Toledo at Central Michigan
The rockets will be reduced to a pack of firecrackers before halftime
Thursday November 12th
Texas Southern at Grambling State
The Bayou Classic……
Beyond the football game, the battle of the bands is not to be missed.
I am still a Coach Rob man…
ROB’S TIGERS 31-17
Bowling Green at Miami (OH)
Another Classic Battle on I-75
The Falcons are favored, but I have a feeling….
South Florida at Rutgers
I know, I know
This game is being played in “Jousey….”
But forget about it…..
NO BULL 33-28
Friday November 13th
West Virginia at Cincinnati
Save a Couch, Beat the Mountaineers
Temple at Akron
The Owls are on their way to their first Bowl game since 1979…
Zippy gets Zipped…
HOOT OWLS 24-20
Saturday November 14th
Florida at South Carolina
Nobody needs to tell Coach Steve how bad a Gator bite can be….
MIGHTY GATORS 33-17
Furman at Georgia Southern
I can’t wait to hear Chewbacca sing the “Statesboro Blues”
I heard he does a great Greg Allman imitation
Texas at Baylor
The Waco Bears have really come on as of late…….
and I know I missed picking the Bears in “The Battle of the Brazos”
But the boys in burnt orange are the real McCoy
MIGHTY LONGHORNS 34-21
Pennsylvania at Harvard
I really don’t care and neither should you
Alabama at Mississippi State
The Bully Bulldogs are always tough…
But the Tide is coming in…
CRIMSON TIDE 24-13
Frostburg State at Salisbury
This game is a stark reminder that I wish I had a frosty beverage and a Salisbury steak.
But sometimes I wish for too much
Indiana at Penn State
I missed on Joe Pa’s Lions last week against the mighty Buckeyes….
But Joe has more than enough magnification left in his reading glasses to burn the Homers from Hoosierville
JOE’S LIONS 31-17
Columbia at Cornell
Nobody cares about this game either, and as a side note…
Both teams marching bands suck too.
Tennessee at Ole Miss
Remember my prognostication about the Volunteers not losing another game?
Yeah, I was serious…
Arizona at California
I would watch this game
but I heard there was fighting in Central America, and I have to watch the news, I have friends in Missouri.
I bet there fighting those damn people from Kansas.
GOLDEN BEARS 33-28
Miami (FL) at North Carolina
The Tar Heels….
Wait, what the hell is that anyway?
Is that somebody who walked across a freshly paved road bare footed?
ROCK YOU LIKE A HURRICANE 23-17
EDITORS NOTE: That song is stuck in your head now isn’t it?
Virginia Military Institute at Army
There are better games going on around the country when this game gets underway….
There are better teams playing this Saturday with more at stake in the college football world, while this game is being played
But you won’t find any better kids anywhere in the country than you will see right here
They are some of the very best we have in this country
BLACK KNIGHTS OF THE HUDSON 24-14
Texas A&M at Oklahoma
If you wonder why I continue to pick the Sooners…
even with all the season ending injuries on the team, the answer to that question is easy.
It’s because they are the still the Mighty Sooners, that’s why.
BOOMER SOONERS 31-28
Virginia Tech at Maryland
Ed Wang of Virginia Tech, who also happens to be the biggest Wang in College Football, but I digress….
I wonder if Ed Wang has ever gone out and “Wang Chung Tonight”
HOKEY HOKEY HI! 34-17
Samford at Wofford
This pesky cough is going to kick Sam’s ass, count on it.
Stanford at Southern California
No Upset Special Here……
The Darlings of the Sports Media get their other eye blacked with a tree
EDITORS NOTE: I know it doesn’t really fit here…..
Coach Pete, you want a quacker?
That never gets old for me..
Iowa at Ohio State
The quarterback with the Black and Gold is out for at least two weeks
The Buckeyes are rolling and the game is in the Big Horseshoe
MIGHTY BUCKEYES 31-17
Citadel at Chattanooga
The Bulldogs get shoed away from a win with a moccasin, believe it.
Texas Tech at Oklahoma State
The Red Raiders get rode down by the Cowboys in Stillwater
You better believe it….
COWBOY UP! 38-34
Florida State at Wake Forest
A lot of people are down on Coach Bobby as of late…..
They want to say it’s because he is “too old” to be coaching
He went to high school with Noah, so yeah he is definitely “old”
But that’s not the real reason is it?
It’s because you Seminoles aren’t beating the hell out of everybody, right?
You complainers should all should be ashamed of yourselves…
Nebraska at Kansas
I can’t help but wonder….
Are there a lot of Huskers that shop in the “Husky” sections at department stores…..
Do any of them own Husky dogs?
I know, sometimes I wonder too much…
HUSKY CORNHUSKERS 23-17
Auburn at Georgia
This game is called “The Deep South’s Oldest Rivalry”, because it is just that.
Conventional wisdom calls for the Tigers to win this game, they are favored in the contest.
But as you all know by now….
I am neither conventional nor wise.
RUN YOU SILVER BRITCHES! 34-31
Michigan at Wisconsin
Despite the fact the Wolverines are playing in Wisconsin,
There is no truth to the rumor that Coach Rod’s wife’s perfume smell’s like old cheese
That is hurtful and untrue
Her perfume smells more like the mixture of old peoples feet, wet corn flakes and a high school rest room urinal cake.
I hope that sets the record straight
BEHOLD THE POWER OF CHEESE 31-21
Washington at Oregon State
For once I agree with Hootie Snitch…
I love me some Beavers…
MIGHTY BEAVERS 33-17
Troy at Arkansas
What in the Hell was Troy thinking scheduling this game?
He must be drinking again….
Colorado at Iowa State
Thank you all for your enquiries….
But my sister-in-law will “Not” be leading the Colorado Team on the field
this Saturday as the “Guest Buffalo” for the game with the Cyclones.
She is currently filming new “Messing with Sasquatch” Beef Jerky commercials..
Before you ask, “No” she is not wearing any makeup…
And “Yes” they are using “movie magic” to cover up her antlers, sorry..
I mean “calcium deposits”
South Dakota State at Minnesota
Question for the Minnesota faithful…
Aren’t Gophers really just hamsters on steroids?
O’ So GOLDEN GOPHERS 38-23
Georgia Tech at Duke
The Devils will be Black and Blue before this one is over…
YELLOW JACKETS 38-14
Clemson at North Carolina State
This game is known as “The Textile Bowl”
The winner of the decorative towels and fuzzy bathroom mats is…
DABO’S TIGERS 34-17
Notre Dame at Pittsburgh
This classic matchup in the North is played for the highly coveted…
“Yeti in a Tube Top” trophy….
Not really I was just hoping someone would take my sister-in-law for Thanksgiving
FIGHTN’ IRISH 33-28
Kentucky at Vanderbilt
The Commodores get the Blues in Music City on Saturday Night
BIG BLUE WILDCATS 24-20
Boston College at Virginia
The Cavaliers lost to the Duke Blue Devils two weeks ago….
CHESTNUT HILL EAGLES 141-14
UCLA at Washington State
I understand Alvin and the Chipmunks will be singing the National Anthem at this game
Not the “real” Chipmunks, just some dudes or dudettes in foam rubber costumes
Sorry, I didn’t mean to get you all worked up over nothing
Northwestern at Illinois
Another Big Ten “rivalry” game and you know what that means..
That’s right, another game for a coveted trophy!
This annual game between these two schools is played for
“The Trombone of Cheese Whiz”
Don’t touch it, you don’t know were it’s been
FIGHTN’ PUMPKINS 28-17
Missouri at Kansas State
In any conflict between the states of Missouri and Kansas
I always side with Kansas, because I am a Jesse James man..
but any team that goes to the trouble of digging up their dead coach
and propping him up on the sidelines to inspire their team, well…
I have to respect that
Arizona State at Oregon
I would watch this game but the Animal Planet is having a “Special” on Sea Monkey’s.
You know they are natures perfect creature right?
They swim in the ocean and can live in the jungle.
If you don’t believe me then why do you think they call them “Sea Monkeys”?
I think I made my point
QUACK ATTACK 33-28
Michigan State at Purdue
This Big Ten Rivalry is played each year for a magnificent trophy!
Aren’t they all?
This Big Ten game is played for the highly coveted “Bejeweled Staff of Doubt”
Frankly I doubt anybody really cares about this game..
Houston at Central Florida
The Golden Knights are in Orlando right?
Isn’t that were “O Town” was from?
That’s all I need to know…
Syracuse at Louisville
This game may answer the eternal philosophical question….
Will anyone attend a college football game between two crappy teams?
Brigham Young at New Mexico
The Lobos get Low Blow’d in New Mexico…
I know that was catchy right?
Think of me as the college football version of Doctor Seuss
UAB at Memphis
I know what I am talking about here
I’ve been to Graceland…
Thank you, thank you very much
ELVIS’S TIGERS 24-17
Idaho at Boise State
This game is entitled….
“The Battle of Idaho” and it is played for the Governors Cup
At least this instate battle doesn’t have the word “Flower” in it
Texas El Paso at Southern Methodist
The Miners of El Paso have surprised a few people this year, but they won’t surprise
THE MIGHTY MUSTANGS 33-28
Tulane at Rice
Not that this has anything to do with the game, but I have to ask
Why is Rice-a-Roni the San Francisco treat?
I always thought it was Liberace
HOO HOOT OWLS 21-17
Delaware at Navy
I have grown to love that Navy Goat mascot….
You have to respect a mascot that can eat a tin can, you know what I mean?
Southern Miss at Marshall
I really like both of these teams, but they harder to predict than the weather
WE ARE MARSHALL 24-21
UNLV at Air Force
The Falcons are soaring and the Rebels are grounded….
This one is easy
Utah at Texas Christian
Two Ute’s take down the horned amphibians in Cow Town
So says my Cousin Vinny
TWO UTES 28-24
Louisiana Tech at LSU
The Bulldogs are in trouble in this instate Battle on the Bayou
Mike the Tiger is angry and hungry….
HEY FIGHTN’ TIGERS 34-10
New Mexico State at Hawaii
This game is just another reminder I am missing “Dog the Bounty Hunter”
Life is so unfair sometimes
WARRIORS jumping rope over RAINBOWS 31-28
Sunday November 15th
East Carolina at Tulsa
I wonder if a “Golden Hurricane” is a drink you don’t have buy yourself
on Bourbon Street?
Makes you wonder doesn’t it?
CAROLINA PIRATES 23-21
Enjoy your weekend and your games