Ladies and Gentlemen –
You didn’t really think I was going to leave you hanging did you?
I would hope not!
I thought we knew one another better than that.
But before we launch into the final installment of Your Week 3 College Football Picks…..
Have I mentioned that last week Your Favorite College Football Prognosticator was 52 and 5 or a rather impressive 91%?
Well, did I mention that in the last two weeks I have been 105 and 16 at a rather respectable 87%?
The only reason I mention it (other than openly bragging of course) is because in the flash of an instant….
A missed extra point….here
One dropped pass….there
A single PAC 10 referee….anywhere
That rather impressive 91% (and it is impressive; is it not?)
Stop it! You all embarrassing me!
Is a disappointing 19% and leaving me, wishing I was dyslexic…
Enough about me…
That is unless you want to hear MORE about how I got 91% of the games last week after starting out 0 and 2…
O.K….there I was….
Never mind….we don’t have time for this now.
Let’s get to the games…
Enjoy Your Picks!
College Football News and Views
HURRICANE IKE: I don’t know what you still have against Tina, but you need to let this go…
And let my people play football…..
WEST POINT: My Lord…The Black Knights of the Hudson lost to New Hampshire…
I didn’t even know the folks in ‘Hampshire (Pronounced: HAM-shhh-iir) had a football team…
It’s just sad…
MARYLAND: While we are on the subject of Breakdowns”…
Last week the Ninja Turtles lost to Alphabet U….
What have the Fightn Turtles been using for motivation, Slim Whitman albums?
ARKANSAS: The Razorbacks came within a buffalo fart of losing last weeks HOME game to the University of Louisiana “Monroe”….
Coach P, you will be G-O-N-E if you let that happen one too many times…
ESPN: Last week ESPN’s “Newest” studio talking bobblehead doll David Lloyd, which looks more like a blonde headed troll……
“The Oregon State Beavers WILL beat Penn State, because Jo Pa and the Nittany Lions are a team in confusion”…….
Three hours later…
Penn State 45
Oregon State 14
Good call dumbass…
Just what we need on ESPN…
More Idiots running their mouths when the network SHOULD be showing us the College Marching Bands at halftime….
ESPN II: It is my belief that if Pam Ward’s voice was broadcast in Iraq and Afghanistan the fighting in those areas would stop….
Because they would be afraid if they didn’t stop fighting..
We would turn up the volume…
EMAIL Questions And Answers
Q: Mike, why do you ridicule the Oregon Duck Mascot?
Chad – Eugene, Oregon
A: Simple Chad; If Liberace had a Dream….
It would be about the Oregon Duck Mascot…
Clear that one up for you?
Q: Dear Sir; I am OUTRAGED by the email earlier this week from the “teacher” in California!
Everone knows that Abraham Lincoln freed the Aztecs, Eskimos and African Americans immediately after white southerners bombed Pearl Harbor and Davy Crockett and the U.S. 7th Cavalry sank the Titanic…
The Folks in California Need to Get their History straight!
Phillis – Albany, New York
A: I just LOVE modern History….
Q: I know you can’t say nothing, being at Leavenworth and all.
But are you training for some of that Gorilla warfare?
Stanley – Ringgold, Georgia
A: I want to go on the record:
No, I will not be wrestling or otherwise fighting my sister-in-law.
That is what you meant, right?
Saturday, September 13th
Louisiana Lafayette at Illinois
Ole Lafayette might have been big cheese in the War of 1776…
But these are the Fighting Pumpkins!
FIGHTING PUMPKINS 33-14
EDITORS NOTE: Please no emails this week from “enlightened” educators on how Fighting Pumpkins led by General Lafayette defeated the Klingon’s at the Battle of the Bulge..
Southern Illinois at Northwestern
There are a lot directions in this one….
This game is a Rand McNally Dream…
California at Maryland
I cannot believe I am doing this…
Florida Atlantic at Michigan State
I am trying to be more “Culturally Sensitive” so instead of watching this game I am going to watch a program about “Ramadan Andy”…
Kind of like the Muslim version of Santa Claus or Hanukka Harry…
Montana State at Minnesota
Have I not told you that everything in Boseman Sucks?
That goes for the Bobcats too….
O’ SO GOLDEN GOPHERS 28-23
Navy at Duke
People Can’t you see?
If the Blue Devils win this game…
Then the Terrorist win!
North Carolina State at Clemson
Have no fear my beloved Clemson Family…
The Big Cats are Hungry….
TOMMY’S TIGERS 34-14
Temple at Buffalo
Even I cannot believe that I am actually picking Temple…
HELL HAS FROZEN OVER 23-17
Iowa State at Iowa
Anytime I see “Iowa” something…
I always think of…
My Favorite line from a movie…
“IS this Heaven?”
“Yes, but we like to call it Tuscaloosa…”
EYE of the HAWK 33-23
EDITORS NOTE: The above is NOT to be confused with “Eye of the Tiger”
Nevada at Missouri
MO Knows Football…
MO’s TIGERS 43-10
UAB at Tennessee
Coach Phil finally beats a team from Alabama….
Film at Eleven…
East Carolina at Tulane
What has the world come to when I am picking Lou “Gobble-Gobble” Holtz’s son…
Georgia at South Carolina
The Gamecocks can’t keep their players out of trouble…
Or the Bulldogs out of the endzone….
BIG BAD DAWGS 33-14
EDITORS NOTE: We all know that John Saunders from ABC College Sports hates anything associated with the South….
So this one is for his dumbass..
HOW BOUT THEM BAD ASS DAWGS!!!!!!!!
UCLA at Brigham Young
I would love to watch this but David Hasselhoff is wrestling an Anteater on “America’s Got Talent”
I have my priorities….
Oregon at Purdue
This game will be known more for the two most disturbing mascots in all of College Football than the actual contest…
And for good reason…
Penn State at Syracuse
The “Orange” will get Juiced….
JO PA’S LIONS 38-13
Michigan at Notre Dame
Can’t they “Both” Lose?
FIGHTING IRISH 24-21
Georgia Tech at Virginia Tech
If the Hokies want to beat the 2 and 0 Yellow Jackets they better get that Big Wang on the Field.
EDITORS NOTE: You are probably asking yourself…”Is he that easily amused over “Wang” Jokes?
The answer is, “yes” I am…
Chattanooga at Florida State
What’s wrong Bobby?
The Fort Myers Shuffleboard League not available?
Hawaii at Oregon State
I think I speak for all of us when I say…
Thank Goodness “Dog The Bounty Hunter” is back on the air…
Auburn at Mississippi State
A Good Ole fashioned Fight Between Cats and Dogs…
This one could go either way…..
TOMMY’s TIGERS 21-17
Southern Methodist at Texas Tech
My Once Proud Ponies will be beaten like rented Mules in this one…
GET THOSE GUNS UP!
RED RAIDERS! 43-17
Western Kentucky at Alabama
Sweet Home Alabama…..
ROLL TIDE ROLL 34-16
MTSU at Kentucky
I was just thinking about him this morning…
I know this isn’t his sport…
But this one is for “Mr. Wildcat”…
Juniata at Susquehanna
Sorry, this segment is for my other Blog…
“When Mexican Girls Attack”..
But if I was betting I would take Juniata…
That girl is tough…
Rensselaer at Endicott College
What is wrong with me today?
As you can see, this entry of fungus and warts belong in my medical blog..
“Turn your head and Cough with Dr.Mike”
Samford at Mississippi
I never knew Fred Samford had a college?
There must be alot of money in that ole Junk…
I wonder if Lamont is the President?
New Mexico State at Nebraska
The Children of the Corn will be very happy…
EDITORS NOTE: I like the Aggies but cannot support the change in mascot to Lasso Larry…
Give Pete back his six guns for Gods Sake!
Before you ask…No I will not give that up…
Rice at Vanderbilt
Will the Commodores start the season at 3 and 0?
They damn sure will….
Memphis at Marshall
Everbody knows I like Elvis…
But have you seen “We are Marshall”?
THUNDERING HERD 28-24
Iona at Wagner
I cannot believe that Vacuum Cleaner College has a football team..
They must really suck…
OLE IONA 28-24
Southern Miss at Arkansas State
I Love those folks from H-Burg…
And that is good enough for me…
GOLDEN EAGLES 27-24
Alabama A&M at Louisiana Monroe
The Bulldogs cannot stand up to the power of the War Hawk…
I am a believer..
WAR HAWKS 38-10
Stanford at Texas Christian
If IKE doesn’t screw this game up…
It will be a dandy for three quarters…
HORNED FROGS 24-17
Alcorn State at Troy
A school named for a nut cannot and should not beat the men of Troy…
MEN of TROY 23-14
Missouri State at Oklahoma State
This game will be like a John Wayne Movie…
Virginia at Connecticut
I wish I cared…But I don’t.
Oklahoma at Washington
If you have children…
DO not let them watch this game..
It will be ugly…
BOOMER SOONER 43-10
North Texas at LSU
I have a portion of the personal Diary of the North Texas Head Coach…
Can’t this game be postponed?
I would much prefer to take my butt whipping later…
When the Tigers are tired and maybe looking ahead to an SEC opponent..
Can you help me Diary?”
Time for your ass whipping….
FIGHTN TIGERS 44-10
Utah at Utah State
I think in this case it is appropriate to quote the two most famous residents of Utah.
In the words of Donny and Marie….
“I am a little bit country….and a little bit Rock and Roll..”
This really didn’t have anything to do with the pick..
I just thought it was funny….
TWO UTES 38-21
Bowling Green at Boise State
This game is going to be uglier than dollar beer night at the Bowling Alley…
Arizona at New Mexico
The Best game on television at three o’clock in the morning eastern time…
That is unless you have the full cable package…
UNLV at Arizona State
The Devils from the Land of the Sun will dominate…
SUN DEVILS 37-10
Wisconsin at Fresno State
Behold the mighty power of the Cheese….
To include any and all cheese like snacks…
Ohio State at Southern California
The Game of the Week…
You might think I am crazy…
But that’s what they said about Ted Bundy and the Wright Brothers…
THE MIGHTY BUCKEYES 31-24
Enjoy Your Games!