Mid-Week College Football News

May 28, 2008
By

Ladies and Gentlemen –

Just a quick update as I take off for my wife’s family reunion in the mountains of eastern Kentucky.
I hope to return with an accurate count of the mullets in attendance and a long awaited photo of my Sasquatch look-a-like sister-in-law. Ah Good times.

So without further ado let us get to this weeks news and reports from around the college football world.

FLORIDA STATE: Looks like it’s Deja vu all over again in Seminole Land.
Starting offensive tackle Daron Rose has been ruled ineligible for the 2008 football season due to academic reasons and will attend junior college in the fall.

Meanwhile, projected starting linebacker Marcus Ball was released from his scholarship as well for academic issues.

Coach Bobby will now start the season without Preston Parker (Who we discussed last week) Rose, Ball and another half dozen or so of his top players because of a classroom cheating scandal in a music history class.

EDITORS NOTE: Beyond anything else, let me state what you all are thinking.
What kind of dumbass has to cheat to pass a music history class?

OKLAHOMA: The Mighty Sooners and College Football lost one of the greatest quarterbacks of all time this past week when Jack Mildren passed away at age 58 after a long battle with cancer.

Mildren was the quarterback for the powerful Oklahoma wishbone offense in 1971 when the Sooners set an NCAA record that still stands today by averaging 472.4 rushing yards per game.

He will most certainly be missed.

TEXAS A&M: “Wanted: One Dog, MUST hate Orange.”
This classified add is straight from Aggie Land, as their beloved collie mascot Reveille VII is retiring and the Corps of Cadets are on the scent for a successor.

All candidates must be at least 18 months old. Puppies Need not apply.

EDITORS NOTE: You have GOT to love those Aggies.

FLORIDA: NEWS Flash from the University of Florida!
Tim Tebow is STILL the man; film at eleven.

EMAIL Questions and Answers

Q: Mike, my family and I just moved to central Florida from Pennsylvania. With all the different college football allegiances in the Sunshine state I have a question for you that I hope will keep me out of trouble with my new neighbors. What is the difference between a Florida State Seminole fan and a Miami Hurricane Fan?
Mark -Coco Beach, Florida
A: Mark I would say ten pounds of gold jewelry and a set of crunk teeth.

Q: Mike you were not joking! That Michigan Coach’s wife does look like a hooker! Do you think she will ever be shown on television?
Chuck – East Lansing, Michigan
A: I believe she will be on television. I am thinking “Rock of Love III”….

Q: Mike is there anyone out there in college football land that still believes that the University of Southern California “isn’t” getting perferential treatment by the NCAA?
Nick – Conway, South Carolina
A: Nick, I would say there is about as many people that believe that Reggie Bush and the Trojans are innocent as watch the “Best of Zamfir” Pan Flute CD infomercial at three o’clock in the morning.
In fact, I believe they are the same people.

Q: You’re the “Great College Football Prognosticator”, so what do you think about a Division I college football playoff? Inquiring minds want to know.
Stacy – Blackburg, Virginia
A: In the words of the immortal Coach Paul W. Bryant; “There is a playoff system in college football, it’s called the regular season.”

Whatever happened to Oklahoma playing Ohio State or Penn State and Alabama?

Instead we are forced to endure Florida State and Florida A&M or the “Mighty” Trojans of Southern California playing the Keebler Elves.

When real teams from real conferences will play a real schedule, then you won’t have a need for a playoff, the BCS, or Roy Kramer. Glad I could help.

Q: Mike you are obviously a Southeastern Conference guy. Tell me you will be pulling for Tennessee over UCLA in the first game of the season, right?
Todd – Tellico Plains, Tennessee
A: For me it’s like trying to decide who you want to win in a war between Iran and Syria.

Q: Mike does Duke University use some catchy phrase to promote their football program? Thanks!
Glen – Georgetown, Kentucky
A: They sure do Glen! It’s called “That thing that takes place between basketball seasons.”

Have a Great Week and remember only 92 days left until kickoff…..

RTR
MEB

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3 Responses to Mid-Week College Football News

  1. The BamaPrincess on May 28, 2008 at 11:36 pm

    Uh, yeah, Mike? I was thinking . . . aren’t there some nuclear power plants in Northeast Tennessee? And that’s near eastern Kentucky. Could there be any connection in those two facts and your sister-in-law’s excessive hair problem?

    Just curious.

    Last but not least – they cheated in MUSIC class?

    Another AWESOME write!

    The BamaPrincess

  2. Bulldog Jim on May 30, 2008 at 4:50 pm

    MEB. My first College Football Game was in 1948! Do you know who was Coach and Who was QB for Kentucky Wildcats? I do as I watched them BEAT my Bulldogs. Thanks and will continue the “countdown.” Your Pal, BJ

  3. MEB on June 2, 2008 at 2:32 pm

    Bulldog Jim –

    That would be “The Bear”….
    Keep counting my friend, kickoff is right around the corner.

    RTR
    MEB

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