Hootie’s Corner

April 4, 2008
By

Hey Everybody!
It’s me again, Hootie Snitch!
As you no by now I am only the Number One Tennessee Volunteer Fan on the Planet!
That guy that rights this column is on what he called a “Hiatus”, which I think is a town in Louisianna.
I bet he is down there a fishing.
So I am a going to keep you all updated until he gets back.

I have been getting a lot of attention from a righting in the football column last year and so I want to answer some of my female admirer’s questions this week.
This week is for all you Ladies out there….

To get write to it and answer some of yawl’s questions:
Yes, I am single and do own my very own previously owned doublewide trailer, even got me an above ground swimming pool. I am parked right here in the Big Orange Trailer Park in Baneberry Tennessee.
Pretty Sweet, huh?

To answer the Ladies other questions about myself…..
I am no diffrent than any other Tennessee Vol fan, except of course I am the Number damn One Fan and as the ladies in the trailer park point out to me on a daily bases, I am hotter than a stolen pistol.
I like long walks in the woods, particularly if it involves a snipe hunt….I ain’t caught a snipe yet, but I hear they is good eat’n.
I don’t see nothing wrong with cleaning your toenails in public.
I don’t know what Victoria’s Secret is…But I do know what Earlene’s Secret is and I ain’t tell’n.
I hate people that think wrestlin is fake – cause it ain’t.
I like women that have at least two teeth, preferably in the front. Cause it’s easier to open a beer when they are in the front.
I believe that liquor tastes better if it’s been strained through a car radiator.
My favorite colors are Orange and ORANGE! Hell Yeah!
I don’t believe that Community Service is anything to be ashamed of……
I like a woman that can play Rocky Top with her arm pit. That is just plain sexy.
I believe Coach Fulmer is like Moses, only heavier.
Women with mullets are just classy looking.
I don’t care what the damn police say, I believe that it’s O.K. to shoot a gun off in your own house when those damn cheat’n Gators beat the Vols or anytime somebody mentions anything to do with Alabama.
That includes the damn country music group too.

My favorite vacation place is The International Tow Truck and Recovery Hall of Fame and Museum in Chattanooga Tennessee. The gift shop is freaking awesome!
Check it out!
http://www.internationaltowingmuseum.org

Some of you ladies have asked if my cousin Ronnie is on “The Wall of the Fallen” at the Tow Truck and Recovery Hall of Fame and Museum.
Hell NO! Ronnie don’t even drive a tow truck! We was down there at the gift shop before Christmas and Ronnie was all liquored up (As Usual) and screwed around and got the back of his britches hung on the tow hook statue at the Wall of the Fallen.
I never seen such a wedgee in my damn life!
By the time we got him down his drawers were big enough to be a car cover.

If you ladies have any more questions, you can right me here, at least until what’s his name gets back from fishing in Hiatus or just come on by the Casa Da Hootie in Baneberry, where it’s always Party Time!

GO VOLS!

4 Responses to Hootie’s Corner

  1. BamaBob on April 4, 2008 at 12:26 pm

    Hootie,

    I sure am glad you explained yourself and your likes and dislikes in your “righting.” I will be sure to keep my sugarplum away from your commentary because there aint nothin’ worse than marital discourse… Of course, I ain’t worried too much cuz she’s an Auburn fan and that pretty well tells you all you need to know.
    I sure will be glad when meb gets back from Hiatus, Loosiana. But I know him personally and he don’t own a fishin’ rod. And if he is, the only thing the game warden is going get when he asks for his fishin’ license is his huntin’ license. Cuz, you know in order to find your fishin’ license, you have to use your huntin’ license to find it.
    My bet is he’s NASCARin’ or snipe hunting or something to keep his sniper skills sharp!!!
    Anyways keep up the good work!

    ROLLLLLLL TIDE!!!!
    BamaBob

  2. MissMay4UK on April 4, 2008 at 1:39 pm

    Oh, poor Hootie. I think he needs to head North a few miles on I-75 to find out what a REAL good woman is like. She has more than two teeth, enjoys the sweet sound of “My Old Kentucky Home” and refuses to have the color orange in her home or on her person.

    In memory of Bill Keightley:
    Kentucky basketball has lost a great friend this week. The bench will never be the same. No one will ever love UK more and be more proud to be a part of the Big Blue Nation than “Mr. Wildcat” himself. RIP Bill, you will be missed greatly by your family, friends, fans of UK and the entire state.

  3. MEB on April 4, 2008 at 4:07 pm

    It is a sad day for all of College Athletics and especially for those of the Big Blue Nation and the Commonwealth of Kentucky
    There will never be another like “Mr. Wildcat” Mr. Bill Keightley.
    The University of Kentucky has lost it’s heart and soul….
    God Bless you Mister Bill

  4. MEB on April 9, 2008 at 12:34 pm

    ALL –
    Please avoid Casa Da Hootie if at all possible, I understand there is a fungus in the trailer park that the Health Department hasn’t identified yet.

    RTR
    MEB

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