Ladies and Gentlemen –
I would like to thank The World-Famous Black Lab “Doc” for filling in for me last week and making the picks, while I was temporarily indisposed. Apparently I had contracted something akin to the flu from consuming beverages from what can only be described as a “dirty glass.”
I think the less we say about that particular evening, the better.
We have a lot to talk about this week.
It’s the Third Saturday in October and that means only one thing.
So let’s get to it.
Enjoy Your Picks
There is no point in dancing around it. Last week, “Doc” the World-Famous Black Lab, recorded an astounding record of 47 and 3 or 94%. “IF” you were wondering, that is better than I have done at any time, during any season since I have been writing the weekly picks.
Following this week’s picks, I will catch up with my overall numbers next week, but in the meantime, I have lost my bet with “Doc” and now have to refer to myself this week in third person as “Chi Chi the Monkey Boy.”
So I have that going for me this week.
Also too, due to his success last week, he insisted he gets another picture in the Picks this week.
College Football News
LSU: Well, you are losing Coach “O”, but gaining Coach Rich Rod, or at least that’s the hot rumor, so you got that going for you. Congratulations!
TENNESSEE: Keeping it Classy on Beacon Hill since September 10th, 1794
WASHINGTON STATE: So, the Head Football Coach got fired because YOU wouldn’t accept his religious exception for the jab? I guess it’s safe to assume you don’t have any religious studies at the university.
IOWA: Doc and I agree, we can’t even look at you right now.
TEXAS: I don’t know “IF” you are aware of this, BUT a college football game is FOUR quarters.
FLORIDA: I know Coach Mullen is known as “The Quarterback Whisperer”, but maybe he needs to start hollering instead of whispering. Just an idea
The CFB Wizard Email Question of the Week
Q: Dear CFB Wizard –
Can you please explain to me what the heck went on at Tennessee last week?
What was that all about?
Throwing mustard and golf balls, really?
Stan – Athens, Georgia
A: Thank you for the email Stan.
Let me break this down for you.
The Tennessee fans bring mustard to the home games because they “heard” that the concession stands charge “extry” for condiments at the stadium. Ironically, that also explains why so many babies are born there with what would appear to be jaundice because volunteer fans also use mustard as a birth control device.
EDITORS NOTE: Remember kids, the English language can be tricky and there is a big difference between “condiment” and “condom”.
As to the golf balls that were thrown, that can be easily explained too.
Generations of parents there have given their kids golf balls to chew because jawbreakers were deemed to “Is-pensive”, hence the perpetual jack-o-lantern like teeth their fan base is known for.
I hope that answered your question.
Wednesday 20 October
Coastal Carolina at Appalachian State
Don’t hate on me over this pick, I have to catch up with “Doc’s” record last week.
Thursday 21 October
Tulane at Southern Methodist
The Mighty Ponies remain undefeated.
I said what I said
MUSTANG SALLY 38-28
Louisiana Lafayette at Arkansas State
I would classify this one as an “Upset Special”
ROLL RED WOLVES ROLL 33-31
Friday 22 October
Memphis at Central Florida
I wish I could tell you which of these two teams will show up on Friday Night.
But I can’t and to be honest about out, they can’t either.
ELVIS’S TIGERS 34-31
Washington at Arizona
(Please see the game description above)
Saturday 23 October
Cincinnati at Navy
Nope, not even close. Sorry
Oklahoma at Kansas
(Please see the game description above)
BOOMER DAMN SOONERS 41-14
Montana at Idaho
I have on good authority that a potato can’t hurt a grizzly bear.
I saw it on the Animal Planet
Illinois at Penn State
I think this game will go down hill faster than a fat kid stuffed in a tractor tire.
NITTANY LIONS 34-10
Northwestern at Michigan
I wish this were an upset special, but it isn’t.
Wake Forest at Army
This however, “IS” an “Upset Special”
BLACK KNIGHTS OF THE HUDSON 34-31
Arkansas Pine-Bluff at Arkansas
This game is going to be uglier than Joe Biden at a spelling bee.
Massachusetts at Florida State
I cannot in good conscience pull for a team that you cannot pronounce if you have a lisp. It’s not a diversity thing with me, it’s a spitting thing that I don’t like.
Missouri State at North Dakota State
“Doc” and I will see you soon Fargo for a book signing,
I hope it’s balmy there in February.
MIGHTY BISON 38-17
Kansas State at Texas Tech
I have all but given up hope in the once proud Red Raiders.
Syracuse at Virginia Tech
Both of these teams have been close (real close) to pulling major upsets this year.
I can’t figure them out, so we are going with the home turkeys in this one.
Norwich at MIT
I cannot believe the Mississippi Institute of Technology is traveling that far north for a football game.
Wisconsin at Purdue
After my last picks of these two teams (which was a debacle) I have no idea.
This one is a guess
Oregon at UCLA
The Oregon mascot makes “Doc” laugh, so I say
QUACK ON 38-34
Oklahoma State at Iowa State
The Cyclones haven’t generated enough wind lately to classify as a decent crawfish fart.
COWBOY UP! 34-24
LSU at Ole Miss
This game is always a brawl and this year’s game will be no different.
FOAM RUBBER COL. SANDERS / BLACK BEAR / FOAM RUBBER LAND / SAND SHARKS 44-41
Brigham Young at Washington State
I used to really like the Cougars of Washington State, not so much anymore after they fired their coach.
YOUNG COUGARS 34-17
Rice at Alabama Birmingham
I have always loved rice pudding. Their football team, not so much.
Valdosta State at Mississippi College
You got a Blazer’s pick above and you got one here too.
Clemson at Pittsburgh
I wouldn’t rule out the Panthers in this one, just saying.
It’s going to be close
DABO’S TIGERS 31-28
Charleston Southern at North Alabama
It’s going to be a close (real close) in Florence.
FLORENCE LIONS 33-31
Maryland at Minnesota
“Doc” likes that Gopher mascot, that’s good enough for me in this one.
Also too I haven’t gotten a single game right with Maryland all damn year.
GOLDEN GOPHERS 34-28
Colorado at California
I have no rational reason for making this pick, just so you know.
Mississippi State at Vanderbilt
The Bully Dogs will rebound this week and the Commodores will remain consistent.
BULLY DOGS 38-10
Liberty at North Texas
I have on good authority that the Insurance people’s premiums are overdue.
MEAN GREEN 38-34
Delta State at West Alabama
“Doc” and I are frying Okra on Saturday afternoon. I call that a sign.
FIGHTING OKRA 34-17
Boston College at Louisville
“IF” I was from Boston I would constitute this game as an “upset.”
East Carolina at Houston
This is going to be one heck of a game in Cow Town.
Tennessee at Alabama
The Third Saturday in October
It’s Oil and Water
It’s Cowboys versus Indians
It’s Democrats versus Republicans
Except it’s worse
CRIMSON TIDE 28-24
Ohio State at Indiana
I will be watching Alabama and Tennessee, sorry, I don’t care
Southern California at Notre Dame
This Old Rivalry game is played for the “Jeweled Shillelagh”,
which will stay in South Bend as long as the Pope is Catholic.
FIGHTING IRISH 44-17
Arkansas Monticello at Harding University
I don’t know about Harding, But Bo knows Weevils.
BO WEEVILS 34-31
South Carolina at Texas A&M
I wish I had better news for my home folks here in Carolina, but I don’t.
GIG EM AGGIES 41-17
North Carolina State at Miami
I have to agree with “Doc” on this one. These Big Dogs are running.
Georgia Tech at Virginia
These two teams have more personalities than a damn feral cat.
YELLOW JACKETS 34-31
Carson Newman at Newberry
It’s NOT Newberry, it’s called “Mayberry”, has no one ever seen the television show?
These people exhaust me.
West Virginia at Texas Christian
This game will be a knock down, drag it out fight.
Last one with the football, wins.
Utah at Oregon State
Just a little FYI for you readers that may or may not be interested in this last game.
Please do not google, “Ute Beavers”, just don’t.
Take my word for it.
“Hopefully” Your Week 9 College Football Picks will be out next week on Thursday just as you have come to expect. And there will also be your follow up story on Mikerights.com next week too.
I would encourage you to read this week’s story on Mikerights.com too, it provides some background on next week’s story.
I hope you enjoy it.
One More Thing……..
Thank you all again for reading both websites. Doc and I greatly appreciate it.
There will be more news next week on the date of the new book release, but in the meantime be good to yourself and those around you.
THE CFB WIZARD