Ladies and Gentlemen –
Maybe it’s just me
But It’s hard for me to believe that we are already looking at October.
That means we are in the real grinder of the college football season.
Pull those chin straps tighter, we got some slobber knockers on the schedule.
Enjoy Your Picks
Weekend Rewind..
Before I go on any further, I need to apologize to “Doc” the World-Famous Back Lab who “insisted” I pick the Wolfpack of North Carolina State over Clemson, but I didn’t (as you all know by now) listen to his suggestion. Laugh at me if you want too, but it doesn’t feel good being put in “the doghouse” by Doc.
That being said, Your Favorite College Football Prognosticator hit a “few” upsets last week and clearly (as I discussed above) missed a few others but still managed to finish the week at 48 and 11 or 81%.
This leaves The CFB Wizard at 228 and 42 or 84% after four weeks of college football.
I have to do better this week, it’s not that being in “The Doghouse” isn’t comfortable, it’s just that it smells like butt, chew toys and old raw hide treats.
COLLEGE FOOTBALL NEWS
SOUTHERN METHODIST: I am sorry I ever doubted the Mighty Mustangs, congratulations on winning “The Iron Skillet”
ARKANSAS: Turn that Damn Jukebox Up!
OREGON STATE: Congratulations on smoking the Trojans last week and You are Welcome.
MINNESOTA: Damn it Gophers, really?
NORTH CAROLINA STATE: I read all the emails, but nothing was as bad as the disappointing looks I have gotten from “Doc” over not picking you last week.
Congratulations on the Great Win last week.
MICHIGAN STATE: I recognize that I was the only person that picked the Spartans last weekend to defeat the Hurricanes in Miami. You are Welcome America.
THE CFB WIZARD QUESTIONS and ANSWERS
Q: Ok, so I have to ask.
What do have against the Ivy League in general and Yale specifically?
“IF” you mention either of them at all, which is rare, it is always in a disparaging manner.
So, what exactly do you have against Yale?
James – New Haven, Connecticut
A: James, I have nothing against a good Yale.
In fact, last Saturday I was yelling my ass off when Alabama returned two kickoffs for touchdowns.
Q: Dear Sir,
My name is Ott-scay Ost-fray (that’s Swedish, by the way) and I’m a head football coach at a rather well know but former blue blood school in the Mid-West.
I’m not having very good luck out here and I’m kinda scared that I’m going to lose my job by the time the season is over. I heard you went to the University of Alabama and played a little football there.
Do you think that you could put in a good word for me with Mr. Nick Saban to be an analyst or something like that next year?
I mean I’d really work hard and wouldn’t say anything during meetings. I think he’d maybe like me cause when I was coaching at this one school in Florida we claimed a National Championship cause we were so good!!!
So, if you could do me that favor I’d reeeeeeeeally appreciate it.
Ott-scay Ost-fray
Head Coach
University of I’d Rather Not Say
A: I’ll do my best Coach Frost
Q: Dear Mr. CFB Wizard –
Do you plan on having a book signing event for your upcoming book in east Tennessee?
Margie – Strawberry Plains, Tennessee
A: That would be a little bit like trying to sell bacon in Baghdad wouldn’t you say Margie?
Q: Look here dumbass!
I am a only going to tell you one more damn time!
The head Football Coach at Tennessee’s name is JOSH HEUPEL!
His name AIN’T Juicy Nipple!
Scooter Davis – Pikeville, Tennessee
A: O’ Yeah? Well then, explain this…
Q: Dear Sir,
As you know, we’ve come up on the short end of the stick in a couple of games this year. But I cannot BELIEVE that the lastest AP Top 25 poll had us ranked at 25!!!
You know as well as I do that Lil Ole Clemson should never be ranked that low!!!
I mean, we got beat by Georgia! They’re only ranked as the SECOND BEST team in the country! And we also got beat by NORTH CAROLINA STATE!!!!
Do you have any idea how tough they are??? I mean they’re a ranked team, too. But if you ask me they should be ranked at least number 3 or 4 in the whole dang country!!!
So, before you go writin’ us off, watch out. We’ll be in the playoffs and we’ll show you just how good we are.
Dabo Swinney
Head Dang Ball Coach
Clemson University
P.S. Do you know of any good quarterbacks that might be in the transfer portal and may be available?
A: I would worry about Boston College “IF” I were you coach, just saying.
Q: Dear Sir –
YOU know you have a lot of fans here in Comanche Texas!
Please tell me that you will have a book signing for “Over Easy” here!
May I suggest the Brennan Vineyards for the event?????
You and “Doc” the World-Famous Black Lab will love it and we will too!
I can help you set it all up if you want.
Annie – Comanche, Texas
A: Annie, Get Your Gun! We will be there and email you on some potential dates.
Thank you so much, both Doc and I appreciate it.
THE GAMES
Thursday 30 September
Virginia at Miami
This game is going to be close. Way Close
HURRICANES 28-24
Friday 1 October
Houston at Tulsa
This game can go either way.
It’s going to be a shoot-out
COUGARS 41-38
Iowa at Maryland
I wouldn’t rule out the Ninja Turtles in this one.
Believe it
HAWKEYES 34-31
Brigham Young at Utah State
Another game in the “Battle of the Brothers”
It’s all Cats in this one
COUGARS 31-28
Saturday 2 October
Arkansas at Georgia
Hawgs and Dawgs
I have my feelings on this one, but “Doc” is giving me “that” look, so I am going with,
SMART DAWGS 28-24
Michigan at Wisconsin
This Old Big Ten (I thought it was sixteen teams…) conference rivalry is played for the coveted,
“House of Hotdogs Trophy”
(What it looks like is a molded Lincoln log cabin made by an eight-year-old boy)
BADGERS 24-17
St Olaf at Augsburg
When this many drunken Germans get together, France better get nervous.
OLLIES 34-31
North Dakota State at North Dakota
This bitter instate rivalry is played for “The Nickel Trophy”
It’s going to be a knockdown dragged out fight.
MIGHTY BISON 31-28
Tennessee at Missouri
It’s going to be too close to call
So I am going with the home team
MO’S TIGERS 31-28
Charlotte at Illinois
It’s going to be close, but the Fighting Pumpkins will grind it out.
FIGHTING PUMPKINS 28-24
Southwestern Oklahoma at Arkansas Monticello
I have feeling Bo Knows in this one
BO WEEVILLS 38-31
Pittsburgh at Georgia Tech
I have no idea which one of these two teams are going to show up or when.
There, I said it
PANTHERS 34-31
Duke at North Carolina
The War on Tobacco Road is played for “The Victory Bell”
Ding-Dong
TAR HEELS 33-31
Minnesota at Purdue
Another of the “Could Easily Go Either Way” games this weekend.
Hang On
GOLDEN GOPHERS 38-34
Texas at Texas Christian
The Horned Dogs will keep it close, but I have to overrule “Doc” on this one,
LONGHORNS 33-28
Memphis at Temple
I don’t think the Owls don’t stand a Hoot of a chance in this one.
ELVIS’S TIGERS 41-24
Louisville at Wake Forest
Two words for you here.
“UPSET SPECIAL”
CARDINALS 34-28
Virginia Military Institute at The Citadel
This Battle between two traditional Military Colleges is played for the “Silver Shako.”
It’s going to be a good one.
BULLDOGS 33-17
Appalachian State at Georgia State
The Panthers played one heck of a game last week, but that was their high-water mark.
Enough said
MOUNTAINEERS 38-17
Southern California at Colorado
Yep, I said it
“UPSET SPECIAL”
BUFFALOS 34-17
Cincinnati at Notre Dame
Let’s make it two in a row
“UPSET SPECIAL”
BEARKATS 38-34
Campbell at North Alabama
The Soup People get a big “No” from me in this one.
FLORENCE LIONS 34-17
Louisiana Monroe at Coastal Carolina
The Big Birds of Carolina are the Best Team in the Palmetto State.
I said what I said
CAROLINA BIRDS 41-28
Ole Miss at Alabama
This game makes me as nervous as a long-tailed cat in a box fan factory.
CRIMSON TIDE 38-34
Oregon at Stanford
This one be close for a minute or two then it’s all,
QUACKERS 41-17
Oklahoma at Kansas State
The Sooners make me drink early and often.
There, I said it.
BOOMER DAMN SOONERS 33-28
Montana at Eastern Washington
This game is a bitter contest and always has been.
I have to go with the boys from the Big Sky Country.
GRIZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ 31-21
Ohio State at Rutgers
Nothing to see here
BUCKEYES 44-17
Troy at South Carolina
I wouldn’t dismiss the Men of Troy in this one.
It will be closure than you think
GAMECOCKS 33-17
West Florida at Delta State
I thought “West” Florida was either the Gulf of Mexico or Alabama.
Just saying
FIGHTING OKRA 38-17
Syracuse at Florida State
I would say this was an “Upset Special”
SEMINOLES 34-17
Texas Tech at West Virginia
The Mountaineers are better than advertised and the Red Raiders aren’t
So there is that
MOUNTAINEERS 41-24
Central Florida at Navy
I can’t even look at you Midshipmen anymore, I just can’t.
GOLDEN KNIGHTS 44-21
Carson Newman at Barton College
“Barton” sounds a little too damn uppity to suit me.
EAGLES 41-21
Tulane at East Carolina
It’s going to be a close one in Carolina
PIRATES 38-34
South Florida at Southern Methodist
I won’t doubt the Ponies again (At Least not this week..)
MIGHTY MUSTANGS 41-17
Arkansas State at Georgia Southern
I haven’t lost hope in the Red Wolves, let’s get it
ROLL RED WOLVES ROLL 34-17
Army at Ball State
The Mighty Cadets just keep rolling along.
BLACK KNIGHT OF THE HUDSON 34-24
Washington State at California
These two teams have more personalities than a flying crack monkey.
COUGARS 41-38
Florida at Kentucky
The Big Blue Cats will keep this one close, for a while, then it’s all
MIGHTY GATORS 35-21
Shorter at Valdosta State
The Midget College comes up short in this one
(I thought that up myself)
BLAZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZERS 44-10
Louisiana Tech at North Carolina State
The Pack of Wolves better be careful in this game,
I said what I said
WOLFPACK 33-28
Southern Miss at Rice
The Golden Eagles rebound in Cow Town this weekend.
Believe it
GOLDEN EAGLES 33-17
Air Force at New Mexico
Stand-By for a Rolling Bombardment
FIGHTING FALCONS 38-17
Mississippi State at Texas A&M
“Doc” feels like this one is a toss-up, but said to go with the long-haired mascot,
GIG EM AGGIES 34-17
Baylor at Oklahoma State
This is a dangerous game for both teams, it’s going to be a shoot-out in Stillwater,
COWBOY UP! 44-41
Marshall at Middle Tennessee State
Three Words for you here,
WE ARE MARSHALL 34-17
Liberty at Alabama Birmingham
This is going to be one heck of a game in Steel Town, Believe it.
LIBERTY LIBERTY LIBERTY 41-38
Kansas at Iowa State
Don’t worry Jayhawks, Basketball is right around the corner.
CYCLONES 44-10
Indiana at Penn State
Much like their nickname, I still don’t who or what the Hoosiers are.
NITTANY LIONS 31-17
Western Kentucky at Michigan State
The Mighty Spartans keep rolling as the Hilltoppers have rolled downhill.
SPARTANS 44-17
Boston College at Clemson
The Tigers bounce back, but not by much.
DABO’S TIGERS 34-31
Connecticut at Vanderbilt
This game will be like watching two guys at the nursing home gnawing on a dollar steak at Sizzler.
It’s just not going to be pretty
COMMODORES 24-21
Northwestern at Nebraska
It’s October
Halloween is right around the corner
I like Candy Corn
I said what I said
CHILDREN OF THE CORN 33-28
Louisiana Lafayette at South Alabama
These Cajuns are Raging, and they won’t stop this weekend.
RAJUN CAJUNS 38-17
Auburn at LSU
“Doc” has absolutely NO interest in watching a cat fight.
I feel you big man, I feel you
WAR DAMN EAGLE 33-31
Washington at Oregon State
Oregon State is “Hot” right now but,
Just as a FYI, “IF” you Google “Hot Beavers” don’t hit images.
Just don’t
BEAVERS 34-24
Arizona State at UCLA
It’s going to be close, real close
Believe it
BRUINS 34-31
Fresno State at Hawaii
I got the “look” from Doc and you know what that means.
BULLDOGS 41-28
Next Week..
Your Picks (Hopefully) will be out by Thursday of next week, providing of course no liver transplant is necessary after Saturday’s games. Also (Hopefully) we will have the cover of the new book entitled “Over Easy” for you next week.
(“Yes” that was a shameless plug)
There is more on the way, so stay tuned.
One More Thing….
As you should know by now, you have yet another “new” story on Mikerights.com this week that should get a giggle or two, maybe three out of you. I hope you enjoy it.
I would be remiss if I didn’t wish a Happy Birthday (today) to a personal hero of mine and THE King of Rock and Roll Jerry Lee Lewis.
Happy Birthday Killer
Keep smiling this week and be good to those around you and be kind to yourself.
RTR
THE CFB WIZARD