Ladies and Gentlemen –
It’s week three and some of you are already despondent and depressed.
Don’t be. There is still a lot of football left to be played.
Well unless you are, (You know who you are, no need for me to embarrass you here)
But don’t cry in your beer just yet.
Let’s get to this week’s picks
Enjoy
Weekend Rewind…
It would appear Your Favorite College Football Prognosticator knocked the seasonal rust off last week posting a rather impressive 64 and 6 record or 91% in week two.
Astounding, I know, but please don’t embarrass me with words like “genius” or “phenom” that will only encourage stalkers and empower those already protesting in front of The CFB Wizard Headquarters LLC.
But I digress…
Overall, The CFB Wizard (after two weeks) is 132 and 20 or 87% thus far in the season.
We have a big week ahead and this is no time to rest on our laurels, I don’t rest on those at all.
Actually, “Doc” The World-Famous Black Lab and I rest together in the recliner.
Just so you know
COLLEGE FOOTBALL NEWS
NAVY: Just FYI here Midshipmen. “IF” you wear uniforms honoring the Marine Corps then you are therefore under an obligation to win the damn game.
Nobody ever said, “Let’s Lose one for the Gipper”
CENTRAL FLORIDA: It would appear they are “All In” for Gus in Orlando,
You know, just like Auburn “was” once.
SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA: So, you fired Coach Helton after only the second game?
Really?
What, not WOKE enough for you?
ARKANSAS: Well done Razorbacks, well done. Congratulations.
TEXAS: I will leave this one right here..
IOWA: These Hawkeyes are for real, Believe it
THE CFB WIZARD EMAIL QUESTIONS and ANSWERS
Q: Your Picks are Amazing!
You picked upset after upset last week!
What’s your secret? How do you do it?
Natalie – Boone, Kentucky
A: I cannot divulge such secrets anymore than Colonel Sanders will reveal his seven spices for Kentucky Fried Chicken. However, I will say that it involves something that sounds like “Shmal-Cohol”
Q: You IDIOT!
The Coach at THE University of Tennessee is JOSH HEUPEL!
His name is NOT Juicy Nipple!
You Dumbass!
Frank – Chattanooga, Tennessee
A: Frank I think your anger is misplaced as well as unhealthy.
Your problem is NOT with me, but with “Autocorrect.”
Maybe autocorrect knows something you don’t know, just saying.
Go Vowels
Q: Hello
I come from Mexico and I am the Armando
I want the work on the football at CFB Wizard.
The football, American.
Good – yes
Yes – Thank you
Armando
A: I will give you this Armando.
You are more articulate than our damn president.
Q: Hey Man!
I really enjoyed your story last week on Mike Rights “See More Pig”!
So, let me ask you this, where can you buy a Christmas sweater for a pig?
Thanks!
Jerry – Wartburg, Tennessee
A: The same place you can buy lingerie for a pig.
Fredericks of Knoxville
THE GAMES
Thursday 16 September
Ohio at Louisiana Lafayette
I like Coach Frank’s Cats, but this game is in Cajun Country.
RAGIN CAJUNS 34-17
Friday 17 September
Central Florida at Louisville
I wouldn’t necessarily say this was an “Upset”, unless you are on the Gus Bus when it runs off the road.
CARDINALS 41-38
Maryland at Illinois
I know the Fighting Pumpkins are good at “Home”, but something tells me,
NINJA TURTLES 34-24
Saturday 18 September
Northern Illinois at Michigan
Coach Hairball and the Wolverines are on a roll!
(That was sarcasm in case you didn’t know)
WOLVERINES 38-24
Michigan State at Miami
The Crimson Tide reduced the Hurricanes to a Pop Corn Fart.
I said what I said
SPARTANS 34-21
Coastal Carolina at Buffalo
The Boys from Conway give Buffalo the Bird.
CAROLINA BIRDS 44-24
Chattanooga at Kentucky
The Big Blue Cats are going to upset a lot of people this year.
They are for real.
WILDCATS 41-17
Western Michigan at Pittsburgh
The Mighty Panthers, will walk through the Broncos, or ride them, whatever.
I am out of cowboy references this week, sorry.
PANTHERS 41-10
Albany at Syracuse
“IF” this was Albany Georgia I would feel differently about this game.
Some of those people there are straight gangsters
URANGE 38-17
Boston College at Temple
The Eagles are winning without attention, somebody better start paying attention to them.
Because they are way better than advertised.
CHESTNUTT HILL EAGLES 34-17
Army at Connecticut
Even “Doc” the World-Famous Black lab won’t pull for these Huskies.
BLACK KNIGHTS OF THE HUDSON 38-10
Virginia Tech at West Virginia
This is going to be a knock down, drag out battle of the boys from the mountains.
It can easily go either way
Hang on to your seats
FIGHTING TURKEYS 34-31
Minnesota at Colorado
Believe it or not, it’s going to be closer than you might think.
O’ GOPHERS 28-17
Nevada at Kansas State
Nothing to see here
WILDCATS 34-17
Nebraska at Oklahoma
This was once one of the biggest and most intense college football games of the year.
It was always a classic.
Not so much now.
BOOMER DAMN SOONERS 44-17
Cincinnati at Indiana
Actually, this is going to be one heck of a football game.
It’s going to be close
BEARKATS 31-28
Grambling at Houston
I have always loved Grambling, but my heart is with Cow Town.
COUGARS 41-17
New Mexico at Texas A&M
Nope, this will not be close
Sorry, not sorry
GIG EM AGGIES 38-14
Furman at North Carolina State
I had to explain to “Doc” that “Furman” was NOT a dog school.
Once he understood that he changed his pick for the game.
WOLFPACK 38-10
Purdue at Notre Dame
I “think” this rivalry game is played for the Purdue Butthole Cannon, or something like it.
I would look it up, but the internet is temporarily down.
FIGGITING IRISH 33-28
Tennessee Tech at Tennessee
Don’t worry Vowel Fans, Coach Juicy Nipple will have them ready this week against the Culinary Cooking School of Cookeville.
VOWELS 49-14
Kent State at Iowa
Nope, not even close kids.
HAWKEYES 44-10
Oklahoma State at Boise State
I have a feeling that these Broncos are going to buck the Cowboys out of the saddle.
BRONCOS 38-34
Alabama at Florida
It’s going to be a close one in the Swamp.
CRIMSON TIDE 34-31
Georgia Tech at Clemson
This “used” to be a really good game. As in “past tense”
DABO’S TIGERS 44-14
Southern Methodist at Louisiana Tech
Of all the things I have seen in Louisiana I have never seen a horse race.
It’s time to let the ponies run.
MIGHTY MUSTANGS 38-34
Florida State at Wake Forest
I haven’t lost faith in the Seminoles and neither should you.
SEMINOLES 33-31
Baylor at Kansas
The Jayhawks “might” win this game and I “might” meet a deafmute super model that owns her own chain of liquor stores. I would say neither one is very likely.
DA BEARS 44-17
Idaho at Oregon State
I haven’t met any “Ida’s” but I have known a few..
Never mind
BEAVERS 41-21
Southern California at Washington State
I was going to make some joke about a broken Trojan, but I thought that sounded nasty.
COUGARS 41-28
Northwestern at Duke
I wish the Blue Devils had a player named “Earl”…
Then he could be the “Duke of Earl”
Never mind
WILDCATS 34-17
Tulsa at Ohio State
Sometimes you feel like a nut and sometimes you don’t.
This week I do
BUCKEYES 38-21
Delta State at West Georgia
This is going to be a heck of game, for a while, then it’s all,
FIGHTING OKRA 38-31
Georgia Southern at Arkansas
Don’t sleep on the Eagles, this one will be closer than you think.
RAZORBACKS 41-34
South Carolina at Georgia
I wish I had better news for the Gamecock faithful, but I don’t.
SMART DAWGS 38-13
Auburn at Penn State
I have but one thing to say about this game
ROLL NITTANY LIONS ROLL 34-28
Mississippi State at Memphis
Once again this week the bulldogs will attempt to give their fans heart attacks with a last-minute win.
BULLY DOGS 44-41
Sacramento at California
Nobody Cares
BEARS 3-2
North Alabama at Jacksonville State
This Battle in Bama’ is going to be a good one, hang on.
GAMECOCKS 33-31
Arkansas State at Washington
Coach Butch “almost” took down Memphis last week, this week they get it done.
ROLL WOLVES ROLL 33-31
East Carolina at Marshall
This is a damn important game to both teams, for a lot of reasons.
WE ARE MARSHALL 38-34
Henderson State at Arkansas Monticello
I hate to say this, but my Bo Weevils are outmatched in this one.
HARRY and the HENDERSONS 34-28
Elon at Appalachian State
I cannot in good conscience pull for a school I cannot pronounce over my Appalachian Americans.
MOUNTAINEERS 34-10
North Dakota State at Towson
Doesn’t “Towson” make cookies and crackers?
Just asking
MIGHTY BISON 34-10
Florida International at Texas Tech
The only “International” the folks from Florida will see in Lubbock will have “Harvester” after it.
GET THOSE GUNS UP!
RED RAIDERS 38-14
Troy at Southern Miss
This is going to be one heck of a game, as usual.
MEN OF TROY 28-24
Old Dominion at Liberty
Although their commercials are annoying their football team is quite good.
So there is that
LIBERTY LIBERTY LIBERTY 38-24
Central Michigan at LSU
Yawn…..
FIGHTN’ TIGERS 34-17
Stanford at Vanderbilt
Let’s be honest with each other.
None of us really care
CARDINAL 21-17
Rice at Texas
Texas IS BACK!
(This week)
LONGHORNS 41-24
Northern Arizona at Arizona
On an unrelated side note; “Doc” won’t look at me when I pick feline teams.
WILDCATS 33-24
Utah State at Air Force
After their destruction of Navy last week, I am convinced the Falcons are for real this year.
AIM HIGH 38-34
Carson Newman at Wingate
I don’t like the name “Wingate” sounds like the name of an English Field Marshal or a sissy piano player.
EAGLES 41-28
Stony Brook at Oregon
This game will be like a box of Nutty Buddy’s at a Weight Watchers Meeting.
Blink and the fun is all over.
QUACKERS 77-10
Virginia at North Carolina
I would say this game is a toss up or a throw up depending on your perspective.
TAR HEELS 6-3
Tulane at Ole Miss
The Green Wave are going to hang around for three quarters, or more, then its all
FOAM RUBBER COL SANDERS / BLACK BEARS / LAND – SAND SHARK REBELS 44-38
Arizona State at Brigham Young
This game is going to be tight and will come down to the last half of the fourth quarter.
Believe it
COUGARS 33-28
Iowa State at Nevada Las Vegas
The Cyclones stir up some dust in the desert.
(I thought that one up myself)
CYCLONES 38-10
Fresno State at UCLA
The Bears take down the Dogs, regardless what “Doc” may think about this game.
BRUINS 41-31
Next Week…
Your Weekly Pick’s will be out at the “usual” time next week along with a few other stories to keep you entertained.
Speaking of being entertained, the “new” book entitled “Over Easy” is slated to be out after Thanksgiving (Just in time for Christmas, Hannukah or whatever) and we will have more details on it in the coming weeks.
So stay Tuned
One More Thing….
In the event you were blissfully unaware, you have a “new” story on Mikerights.com again this week.
I have been plying the humor to you the past few weeks for one very important reason.
Because there have been damn few things lately to laugh about.
Keep Smiling and Keep the Faith
Be good to those around you this week and be kind to yourselves too.
RTR
THE CFB WIZARD