College Football Picks Week Two

September 9, 2021
By

Ladies and Gentlemen –

I hope your hangovers from week one have subsided and you have restocked your refrigerators and or liquor cabinets for the weekend. “IF” not, you are going to need too.

Trust me on this one


The Weekend Rewind

Well, I wouldn’t say it was good and I wouldn’t say it was bad for an opening weekend of college football, finishing the week with 68 and 14 or 84%. I will say in my defense this is the first week (ever) that “Doc” The World Famous Black Lab missed on a “few” of his canine picks (Washington most notably).

After pouting for most of the day Sunday, he has shook it off and is back in the game. In all fairness I think the half bag of jerky treats did the trick, but who am I to complain.

COLLEGE FOOTBALL NEWS

KANSAS: You rushed the field after defeating South Dakota Fertilizer and Compost Academy, Really?

CLEMSON: I will just leave this one right here…

NEBRASKA: Might I suggest praying for freak snowstorm or other weather disaster to delay and or prevent the game with Oklahoma next week from taking place. It’s just a suggestion.

LSU: Just remember Tiger Fans, you always have that DVD of Joe Burrows you can watch this year instead of football on Saturday.

MIAMI: I remember a story that went something like this, “Hurricanes By 50 over Alabama!”

Not to sell kids, don’t do drugs they will make you delusional and say foolish things.

WASHINGTON: I TOLD you the Big Sky Boys were for real but did you believe me?

Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

FLORIDA STATE: Dad Gum It Seminoles, you almost got em.

CFB WIZARD EMAIL QUESTIONS and ANSWERS

Q: Dear Kind Sir,

My name is Mary Con-Trarie and I just love college football!!!

Especially when they show the cheerleaders and marching band on the sidelines. And guess what? I like to pick the games, too! Now, I don’t know anything about overs and underwears or anything like that but I’m pretty good at picking the winners! I hope you don’t mind but I made a few picks for you this week to see how well I do

Clemson and Georgia – You know, Kirby Smart is so kind and sweet looking. He reminds me of a little bulldog puppy with his cute little smile. Now the Tigers, well, they wear purple and orange!!! Those clothes just clash and nobody would be caught dead wearing that color combination so I’m going with GEORGIA

Miami and Alabama – You know, Alabama has worn the same uniform for the past like one hundred years. They may as well be wearing bell bottoms, their uniforms are so out of date. But Miami sure doesn’t help themselves with that gaudy green and orange combination. Plus, they have that awful turnover chain thing they wear around their necks. That looks like some kind of white trash trailer park floozie won the lottery and bought out a Zale’s Jewelry Store. I’m sorry, but I’m going with ALABAMA

Texas and Louisiana – More orange. Is burnt orange even a color? I mean I can see old and rusty orange if you’re talking about an old Fanta Orange soda can. Anywho, Louisiana is the Cajuns, and I just love the way they talk, so I’m picking LOUISIANA

I hope you like my picks! I always pick the winners so feel free use use mine if you’d like!!!

Mary Con-Trarie
Albuquerque, New Mexico

A: With your deep insight Mary, I am considering adding you on as an adjunct staff member here at The CFB Wizard Headquarters LLC.

Q: Hey Jackass!

The Coach at the University of Tennessee’s name is JOSH HEUPEL NOT Juicy Nipple!

Get it right Idiot!

Earl (Vol for Life!)
Red Bank, Tennessee

A: Earl I would suggest you and Coach Juicy Nipple take your complaint up with Autocorrect.

Then go Buck Yourself.

Q: Dear Sir,

As Athletic Director here at the University of Tennessee, we are excited to announce some new attractions for the college football season which will elevate the fan experience to a whole new level.

First off, in a salute to the Butch Jones era, we’re bringing back the popular “Tennessee Turnover Trashcan” to place around the stadium to collect all the trash and debris!!!

And, as a tribute to Derek Dooley, all of our stadium personnel will be outfitted with his trademark Bright Orange Chaps khaki’s!!!

In a tribute to Lane Kiffin, we will be offering rides to and from parking areas in a huge North American Van Lines Big Rig!!! And, to kick off the season, we’re going to be giving away McDonald’s Big Mac Meals to commemorate Jeremy Pruitt’s tenure in Knoxville!!!

Oh, yes, and during every night game in October, in honor of Coach Fulmer, we’ll have ambient lighting around the stadium by placing jack-o-laterns with candles burning in them to light the way for fans to get to their seats. Big things are coming to Neyland, so don’t miss out on the fun!!!

Danny White
Athletic Director
University of Tennessee

A: Are you still going to have the “Smell My Hands” booth this year during homecoming?

THE GAMES

Friday 10 September

Kansas at Coastal Carolina
I will make this brief….
CAROLINA BIRDS 34-14

North Carolina A&T at Duke
I wouldn’t necessarily call this one an “Upset”, if you know what I mean.
TELEPHONE PEOPLE 28-24

North Dakota at Utah State
Unlike the above, I would call this one an “Upset” but it won’t be special.
FIGHTING SIOUX 34-28

Texas El Paso at Boise State
The Mighty Broncos bounce back, Believe it
BRONCOS 41-21

Saturday 11 September

Illinois at Virginia
There is far too much orange in this game to suit me.
FIGHTING PUMPKINS 24-21

Western Kentucky at Army
As an interesting sidenote, I can still out PT fat ass General Mylie Cyrus.
I thought it needed to be said…
BLACK KNIGHTS OF THE HUDSON 33-31

McKendree at Delta State
There are a lot of ways I enjoy my Okra, but my favorite is…
FIGHTING OKRA 38-14

Alabama State at Auburn
O’ Yippee another tough game on the plains.
WAR DAMN EAGLE 77-3

South Carolina at East Carolina
This battle in the Palmetto State will be closer than you might think.
GAMECOCKS 38-17

Pittsburgh at Tennessee
They are calling this game the “Johnny Majors Classic”
I call it an “Upset”
PANTHERS 24-21

Kennesaw State at Georgia Tech
Seriously?
YELLOW JACKETS 141-3

Arkansas Monticello at Oklahoma Baptist
I have to go with the Baptist from Oklahoma in this one.
I know for a fact they carry guns to church.
OKIE BAPTIST 34-24

Norfolk State at Wake Forest
I feel like I am already getting a cavity from all the cupcakes this week.
DEMON DECONS 44-10

Youngstown State at Michigan State
(Please see the above description)
SPARTANS 44-17

Miami (OH) at Minnesota
I guess we are only going to have one “real” contest this week in the Big 10 (Whatever)
GOLDEN GOPHERS 44-10

Indiana State at Northwestern
I would have thought with all my “suggestions” over the years that Indiana State would have changed their mascot by now. Really, a “Sycamore Tree”?
RUN EVERYBODY IT’S A DAMN TREE!
(I don’t get it)
WILDCATS 41-10

Oregon at Ohio State
“Ducks and Nuts”
I was going to say something else but I thought it sounded dirty, so I didn’t.
BUCKEYES 44-24

Valdosta State at Virginia Union
The name “Virginia Union” doesn’t set right with me.
Just saying
BLAZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ 38-17

Tulsa at Oklahoma State
I recognize that this “should be” some sort of instate battle where the wind comes whipping across the plains, but it really isn’t going to be much of a tussle. Sorry
COWBOY UP! 38-14

Florida at South Florida
Not even remotely close
GATORS 51-10

Middle Tennessee at Virginia Tech
Although my pick last week was against the Turkeys and “yes” I was incorrect there.
(Thank you all for pointing out the obvious)
I will have to say, this week the Turkey’s will gobble up the Blue Raiders.
(I thought that one up by myself)
FIGHTING TURKEYS 44-28

Rutgers at Syracuse
Nobody cares
SCARLETT KNIGHTS 21-17
Charleston Southern at The Citadel
This Battle Royale in “Chuck Town” will be a good one.
BULLDOGS 34-24

Toledo at Notre Dame
I was going to watch this game, but “Doc” and I have virtual butter carving class to attend.
Sorry
FIGHTN ERISH 131-3

Purdue at Connecticut
Yawn…
BOILERMAKERS 34-14

Alabama Birmingham at Georgia
Believe it or not folks, it’s going to be real close.
Real Close
SMART DAWGS 34-28

Texas A&M at Colorado
I won’t be allowed back in the Republic “IF” I don’t make this pick.
GIG EM AGGIES 33-28

Buffalo at Nebraska
Enjoy the win Cornhuskers and pray for a blizzard next week.
CHILDREN OF THE CORN 38-17

Ball State at Penn State
I had no idea that jar factory had a college. Good on them.
NITTANY LIONS 41-14

California at Texas Christian
Communist California against the Republic of Texas
You know who I am going to pick
HORNED DOGS 38-17

Murray State at Cincinnati
I don’t think Murray is going to enjoy his trip to the Queen City.
Just a guess
BEARKATS 44-10

Air Force at Navy
I have to go with my loyalties on this one
MIGHTY MIDSHIPMEN 33-31

Georgia Southern at Florida Atlantic
It’s going to be close. Closer than you think.
SOUTHERN EAGLES 34-31

Boston College at Massachusetts
Everybody “up there” talks funny, ice fishes and eats whale blubber.
So I don’t care
CHESTNUTT HILL EAGLES 44-10

Valparaiso at North Dakota State
The word “Valparaiso” is fun to say, even when you are alone.
MIGHTY BISON 41-14

Mercer at Alabama
This is going to be uglier than Joe Biden in a Spelling Bee.
CRIMSON TIDE 44-10

South Carolina State at Clemson
The Mighty Tigers bounce back in Death Valley. Believe it
DABO’S TIGERS 49-10

Long Island at West Virginia
Those people (“yes” I used that word) from Long Island are in for quite the culture shock.
Note to Self: Stay away from the burning couches after the game. Trust me.
MOUNTAINEERS 55-10

Garner Webb at Charlotte
I apologize for not picking Charlotte last week. I won’t make the same mistake this week.
GO GIRL GO 38-17

North Carolina Central at Marshall
You know the words
WE ARE MARSHALL 44-10

Houston at Rice
The “Battle for the Bayou Bucket” in my Ole Town of Houston.
This one is easy
COUGARS 38-10

Bethune Cookman at Central Florida
This game is going to get dirtier than Gus Malzon’s underwear.
I said what I said
GOLDEN KNIGHTS 51-38

Western Carolina at Oklahoma
The Sooner tune-up before the Huskers get Shucked next week.
BOOMER DAMN SOONER 44-10

Texas at Arkansas
This game was once a classic Southwest Conference matchup that decided championships.
It still is “that” game as far as I am concerned.
MIGHT RAZORBACKS 34-31

North Carolina State at Mississippi State
“Dogs and Dogs” in this one, “Doc” says go with the “ugly” ones.
BULLY DOGS 38-34

North Texas at Southern Methodist
You know how I am going to ride on this one, right?
MIGHTY MUSTANGS 41-24

Eastern Kentucky at Louisville
The Birds will reduce the Colonels to privates in this one.
Believe it
CARDINALS 44-17

Appalachian State at Miami
I am rolling “Upset Special” on this one.
ROLL MOUNTAINEERS ROLL 34-28

Eastern Michigan at Wisconsin
The Badgers return to the winners circle after a rousing “Jump-Jump-Jump” in Madison.
BADGERS 44-17

Liberty at Troy
I hate to pick against my boys from South Alabama, but that damn commercial is stuck in my head.
LIBERTY-LIBERTY-LIBERTY 34-31

Texas Southern at Baylor
Nope, not even close.
DA BEARS 51-10

Southern Illinois at Kansas State
(Please see the above description)
WILDCATS 38-10

Stephen F. Austin at Texas Tech
“IF” this game was Red Raiders against Stone Cold Steve Austin, I would have a different pick.
GET THOSE GUNS UP!
RED RAIDERS 38-14

Memphis at Arkansas State
I believe Coach Butch Jones will have the Red Wolves in an “Upset” this weekend.
ROLL WOLVES ROLL 33-28

New Mexico State at New Mexico
Thus fierce instate battle is played for more than trophies and a bucket of sand.
It’s about pride
LOBOS 34-31

Chattanooga at North Alabama
It’s going to be closer than I would like, way closer.
FLORENCE LIONS 34-31

Missouri at Kentucky
I think the Wildcats are for real and Missouri, is well you know. Missouri
WILDCATS 41-24

Austin Peay at Ole Miss
For whatever reason, I need to urinate after picking this game.
Sorry, way too much information
FOAM RUBBER COL SANDERS / BLACK BEARS / LAND-SAND SHARK REBELS 44-10

Georgia State at North Carolina
After watching the Tar Hells last week, I am not sure they could beat a Pop Warner team.
But, I have to go with the favorite here.
TAR HEELS 34-10

Idaho at Indiana
Much like my friends on the Gulf Coast I have heard all I want to hear about “Ida”.
Please note I didn’t make a “Ho” reference, I am writing a football article, not writing a rap song.
HOOSIERS 41-17

Howard at Maryland
Poor Howard
That’s all I’ve got to say here
FIGHTING TURTLES 51-10

Vanderbilt at Colorado State
These two teams are like watching old people eat the special at Western Sizzler.
At first it’s funny, then it’s sad.
SOMEBODY 3-2

San Diego State at Arizona
I have no intention of staying up until midnight to watch this game.
There, I said it
WILDCATS 38-17

Utah at Brigham Young
The “Battle of the Brothers” for “The Beehive Boot.”
It’s going to come down to the last quarter, believe it.
COUGARS 31-28

Nevada Las Vegas at Arizona State
Sorry, not even remotely close.
SUN DEVILS 77-3

Hawaii at Oregon State
This pick has little or nothing to do with my affinity for beavers, I just felt I needed to say that.
BEAVERS 41-24

Next Week………

Your Next Week’s Picks will be out next Thursday or Friday, depending on or schedule, but they will be there just as you have come to expect my dear readers.

You will also have another “New” story on MikeRights.com not just to keep you entertained but to also give a brief introduction of the brand new book out after Thanksgiving entitled “Over Easy.”

There is more on the way, so stay tuned.

One More Thing………………

This college football Saturday is, as you all know, 11 September a day that was once known as Coach Bryant’s Birthday but has taken on a new and unpleasant set of memories along with it.

As I look at the lack of leadership today in the military I remember that faithful day 20 years ago when people like Col J, Deke, Steve and Tonic and others, provided guidance, calmness, and real leadership in a desperate time.

I wish like hell we had more people like them today. I truly do.

Be good to those around you this week and be kind to yourself.

RTR
THE CFB WIZARD

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