College Football Picks Week 9

October 29, 2020
By

Ladies and Gentlemen –

As if the year 2020 wasn’t spooky and terrifying enough…

This week Hurricane Zeta makes landfall, then we have Halloween along with a time change.

Those “Sharknado” movies don’t seem so far fetched now, do they?

Enjoy Your Picks…

Weekend Rewind…

Well other than missing nearly every game in the Big 10 (Don’t they have like sixteen teams or something?) Conference, Your Favorite College Football Prognosticator still managed to record a 37 and 8 or 82% last weekend. That leaves The CFB Wizard at 179 and 47 or 79% for this bizarre season.

I would also like to take this opportunity to welcome a “new” sponsor to The CFB Wizard!

“Suck and Blow Jell-O Shooters”

This sponsor is in honor of The Southeastern Conference Referees that gave Auburn yet “another” miraculous win last week at Ole Miss.

Congratulations!

COLLEGE FOOTBALL NEWS

SOUTHEASTERN CONFERENCE REFEREES: Let’s recap last weeks shenanigans at Ole Miss, shall we?

The Conference Officials admitted, although begrudgingly, that they made a mistake in the Auburn-Ole Miss game that would have given Ole Miss the victory.

EDITORS NOTE: In case you were wondering..

It’s the same referee crew that cost Arkansas a win against Auburn. Just thought you might like to know.

So, The Conference admitted they screwed up….

Then Ole Miss Coach Lane Kiffin makes some snarky remarks over it and he gets fined $25,000.00 dollars by the SEC.

EDITORS NOTE: I am having a hard time following the Conference’s logic on this one..

SOUTH CAROLINA: In Honor of Halloween, I will leave this one right here.

THE CFB WIZARD EMAILS OF THE WEEK

Q: Dear CFB Wizard

You are a guru about all thing’s college football, so I have a question for you.
Which is better, artificial turf or natural grass?

Thanks!
Kenneth – Waycross, Georgia

A: I don’t know the answer to that Kenneth

I’ve never smoked artificial turf before

Q: Sir,

As B1G Ten Commissioner I feel it imperative to explain recent events so that you may disseminate this disinformation to the general populace of the college football world.
As you know, in a COVID world, the risk of contracting this killer of MILLIONS (according to former Vice President Joe Biden) is ASTRONOMICAL.

With lawsuits being filed we grudgingly belatedly started the season after watching other inferior conferences in other repugnant parts of the country play for a few weeks. With the potential to lose a ton of money due to litigation ON TOP OF losses of revenue from not playing a season, we found a way to play without looking totally incompetent in our ability to run this conference.

BUT, we had to weigh the consequences of starting play and jeopardizing the Biden campaign or possibly delaying the season, finding a viable threat to said season, and then cancel (hence assisting the Biden campaign).

With this in mind, rather than imposing a limitation of 50 or 55 scholarship players before cancelling a game, like the unenlightened SEC acolyes put in place, we decided that a small percentage of athletes would trigger a cancellation. And VOILA!!! Wisconsin vs Nebraska is cancelled!!! Granted, out of the 12 positives
there, only 6 were athletes, but hey… Nebraska and their lawsuits get a little payback!!!

And Trump is the bad guy for pushing for us to play!!! AND it’s the weekend before the election!!! AND Wisconsin is a swing state!!! Win! Win! Win! HAAAAA!!! Election in the bag. So, let all the teams down South keep playing and losing focus on what’s important. We’ve got an election to win.

Kevin Warren

Commissioner

B1G Ten Conference

A: Yeah, they need to fire your dumbass

Q: Dear Sir –

Do you think Cincinnati will make the college football playoffs this year?

(Providing of course ”if” they continue to win!)

The Bear Cats are AWESOME!

Jack McCracken – Cincinnati, Ohio

A: I have two thoughts on your email

One, Cincinnati will NOT make the college football playoffs
Two, Your name sounds dirty

Q: Hey there Mr. Wizard!

I have a question for (It’s a little bet in our salon actually)

What do you do when you are not writing?

Thank you!
Bridgette’s Beauty Salon

Muscle Shoals, Alabama

A: Well, yesterday I saw a product on QVC called the “Hoodie Pillow”

The spokesperson said it provides “Cocoon-fication”

So, I called QVC and in a deep voice, I accused them all of racism.

You don’t need to say anything

“Doc” The World-Famous Black Lab has already told me that I have issues.

Q: Dear Sir,

As an insider at the University of Tennessee athletic department, I know a lot of stuff that goes on there and most people don’t.

And one of the things I know a whole lot about is our Athletics Director.

Let me tell you something, that guy is the most dedicated person to Tennessee Football that there ever was!!! Like, did you know that he took a TWELVE HUNDRED dollar pay cut this year to make up for lost money because of the COVID stuff?

Yeah. That’s ONE HUNDRED dollars a month!!! Just ask folks who live in the rural part of the state. THAT, my friend is a lot of money!!! And Jeremy Pruitt? Hell, he practically stole him away from Alabama. And Nick Saban was not happy about that.

Heck, there were people saying he was going to take over for ole Nick when he finally retired. And look, all these fans need to hold their horses with all this fire Pruitt talk. Compare his first year with this year and you’ll see the improvement. We gave up 58 points his 1st year and only 48 this year!!!

And we got beat by 37 points his first year and only 31 this year!!! That’s PROGRESS with a capital P!!! So, tell everyone to slow down and breath. It’s coming. We’re close. I’ll guarantee you that in less than ten years we’re going to be able to at least hold Bama, Georgia, and Florida to only single digit wins. Write that down because it’s a guarantee.

GBO!!!

Fil Phulmer

Anonymous Tennessee Insider

A: Karma is hell, isn’t Fat Phil?

Q: Dear Jackass!

Go ahead and say something about Tennessee, I dare you smartass!
GO VOLS!
Jimmy D. – Strawberry Plains, Tennessee

A: “14”

THE GAMES

Thursday 29 October

South Alabama at Georgia Southern
The Jaguars are going to get a case of the Statesboro Blues
FREE BIRDS 34-21

Colorado State at Fresno State
I don’t care, and neither should you
Seriously
RAM TOUGH 3-2

Friday 30 October

Marshall at Florida International
You know what to say
WE ARE MARSHALL 41-21

Minnesota at Maryland
Just as a simple reminder….
A “Golden Gopher”….
Is a person that goes to pick up lunch for everyone and uses their own money to pay for it
You are Welcome
O’ SO GOLDEN GOPHERS 33-17

East Carolina at Tulsa
Thanks a lot Zeta…..
GOLDEN HURRICANES 41-24

Hawaii at Wyoming
It should be a balmy twenty degrees in Laramie Wyoming on Friday night….
COWBOY UP 34-24

Saturday 31 October

Boston College at Clemson
Nope, not even close
DABO’S TIGERS 77-10

Georgia at Kentucky
This game was “supposed” to have been played last weekend
I still call it close
SMART DAWGS 33-28

Memphis at Cincinnati
I would call this one an upset……
ELVIS’S TIGERS 38-34

Michigan State at Michigan
This that rivalry that is close to the Artic Circle
I think the winner gets a parka and a ball bat
Whatever
WOLVERINES 28-17

Kansas State at West Virginia
Unfortunately the night sky in Morgantown will not be alight with burning couches on Halloween.
Sorry Kids
WILDCATS 34-17

Coastal Carolina at Georgia State
I said it last week and I will say it again
These Carolina Birds are for real
SWEET CAROLINE 38-17

Wake Forest at Syracuse
I can remember when this was a really good game
(Not really, I just made that up)
URANGE PEOPLE 3-2

Purdue at Illinois
This Old Rivalry between cross-state neighbors is played each year for’
“The Purdue Cannon”
Not to be confused with the Michigan Sphincter Cannon.
You are Welcome
BOILERMAKERS 34-17

Texas San Antonio at Florida Atlantic
Remember the Alamo
ROADRUNNERS 27-24

Temple at Tulane
Well, since Hurricane Zeta has come ashore, I will go with
GREEN WAVE 34-17

Iowa State at Kansas
You got to hand it to the Jayhawks
They are consistent
CYCLONES 41-14

Central Florida at Houston
I believe in the Boys from Cowtown
COUGARS 34-31

North Texas at Texas El Paso
I believe I have finally figured out what a “Mean Green” is….
I found something in back of my refrigerator that I couldn’t tell if it was meat or cake.
But it was green and looked rather mean.
MEAN GREEN 38-34

Rice at Southern Miss
Come on Golden Eagles, you are making me look stupid week after week
GOLDEN EAGLES 33-31

Troy at Arkansas State
It’s going to be a wild game..
Believe it
MEN OF TROY 38-34

Notre Dame at Georgia Tech
Sorry, not even close
GOLDEN GNOMES 41-17

Wisconsin at Nebraska
(This game is postponed, but I am making the pick anyway)
It’s Halloween, so I have to go with
THE CHILDREN OF THE CORN 38-34

Alabama Birmingham at Louisiana Tech
“Doc” The World-Famous Black Lab insists on this pick
BULLDOGS 33-31

LSU at Auburn
You never (ever) want to play LSU on Halloween Night
Just ask Ole Miss

FIGHTN’ TIGERS 34-24

Indiana at Rutgers
This relatively new rivalry is played each year for the coveted
Meat Monkey Trophy
It’s my understanding that it’s a monkey carved out of a forty-pound slab of SPAM.
So, there is that
HOOTERS 38-34

Northwestern at Iowa
One of the Best Traditions in all of College Football can be seen at Iowa,
when between the first and second quarters of the game, the fans and players from both teams wave at the children in the windows of the Children’s Hospital across from the stadium.
It’s a beautiful thing
HAWKEYES 33-17

Texas Christian at Baylor
It’s going to be closer than you think
A lot closer
HORNED FROGS 38-34

Texas at Oklahoma State
It’s going to be a shoot-out in Stillwater
Believe it
COWBOY UP 44-41

Virginia Tech at Louisville
Need I remind you that Thanksgiving is right around the corner?
FIGHTING TURKEYS 34-21

Ole Miss at Vanderbilt
It’s going to be closer than you might think
I’m serious
FOAM RUBBER BLACK BEARS / LAND – SAND SHARKS / COL SANDERS COSTUME 28-24

Appalachian State at Louisiana Monroe
The Mountaineers are too strong for the boys from West Monroe
MOUNTAINEERS 34-17

Boise State at Air Force
I would call this one an “Upset”
FIGHTING FALCONS 33-28

Mississippi State at Alabama
Sweet Home Alabama
CRIMSON TIDE 38-28

Charlotte at Duke
I don’t care if Charlotte got her hair done for the game, she is still going to lose.
BLUE DEVILS 38-17

San Jose State at New Mexico
In case you were wondering, “No” I don’t care about this game
SOMEBODY 28-17

Ohio State at Penn State
This game isn’t going to provide the excitement in past years, but it will still be a good one.
BUCKEYES 38-24

Arkansas at Texas A&M
“Upset Special!”
RAZORBACKS 34-31

Missouri at Florida
No MO, you won’t win this game, sorry
MIGHTY GATORS 38-21

Navy at Southern Methodist
This relatively new rivalry is played each year for the Gansz Trophy
It’s always a good game
MIGHTY MUSTANGS 41-28

North Carolina at Virginia
I have a question….
Why aren’t the Virginia Cheerleaders referred to as the “Virginia Slims”?
It’s a reasonable question
TAR HEELS 34-17

Louisiana Lafayette at Texas State
The Cajuns may have hit a bump in the road against Coastal Carolina, but they are still raging
RAJUN CAJUNS 33-21

Oklahoma at Texas Tech
I hate these basketball score games
There I said it
BOOMER SOONERS 48-41

San Diego State at Utah State
I will let you all in on a little secret…
In the Prognosticators World these games are known as “fillers”
AGGIES 3-2

Western Kentucky at Brigham Young
I am not entirely convinced that the Cougars are for real but they will defeat the Hilltoppers
COUGARS 41-17

Nevada at Nevada Las Vegas
I “assume” this is some rivalry in the land of gambling and legal prostitution.
But I would prefer “Not” to know what the winner of this game receives.
I am guessing it rhymes with “STD”
WOLFPACK 34-31

Next Week…

Hopefully….

Your Week 10 College Football Picks will be on the wire next Thursday afternoon as you have come to expect from Your Favorite College Football Prognosticator, that is if we can avoid any more natural disasters.

And Hopefully…

You will actually have a new” story on Mikerights.com as well.

Stay tuned

One More Thing…..

Thank you all again for your readership of both websites.

“Doc” The World-Famous Black Lab and I both appreciate it more than you know.

Be good to one another this week and yourselves.

RTR
THE CFB WIZARD

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One Response to College Football Picks Week 9

  1. Mark on November 3, 2020 at 11:42 am

    Nevada WOLFPACK? Really?
    Get your WOLF PACKs right.

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