College Football Picks Week 7

October 14, 2020

Ladies and Gentlemen –

“IF” you think there hasn’t been enough crazy already this year..
Consider this;

The defending National Champion LSU Tigers are unranked…

While the Rajun Cajuns of Louisiana Lafayette are Undefeated and are ranked.

And to think we have neighbors that still wonder “why” we drink so much.

Enjoy your games

Weekend Rewind…

Considering Your Favorite College Football Prognosticator didn’t hit a single “Upset Special” this past week but still finished the weekend at 25 and 6 or 81%, is surprising to say the least.

That leaves The CFB Wizard at 114 and 36 or 76% thus far in the season.

Maybe it’s just me….

But every college football weekend seems like I’m walking on an unescorted trip through Jurassic Park.


TEXAS: I don’t think she is saying Coach Herman is “Number 1”

MICHIGAN: It’s hard to imagine, BUT the Wolverines are STILL UNDEFEATED!!


COLLEGE FOOTBALL COMMENTATORS: I only want to say this once…

“IF” You think ESPN’s Beth (Howling) Mowins is a horrible college football commentator…


Fox Sports “commentator” (I use that term loosely) Gus Johnson makes Beth sound like Keith Jackson.

Believe it

AUBURN – ARKANSAS: In case you were unaware….

Once again there was a “Miracle on the Plains” courtesy of the SEC Referees

But wait, it gets funnier (Unless you are an Arkansas fan..)

In the final seconds of the game Auburn is setting up for a game winning field goal.

They snap the ball to the quarterback…

He muffs it, turns behind himself and spikes the ball, behind himself

(That football is now a backwards pass and a fumble in case you didn’t know)

Arkansas recovers and the game should be over, with an Arkansas win….

BUT Wait!

The SEC Referees said it was intentional grounding and called the ball dead.

That should be a ten- yard penalty at the very least …

But it wasn’t

And it also wasn’t a win by Arkansas either.

The following day (Sunday) the SEC made a statement (which made zero sense) and then admitted on Monday morning that “there may have been mistakes” that were made.

EDITORS NOTE: No kidding…

I mention this for several reasons

At least once a year there is some “Miracle on the Plains” courtesy of the SEC Referees

That provides Auburn with some miraculous win

I guess “Big Booster” Bobby Lowder isn’t completely out of Auburn’s business after all.

War Eagle, huh?

TENNESSEE: I will leave this one right here…

ESPN COLLEGE GAMEDAY: So, you covered …..

The Miami hurricanes for four games in six weeks, really? Really?

How’s that working out for you?

LSU: I don’t think “Bo Knows”


Q: How you doin’ Mr Wizzird,

I’m Cleetus Philpott and I’m from up here in Tennessee and I wont you ta know that I went down ta Georgia to see my Vols play them dang Dawgs.

Well, we got thar an they put us in the crappest seats in tha dang stadum an they put us nexta some a them cardboard people!

I thout they was gonna keep us away frum other fokes and do that socially distanced thang but we was in tha middle a them dang cardboard thangs and they was all GERGIA fokes!!!

I didn’t like that and especially cause them cardboard fokes was all lookin at us funny AND DIDN’T EVEN HAVE MASKS ON!!!

Well it didn’t take but a minnit and I just hauled off and started fightin them fokes with they smarty pants looks on thar faces. Lemme tell ya something son I tore them fokes up!!!

Wasn’t long an then the dang po-lice came and tried ta arrest us and they wuldnt even listen ta me about them cardboard fokes givin us tha evil eye and not wearin them masks. So if you go to a Gorgia game watch out.

They don’t like fokes that aint from round there.

Cleetus Philpott- Big Lick, Tennessee

A: Fighting cardboard cutouts…Yeah, that sounds about right.

Q: Hello there and Salutations!

My name is Jerome Boone and I am an M.C. Hammer Impersonator here at the Ray Stevens “They Call Me the Streak” Hotel and Casino, which is conveniently located near the Ray Stevens “Mississippi Squirrel Revival” Wedding Chapel and Gift Shop.

Thank you for your unsolicited promotion last week of Beautiful Branson Missouri!

It truly is the Gem of the Ozarks!

We would like to invite you as our special guest for my “Premier” upcoming show;

“I am Still Too Legit to Quit”

We look forward to hearing from you!

And did I mention we have a 65 topping potato bar?

Jerome Boone – Branson, Missouri

A: At some particular point Jerome…..

You have to be “legit” enough to “quit”.

I’m just saying

Q: I like reading your stuff and the picks and everything.

But I have a question for you, ok?

Do you believe in Sasquatch?

Jimmy Cane – Birmingham, Alabama

A: Actually, Jimmy I never believed in Sasquatch…

That is until I went to Wal-Mart in Crossville Tennessee

Now, I am a believer

As a side note, he appears to be procreating too. A lot..

Q: Dear Sir,

As the Commissioner of the Tennessee Department of Health, I am writing you out of an abundance of caution and safety to enlist your assistance on an issue that effects many of our citizens.

Because you are such a preeminent writer on the topic of College Football, we would like for you to help with getting the word out about safety concerns at the next home football game in Knoxville at the University of Tennessee campus.

Inspectors have found that there are cracks in the foundational structure at Neyland Stadium. As a result, the load bearing capacity is suspect and we feel that we will need to have a weight restriction in place in order to prevent additional damage which could be caused by our “large” and “rotund” fanbase.

As before, due to COVID concerns, we will be at 35% capacity. An additional preventative measure has been put in place that will limit the weight of all fans entering the stadium to 248 lbs for a TOTAL max weight limit of 3700 tons.

We know this may upset and inconvenience the “bulk” or “majority” of the Volunteer fanbase and may cause most fans to be barred from attendance, but we have to think of the safety of the attendees and the structural integrity of the architectural marvel known as Neyland Stadium.

Thank you for the assistance

Lisa Piercey


Tennessee Department of Health

A: I wish I could say I was surprised, buy I have been to Wal-Mart in Tennessee

So, I’m not

Q: Dear Smartass –

Your damn comments last week about “coaching” at the University of Texas is almost a big a joke as your stupid weekly picks and this childish website!

You couldn’t coach your way out of a wet paper bag!

Matty Mac – Austin, Texas

A: Well, it would appear Coach Tom Herman and I have a lot in common…

Q: Dear Mr. CFB Wizard

There were a LOT of close games last weekend!

I don’t know about you, but I don’t believe in the term, “Winning Ugly”!

What do you think?

Martin R. – Spartanburg, South Carolina

A: As far as the term “Winning Ugly” goes….

You would have to ask the girl who asked me to a dance in High School.

I am sure she could enlighten you on that term better than I could.


Wednesday 14 October

Coastal Carolina at Louisiana Lafayette
This game was postponed last week due to Hurricane Delta…
Which made me think of the song “Delta Dawn” by Tanya Tucker.
On an unrelated side note, thirty years ago I attended a party she was at…
That girl is crazy as a Texas Road Lizard
I forgot where I was going on this one..
Never mind

Thursday 15 October

Georgia State at Arkansas State
Something tells me this one will be close

Friday 16 October

Southern Methodist at Tulane
This game will be a high scoring affair….
Believe it

Brigham Young at Houston
Today I saw a good looking forty something year old woman at the grocery store.
I think it’s a sign

Saturday 17 October

Clemson at Georgia Tech
This isn’t the “Upset Special” of the week..
But it’s close

Pittsburgh at Miami
Nobody cares

Cincinnati at Tulsa
I am still convinced that..
A “Golden Hurricane” is when Jim Cantore pees into the back of a box fan.

Auburn at South Carolina
No miracles on the plains this week

Kentucky at Tennessee
It’s going to be closer than you think
Way Closer

Navy at East Carolina
The United States Navy has always been very successful against Pirates
Look it up…

Texas State at South Alabama
This one might be closer than you think

South Florida at Temple
I don’t think the Owls give a Hoot about this game
That’s ..
NO BULL 28-17

Liberty at Syracuse
I would say this was an “Upset Special”

Kansas at West Virginia
All these “peaceful protestors” could learn something from Mountaineer fans….
You burn YOUR own stuff after a win, not your damn neighbor’s stuff.

Army at Texas San Antonio
This one will be close….
Real close

Western Kentucky at Alabama Birmingham
I have to go with the Men’s Warehouse on this one….

Louisville at Notre Dame

LSU at Florida
The misery continues on the Bayou
(But at least Coach “O” got some cool hair plugs during the off-season)
GATORS 41-28

Duke at North Carolina State
This Old Rivalry on Tobacco Road is played each year for the coveted..
“Do-Do Magoo Sock Monkey of Victory”
(Not, really, I just thought it sounded funny)

Central Florida at Memphis
I guess there will be a lot of points scored in this game
Not that any of us actually care

Ole Miss at Arkansas
I haven’t picked the Razorbacks to win a game in two years…
Until now

Eastern Kentucky at Troy
I wouldn’t pull for the Colonels of Eastern if they were playing the damn Taliban

Texas A&M at Mississippi State
I have no idea which one of these team’s personalities will show up today.

Virginia at Wake Forest
Let’s be honest
We don’t care

Massachusetts at Georgia Southern
The Minutemen will hang with the Eagles for just that…
A Minute

North Texas at Middle Tennessee
I have never been sure what a “Mean Green” actually is….
But they got my pick this week

Marshall at Louisiana Tech
I cannot let “Doc” The World-Famous Black Lab know my pick on this game…
(He wouldn’t be happy)

North Carolina at Florida State
Might I suggest free shoes and crab legs to encourage the Seminole players to play better?
What, too soon?

Oklahoma State at Baylor
Although the Cowboys will be heavily favored in this game
It’s going to be close
COWBOY UP! 33-28

Vanderbilt at Missouri
Although this game is Postponed due to the Kung Fu Flu..
I have a comment;
Why does Missouri have a damn track around their football field?
The stadium looks like a cheap High School loaned them their facilities

Southern Miss at Texas El Paso
I haven’t given up on the Boy’s from Hattiesburg yet…

Georgia at Alabama
This is “Big Boy” Football
Sweet Home Alabama

Boston College at Virginia Tech
I don’t care, Alabama and Georgia are playing ..

Florida International at Charlotte
(Please see the above reference and game description)
C-GIRL 5-3

Next Week…

Providing of course I don’t need another liver transplant after this Saturday…

Your Week 8 College Football Picks will be on the wire next Thursday afternoon as you have come to expect from Your Favorite College Football Prognosticator.

There will also be a few other articles out, that will keep you entertained and informed as the Big Ten (Whatever the number is…) returns to playing and that other Mountain Conference thingy does ass well.

So, stay tuned

One More Thing…..

You don’t have a “new” story on this week, but if you haven’t read the last one, it’s something you might enjoy.

Thank you all again for your readership of both websites.

“Doc” The World-Famous Black Lab and I both truly appreciate it.

Be good to one another this week and yourselves.


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4 Responses to College Football Picks Week 7

  1. Mark on October 21, 2020 at 7:02 pm

    So, you unc lovers decided to nix my comment? LOL

  2. Mark on October 21, 2020 at 7:05 pm

    So, you unc lovers decided to nix my comment?
    We beat Duke, and your tar holes lost. LOL

  3. MEB on October 22, 2020 at 12:55 pm

    No UNC Lovers here my friend, we pick em the best we can. Great win by your team and thank you for reading The CFB Wizard.

  4. Mark on October 23, 2020 at 1:33 am

    Then maybe next time educate yourselves, before making comments like this:
    “Duke at North Carolina State
    This Old Rivalry on Tobacco Road is played each year for the coveted..” We had not played Duke since 2013. You are referring to the Duke-uncCheater Hill rivalry.

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