Ladies and Gentlemen –
It is hard to believe that it’s October already…..
Seems like only yesterday we were all going to die of the Kung Fu Flu as the Killer Hornets descended upon us while a “Sharknado” was brewing over the Atlantic Coast.
Let’s not spend any time reminiscing about “good times” we have a lot of football to discuss this week with big games on the schedule such as; “The Deep South’s Oldest Rivalry”
Enjoy your games
Weekend Rewind…
Well other than hitting a little Ole “Upset Special” with Mississippi State over LSU, Your Favorite College Football Prognosticator was 24 and 9 last weekend or 73%.
That leaves The CFB Wizard overall for this weird season at 61 and 24 or 72%.
For those of you that may be interested, “Doc” The World-Famous Black Lab was a rather astounding 80% on his canine picks at 8 and 2. In all fairness, I couldn’t bring myself to point out that Texas Christian are the Horned Frogs, NOT the Horned Dogs, or he would have been at 90%.
IF you think I am jealous of his amazing prognostication skills, you would be wrong.
Where do you think he got them from?
COLLEGE FOOTBALL NEWS
THE BIG TEN CONFERENCE: Our good friend, Country Music Superstar
“Sylacauga Ledbetter”
Has a message for the fans of The Big Ten Conference
This should make them feel better
Enjoy….
THE PAC 12 CONFERENCE: Last week the talking heads of the Conference stated they would be having a SEVEN (“Yes” I said SEVEN….) game college football season beginning in November.
Reminds me of the college Junior Varsity (JV) schedules we used to have.
Junior Varsity….
Yeah, that sounds about right.
TEXAS: I don’t know “IF” are aware of this or not….
But it’s SPELLED: DEFENSE, not, DUD-FENSE.
OKLAHOMA: (Please see the above description)
ESPN: Don’t know if you read this statement last week from ESPN “commentator” Mark Jones
“Police never saved me. Never helped me. Never protected me. Never taken a bullet for me,” he tweeted on Wednesday afternoon after the Taylor ruling was announced. “Never kept me safe in a protest. Never stopped the racist from taking my Black Lives Matter flag off my house. I could do without em.”
Today, he made another bold proclamation: Jones says he’ll take his police escort to the game he is set to call Saturday to “take the day off.” He says that he’d “rather not have the officer shoot me because he feared for his life because of my black skin or other dumb ish.”
Apparently, ESPN’s new motto is, “IF it Ain’t Broke, then we got to go WOKE”
LSU: I think Coach O of LSU said it beast after the Bulldogs upset win last Saturday.
“Shulaga Degra Grendulla Bobussila, Fregassmulla on tha Stemruggasit, grow Tigggggas.”
EDITORS NOTE: I think that summed it up nicely
MISSISSIPPI STATE: After picking the “Upset of the Week” last week…
I am Honored
But I cannot accept your nomination to be the next Mayor of Stark Vegas.
However Doc and I will accept your invitation to be Grand Marshall at the Bulldog Parade this year.
Thank you
SOUTH CAROLINA: The misery in Columbia South Carolina lives on for another year…
See no win, hear no win, speak no win
MICHIGAN: Congratulations!
This is the FIRST time in over 25 years that the Wolverines are UNDEFEATED going into October!
THE CFB WIZARD EMAILS OF THE WEEK
Q: Dear Sir –
My name is Ms. Claris D. Harrison and I have started a new business with a revolutionary idea.
After seeing pictures of your service dog “Doc” on your website, a marvelous idea came to me.
I have started “Claris’s Service Monkey Service”
My goal is to train a variety of primates as service animals.
I have begun training a young rhesus monkey that I have named “Chewy” as my first subject.
Would you like to see a picture of my monkey?
Sincerely
Claris D. Harrison – Rockford, Illinois
A: No ma’am, I DO NOT want to see a picture of your damn monkey.
Q: Greetings from Canada!
Although we do not play the same form of football that you in the states do, we nonetheless enjoy our football here! And we also LOVE our Hockey!
You are quite the talented writer and was wondering “IF” you would consider writing about what is going on with the Stanley Cup?
Thank you
Charles – Toronto, Canada
A: Charles I am no more interested in what people are doing with Stanley’s Cup than I am at looking at Claris’s damn monkey.
Q: Dear Mister CFB Wizard –
After being directed towards your website by a co-worker and reading your rather insensitive commentary on social reforms, I have concluded that you are the most callous, heartless, and most uncaring person I have ever witnessed.
Freda C. Whitmer – Atlanta, Georgia
A: If I am SO Callous, heartless, insensitive, and uncaring?
Then explain to me why I always cry at the end of “The Dirty Dozen” when Jim Brown gets killed.
Q: Dear Mr. Wizard
What do you think is the toughest job in college football?
Thanks!
Judi G. – Panama City, Florida
A: That’s an excellent question Judi.
I would say the toughest job in college football would be the person that has to decipher and translates what Coach O of LSU says while he’s wearing a mask.
THE GAMES
Friday 2 October
Louisiana Tech at Brigham Young
Believe it or not….
This one may be closer than you might think
COUGARS 41-28
Campbell at Wake Forest
I wouldn’t rule out the boys from the soup college in this one
DEMON DEACONS 28-24
Saturday 3 October
Texas Christian at Texas
This game will be like watching two old guys at the nursing home fighting over a game of checkers.
LONGHORNS 63-61
South Carolina at Florida
I wish I had better news for my Gamecock faithful
GATORS 41-24
Charlotte at Florida Atlantic
Charlotte has gotten a lot meaner since she lost all that weight..
Good on her
GO GIRL GO 34-28
East Carolina at Georgia State
I will go with the big cats in this one
PANTHERS 33-31
Missouri at Tennessee
I just hope the cardboard cut outs of the fans in Neyland stadium have clothes on…
And teeth
VOWELS 31-17
North Carolina State at Pittsburgh
I can’t show “Doc” The World-Famous Lab this pick….
(I hate when we disagree)
PANTHERS 34-31
Arkansas State at Coastal Carolina
That’s right, I said it…..
CAROLINA BIRDS 38-34
Memphis at Southern Methodist
Whoever gets the football last wins…
MIGHTY MUSTANGS 51-49
Jacksonville State at Florida State
Don’t be surprised IF the Seminoles lose this one.
I won’t be
SEMI NOLES 28-24
Baylor at West Virginia
I can almost smell the burning couches in Morgantown from here….
Light Em If You Got Em!
MOUNTAINEERS 34-28
Texas San Antonio at Alabama Birmingham
It’s going to be close, but I have to go with the boys from Iron City
(It’s in my contract)
BLAZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZERS 34-28
North Alabama at Liberty
My Beloved Florence Lions are outmatched in this one
FLAME ON 41-24
Abilene Christian at Army
The Black Knights will rebound from last weeks loss
Believe it
BLACK KNIGHTS OF THE HUDSON 44-10
Texas Tech at Kansas State
Be prepared for yet another basketball score from the Big 12 in this one….
WILDCATS 55-51
North Carolina at Boston College
I really don’t care
TAR HEELS 28-17
South Florida at Cincinnati
The Bear Cats may not be for real, but they are getting close to it
BEARKATS 41-17
Virginia Tech at Duke
I can’t help but think, this one will be close (real close)
FIGHTING TURKEYS 33-31
Ole Miss at Kentucky
This is going to be a good Old-Fashioned knock down SEC Slobber fest
SAND LAND SHARKS FOAM RUBBER BLACK BEAR REBELS 34-31
Texas A&M at Alabama
Sweet Home Alabama
CRIMSON TIDE 38-24
Oklahoma State at Kansas
I don’t think the Jayhawks could whip a baloney sandwich
COWBOY UP 34-14
Auburn at Georgia
I know that we are “used” to seeing this game in November…
Regardless it is still “The Deep South’s Oldest Rivalry”
“Doc” says go with…
SMART DAWGS 28-24
Arkansas at Mississippi State
This game is going to be uglier than a moose in a bikini
BULLY DOGS 44-14
Western Kentucky at Middle Tennessee
This rivalry between cross-state opponents is known as “The 100 miles of Hate”
I can understand it too.
There is a lot to dislike there.
BLUE RAIDERS 38-17
Navy at Air Force
After watching the Midshipmen come back against Tulane…
My Hope has been restored
MIDSHIPMEN 34-31
Georgia Southern at Louisiana Monroe
What sound is it you want to hear?
FREEEEEEEEEEEEE BIRD 38-17
Southern Miss at North Texas
It breaks my heart to make this pick…
MEAN GREEN 41-14
Troy at South Alabama
This rivalry in South Alabama is called ‘The Battle for the Belt”
Somebody is going to get a whipping
MEN OF TROY 34-31
Tulsa at Central Florida
The Golden Hurricanes can’t generate enough wind to classify as a decent chili fart
GOLDEN KNIGHTS 49-10
Oklahoma at Iowa State
I wouldn’t be surprised if this game doesn’t collectively score over a hundred points
BOOMER SOONERS 54-49
LSU at Vanderbilt
I am NOT joking around on this one.
It’s going to be close
FIGHTN’ TIGERS 31-28
Virginia at Clemson
This game will be close, right up until the opening kickoff, then it’s all…
DABO’S TIGERS 41-21
Next Week…
Your Week 6 College Football Picks will be out on the wire next Thursday, as you have come to expect from You Favorite College Football Prognosticator.
Along with a few other items to keep you informed and entertained in the coming week.
You have a “new” story on Mikerights.com today that I am hope you enjoy too.
It’s about “Insignificant Things”
There is more on the way
So, stay tuned
One More Thing…..
If I haven’t mentioned it in a while, but “Doc” and I would like to thank you all for riding along with us through yet another college football season and being a part of our lives.
We sure do appreciate it.
Be good to one another this week and yourselves.
RTR
THE CFB WIZARD