Ladies and Gentlemen –
Just so you know….
For my dear friends on the Gulf Coast of Mississippi, Alabama and the Panhandle of Florida
I have been singing the Eric Clapton classic “Lay Down Sally” for three days….
My singing voice isn’t what it once (or ever) was, so stay safe my friends.
We have a lot to discuss this week
Enjoy Your Picks
Weekend Rewind….
Your Favorite College Football Prognosticator returned to form last week going 15 and 6 or 71% and nailing at least one “Upset Special”, although in all fairness, I saw two others as Upsets but failed to pull the trigger.
That leaves The CFB Wizard at 20 and 10 or 67% for this already bizarre season after two weeks.
Don’t worry dear readers, it will get better.
“Doc” The World-Famous Black Lab is now supervising my Weekly Picks.
COLLEGE FOOTBALL NEWS
We here at The CFB Headquarters LLC take great pride in bringing you the “Insider” News of College Football. We have on good authority that this actual conversation had taken place between the BIG 12 Conference and The Sunbelt Conference over two weeks ago.
We share that conversation with you now, in its entirety.
THE BIG 12 CONFERENCE: We’ve scheduled some cupcakes to start our season with some of your little Ole teams in the Sunbelt Conference.
THE SUNBELT CONFERENCE: Hold My Beer……
COLUMBIA: The Lion Marching Band has voted to “disband” the Band ending a 116-year long tradition.
No news on what the future plans are for the ten members of the Columbia Marching Band.
DUKE: Despite having no connection whatsoever, due to the association of the name of the university with the famous television program, “The Dukes of Hazzard”, the university board of regents voted this week on changing the name of the college to “Hoopastank University”.
However, there is currently no pending name change in store for the famous Mayonnaise Company of the same name. (Just so you know)
THE BIG 10 CONFERENCE: Let’s recap, here shall we?
On August 19 of this year the conference released a statement….
“The Big 10 Conference out of concern for the student-athletes, coaches, staff, and fans will be suspending fall sports, including football until January of 2121. This decision will not be reversed.”
Now, as you may know from this past week, “they” will begin play in October with an 8-game schedule and a championship game in December.
What caused this sudden shift in “safety” and “concern”?
Was it the 750 million the conference was going to lose during the season?
Was it the fact the alumni were withholding funds because of your dumbass decision?
Because without that money…..
You “might” have to shut done the gender studies degree program, the peace and social justice program and a host of other “degree programs” that mean absolutely nothing in the “real” world.
Maybe the real shame here is all the money former Vice President Popa Joe Corn Pop Biden has spent on adds throughout the Big 10 states blaming the President for “not” playing college football.
But there is good news folks.
The Big 10 Conference has just released its “New” Logo
THE PAC 12: And just like that……
It’s apparently safe to play football in the PAC 12 too…
Amazing, wouldn’t you say?
THE MOUNTAIN WEST CONFERENCE: (See the above reference)
THE CFB WIZARD EMAILS OF THE WEEK
Q: Dear Sir,
I am Kevin Warren, Commissioner of the world renowned Big Ten Conference.
As should well know, we look like champions, we act like champions, and we talk like champions. This is because we want to be prepared should we ever win a College Football Championship.
As you know, our situation here in B1G country has changed and after careful review have decided to play football this season. I know it has been widely reported and rumored that one of the reasons we cancelled the season initially was so that people in this part of the country would blame the president and, therefore, influence the election.
I won’t dignify that with an answer, but I will say that with Biden’s poll numbers plummeting up here, well, what’s the point?
What we did discuss fervently was that if you deplorable people down in the SEC could play, then our teams, especially with our elite medical institutions, could also compete.
Also, we didn’t want to lose all that revenue and have Title IX issues by trying to chose which sports not to fund. And we also know that there would be no meaningful champion without the B1G entering the conversation. So, with that being said, we’ll see you in October
Kevin Warren
Commissioner
Big 10 Conference
A: Well, look at you being all semi-honest and everything…
Bless your heart
Q: Hey there Mister Wizard!!!
My name is Bertram Updyke and I’m from right outside Knoxvull Tennesseee. I had this big idea I wanna run bye ya. You know when people goes ta football games they git real tired cause they gotta park so far away.
So I come up with my own little shuttle invention so’s I can take folks back an forth to their cars and be good ‘n fresh fer their drives back home!
I call it tha Guber!!! So winya go ta see tha Vols play footballs in Knoxvull this season, look me up! I’ll give ya a ride where ya need ta go and it’ll be real cheap!!!
Take a looky see here!
See ya
Bertram Updyke
Seymour, Tennesseees
A: I would expect nothing less in OB-Knoxville
Q: Hey Mr. CFB Wizard
I got a problem here at work and it’s driving me insane.
I work with this guy Pete and during every college football season he starts talking “Baby Talk”.
For example, “I’m going to see Naby play in Phil-a Defweia” this weekend”
Or even worse…
“I fink my Whitney Wi-ons at Peen State will wwwwin it all this yee-aar.”
Do you have any suggestions before I lose my mind?
Frank – Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
A: Might I suggest Frank, a calm and measured approach to this nagging problem.
Simply ask Pete “IF” he will help you work on your woodchipper this weekend.
The rest is up to you
THE GAMES
Friday 18 September
Campbell at Coastal Carolina
After watching the Camels play Georgia Southern last week, I wouldn’t rule them out of this game.
BIG BIRDS 31-28
Saturday 19 September
Syracuse at Pittsburgh
I think the Orange is Juice this year
There, I said it
PANTHERS 28-24
Louisiana Lafayette at Georgia State
This one will be an easy pick
RAJUN CAJUNS 34-17
Navy at Tulane
I have no idea “IF” Navy has been practicing…
However, my loyalties run deep
MIDSHIPMEN 31-28
Austin Peay at Cincinnati
Just think…..
Somewhere on Saturday afternoon, someone is yelling at the top of their lungs..
“GO PEE!”
BEARKATS 41-14
Liberty at Western Kentucky
The insurance business must be booming for them to have their own college
HILLTOPPERS 34-17
Tulsa at Oklahoma State
It’s raining far too hard here for me to side with a “Golden Hurricane”
COWBOY UP! 41-24
Houston at Baylor
This one will be far closer than you might think….
DA BEARS 33-31
Boston College at Duke
I wouldn’t necessarily call this one an “Upset”
CHESTNUT HILL EAGLES 28-24
Appalachian State at Marshall
This very well may be the best game on television today….
Hang on to your seats
MOUNTAINEERS 28-27
South Florida at Notre Dame
I really don’t care
GOLDEN GNOMES 3-2
Stephen F. Austin at Texas San Antonio
I always rooted for the Roadrunner over the coyote, just so you know
BEEP-BEEP 41-28
Central Florida at Georgia Tech
This week I am still Rambling with the Wreck from Tech
YELLOW JACKETS 34-31
Florida Atlantic at Georgia Southern
The Owls will experience the Statesboro Blues this weekend
Believe it
FREE BIRDS 34-17
Charlotte at North Carolina
Nope, not even close…
Sorry
TAR HEELS 38-14
Citadel at Clemson
(Please see the above description)
DABO’S TIGERS 54-10
Troy at Middle Tennessee
I have faith in Troy this weekend
(Don’t let twist an ankle next week jumping off your bandwagon)
MEN OF TROY 33-31
Southern Methodist at North Texas
Maybe I should have been singing “Mustang Sally” to divert the Hurricane?
Never mind…
MIGHTY MUSTANGS 38-34
Central Arkansas at Arkansas State
After what the Red Wolves did last week in Kansas, there is no way I am going against them this weekend. Just so you know…
RED WOLVES 38-17
Louisiana Tech at Southern Miss
This cross-state rivalry will be an interesting one to watch this Saturday.
Closer than you might think…
BULLDOGS 33-31
Texas State at Louisiana Monroe
It’s going to be a tussle in West Monroe
I am going with the home team in this one
WAR HAWKS 33-28
Miami at Louisville
I have no rationale behind making this pick
Just saying
CARDINALS 28-24
Wake Forest at North Carolina State
Yawn…….
WOLF PACK 28-17
Abilene Christian at Texas El Paso
For this pick..
I should have a video of Marty Robbins singing “Out in the West Texas Town of El Paso..”
But unfortunately, I don’t
Damn it
MARTY’S MINERS 44-17
Next Week….
“The” Southeastern Conference schedule will begin next week and those picks along with all the others will be out (as you have come to expect) next Thursday.
There is a lot more on the way
So, stay Tuned
One More Thing…
You have a “New” story on Mikerights.com today as promised that should get a giggle out of you and there is a brief commentary from a guest writer on The CFB Wizard tomorrow that I am sure you will enjoy as well.
Be good to each other and yourselves this week.
RTR
THE CFB WIZARD