2020 College Football Preseason Extravaganza (Sort of…)

July 21, 2020
By

Ladies and Gentlemen –

Well here we are again for another college football season, well, sort of….

But not really, as will be discussed shortly.

However, before we go on any further or you continue to read this article, it’s important to note:

“Just because you are offended, doesn’t make you right”

2020 COLLEGE FOOTBALL NEWS

Let’s do a brief recap of “where we are” on the college football season shall we?

Where to begin…

The Ivy League has cancelled the collective football seasons of those teams in their conference due to the Kung Fu Flu.

EDITORS NOTE: No great loss there, I have on good authority that Niceville High School outside of Eglin Air Force Base in Florida, has more members in their Marching Band than Harvard has in attendance at home games.

The PAC-12 Conference is considering following the Ivy League and cancelling their football schedules as well.

EDITORS NOTE: Please see the above note for the Ivy League and substitute “Arizona” for “Harvard”.

The leading rusher for Oklahoma State (What’s his name) was offended that Head Coach Mike “Mullet” Gundy was wearing a t-shirt that supported a conservative news organization and the coach was “forced” to apologize and take a pay cut for his egregious error in judgement.

EDITORS NOTE: I am surprised the coach wasn’t shot at sunrise.

The leading rusher for Mississippi State (What’s his name) took to social media to say, “He wouldn’t play football unless the State of Mississippi changed their state flag.” Oddly enough, he seemingly got his wish.

EDITORS NOTE: Remember when I criticized the whole “Everybody gets a trophy” thing a few years ago? Yeah, well this is what happened when those kids grew up.

Members of the University of Texas football team have called for “Changing the name of Darrell K. Royal Memorial Stadium AND a change to the university nickname and mascot.”

EDITORS NOTE: My response would be…

”Don’t let the Longhorns snag you in the ass on your way out the door kids.”

The University of Alabama will no longer play “Dixieland Delight” at home games.

EDITORS NOTE: I was unaware that was a racist song….who knew?

The University of Georgia will no longer play the theme from “Gone with the Wind” at the end of games in Sanford Stadium.

EDITORS NOTE: Frankly I am surprised anybody knew what the theme of “Gone with the Wind” is or was.

The University of Florida will no longer be playing the “Gator Bait”, why? Because it’s racist of course.

EDITORS NOTE: I don’t get it…

What’s next you may be asking?

I am sure there will changes to Tennessee’s “PRIDE of the Southland Marching Band”
That is clearly racist and just as soon as that’s changed crime will be eliminated throughout the state.

EDITORS NOTE: Halleluiah!

What about Auburn’s cry of “War Eagle!”

That originated during the Civil War, so it’s obviously racist.

Will the Mighty LSU Marching Band, “The Golden Band from Tigerland” be forced to stop playing “The Chinese Bandit” song from their 1958 National Championship after a good defense stop by the Tigers?

You know how the song goes, right?

“Chinese Bandits on their way,
Listen What Confucius say:
“Tiger Bandits like to KNOCK,
Gonna stop a touchdown.
CHOP CHOP!!!

EDITORS NOTE: While writing that short piece I briefly identified as an Asian-American and I was HIGHLY offended. You don’t think so?

Me Chinese, me make joke, me put pee-pee in your coke”

EDITORS NOTE: Gosh, I hope that wasn’t offensive…

I fully expect the Iowa Hawkeyes to change their mascot in the coming days too……

This is clearly offensive to people that have a prosthetic eye due to a bird attack.

Oklahoma State, Wyoming and a few others will change their “Cowboy” nickname too.

Hey, “IF” we can’t have any Native American nicknames in sports we damn sure can’t glorify the people that shot at them too, right?

And let’s NOT forget “The” Ohio State Buckeyes here!

Their mascot is a “Nut”, which is CLEARLY insensitive to everyone and anyone suffering from mental health issues, you know, like former coach Urban Meyer.

I am also sure Indiana will be changing their nickname of “Hoosiers” primarily because nobody knows what the hell that actually is, which automatically makes it racist and homophobic.

EDITORS NOTE:
I wish they would change their name to “Hooters”, but sometimes I wish for too much.

You want to know what’s really ironic about all this rampant stupidity?

The damn people that claimed to be all offended and butt hurt, don’t even watch football.

So, where does all this foolishness end?

It won’t as long as the inmates are running the asylum.

EDITORS NOTE: Feel free to apply the above rule to everything you are seeing in America today.

Believe it

THE CFB WIZARD EMAIL QUESTION AND ANSWERS

“Emails of the Week”

Q: Dear Sir –

I have a question for you.

You are wearing your mask at ALL times, aren’t you?

Stay Safe!

Marge – Norfolk, Virginia

A: I have a question for you Marge….
“IF” you can smell a fart through a mask how does it prevent the Kung Fu Flu from getting in?

Just a thought

Q: Dear Racist Bigot!

When are you going to admit that you are a racist by calling yourself “The CFB Wizard”!!!

As in “The GRAND Wizard of the KKK”!

WE KNOW WHO YOU ARE!

Anonymous – Portland, Oregon

A: Do I need to take the white sheets and pillowcases off my bed too?

Q: Dear Mister CFB Wizard

Has this pandemic and staying at home caused you to have a drinking problem?
Sincerely

Beverly – Comanche, Texas

A: Beverly, I don’t see it as a drinking “problem”, I like to think of it as “Drinking Possibilities”

THE 2020 COLLEGE FOOTBALL SEASON

Unfortunately, much has still yet to be determined.

Will the season be played this year?

Some have discussed a spring college football season.

Others have already cancelled out of conference games, which leaves teams like Notre Dame from playing at all, since they only “date” the Atlantic Coast Conference (ACC) and aren’t engaged to them in an active schedule as an independent.

But what we do know is this according to the Southeastern Conference Commissioner

“The Conferences are on their own to figure it out”

So, no leadership or direction from the NCAA?

Really, I am shocked!

EDITORS NOTE: That was sarcasm in case you missed it

They make billions and billions (And more billions) of dollars a year off video games, licensed apparel, membership colleges and universities “dues”, television revenue and the like, but they don’t have anything to say about the college football season?

Nothing?

I have said it for years and I will say it again, the NCAA is nothing more than a high dollar pimp.

That’s it.

The only thing dumber than waiting for “Leadership” from the NCAA is when they talk about “education”.

But what has been determined is there won’t be any Division II or III seasons this coming year.

The status of FCS or Division 1A is still yet to be determined.

So, there won’t be any Delta State Fighting Okra, North Alabama Lions or Valdosta State Blazers or any Arkansas Monticello Bo Weevil stories this year.

No jokes, clever quips, no nothing from me on them.

This also means we may not see the Fargo Dome packed to capacity for the Mighty North Dakota State Bison either.

Frankly, it’s not college football season without them to me.

They are a part of the rich tradition and pageantry of college football.

So are all things I mentioned earlier in this article and they too have gone away.

I hope those colleges, teams, fans and alumni can recover from this and return.

I truly do.

Until then, it’s wait and see

LEGENDS OF THE FALL

TENNESSEE: The University of Tennessee lost an icon this past year, even if they don’t want to acknowledge it appropriately. Former Heisman runner-up for the Volunteers and their Head Football Coach Johnny Majors passed away.

Although he was treated horribly by his University and wrongly fired while he in lay in a hospital bed recovering from heart surgery. His impact on the University will forever be remembered by those fans, players, and alumni that remember a time when a gentleman coached the team with class and dignity.

AUBURN: Legendary Coach Pat Dye passed away recently. Unlike Tennessee, Auburn University embraced Coach Dye after he was forced to resign, and he became a beloved ambassador for the university and to a lesser degree for the Southeastern Conference.

I think former University of Alabama Coach Gene Stallings said it best about Coach Dye.

“We were competitors and never had a cross word the whole time I coached against him, whether it was recruiting or in a game,” Stallings said. “… When I say I lost a friend, I lost a friend. He was a great coach. He was a better individual. I thoroughly enjoyed my relationship with Pat. We’ve been on several trips together and I enjoyed every one of them. His coaching record speaks for itself. I thoroughly enjoyed coaching against him. His teams were always extremely well-prepared, and it was a pleasure to compete against him.”

Next Week…..

I hope to have a few more articles out the next few weeks, depending upon the status of the college football season, but one thing is for sure, it won’t be the same my friends.

Keep the Faith and Stay Tuned.

One More Thing…

There is at least one “Good” thing to take away from all of this foolishness.

Celebrities

The myriad of talking heads on ESPN and other Sports Programs…

Hollywood Actors and Actresses

Professional Athletes

None of them matter, not a damn one of them.

Not their opinions, ideas or what they “think” (I use that term loosely)

None of them matter

There I said it

Be good to yourselves and one another this week.

God Bless

RTR
THE CFB WIZARD

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