College Football Picks Week 15

December 5, 2019

Ladies and Gentlemen – 

The leftovers from Thanksgiving are all but eaten (except for that one weird looking container in the back of the refrigerator, you know which one I am talking about) and rivalry weekend is complete and so is the lineup for Conference Championships on Saturday.  

Which ironically enough will be played on December 7th, Pearl Harbor Day. 

Speaking of sneak attacks, I now know the true meaning of a “Pot Luck” luncheon.
I don’t know which person in church made the “ten bean Chinese surprise casserole” but I should have remembered the words of any Korean War veteran who would have reminded me that

“Nothing good ever comes from the words Chinese and Surprise in the same sentence.”
My butt feels like I backed into a blow torch 

Enjoy Your Picks..


Weekend Rewind….

As I sit here in a gallon of peach sherbet to cool my burning buttocks

(Don’t judge me) 

Let’s take a moment to rewind the numbers from last week and the standings for the season. 

On rivalry weekend Your Favorite College Football Prognosticator was 43 and 6 or 88%
That leaves The CFB Wizard at 670 and 145 or 82% for 2019 season. 

We have got some Conference Championship games to discuss, so let’s get to it. 

EDITORS NOTE: Is it possible to get frost bite on your butt? Asking for a friend. 


COACH URBAN MEYER: I can’t turn the television on without your name (“Yes” your name) being mentioned for a head coaching job somewhere in football.

Dallas Cowboys
Atlanta Falcons
Carolina Panthers
Southern California Trojans
Florida State Seminoles
Texas Longhorns 

On and On and On..

So, I have to ask (Since no one else on ESPN is willing too)

How’s that brain tumor, heart issue you have?

All good?

Healed just like that huh? 

No wonder we all call you Urban Liar. 

I will keep this one brief.

I received more (as in WAY more) emails, texts and calls this past weekend and week from some college football fans gloating over Alabama’s loss to Auburn than their own teams winning and subsequent trips to conference championship games. 

I have a couple of questions. 

Why can’t you just enjoy your own team’s current success and be happy about that?

If you get a new car do you run to the neighbor’s house and point out that your car is newer and nicer than his or hers? Can’t you just enjoy your shiny new car? 

You are either demonstrating “class” or showing that you’re an “ass” there is no in between. 

It’s your choice 
AUBURN: Lost in the euphoria of last weekend’s games was the passing of a legend. 

Pat Sullivan, All-American quarterback and 1971 Heisman Trophy winner from Auburn passed away on Sunday December 1st. He was a gentleman, a fierce competitor and one heck of a nice guy. I don’t know anybody (anybody) that didn’t love Pat Sullivan. 

Unlike many players we see today, Pat Sullivan didn’t have to showboat or show off. 
He was and always will be a gentleman of the highest caliber. 

I wish there were more people like him today. 

Auburn and college football have lost a legend on the field and a person that brought people together off the field. In my memories I can still hear the radio announcer scream as Pat Sullivan launched the football to his best friend Terry Beasley..

“Sullivan to Beasley!!!!!” 

One of the greatest combinations in all of football, college or otherwise. 

Terry Beasley (88) Pat Sullivan (7)

Thank you for the memories Pat, God Bless you. 

ALABAMA: There is a lot I could say about last week’s Iron Bowl

But I will simply say this:

“Win without bragging and lose without excuse”
Coach Paul Bryant 

EDITORS NOTE: Some of you out there might want to take that advice yourselves. 

See You in T-Town Next Year Tigers, be ready. 

OLE MISS: I still have no words for this, as in none

RUTGERS: So, you brought back Coach Greg Schiano from the Jerry Sandusky school of coaching. I wouldn’t be around the showers with that guy if I were you.

Just saying. 

TEXAS A&M: You know, we’ve made light of the Aggies since they made their entrance into the SEC…

But, for us here at the Headquarters…

That means we love ya.

When we stop talking about you, and poking at you, then you need to start worrying

This is a Texas Aggie story

And it’s a good one

WASHINGTON: Coach Chris Petersen resigned? Just like that? 

What the heck is going on Huskies? 

TEXAS: Perhaps the reason for Longhorns lack of success “could” be linked to Coach (I use that term loosely) Tom Herman’s headbutts with his players before the games. 

Maybe he should be in “Concussion Protocol”, it’s just a suggestion. 


Q: Dear Sir – 

My wife and I are wine enthusiast and we frequently travel throughout the Southeast in search of delectable and unique local winery’s and vineyards. To be honest, there is nothing more that we enjoy, than sharing a lovely bottle of wine along with some aged nicely cheese while watching the sunset on the horizon. 

I write this email to you, in hopes that you will be able to help us. 

We will be traveling to South Carolina next week in what I believe is called “the upstate” in the more mountainous region of the Palmetto State and we are searching for the best wine and cheese from that area.

Can you please assist us?

Thank you!

Peter and Amanda – Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania 

A: You have come to right place folks.
Rather than give you a description, 

I will include a photo of the best whine and cheese in the state of South Carolina. 

Q: Mr. CFB Wizard 

For the love of all that is right, can you PLEASE do something (Anything) about the horrible Dr. Pepper commercials with “Fansville”.

Good Lord man! 

Those damn things played on a loop are damn near as bad as listening to my mother in-law.

Thanks man

Jerry – Pensacola, Florida 

A: Thank you for the email Jerry. 

I have politely asked the United States Air Force to carpet bomb “Fansville” but have yet to hear back from them. But in the meantime, I say let’s bring back Larry Culpepper! 

As in #BringbBackLarryCulpepper 

Q: Hey Mister Wizard! 

I hope you had a great Thanksgiving! 

Do you have any Christmas traditions that you would like to share with us?
We love both websites too by the way! 

Thank you!!

Elisa – Gulfport, Mississippi 

A: Thank you so much for the email Elisa. 

I had a wonderful Thanksgiving with “Doc” the World-Famous Black Lab

It was the first time in two years someone wasn’t shooting at us or threatening us.
It was blissful. 

As to your question, with Doc’s help we have our Christmas Tree up, along with our decorations. It took a while, but Doc and I, got all of our lights hung too, unlike Jeffery Epstein who didn’t hang himself. 

Q: Hey Man!

I just want two things for Christmas this year from you. 

One: The yearly Christmas poem, whatever you call it from Hootie Snitch

Two: A Christmas song from “The” Catawampus, Sylacauga Ledbetter 

Those two dudes are funny as hell, Come on man. 

Can you make that happen? 

Jackson – Murray, Kentucky 

A: We will not disappoint this Christmas, believe it. 

Q: Hey CFB Wizard! 

You always seem to have some inside information on college football.
So, who do YOU think will be the next coach of the Arkansas Razorbacks?

Randy – Pocahontas, Arkansas 

A: I will tell you what I think Randy. 

I think it would be hilarious “IF” Elizabeth Warren was from Pocahontas Arkansas.
Other than that, I can’t help you. 

Q: Hey there Mister CFB Wizard!!

We have a VERY important question for YOU! 

(We are having a bet in the office for a prize whoever gets this question right!) 

Is there anything “special” you are wanting for Christmas this year? 

Thank you so much!

We are anxiously awaiting your answer! 

The Ladies from The Comanche Electric Cooperative – Comanche, Texas 

A: I wouldn’t mind something like this, it’s about the right size. 

Q: Dear Mr. College Football Wizard

We look forward too and enjoy your weekly college football picks here at the Fire Station at the U.S. Forestry Station in Gatlinburg Tennessee. I wanted to share a Public Service Announcement (PSA) with you that I hope you will share with all your readers.
This time of the year, the leaves have fallen from the trees and the dry and cold conditions make forest fires more probable than you might like to believe. 
In fact, 9 out of 10 forest fires are caused by humans, so please be careful when you visit our National Parks during the Holiday’s. 

Thank you 


Ranger Dave – Fire Station, U.S. Forestry Service, Gatlinburg, Tennessee 
A: Thank you for the kind email Ranger Dave

All I can think about after reading your email and comparing the numbers (9 out of 10) fires are caused by human beings.  

Is that there is at least one bear out there that knows how to use matches.  


Friday 6 December 

Utah and Oregon
The PAC 12 Championship Game
I have been a fan of the Ute’s since my days as a youth growing up in Duluth with my best friend Knute while he played the flute…O.k. I’ve exhausted myself, that’s all I’ve got on this one.
TWO UTE’S 33-28

Saturday 7 December   

Baylor and Oklahoma
The Big 12 Championship Game
“The Rematch”
Don’t leave your seats, it’s going to be a good one

Louisiana Lafayette and Appalachian State
The Sun Belt Conference Championship
Two of the best names in all of college football square off for the title.
“Rajun Cajuns” and “Mountaineers” 
It’s going to be one heck of a game
Believe it

Miami (OH) and Central Michigan
The MAC Championship Game
You say Chippewas and I say “Upset”

Alabama Birmingham and Florida Atlantic
Conference USA Championship
I have only one “Alabama” team playing this weekend, you know where this pick is going

Cincinnati and Memphis
American Conference Championship
Your eyes are not deceiving you and this is not a rerun.
“Yes” these two teams played just last Saturday.
But this is for the Conference Championship
(Spoiler Alert: Same result as last weeks game)
Georgia and LSU
The Southeastern Conference Championship
Cats and Dogs
It’s going to be a good one, for about fifteen minutes anyway
Southeast Louisiana at Montana
“The Playoffs”
Simply put, the Lions from South Louisiana aren’t ready for Big Sky Country weather.
There you have it

Albany at Montana State
“The Playoffs”
I wouldn’t pull for any team from New York even if they were playing Iran
BOBCATS 38-24  
Nicholls at North Dakota State
“The Playoffs”
Nicholl’s won’t be worth a red cent by the time this one is over.

Hawaii and Boise State
The Mountain West Conference Championship
I have told you all year about the Bronco’s
And I am sticking in the saddle on this one
BRONCO’S   41-28

Virginia and Clemson
the ACC Championship Game
Nope, not even close

Ohio State and Wisconsin
The Big 10 Championship Game
“IF” you were expecting drama here, then you are watching the wrong game.

Next Week….

We will have an update on the Conference Championship games, the Playoffs and certainly the Army-Navy game. There will also be a few other tidbits or two during the week to keep you informed and entertained. 

No need to thank me, it’s what we do.  

So, Stay Tuned

One More Thing…

This Saturday is December 7th, Pearl Harbor Day. 

December 7th, 1941 Pearl Harbor was attacked by the Japanese, and America went to war. 
There were no “safe spaces” 
There weren’t any gender “neutral” restrooms 
There was no such thing as “Climate Change” or “Environmental Racism” 

America was knocked down in December of 1941, but she wasn’t out 

Lady Liberty told the world, “Hold my beer and watch this…” 

The cost of Our Freedoms has been paid in full. 

Take a minute today to remember.

Remember the sacrifices of so many and to be thankful for the freedom we all enjoy. 

God Bless You all and be good to one another 


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