Ladies and Gentlemen
It’s hard to believe but we are already five weeks into the college football season
Or as I affectionately refer to this Week…
The Saturday where Dreams go to Die….
Enjoy…
Weekend Rewind…
Before we discuss my less than stellar prognostications from last weekend, I think it is important to point out that Your Favorite College Football Prognosticator did predict the Pittsburgh over Central Florida “Upset” and only missed the final score by a few points.
(Que the Applause sign)
Settle down please, your adulation is embarrassing me…..
Now for the not-so good news.
The CFB Wizard was a rather dismal 34 and 10 or 77% on Week 4 of the college football season.
That leaves me at 223 and 34 or 87% for the 2019 college football season.
I know it’s not good, you don’t have to remind me.
THE CFB WIZARD EMAILS OF THE WEEK
Q: I couldn’t believe it!!!!!
You totally nailed the Pittsburgh and Central Florida upset, like right on the button!
How the heck did you manage to do that?
That was amazing!!!
Carla – Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
A: It was simple Carla….
I am a genius, but only occasionally
Q: Way to go Mister Wizard, You called it!
St. Olaf defeated Carleton!!!!!
Once again, we bring home the coveted Goat Trophy and the Cereal Bowl!
Thanks for showing us some love and for keeping us in your weekly picks.
When we will come up here to see an actual game?
We would love to have you here!
Shirley – Northfield, Minnesota
A: Thank you for the wonderful email, Miss Shirley.
I wouldn’t mind visiting your beautiful campus, but unfortunately you only have two seasons there.
Winter and fourth of July
Q: You are the biggest #$@&^%$*&^ this side of the Mississippi River!
You can make fun of Florida State all you want too; your website and picks are a joke!
@Seminole Daddy – Ocala, Florida
A: I respectfully disagree sir, I believe the “joke” is actually your “season.”
Q: Dude, you are like the craziest person I have ever heard of in my life!
I read your book and I check out both websites and man you are crazy as hell!!
Have you ever considered getting some “help” you know like, for real?
Hannibal – St. Joseph, Missouri
A: Well sir, this is all I have to say about that….
COLLEGE FOOTBALL NEWS!
UNSPORTSMAN LIKE CONDUCT: I am sure that you know by now that this is a penalty…Right?
Demonstrating bad sportsmanship or worse, attempting to humiliate or taunt your opponent, that’s exactly what is entailed in this penalty.
I mention this for one specific reason…
Isn’t scheduling little bitty teams in your state and scoring six touchdowns in a single quarter and then running up the score until the score board has to add light bulbs “Un-sportsman like Conduct”?
Just asking….
GEORGIA: Georgia’s attempt to intimidate the Catholic University, Notre Dame, worked flawlessly Saturday night
The theme of “This is your living HELL, Notre Dame” was perfectly illustrated when the lights at Sanford Stadium turned all red in an attempt to replicate the Fiery Inferno of Hades. During this intermission, the AC/DC song “Highway to Hell” blared over the speaker system as the raucous crowd sang along.
After this demonstration, Notre Dame QB Ian Book promptly threw an interception and was seen cowering on the sidelines afterwards.
Well played, Georgia…
Well played
SAN JOSE STATE: The Spartans defeated the Arkansas Razorbacks last weekend…
Or as the Spartan’s running backs coach would say…
“You can Touch This”
ST OLAF: Congratulations on the Goat Trophy or as they say at the petting zoo….
BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
APPALACHAIN STATE: Alright, …“We See YOU!”
Well done Mountaineers, well done
PITTSBURGH: Following the Victory over Central Florida last Saturday….
The Panthers immediately declared themselves National Champions and winners of the upcoming Super Bowl
SOUTHERN METHODIST: Congratulations on winning the Iron Skillet over Texas Christian last Saturday!
I know I didn’t pick you, but we can still be friends, right?
MICHIGAN: Jim Harbaugh looked just dazed and confused during the horrific Wisconsin debacle on Saturday…
Here, he obviously is asking for a little divine intervention in calling for some kind of successful play to overcome the drubbing…
Any play…
Just some positive yardage…
And, maybe a stop on Defense?
HOT SEAT METER: Yes ladies and gentlemen……
We Have “The Official CFB Hot-Seat-O-Meter…”
First up this week:
Willie Taggert of Florida State
Things aren’t going well in Tallahassee
The ‘Noles are 2-2 but those 2 wins weren’t awe inspiring. A 1 point win over Louisiana Monroe? A comeback win over Louisville after jumping out to a 21-0 1st quarter lead? And, let’s face it.
If Florida State were “back” they’d have beaten Boise and Virginia. And we haven’t even mentioned issues with clock management, etc. The losses may be understandable considering the shape ole Jimbo left the program in.
But the coaching incompetence? Hmmmm….
CFB Hot Seat-O-Meter Rating – 90 to 95
Jeremy Pruitt of Tennessee
Lord, where do we start? An upset at the hands of Georgia State? A loss to that Independent bantamweight BYU? A crushing loss to Florida? And guess who’s about to take a trip down to Athens to take on the Dogs?
The Vols may end up with only 3 wins by the time December rolls around. And who would be the lone SEC victim to fall to the Vols? Could be South Carolina.
They seem to be neck and neck with Tennessee in the race to the bottom of the SEC East. Pruitt’s leaving depends on a couple of things. Number 1 is the buyout. And number 2 is Phil Fulmer’s eagerness to begin his “Redemption Tour” ala Coach Robert Neyland.
CFB Hot Seat-O-Meter Rating – 85 to 90
Jim Harbaugh of Michigan
This was the year. This was the season that Harbaugh’s Wolverines were going to run the table and make the playoffs, especially considering Ohio State’s Michigan Killer Coach Urban Meyer was gone.
But, then the season started. The Wolverine’s were brought to harsh reality with a near disastrous double overtime loss to Army. They then got absolutely man-handled by the Wisconsin Wolverines last weekend. And what do they have to look forward to? Undefeated, 14th ranked Iowa, 12th ranked Penn State, #10 Notre Dame, a difficult 25th ranked Michigan State team, and it’s all topped off with a visit from 5th ranked Ohio State in the Big House.
Jimmy may or may not get fired. But don’t be surprised to see him depart at the end of the season for an NFL gig.
CFB Hot Seat-O-Meter Rating – 75-80
The needle is rising on:
Jimbo Fischer (FSU) – Rumblings down in College Station about the complexity of the offense and the on field success
Will Muschamp (South Carolina) – In Columbia they’re not real happy with the on field results. And the overall record. Will the wheels fall off for Muschamp?
Chad Morris (Arkansas) – It’s only his second season, but, Lord have mercy, things are looking bleak in Fayetteville
David Shaw (Stanford) – Things look tough down on The Farm in Palo Alto. It’s the Pac 12, but a 1-3 start isn’t making Shaw any friends
THE GAMES
Thursday 26 September
Navy at Memphis
I know most if not everybody will be picking the Tigers here….
I am not everybody
MIGHTY MIDSHIPMEN 31-28
Friday 27 September
Duke at Virginia Tech
I wish the Turkeys would do the Hokie Pokey and turn their season around
HOKIE POKEY 28-24
Penn State at Maryland
Call me crazy it isn’t thing I haven’t already heard from mental health professionals
NINJA TURTLES 44-41
San Jose State at Air Force
Come on Falcons (Please?)
MIGHTY FALCONS 33-31
Arizona State at California
In case you were wondering…
“No” we don’t care
HERMANS SUNNY DEVILS 31-28
Saturday 28 September
Texas Tech at Oklahoma
This game will be uglier than Prom Night at the School for the Blind
ROLL JALEN ROLL 44-28
Virginia Wise at Carson Newman
I knew a gal named Virginia once, she wasn’t too “Wise”, if you don’t think so…
You should see her choice of a husband
EAGLES 44-28
Presbyterian at North Alabama
Just so you know, I don’t have anything against Presbyterians.
They aren’t like us Baptist…
We don’t make eye contact with each other in Hooter’s or the liquor store.
FLORENCE LIONS 34-17
Northwestern at Wisconsin
I am sure this is some sort of Big Ten (Whatever the number…) rivalry game
I think this one involves a sombrero and a corndog
CHEESEMEN 41-21
Middle Tennessee at Iowa
Speaking of Corn…..
HAWKEYES 38-17
St Olaf at Augsburg
Anytime this many German’s get together, there will always be beer drinking….
And by the end of the night either Poland or France will be invaded.
OLLIES 34-31
Rutgers at Michigan
“IF” Coach Jimmy and the Wolverines can’t beat Rutgers….
They need to pack it up for the season
WOLVERINES 34-14
Texas A&M at Arkansas
My Beloved Razorback fans do not fret…
Baseball season is right around the corner
GIG EM AGGIES 44-14
Holy Cross at Syracuse
Really, this game is on the schedule?
Come on…
URANGE PEOPLE 421-3
North Dakota State – BYE Week
I have a feeling BYE is going to get their asses kicked
MIGHTY BISON 44-0
Northern Illinois at Vanderbilt
I am a BIG fan of Lionel Richie, just saying..
COMMODORES 34-10
Kansas at Texas Christian
Coach les, you aren’t in Kansas anymore….
HORNED DOGS 33-14
Brigham Young at Toledo
I think the rockets have exploded on the launch pad….
COUGARS 38-10
Delaware at Pittsburg
Heck NO I am NOT going against the Panthers this week!
NATIONAL CHAMPION PANTHERS 38-17
Clemson at North Carolina
Nope, not even close, let’s move along
DABO’S TIGERS 44-10
Ole Miss at Alabama
(Turn it up)
Sweet Home Alabama
CRIMSON TIDE 41-21
Virginia at Notre Dame
Let the misery continue for the FEGGITING ERRRISH…
DUDES ON HORSES 33-31
Southern California at Washington
I was trying to write something “positive” and “uplifting” about anything California
(I will have to get back with you on that one, I am still thinking)
HUSKIES 38-28
Indiana at Michigan State
If memory serves me correctly this Old Big Ten (isn’t it sixteen?) rivalry is played each year..
For the coveted “Petrified Monkey Turd”
Yippee
SPARTANS 34-17
Georgia Tech at Temple
Sorry Rambling Wreck, I don’t have any good news for you this week, but check back next week, ok?
HOOT OWLS 28-24
Wake Forest at Boston College
I would rather stare at an ant farm for three hours than watch this game
DEMON DECONS 3-2
Ouachita Baptist at Southwestern Oklahoma
I thought “Southwestern Oklahoma” was Texas?
GOTCHA BAPTIST 41-24
Iowa State at Baylor
Just for the record…
Da Bears are Da Da Done…
CYCLONES 34-14
Minnesota at Purdue
This game will be like watching two old ladies fighting over a blue light special at K mart…
At first, it’s a little funny, then it’s just sad
GOLDEN GROUND RODENTS 6-3
Coastal Carolina at Appalachian State
These Mountaineers are for real, believe it
MOUNTAINEERS 34-14
Tennessee at BYE Week
I don’t know much…
But I know BYE Week is favored by 16 points…
Towson at Florida
I had no idea that the Towson Cracker people had a college, did you?
MIGHTY GATORS 172-3
Southern Methodist at South Florida
(I’m still invited back to Dallas, right?)
MUSTANG SALLY 34-17
Cincinnati at Marshall
This Battle on the Ohio River is always a good one….
Don’t leave your seats
WE ARE MARSHALL 33-31
Arkansas State at Troy
This one is a tossup, but while in Troy, be sure and stop by Hook’s BBQ and tell them I sent you
MEN OF TROY 31-28
Valdosta State at Shorter
I bet the Shorter basketball team is funny to watch…..
(Random thought I know, sorry)
BLAZZZZZZZZZZZZERS 44-14
Louisiana Lafayette at Georgia Southern
What song is it you want to hear?
FREE BIRDS 34-28
Mississippi State at Auburn
I didn’t stutter….
WAR DAMN EAGLE 34-24
Connecticut at Central Florida
The Golden Knights will win this game over Connecticut….
Then declare themselves winners of the American Revolutionary War
GOLDEN KNIGHTS 41-14
Northwestern Oklahoma State at Arkansas Monticello
The words…
“Bo weevils”
is fun to say, even when you are alone
BO’S WEEVILS 34-31
Stanford at Oregon State
Seriously, we don’t care, and you know it
CARDINAL 6-3
Ohio State at Nebraska
You wanted an “Upset Special” this week?
You got it
CORNHUSKERS 41-38
North Carolina State at Florida State
“Doc” the World famous Black Lab said to go with the Pack on this one..
He’s such a good boy
WOLFPACK 28-24
Delta State at North Greenville
Little known fact
I like all kinds of Okra, even the Fighting ones…
FEAR THE OKRA 34-31
Kentucky at South Carolina
It’s do or die for the Palmetto State in this one…
GAMECOCKS 33-28
Washington State at Utah
I guess you could classify this one as an “Upset”…
It’s going to be close
MIKE’S CATS 34-31
UCLA at Arizona
I was going to watch this game (Honest I was)
But the history of glue is going to be on the Discovery Channel
(Sorry)
SOMEBODY WINS 3-2
Montana at California Davis
I can’t in good conscience pull for anything in California
(There I said it)
GRIZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ 33-17
Next Week….
Your Week 6 College Football Picks will be out next week right on time as you have come to expect, along with “Yes” another (Yes another) “new” story on Mikerights.com, and a few more items to keep you entertained and informed.
Why?
Because I care…
So Stay Tuned..
One More Thing…
You have a new story on Mikerights.com this week that I hope you will enjoy, it’s very informational.
(Just saying)
Thank you all again for reading both websites, “Doc” and I truly appreciate your readership and all your comments.
Enjoy your games and be good to one another this weekend.
RTR
THE CFB WIZARD