Ladies and Gentlemen –
I know it wouldn’t be the Holiday Season without the first Bowl Picks of the year from your Favorite College Football Prognosticator. Think of them as an unexpected joyous gift for the college football enthusiast to tickle your funny bone and lighten the heart.
Well unless you are Florida State, Southern California or Nebraska…..
Then you can “Humbug” me all you want
Enjoy……
The Last Seasonal Rewind (Honest)…….
The CFB Wizard picks a lot of games every season, as in a lot of games. I won’t regurgitate how many games I pick each season or mention the absurd success of the prognostications of most of those games.
I simply want to say “Thank You” to all you readers and tell you that I truly appreciate your readership, encouragement and even the occasional nasty email.
This little column was started at Eglin Air Force Base, then at Parris Island as a word document that was sent around to fellow college football fans and it has grown over the years to this website and thousands of fans deployed overseas and at home.
It was been written in war, peace, death and disease and every year, each season you have enjoyed the articles, the stories and the picks.
It has been a labor of love to bring you the picks and the stories, and I want you all to know that on behalf of “Doc” the Black Lab and I, we thank you all from the bottom of our collective hearts.
THE CFB WIZARD EMAIL Q AND A
Q: Dear Mister Capitalist
Must you always push your book in nearly every article?
You wrote a silly little book, big deal, now get off of it and just write the picks or whatever.
Jim – Strawberry Plains, Tennessee
A: Jim I make no apologizes for promoting my book…….
I like to drink wine with an actual cork in it every now and again.
Speaking of that…..
Until my next publication is completed, “Sunnyside Up” would make a wonderful Christmas present for your friends, loved ones or for those you would like to hit in the head with a blunt object.
Q: Dear CFB Wizard
Week after week I am appalled that you weave subtle references to God into your picks as well as your stories and as a devout worshiper of Satan the Prince of all Darkness I demand that you present equal time in your ramblings.
Sincerely –
Damien – Trenton, New Jersey
A: I will tell you the truth…….
I am amazed that you worship something that went down to Georgia and got his ass kicked by a skinny kid with a fiddle.
Q: Hey Jackass
Stop (I repeat STOP) making rude comments about Wynonna Judd and comparing her with the Colorado Football Mascot! Your blatant insensitivity is only surpassed by your stupidity and childish attempt at humor.
STOP IT!
Anonymous – Nashville, Tennessee
A: You can sign your name Wynonna; I know it’s you…..
By the way, did you get those orthopedic hoof shoes I sent you for Christmas?
THE BOWL GAMES (PART I)
Saturday 15 December
AUTONATION CURE BOWL
Tulane and Louisiana Lafayette
I am somewhat confused here…..
Are the sponsors of the bowl trying to say that we need to be cured from being automated? I am all for that if that’s the case, I get one more automated call on the house phone about the children of Kenya and I will go over there and feed them my damn self.
RAJUN CAJUNS 34-31
THE CAITLYN JENNER BOWL
This Bowl is designated for teams that don’t have any “D”…..
West Virginia and Central Florida
NEW MEXICO BOWL
North Texas and Utah State
Ironically I ordered a New Mexican Bowl at the local restaurant “El Capo’s” last week..
I have been wearing a leaf bag around my waist ever since
Never mind….
AGGIES 34-33
MITSUBISHI MOTORS LAS VEGAS BOWL
Arizona State and Fresno State
I swear if Mitsubishi has Japanese Zero’s in the pregame flyover……
Then I am reassembling my antiaircraft gun
HERMAN’S DEVILS 34-17
RAYCOM MEDIA CAMILLIA BOWL
Georgia Southern and Eastern Michigan
There is nothing quite like a Bowl game in Beautiful Montgomery Alabama….
I can smell the BBQ smoking from here…
FREE BIRDS 33-28
R+L CARRIERS NEW ORLEANS BOWL
Middle Tennessee State and Appalachian State
Believe it or not…..
This is going to be one heck of a game to watch
Believe it
MOUNTAINEERS 34-33
Tuesday 18 December
CHERIBUNDI BOCA RATON BOWL
Alabama Birmingham and Northern Illinois
Isn’t a Cheribundi one of those things you get on your feet when your shoes don’t fit quite right? That’s a dumb name for a Bowl game (But at least South Florida is nice..)
BAMA BE BLAZZZZZZZING 41-34
THE ARM&HAMMER KITTY LITTER BOWL PRESENTED BY PETSMART
The two teams selected for this bowl game were carefully chosen….
Due to their propensity to crap in their season and cover it up all year.
Tennessee and North Carolina
Wednesday 19 December
DXL FRISCO BOWL
San Diego State and Ohio
I hope this game is in Frisco Texas…….
Because “IF” it’s in the “other” Frisco and you drop your wallet or car keys…
You might want to kick them to Sacramento before you pick it up.
Just saying….
FRANK’S CATS 31-28
PURINA MONKEY CHOW BOWL
This prestigious bowl played each year in Ames Iowa is for those teams that have acted like Poop Sling Primates who disappointed their fans and alumni with something less than appropriate all season.
Florida State and Rutgers
Thursday 20 December
BAD BOY MOWERS GASPRAILLA BOWL
Marshall and South Florida
I am confused here on this bowl game……
Why is there a bowl game named after a flatulent gorilla?
Makes no sense to me….
WE ARE MARSHALL 31-17
YODERS CANNED MEATS AND CHEESE BOWL
This bowl game is played in the lovely Dells Wisconsin at the Dells (Go Warriors!) High School stadium and as you might imagine there teams were selected because their season’s smelled like canned cheese and out of date meats.
Wisconsin and UCLA
Friday 21 December
MAKERS WANTED BAHAMA’S BOWL
Florida International and Toledo
O.k., I will play along…….
What exactly do you Makers want?
SOMEBODY MAKING SOMETHING 28-24
Saturday 22 December
JARED BIRMINGHAM BOWL
Memphis and Wake Forest
I cannot believe that Jackass from Subway got out of prison and has his own bowl game!
This is egregious!
ELVIS’S TIGERS 24-17
THE BUTT HURT BOWL PRESENTED BY PREPARATION H
I think this particular Bowl Game speaks for itself…..
Ohio State and Georgia
LOCKHEED MARTIN ARMED FORCES BOWL
Houston and Army
How shall I put this ever so gently…..
“IF” you aren’t pulling for Army in this game then you are a damn communist, hate puppies and don’t believe in Santa Clause.
BLACK KNIGHTS OF THE HUDSON 28-21
DOLLAR GENERAL BOWL
Buffalo and Troy
In my adopted home town of Mobile Alabama……..
What I wouldn’t give to be at the Flora-Bama Lounge right now
(I’m a legend there don’t you know)
MEN OF TROY
SOFI HAWAII BOWL
Hawaii and Louisiana Tech
What the Hell is a “Sofi”? Isn’t that like that damn huggy one piece pajama thingy?
This make no sense to me whatsoever
WARRIORS ON RAINBOWS 38-31
Next Week……
Just in time for Christmas….
You will have the last of the College Football Bowl Picks, along with Country Music Megastar Sylacauga Ledbetter and perhaps even a word or two from the greatest Tennessee Volunteer Fan on the Planet, Mr. James “Hootie” Snitch from Baneberry Tennessee.
As you have come to expect there will be a “New” Christmas story on Mikerights.com next week as well, so stay tuned.
One More Thing…..
You have a “new” story awaiting you on Mikerights.com this week, although late…..
It was intended for the Anniversary of Pearl Harbor, but I believe you will enjoy it nonetheless. Thank you all again for supporting both websites and for those of you that enjoy the Christmas stories there will be plenty of your well worn favorites on the websites this week.
God Bless you all and be good to yourselves and those around you this week.
RTR
THE CFB WIZARD