Ladies and Gentlemen –
I hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving and are not suffering from any ill effects of your Aunt Edna’s Fruit Salad that was in her car ten days before the feed fest.
You know…..
I have always thought “commode” was a funny word, unless you are stuck on it.
But enough about intestinal issues it’s the week to decide conference championships.
We also have playoff games and “make-up” games to be played as well.
So buckle that chin strap, it’s going to be wild ride this weekend.
Enjoy Your Picks……
Weekend Rewind…….
Your Favorite College Football Prognosticator was rather astounding for the last “real” week of the regular college football season going 46 and 7 or 87% for the week.
The “Upset” Picks of Texas A&M, Ohio State, Vanderbilt and Oklahoma certainly pushed the weekly average to new heights but it still left The CFB Wizard at 82% for the season with a 698 and 152 record.
It’s hard to believe that we are already at the end of the 2018 College Football Season.
It seems like only yesterday that Florida State was a ranked team…….
My how time flies
COLLEGE FOOTBALL NEWS
VANDERBILIT: I have said all season long that there is power in the Commodores….
In the immortal words of Lionel Richie
This season: “You have been Mighty (Mighty)…”
I salute you…..
OKLAHOMA – WEST VIRGINIA: I will hence forth begin calling this rivalry game between the Sooners and the Mountaineers…..
“The Caitlyn Jenner Bowl”; Because there isn’t any “D” in the whole damn game.
AUBURN: O.k. let me be sure I have this right Coach Gus….
You re-negotiated your contract to make it easier for the university to fire you?
O’ Yeah that makes a lot of sense…..
Or maybe it was just an answer to a child’s simple prayer…..
CLEMSON: So you kept your starters in the game even to the last minute to score one more touchdown on South Carolina? That’s not very classy, but it rhymes with classy.
BIG 12 (LITE) CONFERENCE: I have a question for the teams in the conference….
What the hell do the defensive practices look like for your teams?
Do you just blow a whistle and the speakers at practice blare out the old adage….
“When in trouble or in doubt, run in circles scream and shout”
I think that sums up your weekly defensive game plan quite nicely.
FOX SPORTS: Once again Fox Sports “commentator” Gus Johnson, who apparently gets paid by the word because he won’t shut the hell up for a second during the entire game while shouting each and every word at the top of his lungs, finally said something even dumber than the last time I heard him.
“Ohio State and Michigan is the greatest rivalry in history”
Really, because I thought the USA and Germany and Japan thingy was really something.
OHIO STATE: Although they won last week over Michigan I thought it was in extremely poor taste to have former Assistant Coach Zach Smith out with the marching band to “Dot The I” in Ohio or in his case “Black the Eye”.
COACH’S CAROUSEL: It’s that time of year when coach’s are hired and fired and as Your Favorite College Football Prognosticator I have made this easy for you readers.
Follow along closely….
NORTH CAROLINA: This week the Tar Heels hired former Coach Mack Brown who had been at Chapel Hill previously before going to the University of Texas.
TEXAS TECH: The Red Raiders are trying to lure former Coach Mike Leach back to Lubbock from Washington State.
MICHIGAN: The Wolverines have contacted a physic medium from nearby Ann Arbor to explore the possibilities of Former Coach Bo Schembechler’s ghost coaching for the reminder of next years “Wolverine Apology Tour.”
TEXAS A&M – LSU: Meanwhile at Kyle Field in College Station Texas……
The Aggies and the Tigers are now on their 55th Overtime and the score is tied….
175 to 175……
THE CFB WIZARD EMAIL OF THE WEEK
Q: Dear Mr. CFB Wizard
How would you like to be our guest at the Lucas Oil Stadium in Indianapolis for the Big Ten Championship game this Saturday? I think you would find the experience worthwhile and perhaps change your opinion of college football “Up North.”
Sincerely
Paula G, Columbus Ohio
A: Thank you for the kind invitation Paula however…..
I have only been to Indianapolis on one other occasion and the experience wasn’t good.
Due to some miscalculations by an airline that I won’t mention here, I had to stay overnight in that city in a motel that I am quite sure was the inspiration for the Bates Motel.
It was cold, much like it is there now and the “heater” for the motel room was a window unit that when you turned it on sounded like an industrial size wood chipper chewing up a mighty oak tree.
Also when the “heater” was “on” it smelled like someone had baked a raccoon in it.
After conducting a careful and thorough search of the motel room for chalk lines of bodies and or dead bodies left behind in the last psychotic attack on an unsuspecting guest, I was forced to turn the wood chipper, I mean “heater” off, because the smell of the baked raccoon and the noise was giving me a headache. Also, I figured despite the fact the motel room was cold enough to hang slabs of meat in, I would at least be able to hear my chainsaw welding assailants as they crept towards the door of my room, that O’ by the way, didn’t close all the way.
I won’t discus the missing toilet seat, which I am sure was used to strangle the last guest to death with or the status of the shower and bathtub. We have all witnessed the shower scene in “Scarface”, so there is no reason to point out the obvious here.
As I paced the floor all night, not daring to lie down on the bed that was listing at a forty five degree angle, I made a vow that I would never (ever) return to Indianapolis.
So thank you for the invitation but I must decline as I have no intention of being murdered in my sleep north of the Ohio River.
Also too, I thought the entire city smelled like wet cat food and boiled cabbage.
THE GAMES
Thursday 29 November
Charleston Southern at Citadel
This is the Battle of Chuck Town…..
“Doc” the Black Lab says, “Go with the Dogs….”
BULLDOGS 34-17
Friday 30 November
Northern Illinois at Buffalo
The Conference Championship for the Mid Atlantic Conference (MAC)
Just for the record……
I have been in the Mid Atlantic and those waves are no joke.
HUSKIES 41-38
Utah and Washington
Drum roll please……..
Here is the Championship game of the Pacific Athletic Conference!
Not that it matters much….
TWO UTES 31-28
Saturday 1 December
Texas and Oklahoma
In Dallas Texas and this is your “The Big 12 (Lite) Conference Championship.
These two teams haven’t played twice in the same year since 1906……
This game is going to be “Red River Rivalry Part II”
It’s going to be wild…..
BOOMER DAMN SOONERS 99 – 98 (Fourteen Overtimes)
Drake at Iowa State
Isn’t Drake some sort of rapper, singer, bellower whatever?
He is going to get his ass kicked in Ames….
CYCLONES 63-3
Stanford at California
This is your PAC 12 “makeup” game for the forest fires in California…..
Not that any of us are actually interested
CARDINAL 28-24
Fresno State and Boise State
The Mountain West Conference Championship game between two foes that met earlier for the coveted “Milk Can”
“Doc” the Black Lab won’t like me going against the Dogs in this one…..
BRONCO’S 33-28
James Madison at Colgate
Why can’t we have a game between Crest and Colgate?
Four out of five dentists agree with me…….
DUKES 38-17
Montana State at North Dakota State
Two no-so- neighborly foes meet in the Fargo Dome for the first round of the playoffs….
It’s going to be close
MIGHTY BISON 31-28
Lenore Rhyne at Valdosta State
Two of the most prolific offenses in all of college football meet in the first round of the playoffs. Hold on to your seats…….
BLAZZZZZZZZZZZZ 51-34
Ferris State at Ouachita Baptist
Another first round playoff game……
Before you ask…
“No” I don’t know why a Ferris Wheel Company has it’s own college
GOTCHA BAPTIST 33-31
Louisiana Lafayette and Appalachian State
The Sun Belt Conference Championship Game
The weather is going to be nasty for the game being played outside…..
As God intended for it to be…Amen
MOUNTAINEERS 34-24
East Carolina at North Carolina State
Yawn…….
It’s a “makeup” game…..
Nothing to see here
WOLFPACK 44-14
Akron at South Carolina
(Please see the description above….)
GAMECOCKS 41-24
Marshall at Virginia Tech
You guessed it……
“Makeup” game, as in the Turkey’s wish they could make up a winning season this year
TURKEY GRAVY 33-28
Alabama Birmingham and Middle Tennessee State
Under no circumstances am I picking against anything “Alabama” this weekend
Sorry, not sorry
BLAZZZZZZZZZZERS 33-31
Clemson and Pittsburgh
O’ Boy, “The” Championship game of the Atlantic Coast Conference
Five loss Pittsburgh is in for a slaughter…..
DABO’S TIGERS 51-14
Northwestern and Ohio State
This Big Ten (Or whatever the hell the number is this week…) Conference Championship game will be almost as entertaining as the game described above.
BLACK EYES 127-61
Memphis and Central Florida
The Championship game of the American Athletic Conference……
(Queue the trumpets!)
ELVIS’S TIGERS 33-28
Alabama and Georgia
The Southeastern Conference Championship and the only game worth watching today
It’s going to be one hell of a game
CRIMSON TIDE 34-31
Next Week…….
Provided of course I am not in line in the Wal-Mart Automotive Department awaiting my liver transplant, I will have your Bowl predictions, end of the season awards, the Army – Navy game and perhaps another surprise visit by Country Music Icon, Sylacauga Ledbetter.
So Stay Tuned…….
One More Thing…….
There is a story on Mikerights.com that is certainly to get a laugh out of you if you haven’t seen it already, with another new story on the way this weekend.
Thank you all for riding along with me through another college football season.
I appreciate you reading both websites and certainly all your encouragement.
On behalf of “Doc” the Black lab and myself we thank you all.
Be good to yourselves and those around you and enjoy your games…
RTR
THE CFB WIZARD