2018 Thanksgiving College Football Picks

November 21, 2018
By

Ladies and Gentlemen –

You are in luck this Thanksgiving……

We have quite the menu in store for you this year, overflowing with an abundance of hate and discontent, sprinkled ever so lightly with angst and just a touch of bitterness.

If you think that sounds delicious (and it does…)

Then just wait till you see what we have for desert

Enjoy Your Thanksgiving Picks

Wild turkey gobbler strutting and displaying. Photo taken on private land along blue Creek North of Oshkosh in Garden County. Grier, Apr. 1995. Copyright NEBRASKAland Magazine, Nebraska Game and Parks Commission.

Weekend Rewind…..

I know I laid a few Pre-Thanksgiving Turkey eggs last week with some of my picks, hey it happens. But I did pick the Nebraska upset over Michigan State (Thank you very much…) and Vanderbilt over the Ole Miss Col. Sanders / Foam Rubber Black Bear / Land / Sand Shark Rebels too. And If those “Upsets’ weren’t enough for you….

Just wait until Your Aunt Edna brings over the deviled eggs this Thanksgiving made with real “Devil” and then get back with me.

Last week Your Favorite College Football Prognosticator was a rather impressive 51 and 8 or 86%. That leaves The CFB Wizard at 652 and 145 and holding steady at 82%.

We have some very nasty rivalries to get to this week so let’s get to it….

WORLD PREMIER VIDEO!

We are Thankful this Thanksgiving to have yet another World Premier video from the rising Country Music Super Star Sylacauga Ledbetter just in time for this special day.

The tears in my eyes prevent me from writing too much so I will just say….

Prepare to be amazed ….and Happy Thanksgiving

THE CFB WIZARD EMAIL OF THE WEEK

Q: Dear Sir –

This is the first time I have written you and I would like to ask why you haven’t picked any games this season with Oral Roberts University here in Oklahoma.

It’s a great school!

Thank you

Larry – Ardmore, Oklahoma

A: Thank you for the kind email Larry……

To be honest with you I thought Oral Roberts University was a Dental College……

But that leads me to a funny story

When I was in college, I always tried to take easy classes during the fall because I was always tired and beat up from football practice and quite frankly despite not being a very good student, I struggled all the more during the fall to make decent grades.

One Fall Semester I had a great Theology Class with Mr. (Dr.) Morrison and although he was a very quiet and soft spoken, reserved man; he was an incredible teacher.

I will tell you something else, I could make Mr. Morrison drop his calm demeanor and laugh and howl at the drop of a hat. (It’s a gift.)

So on one particular day in class where I am quite sure I was suffering from the effects of a concussion from the previous day’s football practice, I decided I needed to interrupt the class in an effort to get out of the class early and go back to my room and rest before I got beaten up again that afternoon.

After Mr. Morrison started his instruction he said……

“Let’s take a moment to discuss, the evangelistic movement in the United States…..”

Mr. Morrison then said something or another about Oral Roberts and then I had my idea.

My hand shot up in the air……

Mr. Morrison noticing my wild hand waving, asked me what my question was

I asked “What about Oral Robert’s twin Brother?”

Mr. Morrison looked puzzled and briefly flipped through his notes and then looked at me and said or more less poised it as a question….

“I didn’t know Oral Roberts had a twin Brother”

Now was my chance……

“Yes Sir, his name is Anal and he’s a faith healing proctologist in Des Moines Iowa”.

It took about a second before the howling and laughter to explode from everyone, including Mr. Morrison who I am quite sure urinated on himself from laughing.

Just as planned the class was dismissed some fifteen or twenty minutes later after the laughter died down and that my friends, is how it is done.

By the way I still got a “B” in the class, so there…..

COLLEGE FOOTBALL NEWS

LSU: The Tigers “still” haven’t honored the Late Great Big Jim Taylor with a numbered sticker on their football helmets this season and in case you were wondering….

I am “still” not happy about it

KANSAS: The Jayhawks hired former LSU Coach and known grass grazer Les Miles as their new football coach this week and it didn’t take him long to say something crazy.

I don’t have a snippet of that yet from The CFB Wizard staff, but it was familiar to this..

I think the dye in his hair is affecting his cognitive skills in reality.

KANSAS PART II: This week Texas is playing at Kansas since the Longhorns totally chickened out a few years ago in playing the Aggies of Texas A&M (Yeah I said it…)

However Texas is not allowed to bring the beloved mascot BEVO on the trip to Kansas as they have a “strict” no live mascot policy.

I am serious……

I thought that perhaps the problem was that Kansas couldn’t find a “Live” Jayhawk.

So in an effort to rectify the problem I went looking for a live mascot for Kansas, because after all isn’t that part of the tradition and pageantry of college football?

Once again Your Favorite College Football Prognosticator came through in the clutch..

I present the “new” Live Mascot for Kansas

I present to you “Jay Hawk”

Seriously that’s his name and he lives in Kansas

Your Are Welcome

OHIO STATE: Every College Football Fan in America was glued to the screen last Saturday Night to watch the slugfest between Maryland and Ohio State but not so much for the game itself but to watch the sidelines and Buckeye Coach Urban Liar, I mean Meyer.

I will keep this as nice as humanly possible…….

IF you think Urban scratching his crotch all night was bad, then you don’t want to hear the new concession “jingle” promotion this week for the Michigan game in Columbus.

“I wish I was scratching Urban Liar’s Weiner…..”

I think the song / jingle is sung by his wife Shelly

ARKANSAS: This past week Razorback Coach Chad Morris suspended several of his players this week for talking and poising for pictures last week with the opposing teams cheerleaders before the game.

Let me give you some advice “Coach”…….

You couldn’t beat North Texas this year and you only have two wins all season……

So you think a few players talking with some girls “sends a message” to your team?

It does send a message and it says….

You are a complete Dumbass as a Coach

THE GAMES

Tuesday 20 November

Ball State at Miami (OH)
Yep you guessed it….This one is a Filler Game
(SCORE)

Northern Illinois at Western Michigan
I will actually call this game…Uncanny isn’t it?
(SCORE)

Thursday 21 November

Colorado State at Air Force
This game in Rocky Mountain High Country, no disrespect to either John Denver or the Marijuana Laws in that state, is played for the Ram Falcon Trophy.
It’s a nice way to start hate week between two disagreeable neighbors
RAM TOUGH 24-21

Mississippi State at Ole Miss
There are rivalries in college football that are more fierce but none (none) are more hateful and more intense than this one.
It’s always uglier than midnight shopping at Wal-Mart.
JOE DOGS 34-31

Friday 22 November

Texas at Kansas
Yawn, go eat your leftovers…..
LONGHORNS 44-21

Nebraska at Iowa
This game between two new foes in the Big (Whatever the Hell it is..) Conference is called the “Hero’s Game”. Why they are playing for a sandwich, I have no idea.
HAWKEYES 28-24

Houston at Memphis
You should really be napping after the leftovers by now
COUGARS 33-31

Akron at Ohio
I am sure this is yet another “Big” rivalry game in Ohio for something or another….
Yet somehow, we are still napping from the leftovers from Thanksgiving
FRANK’S CATS 41-34

Arkansas at Missouri
Hey Hog Coach Chad, keep those players from talking to the girls……
MO’S TIGERS 51-21

East Carolina at Cincinnati
“IF” You actually ate your Cousin Fern’s “Surprise” Dirty Rice Casserole thin you will have opportunity to watch this game for the toilet.
But in all honesty, you should have known she was going to get revenge…
Since you stiffed her at her fifth wedding last year
BEAR of the CAT 34-17

Virginia at Virginia Tech
The Battle for the Commonwealth Cup
I typically go with the Turkeys (You know, thanksgiving and all..)
Not so much this year
GUYS ON HORSES 28-21

Oregon at Oregon State
They call this bitter rivalry “The Civil War”
The is game is far from civil believe that
QUACKERS 33-31

Central Florida at South Florida
This rivalry game is known as the “War on I-4”………
Damn it, come on Coach Strong….
NO BULL 38-34

Oklahoma at West Virginia
As the Thanksgiving Angel of Appalachia “Mavis” likes to say…..
There ain’t going to be a nobody a burning no couches this weekend
BOOMER DAMN SOONERS 41-34

Washington at Washington State
In the Great State of Washington this rivalry game is known as “The Apple Cup”
I hate to disappoint “Doc” the Black Lab, but I think the Big Dogs are left with the core
MIKE’S CATS 34-28

Saturday 24 November

Michigan at Ohio State
In the land of frozen tundra and baby seal killing there are few more rivalries more bitter and hateful than this one. I say…..Let the chaos begin.
BLACK EYES 34-31

Georgia Tech at Georgia
This bitter rivalry has a very simple name…..
“Clean good old fashioned hate”
It’s going to be damned close
SMART DAWGS 34-31

Syracuse at Boston College
We don’t care……But Happy Thanksgiving anyway
ORANGE PEOPLE 33-31

Delaware at James Madison
I have to admit it here….
I love Jimmy’s wife and her little sugary donuts
DOLLY MADISON 41-34

Florida at Florida State
There are few rivalries more bitter than this Sunshine Showdown…..
I say let them Chomp…..
GATORS 34-17

Baylor at Texas Tech
The winner of this game has a real shot at the Demotte Diced Tomato Bowl….
“Yes” I am serious…..
RED RAIDERS 44-24

Purdue at Indiana
This game and rivalry is played for the “Old Oaken Bucket”
Don’t ask me how I remember all this stuff but can’t remember what I had for breakfast
TYLER’S BOILERMAKERS 41-28

Navy at Tulane
Damn it Navy, can we just NOT get along?
MIDSHIPMEN 31-28

North Carolina State at North Carolina
This Battle on Tobacco Road is played for the “Something or Another” thingy
It’s about that exciting, it’s all I could do, I am sorry
WOLF PACK 28-21

Incarnate Word at Montana State
Montana has two seasons……
Winter and the fourth of July
Welcome to Big Sky Country Jackasses
BIG CATS 34-14

Wake Forest at Duke
Do we really care? Not so much……..
BLUE DEVILS 31-24

Georgia Southern at Georgia State
This is an ugly rivalry between two bruised peaches…..
What song is it you want to hear?
FREE BIRDS 33-21

Troy at Appalachian State
This is “The” game for the Sun Belt Conference….
I am not confident here, but it’s what I got
MEN OF TROY 33-31

Southern Miss at Texas El Paso
The damn Miners of El Paso couldn’t pick their own collective noses….
GOLDEN EAGLES 41-14

Alabama Birmingham at Middle Tennessee State
I am ALL Bama this weekend…..
It’s a rule
Deal with it
BLAZZZZZZZZZZZZ 41-24

Stanford at UCLA
Do you think anybody (anybody) in Alabama, Carolina or Texas cares about this game?
Nope
And neither do I
CARDINAL 6-3

Auburn at Alabama
It is “The Iron Bowl”
I have nothing more to say…..
CRIMSON TIDE 34-17

Maryland at Penn State
I don’t care the damn Iron Bowl is on…..
NITTANY LIONS 38-34

Illinois at Northwestern
This rivalry is played for “The Land of Lincoln Trophy”
My favorite part of the movie is when he gets shot, is that wrong?
WILDCATS 33-10

Arizona State at Arizona
This game is for the “Territorial Cup” which oddly enough resembles a sand box.
Coincidence, I think not…..
HERMAN’S HERMITS 34-31

Minnesota at Wisconsin
O’ Boy here we go…..
This rivalry between two neighbors, who speak funny, is played for…..
“Paul Bunyan’s Ax”
I like a rivalry with a deadly weapon……
CHEESE MEN 31-17

Pittsburgh at Miami
I got this straight for the Weather Channel……
It’s no longer Hurricane season
PANTHERS 34-28

Southern at Grambling
I love this game……
The Bayou Classic in the Super Dome in New Orleans
There is nothing (Nothing) like the “’Battle of the Bands” at the half
I wish I was there
ROB’S TIGERS 28-24

Southern Methodist at Tulsa
You have to know by now what my pick is going to be…..
MIGHTY MUSTANGS 34-31

Rutgers at Michigan State
This past week, “Doc” the Black Lab played against Rutgers on PS2 and he won 77-0….
And he lacks the opposable thumbs (Enough said)
WE ARE SPARTA 51-10

Tennessee at Vanderbilt
This “rivalry” game is known as “The Hillbilly Hoe Down”
(To my knowledge no hoes will be injured during this game, but you never know)
COMMODORES 31-28

South Carolina at Clemson
This rivalry in the Palmetto State is bitter as hell………
It’s going to be one hell of a fight
DABO’S TIGERS 34-17

Kansas State at Iowa State
The name of this rivalry between two predominate Agriculture Universities is my favorite
“FARMAGEDDON”
CYCLONES 38-17

Kentucky at Louisville
“The Battle for the Bluegrass”
These nasty feelings between these two fan bases last all year….even on Valentines Day
BLUE CATS 31-17

Colorado at California
Nobody Cares……..
DA BEARS 6-3

LSU at Texas A&M
Ok I’ll give your stomach one last upset this Thanksgiving…..
And this one won’t have anything to do with the Macaroni Salad your Aunt with dementia brought that have been setting in the trunk of her Chrysler for two weeks.
GIG EM AGGIES 31-28

Notre Dame at Southern California
O Yippee the game for the “Jeweled Shillelagh”
As opposed to the slightly infected Shillelagh or the Sock Monkey Shillelagh
Never mind….
GOLDEN GNOMES 41-24

Oklahoma State at Texas Christian
Nope not even close……
COWBOY UP 44-24

Brigham Young at Utah
This game in the Land of Donny and Marie is called “The Battle of the Brothers”
I will keep this simple
TWO UTES 34-17

Utah State at Boise State
Sorry to keep my fans from Idaho waiting for this pick…..
It’s a tactic to get you to read the whole damn article
You are Welcome
BRONCOS 33-31

Next Week…..

Providing of course I don’t need a liver transplant (again) from the Iron Bowl tyour picks will be out next Thursday to include the Championship picks.

So Stay Tuned….

One More Thing…….

The “new” story on Mikerights.com from last week, entitled “First Date..”

Should make you feel better about yourself and give you a reason to be thankful.

“Doc” the Black Lab and I are thankful for you readers and thankful that despite the best efforts of the Hillbilly Taliban we are still here with you.

Be thankful this year for what you have and love yourselves and those around you.

God Bless you all

RTR
THE CFB WIZARD

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