Ladies and Gentlemen –
I hope you all survived your Thanksgiving and rivalry weekend.
For you brave souls that felt under some obligation to “taste test” your crazy Aunt Alice’s “Spam and Sweet Potato Surprise Casserole” and are reading this week’s picks while still setting on the toilet, look on the bright side.
Didn’t you say that you wanted to lose weight before the Holidays?
Be careful what you wish for…….
Your Conference Championship Picks are waiting
Enjoy…..
Weekend Rewind….
I am writing this week’s picks as I waiting in line in the automotive section of my local Wal-Mart for my liver transplant and although I purchased two livers on “Black Friday” shopping (It was two for one….) in preparation of what I feared what would happen in the Iron Bowl, I want to answer the question that many of you are now asking yourselves.
“Why buy TWO livers?”
The answer is simple my dear readers……
Unlike the Kardashian Family, my body will actually reject an organ.
So it’s better to be safe than sorry, if you know what I mean.
The numbers from last week are all the reason I need for my subsequent liver purchase as I wait in line for the lady in front of me to have her tires rotated and her hip replaced.
Your Favorite College Football Prognosticator had the worst week of “Picks” in all the years he has written weekly college football.
Last week The CFB Wizard was 27 and 19 or 59%……..
That leaves The CFB Wizard at 537 and 129 or 81% for the 2017 season.
The fact that I have picked “666” games thus far may have something to do with my dismal performance, I’m just saying.
My good friend from Birmingham, Alabama Jermaine “Funnymaine” Johnson describes perfectly what all of us (Myself included) felt last Saturday in the Iron Bowl.
I feel you brother
Enjoy…..
COLLEGE FOOTBALL NEWS
THE IRON BOWL: Congratulations Tigers, you deserved the win….
Good Luck this week in the Conference Championship game
See you next year in T-Town.
TENNESSEE: And you thought it was bad in Tennessee earlier this year with all those forest fires….
This is the result of a delusional and wild eyed fan base reacting to the Schiano Coaching hiring (Not Hiring) fiasco…
It’s sad really…..
MICHIGAN: Have no fear Wolverine fans……
Jim (Butch) Harbaugh (Jones) will right the ship next year…….
Just trust him…..
ILLINOIS: Excitement abounds on the Fighting (Whatever) Campus this year…..
For their last home game of the year……
The student section at the Illinois game was definitely excitedly cheering for their team…
All 10 of them…
THE BEST INVENTION OF THE YEAR
I was fortunate enough to see this local commercial last week…..
Who Knew?
AUBURN: Soooooooooooooooooooo….
Let me get this right…
The Agricultural school gets pissed off about a couple of Oak Trees at Tooter’s Corner
But this obvious destruction of their own shrubbery by their own fans which WAS used as a beautiful backdrop for their football field…
Is okay????
Got it…
Yep…
It alllll makes sense now!!!
THE BOTTOM FOUR
Far too much has been made of “Who’s in and Who’s out” for the Top Four teams in college football, and let’s face it, that committee won’t even meet until next week.
So let’s take a look at the bottom four teams and what that means for the worst team in college football playoffs that will end in the Prairie Belt Sausage Bowl in Des Moines Iowa on December 31st.
Although much controversy is being made about two teams from the same conference in the bottom four it’s also important to note that the deserving teams are chosen regardless of their conference affiliations.
BAYLOR: The Bears of Baylor have introduced a new slogan to prepare the team, fans and alumni for the coming playoffs: “We are Wacko in Waco!”
EDITORS NOTE: In all fairness it’s better than their slogan from two years ago…..
“What does Rape even mean, really?”
KANSAS: It would appear that the Jayhawks dismal season has gotten the attention of a corporate sponsor which should help elevate their standing in the playoffs this year.
The famous vacuum cleaner company Hoover has endorsed the Jayhawks with this national commercial spot that espouses:
“The only thing that sucks like the Jayhawks football program is a Hoover vacuum”
OREGON STATE: Their season has been so bad that many of us will never look at beavers quite the same way again (ever). Speaking for myself…..
That’s saying something…
IVY LEAGUE: Although leading the nation in delusional campus protests and nonsensical declarations of communist manifestos, this entire group of self-indulgent spineless chicken fecal matter, have their own brand of football.
For example:
In the even a defensive player intercepts the ball or picks up a fumble, the referee will immediately stop the play and a “sharing” of the football exercise will commence.
This is done to demonstrate unity and diversity while promoting inclusiveness.
A defensive player may not (under any circumstances) sack or tackle the quarterback, this event is replaced with a brief discussion in the backfield of the demerits of pipelines in America and quickly recount the horrors of nuclear power. This exercise is completed with a hug by both participants.
EDITORS NOTE: And their marching bands suck too….Enough said.
BREAKING COLLEGE FOOTBALL NEWS!!!!!!!!!!!!!
THE GAMES
Friday 1 December
Stanford and Southern California
The PAC 12 Championship Game
I picked the Trojans at the beginning of the season to vie for the Championship
I am sticking to my original Pick
TROJANS 28-24
Saturday 2 December
Memphis and Central Florida
The All-American Conference Championship Game……
It’s going to be a good one….
O SO very GOLDEN KNIGHTS 44-41
Akron and Toledo
This is your Mid-American Conference Championship game…..
The mechanic that is supposed to perform my liver transplant is named Ricky….
That’s a sign….
RICKY ROCKET 38-17
Louisiana Monroe at Florida State
This particular game is titled……
“The Seminoles have to win to go to the Martha White self rising flour Bowl”
SEMI-COLONS 33-10
Texas Christian and Oklahoma
The Big 12 (Light) Conference Championship Game
Sorry folks, no “Upsets” here……
BOOMER DAMN SOONERS 34-17
Georgia Southern at Coastal Carolina
This game features the Eagles of Southern and the Chanticleers of Carolina.
I hate to pick Coastal Carolina because their mascot sounds like herpes sore.
But I must do what is necessary here….
THE HERPE’S 38-10
Georgia and Auburn
The Southeastern Conference Championship Game
Although the Tigers have beaten two Number One teams in three weeks……
I don’t see lightening striking twice in three weeks on the Big Dogs.
SMART DAWGS 28-24
Fresno State and Boise State
This Mountain West Conference Championship game is a “re-do” from last week’s…
“Milk Can” rivalry game……..
This week the Buttermilk goes to …..
BRONCO’S 33-31
Miami and Clemson
The Atlantic Coast Conference Championship Game
I know everybody (everybody) is picking Miami….
Not this guy….
DABO’S TIGERS 34-17
Ohio State and Wisconsin
The Big Ten (Twenty six?) Conference Championship Game
As a promise to the Alumni of Badger Land and in an effort to keep their “mojo”
I am picking against the Badgers against my better judgment
BUCKEYES 33-17
First round of The Playoffs…….
San Diego at North Dakota State
The Fargo Dome will be Rocking and Rolling……
You know who I am picking
MIGHTY BISON 33-24
Northern Iowa at South Dakota State
My Black Lab “Doc” reminded me that he is unable to catch a rabbit…..
That’s good enough for me
JACKRABBITS 28-24
Kennesaw State at Jacksonville State
This Southern Slugfest won’t end until the final whistle blows…..
GAMECOCKS 34-31
St Thomas (MN) at Mary Hardin Baylor
I cannot support a woman that hyphenates her name……
Sorry (Not sorry)
TOMMIE GUNS 38-17
Next Week….
Next week we have a few more Conference Championship games to discuss along with the Army-Navy Game and as you might have come to expect we will have the prestigious 2017 CFB Wizard College Football Awards.
(They are VERY prestigious)
You may even have “New” story on Mikerights.com next week as well…
So Stay Tuned…
One More Thing….
You have another “New” story on Mikerights.com, this week that I hope will give everyone some perspective on losing, I think it’s timely and I hope you enjoy it.
It’s that time of the year and that means it’s time once again for Doc and I to get prepared to be the Bicycle Elf’s for the Big Oak Ranch in Springdale Alabama.
You know, I can almost feel my ears starting to get a little pointed already.
Thank you all once again for reading both websites and for purchasing my book.
On behalf of both My Black Lab “Doc” and myself;
We greatly appreciate it.
Be good to yourself and to those around you this week and always….
Enjoy Your Weekend
RTR
THE CFB WIZARD