Marine Corps Birthday College Football Picks Week 11

Ladies and Gentlemen –

At ease, it’s time for the Marine Corps Birthday and Veteran’s Day College Football Picks.

You in the light blue sweater vest, I said at ease…..

What did you say?

I don’t care that you were in the coast guard, they aren’t in the military anyway they are in the Department of Transportation.

You have you own “Week” it’s called National Transportation Safety Week, so shut your cakehole and listen as the grownups talk.

Now that order has been restored, it’s time to celebrate the 242nd Birthday of the United States Marine Corps and Veterans Day.

To my dear Marine Brothers and Sisters both past and current, I wish you all a Happy Birthday.

To My Brothers and Sisters in Arms; thank you for your sacrifices this Veteran’s Day.

That is all, you are dismissed.

Enjoy Your Picks

Weekend Rewind….

Apparently I was still suffering from the residual effects of bad candy corn as Your Favorite College Football Prognosticator went a rather uncharacteristically 36 and 14 or 72% last week.

That leaves The CFB Wizard standing at 425 and 86 or 83% for the 2017 college football season.

Despite this rather low percentage I want to assure you dear readers that I am not distracted with ongoing discussions and gossip concerning my future.

I want to reassure you that I have not been contacted nor will I accept the coaching positions “if” offered at any of the following….

North Carolina: I have often said “IF” I am given two weeks to live I want to return to Camp Lejuene North Carolina because it will seem like five damn years. So NO…

Kansas: Are you kidding me?

Baylor: O’ Hell NO…..

Ole Miss: I can’t keep up with who the mascot is this week, so absolutely not.

Maine: They are far to close to the Arctic Circle and I don’t have any experience with chewing whale blubber, so no.

Any college that has “Orange” associated with their primary school colors, they are delusional and impossible to please unless you win every game by forty or more points.

I hope this has relived your fears my dear readers.

My good friend from Birmingham, Alabama Jermaine “Funnymaine” Johnson is “Back” this week with his own take from last week’s games that I am sure you will enjoy.

He makes me laugh….

Enjoy…..

COLLEGE FOOTBALL NEWS

OHIO STATE: Prior to the game with the Iowa Hawkeyes last week, Coach Urban Meyer was asked by a sideline reporter “How do you get the team prepared for this week after such an emotional comeback win the following week over Penn State?”

His rather stoic and serious response of……

“This is a team made up of elite warriors and they know what is expected of them”

EDITORS NOTE: O’ Hell NO he didn’t just say that did he?

Upon further review as they say, Buckeye Coach Urban Meyer did make that statement.

Ohio State even has a football website that promotes their “Elite Warriors”

So let me say this for Veteran’s Day Weekend, because apparently Coach Meyer is a dumbass.

Follow along with me Coach Meyer, I will go slow…..

THIS is a Picture of Elite Warriors

THIS is a picture of some dumbass college kids that happen to play college football.

Let’s recap…….

THIS is a Picture of Elite Warriors….

THIS is a picture of a dumbass with some student athletes that haven’t sacrificed a damn thing for anybody other than themselves.

Coach Meyer if in the event your dumbass gets confused in the following days and weeks on what a “Real” Elite Warrior actually is, please feel free to review the above tutorial as many times as necessary.

IOWA: Before last week’s game between Iowa and Ohio State the commentators of the upcoming game paid a visit to the Children’s Hospital across the street from the Iowa Stadium.

They commentators for the game were Steve Levy, Brian Griese and Todd McShay.

Below is a picture of them visiting with eight year old Sam Burke who had brain surgery to remove a tumor just a few days before their visit to the hospital.

While visiting with young Sam, they asked him who he thought would win the game.

Sam struggled to talk, but said “His” Iowa Hawkeyes would win the game on a fake field goal.

Sam’s father was in the hospital room and a giggle escaped him after what his son had said and Mr. Burke reminded young Sam that their Coach was too conservative for something like that.

With a smile that radiated confidence, Sam said two words; “Believe it”

Despite the final score of the game, the one play that broke the game open for the Hawkeyes and allowed them to take and extend their lead was when the Hawkeyes faked a field goal and scored a touchdown.

There is more I would like to say on this, but I will simply say this.

Courage, determination and grit come in many different forms and sizes.

Sam you have it all, get well soon and Go Hawkeyes.

BOTTOM FOUR: There is far too much discussion, agitation and arguing on “Who” should be in the “Top Four” for the college football playoffs.

Those things have a way of working themselves out on their own, don’t they Ohio State?

I think the more intriguing discussion is “Who” are in the Bottom Four?

As the founder of the College Football Not A Chance to Make a Bowl Game Committee here are my Bottom Four Teams.

KANSAS: Last week, the Jayhawks scrimmaged an aquarium in the biology lab and lost by 28 points.

BAYLOR: The Bears were a lot better when they had rapists and drug dealers on the team.

OREGON STATE: I don’t know what to say other than I really like your mascot.

GEORGIA SOUTHERN: I am far too disappointed to make any comments here….

WORST COMMERCIAL ON COLLEGE FOOTBALL GAMEDAY

There appears to be no shortage of stupid and ridiculous commercials with annoying jiggles and themes.

But this commercial spot for “Rooms to Go” takes stupid to a whole new level.

Before you cringe through the thirty second advertisement, I feel under some obligation to address what must be a problem in this wonderful country of ours.

Namely the children are running the household or in more modern terminology “the inmates are running the prisons.”

I want to help those parents that adhere to the philosophy of this commercial and assist them in brief but concise “Marine Language” following this short commercial break.

“Kid until YOU buy that crap, then it’s not YOUR stuff, got it?”

“And one more thing, I am NOT buying more stuff for you to put the crap I bought you in, clean this room in fifteen minutes or I will beat your ass”

You are Welcome America

TENNESSEE: Apparently one of the traits of Tennessee fans is that when they are displeased with a coach “they” will go to any length to discredit and slander the individual.

EDITORS NOTE: Don’t I know it….

Take for example…..

Trying to insinuate Coach Butch Jones deliberately played someone in the Kentucky game with a concussion. Not true, the medical staff has complete control over those decisions.

“They” have attempted to blame Coach Butch Jones for the recent arrests of two football players for marijuana possession. So, Coach Jones bought them a hookah pipe?

And most recently (Wait for it)……

The President of the Volunteers for Life Club (VFL), who ironically was a contestant on “The Biggest Loser”, stated that Coach Butch Jones “intimidated him”

It’s important to note that Mr. President here was a former Tennessee offensive lineman who is nearly six foot six and weights just under three hundred pounds.

My conclusion is simply this:

Either Mr. President is a liar which is more than likely the case or he is the biggest wussy in Tennessee.

BOISE STATE: In Honor of Veterans Day…….

I bring you a sign from some beloved Boise State Bronco fans at their game with Nevada….

Nicely Done, Nicely Done…..

EMAIL QUESTIONS and ANSWERS

Q: Dear Sir

I was horrified to read last week about one of the Big Ten rivalry game trophies that involved Horseradish.

As an animal lover yourself, you must the wanton cruelty in this so called “Trophy”

Do you have any idea how many Horses have to die to make one simple jar of Horseradish?

Do YOU??????

I am so horrified that I have cried all day and I simply cannot function thinking of all those horses dying!!

THIS MUST STOP NOW!

Debbie Gleason – Rodriguez – San Mateo, California

A: I am personally offended that you don’t care anything about what happens to the radishes.

Q: Hey CFB Wizard!!

I have a question for you!

What (in your opinion) is the weirdest mascot in all of college sports and what’s the craziest fight song?

Thanks!!

Judy – Paducah, Kentucky

A: Thank you for the email Judy.

In the writing game this is what we like to call a “Two-Fer”, no research needed and the question can be answered easily.

Without a doubt the weirdest mascot and most disturbing fight song both belong to Evergreen State University.

Below is a picture of their mascot, which looks like a turd in a sock and copy of the lyrics to their horribly disturbing fight song..

Q: Hey Mister Wizard Man!

Looky here, I done got myself an idea to make coaches come a running to Tennessee to coach our Volunteer football team!

I done went and invented about the best damn dinner since Betty married old man Crocker!

The can even comes in Tennessee Orange!!!

I am a thinking of sending this all the coaches around the country and watch them come a running!!

What do you thinking!!
Cooper Williams – Strawberry Plains, Tennessee

A: I think I just threw up in my trash can…..

THE GAMES

Wednesday 8 November

Toledo at Ohio
Don’t ask me why……
Just call it “Prognosticators Intuition”
FRANK’S CATS 38-10

Eastern Michigan at Western Michigan
After all these years making picks I’m still not entirely sure what a “Chippewa’s” actually is….
But it sounds like an infected mole, which is gross
CHIPPY WAS 42-30

Thursday 9 November

Georgia Southern at Appalachian State
Being an Appalachian American myself……
I feel like we should stick together
MOUNTAINEERS 38-17

North Carolina at Pittsburgh
I really don’t care tomorrow is the Marine Corps Birthday….
PANTHERS 31-28

Friday 10 November

Temple at Cincinnati
In case you were wondering…..
“Yes” I am making this pick while at the position of attention
AL’S 28-24

Washington at Stanford
The Marine Corps mascot is a Bulldog……
So, I am going ALL Dogs in this one…..
HUSKIES 34-24

Brigham Young at UNLV
I will be far too liquored up by this time of the evening to care…..
But if I must choose
COUGARS 33-17

Saturday 11 November

Michigan State at Ohio State
Remember when this was going to be one of the “Big” games of the year?
Me neither….
BUCKEYES 7-6

Rutgers at Penn State
I wonder how Happy, Happy Valley is these days?
Probably not so much
NITTANY LIONS 7-6

Oklahoma State at Iowa State
If you are looking for “Defense” then this isn’t your game…..
Sorry…
COWBOY UP! 51-49

UNC Pembroke at Carson Newman
Aren’t the Pembroke people the ones that make that summer sausage they sell in the Mall’s?
You never know what’s in those things….
SPARK’S EAGLES 33-28

Henderson State at Ouachita Baptist
I know that Henderson kid is a big ole boy……
But we Baptists have to stick together
GOTCHA BAPTIST 28-27

Connecticut at Central Florida
This game will be uglier than the aftermath of a Harvey Weinstein party…..
But without all the date rape drugs
GOLDEN KNIGHTS 49-10

Arkansas at LSU
The Battle for the Golden Boot, is always (always) a good one…..
Hold on to your seats
FIGHTN’ TIGERS 24-21

North Carolina State at Boston College
Two Cinderella teams fighting over a pumpkin carriage…..
Yippee…..
WOLFPACK 33-21

Duke at Army
It’s Veterans Day so I am under some obligation to pick…..
THE BLACK KNIGHTS OF THE HUDSON 33-31

Texas Tech at Baylor
I am not saying the Baylor Bears are a horrible football team….
No wait, yes I am, sorry for the brief confusion.
GET THOSE GUNS UP!
RED RAIDERS 44-10

Citadel at Furman
My Black Lab “Doc” said to go with the Big Dogs….
BULLDOGS 31-28

Northern Colorado at Montana
In case you were wondering……
It should be a rather balmy twenty degrees at kickoff with a mild forty mile per hour wind…
Welcome to Big Sky Country
GRIZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ 34-21

Louisiana Lafayette at Ole Miss
Homecoming on the Grove……
Not that any of us actually care
FOAM RUBBER SAND SHARK REBELS 31-28

Florida at South Carolina
Later Gators……
GAMECOCKS 34-14

Indiana at Illinois
This old Big Ten (thirty two?)Conference rivalry is played for the coveted……
“Scrappy the Clown” Trophy…..
Which is creepy as hell if you ask me
HOOSIER DADDY 33-10

Nebraska at Minnesota
I have no logical rationale for making this particular pick…
Just so you know
CHILDREN OF THE CORN 28-24

Virginia Tech at Georgia Tech
Do the Hokey Poky all you want, but you aren’t turn this game around
YELLOW JACKETS 33-31

Wake Forest at Syracuse
Two teams vying for the right to be invited to the Dulcolax Bowl in Detroit Michigan……
I hear the stools are really soft there…
ORANGE 28-21

Georgia at Auburn
This brutal rivalry is known simply as…..
“The Deep South’s Oldest Rivalry”
It’s going to be a “Barn Burner”
(So to speak)
SMART DAWGS 28-27

Florida State at Clemson
I wish I had better news for my beloved Seminole readers….
But I don’t
DABO’S TIGERS 34-17

Iowa at Wisconsin
This Big Ten (twenty three) Conference rivalry game is played for the “Heartland Trophy”
Sam, this pick is for you…..
HAWKEYES 24-21

Virginia at Louisville
Coach Bobby still has a few tricks up his sleeve……
Fortunately none of them involve interns and motorcycles
BOBBY’S BIRDS 38-17

Florida Tech at Delta State
Prior to the declaration of war to begin World War II……
President Franklin D. Roosevelt said these famous words…..
“There is nothing to fear but fear itself”
However he did fail to mention….
FEAR THE OKRA 41-24

Michigan at Maryland
Remember when Maryland beat the crap out of Texas at the beginning of the season?
That’s been a long time ago….
WOLVERINES 34-17

West Virginia at Kansas State
Nothing says “Veterans Day” in West Virginia like the smell of burning couches on Saturday Night…..
Light Em if you got Em…..
MOUNTAINEERS 33-24

Southern Methodist at Navy
This old rivalry between two great programs is played for the Gansz Trophy…….
I hate to go against my Mustangs…..
But it’s Veterans Day
MIGHTY MIDSHIPMEN 34-17

Southern Miss at Rice
The Eagles will beat the pudding out of Rice….
Believe it
GOLDEN EAGLES 41-10

Southern California at Colorado
There are few things as exciting in college football as when Wynonna Judd runs on to the field at Colorado home games.
And before any of you start criticizing Wynonna, I want to say this….
Those are not “horns” on her head, merely unsightly calcium deposits.
UPSET WYNONNA! 31-28

Kentucky at Vanderbilt
This game should be called the “Dyslexia Bowl” because you never know which team is going to show up….
WILDCATS 28-24

South Dakota at North Dakota State
The Bison lost a heartbreaker last week……
They rebound in the Fargo Dome this week…
MIGHTY BISON 33-17

Mississippi College at North Alabama
The Lions are stumbling through the season….
But I believe they still have enough left to take care of Miss Mississippi
FLORENCE LIONS 34-17

Troy at Coastal Carolina
I love the Coast of Carolina, but Troy is from South Alabama….
Enough said….
MEN OF TROY 33-28

Washington State at Utah
Neither of these two teams are out of the running for the PAC 12 Championship….
No wait, yes they are….
Sorry
MIKE’S CATS 34-28

Kansas at Texas
IF Texas can’t beat the Jayhawks then they just need to quit….
Seriously….
LONGHORNS 41-10

Western Kentucky at Marshall
I know, I know…..
The Thundering Herd lost last week after I picked them to win
I know….
Let the stampeded begin
WE ARE MARSHALL 31-28

Alabama at Mississippi State
This game is always, always tough……
It’s going to come down to the fourth quarter, believe it
CRIMSON TIDE 28-24

St Thomas at St Olaf
Ole Saint Tommy should have thought this thing through before he scheduled the game….
I’m just saying
OLLIES 33-17

Arkansas Monticello at Southern Arkansas
I am convinced that Bo knows just about everything….
Including…
BO WEEVILS 31-17

New Mexico at Texas A&M
This game has all the potential to be uglier than a flamingo at a rooster fight
GIG EM AGGIES 156-3

Purdue at Northwestern
I am sure that this Big Ten (Something or another) Conference rivalry game has some silly trophy for the winner.
The fact of the matter is, I simply don’t care
BOILERMAKERS 6-5

Tennessee at Missouri
I still have faith even if you don’t…….
VERALS 31-28

Notre Dame at Miami
I wouldn’t necessarily call this one an “Upset”…..
HURRICANES 33-28

Texas Christian at Oklahoma
Need I remind you that Your Favorite College Football Prognosticator picked the Sooners over the Cowboys last week?
I don’t?
Good…..
BOOMER DAMN SOONERS 31-28

Oregon State at Arizona
If there was ever a reason to have a “mercy rule” in college football, then this game is it
RICH CATS 51-14

Wyoming at Air Force
It’s Veterans Day and I love my Air Force Brothers and Sisters….
Bombs Away
FALCONS 34-28

Boise State at Colorado State
I have no intention of disappointing my Bronco readers here…..
BRONCO’S 34-24

Susquehanna at Junita
The backyard brawl in the trailer park we have all been waiting for…..
Let’s breakdown this fight…
There is Susie Q, who will be wearing her “lucky” pink “Baby Girl” sweat pants for the fight and after she gained all that weight back, the back of those pink sweat pants look like five thousand dollars worth of hail damage.
Then there is Juanita, with her beehive hairdo that could get caught in any ceiling fan, wearing her famous purple lee press on nails for the fight.
It’s going to be a tussle for the ages….
J-LO 28-24

Next Week….

Don’t worry; Your Favorite College Football Prognosticator will have Your Week 12 College Football Picks out next Thursday.

You will also have yet another “New” story Mikerights.com next week as well

We are coming down to the wire…

So Stay Tuned…

One More Thing….

In case you missed it, you have a “new” story on Mikerights.com, this week.

You may be surprised to know that I am quite the culinary master and the new story is all about my prowess in the kitchen, I hope you enjoy it.

Thank you all again for reading both websites and for purchasing my book “Sunnyside Up”

On behalf of both Doc and Myself, “Thank you”, we greatly appreciate it.

And once more it’s important to note…..

Happy Birthday Marines and to Veterans everywhere, thank you for your sacrifice

Be good to yourself and to those around you this week and always…

Enjoy your weekend…

RTR

THE CFB WIZARD