College Football Picks Week 2

September 7, 2017
By

Ladies and Gentlemen –

I know last week was difficult for many of you….

But don’t start swimming laps around the anxiety pool just yet.

All is not lost my dear readers.

Your Favorite College Football Prognosticator is here to bring you hope and as always the very best college football “pick’s” in the country.

So take a deep breath, relax and…..

Enjoy your Pick’s…

Weekend Rewind…..

The first week of the 2017 College Football season The CFB Wizard…..

(Please hold your applause till the very end)

Was a rather amazing 75 and 7 or 91%, while picking several of the upsets the national pundits never saw coming.

(Seriously, don’t start applauding yet)

However you think that is an astounding statistic….

My Black Lab “Doc” was 12-1 on games involving canine mascots.

It’s worth mentioning that although Texas A&M is known as the Aggies, their mascot is a Collie and is called “Reveille” and as you may have read last week “Doc” picked them.

Later that night after the game “Doc” summed up what many Aggie faithful were feeling.

“Lassie can kiss my Butt”

EDITORS NOTE: Well said my faithful companion, well said….

(Now you may applaud enthusiastically)

COLLEGE FOOTBALL NEWS

FOX SPORTS: While enjoying a college football game on Fox Sports with dear friends.

We all shared a strange look as the announcer stated rather forcefully after a play…

“We NOW go to our Command Center at Fox!”

EDITORS NOTE:
Command Center? It was just a bunch of bobbling heads talking about, nothing important.

The way they made it sound they were getting ready to intercept incoming missiles from Kin Jung Dong from North Korea.

ESPN: I have mentioned this before, and I will do so again.

Please stop running other scores beneath the college football games.

It confuses us all.

No one is the least bit interested in volleyball scores or standings and the same goes for anything to do with soccer or tennis. “IF” we were “really” interested in those particular sports, then we would be watching them.

Lastly, I have no idea what this “FIFA” or whatever it’s called but to be honest I thought you were promoting some Japanese Beer.

That being said, I request you stop doing so before someone shoots the screen out of their television screen.

Thank you

P.S. Kill Howling Beth Mowins

TENNESSEE: I will get to the point….

What’s with the dumbass running up and down the sidelines holding a trash can in the air? Is that the best gimmick you could come up with to motivate your team?

Really?

However I do fine some irony in that it’s a “Trash Can” which is where your season will be heading if you don’t get your head out of your collective rectums.

BAYLOR: You gave up 585 yards to Liberty University…

As in Jerry Fallwell’s little ole Liberty University.

Not to add insult to injury….

But it looks like the Bears choked on to Death on their Cupcake

TEXAS: Many of you have asked and I will make a brief statement.

This is all I have to say about the Longhorns dismal and pitiful game against Maryland.

FLORIDA STATE: Before the game with Alabama last week the President of Florida State Dr. Delusional “tweeted” this statement:

“I predict the score to be Seminoles 24, Alabama 7”

Apparently dyslexia can attack anyone even the President of a major University.

It’s sad really…

HOWARD: Although not quite the “upset” of Liberty smoking Baylor, it is worth mentioning that Howard University took UNLV to the wood shed and spanked their bottom like a petulant child last week.

I wasn’t aware that Howard had a college, but I am however encouraged that used his lottery winnings for something positive.

TEXAS A&M: How do you spell “Defense” in Aggie Land?

“C O L L A P S E”

EDITORS NOTE: You did get the memo I sent out this week describing (in some detail) how a college football game is “Four Quarters” right?

MISSOURI: So you scored a million points against Southwest Missouri Taxidermy Academy, yet you have classes in your college on bullying and have created safe spaces for students “feeling” oppressed.

I am having a hard time keeping up with your ever changing logic.

SEC NATION: Speaking of Missouri….

This week “SEC Nation” pregame will be setup in Columbia Missouri for the South Carolina and Missouri football game.

It has been reported that in an effort to “appease” the unappeasable” the Network will briefly show snippets of the following protests on campus:

“Marching against White Supremacy”

“Students against Tim Tebow and Christianity”

“Save the Transgendered Whales”

“Free Marijuana”

“We hate the Police”

“March for the Cure of Foot Fungus”

EDITORS NOTE: It’s my understanding that there will also be a moment of silence for the cancellation of the television program “Will and Grace.”

COLLEGE FOOTBALL FANS: Much like you….

I have missed my dear friend from Birmingham Alabama during this long offseason.

I present Jermaine “Funnymaine” Johnson on his impression of last week’s games.

I Love this guy

Enjoy

And yet a “Bonus” Because I love you…

IOWA: I say this all the time….

So I will say it again.

In this world of hatred, anger, lies and deceit it doesn’t take much to bring “sunshine” into an otherwise darken day for those that are fighting an uphill battle in life.

Take for example…

Directly behind and overshadowing Kinnick Stadium, home the University of Iowa Hawkeyes, is a children’s hospital. Although most of the children aren’t allowed to leave the hospital for the football games, as their life threatening illnesses forbid it, they nonetheless line the windows to watch what they can of the game and the opening ceremonies.

At the end of the first quarter, the fans in the stadium will turn around in their seats or face the children’s hospital from the opposing side and “wave” at the children lining the windows.

Hope comes in many different forms…..

This is one of them.

EMAIL QUESTIONS and ANSWERS

Q: Dear Sir

My Wife and kids and attending our first “Big” Ohio State Game this week when they take on the Oklahoma Sooners in “The Big Horseshoe”!!!!

We are so excited we can hardly stand it!!

I know this is slightly off “topic” but we have heard that Oklahoma also has a phenomenal marching band, are you familiar with the type of music or theme they typically play for a big game such as the one on Saturday.

My Wife and I are music teachers and we enjoy the bands nearly as much as we enjoy the games! Thank you!!

Go Bucks!

The Marsh Family – Dayton, Ohio

A: Thank you for the email Marsh Family.

Rather than detail the play list for the Oklahoma Sooner Marching Band, known affectionately as “The Pride of Oklahoma March Band” I have included two easy to read graphics that should explain their song list for this week’s upcoming game.

Let’s break this down…

I hope this helps…

Q: Hey there Mister Wizard and Hello!

I write you all the time and you don’t respond, what’s up?

Listen I have a joke for you!

Ready?

“IF” you are setting in a restaurant in Cincinnati then you are an “American” right?

But once you go to the bathroom, then you are “European”!!

Get it!!

I crack myself UP!

Frank Winooski – Cincinnati, Ohio

A: Frank please listen carefully….

It’s time to get back on your medications.

Q: College Wizard,
Okay, I know the questions you’re going to ask because, you know, I’m cool like that.

And I know you’ve all got questions. And that’s cool.

So, I just want everybody to know that we’re going to look at everything after the last game against Michigan. And, you know, it didn’t go according to script but, it’s cool, cause we’ve got, what, 10 or 11 games left?

And it’s only one game, you know? But that’s cool, so if you’re not on board with us, then it’s cool, you know? And I can tell you something, you know.

Cause it’s not like we won 2 SEC East Championships in a row, you know, which was really cool. But at the end of the season, we’ll be a champion because you know what?

We’ll beat Tennessee and be the 2017 Champions of Life even if Georgia is the East Champion, and it’ll be cool.
 
I’m like
Jim McElwain,
You know?

A: Coach Jim, I love you. But I think you need to spend less time at the beach.

You know….

Q: Dear Sir,
As you may have already heard, the University of Tennessee set a Guinness World’s Record for the most number of people used to make a human letter!!! It was an exciting day for all and something we hope will bring the University even closer together after winning the first Championship of Life award!!!

Here’s a photo of the event, below:

As you can see this monumental effort was spectacular, even considering the number of quite inebriated participants you can see at the bottom of the “T” who were staggering around incoherently. Of course, this was due to the natural confusion of some of our students and alum who thought you had to consume large quantities of Guinness Beer in order to participate.

And, we have an exciting, new plan to enhance our stadium. As you can see, the bleachers are a bland, dull grey color. When we have a home game, this can be a great distraction for the television viewing audience. So, we have devised a strategy to remedy this and make it seem like the stadium is full of happy Vol’s fans no matter the score!!!

Yes, we are going to paint the back of the seats with a Tennessee Orange shirt silhouette and the seats with a dark pants silhouette so that it always appears that we have a full house!!! Not only will it look like our stands are always full but viewers everywhere will be impressed with the loyalty of our Tennessee Volunteer faithful!!!

So, let’s get ‘er done!!!!
 
John Currie
Athletic Director
University of Tennessee
 
“2016 Champions of Life”

A: I can only imagine how proud you must be…

Go Vowels


THE GAMES


Thursday 7 September

Idaho State at Utah State
I am quite sure none of us care….
But it’s my job nonetheless
AGGIES 38-14

West Alabama at Samford
The Tigers from Alabama will give the Bulldogs all they can handle for a little while…
Then it’s all..
BULLDOGS 38-24

Friday 8 September

Oklahoma State at South Alabama
If you are a big fan of massacres, then you should love this game.
COWBOY UP 189-24

Ohio at Purdue
I wouldn’t count Coach Frank’s Cats out of this one…
BOILERMAKERS 31-28


Saturday 9 September

Florida Atlantic at Wisconsin
This game is going to be uglier than the midnight cliental at Wal Mart
Believe it…
THE POWER OF CHEESE 44-17

Stetson at Marist
What the heck…..?
The Cowboy Hat people have a college?
This is ridiculous
COWBOY’S HATS 28-24

Cincinnati at Michigan
There was a time that this would have been one heck of a game…
That time is not now.
WOLVERINES 41-14

Louisville at North Carolina
After last week’s debacle at the hands of the Zima Drinking Californians…
I No longer have any faith in people that have Tar on their Heels.
Sorry….
BOBBY’S BIRDS 34-24

South Florida at Connecticut
I can’t believe My Black Lab “Doc” is going against the Huskies…
That’s No….
BULL 38-17

Charlotte at Kansas State
Poor Charlotte…..
She is getting slapped around more this season that Tina did being married to Ike.
BILL’S CATS 44-10

East Carolina at West Virginia
I know, I know….
You were REALLY looking forward to catching your couches on fire last weekend.
(A tradition that still baffles me by the way)
Break out the lighter fluid and fire up the matches!
It’s time…
MOUNTAINEERS 38-17

Northwestern at Duke
This game begs the eternal question….
Can’t they both lose?
BLUE DEVILS 28-24

Buffalo at Army
With all these cupcakes it’s good to know….
The Cadets of Army have free dental services.
BLACK KNIGHTS OF THE HUDSON 44-10

Towson at Maryland
I had no idea there was actually a college for Tow Truck drivers.
“Tow’s On” Boys, Tow’s On….
NINJA TURTLES 51-10

Eastern Kentucky at Kentucky
I was going to write how close these two colleges were from one another…
How this was a “rivalry” game etc.
Even I can’t make something this bland sound exciting.
WILDCATS 44-10

Tennessee Martin at Ole Miss
I hope Martin enjoys his big check from Ole Miss and his ass whipping.
FOAM RUBBER BLACK BEAR REBELS 51-17

Iowa at Iowa State
This rivalry game in the land of corn and more corn…
Is played each year for the coveted “Cy-Hawk Trophy”

You have to admit there is a lot going on with that trophy…..

You have a registered sex offender enticing a child with an ear of corn…

There is the mother of a homeless child looking into the distance while wondering why she lives in Iowa and still hasn’t fulfilled her dream of moving to Atlanta to be a Hooter’s waitress.

Then there are baskets of bountiful goodness grown by overworked and underpaid farmers and driven to your local grocery stores by mafia controlled teamsters unions.

It’s America Baby

HAWKEYES 28-24

Jacksonville State at Georgia Tech
I still believe that the Boy’s from Tech will Wreck somebody’s season this year….
It begins now…
YELLOW JACKETS 38-21

Wake Forest at Boston College
I was going to say something exciting about this game…
But I forgot what it was
CHESTNUT HILL EAGLES 13-7

Texas State at Colorado
This game is going to be uglier than…..
Watching a toenail clipping competition….
Which in case you are interested will be televised on ESPN 3 this weekend.
BUFFALOS 44-10

Fresno State at Alabama
The Tide is banged up from last weekend…..
But should still prevail
CRIMSON TIDE 31-14

Pittsburgh at Penn State
This rivalry in the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania is always a good one.
This version will be no exception
NITTANY LIONS 34-17

North Dakota State at Eastern Washington
The Eagles of Washington has been the thorn in the side of the Bison for years….
I still Believe
MIGHTY BISON 31-28

Miami at Arkansas State
After consulting the Weather Channel, I have come to the conclusion that is possible….
For a Hurricane to slam into the State of Arkansas.
HURRICANES 44-17

Delaware at Virginia Tech
Someone asked me the other day if people from Virginia Tech sing, “the hokey pokey”
Apparently they do, because they have clearly turned themselves around this year.
HOKIES 38-17

San Jose State at Navy
It’s like the old song says…..
“Do you know the way to San Jose…?”
Yes. It’s over there just off “Get Your Ass Kicked Boulevard”
MIDSHIPMEN 44-17

Abilene Christian at Colorado State
This game will be uglier than Stevie Wonder dressing himself…
RAM TOUGH 55-10

Indiana at Virginia
I wish I cared but I really don’t….
HOOSIER DADDY 31-28

Middle Tennessee State at Syracuse
I’m thinking “Upset” here…..
But I will go with the favorite.
URANGE SLUSH 34-28

Western Michigan at Michigan State
Seriously, isn’t “Western” Michigan “Canada”?
Something isn’t quite right here….
SPARTANS 34-24

Eastern Michigan at Rutgers
What’s with all the “Rand McNally” map direction colleges in Michigan?
These people are giving me a headache
SCARLETT KNIGHTS 34-28

St Augustine’s at Carson Newman
There are few places more enjoyable to watch an afternoon of football than at Carson-Newman, it’s like a little slice of college football heaven.
SPARK’S EAGLES 41-24

Defiance at Hope
O.k. go ahead….
Be all Defiant in Your Hope; see if we care
HOPE SHINES 31-28

Texas Christian at Arkansas
The first “Big Boy” game on this week’s schedule.
I know what the National Sports Media is saying….
And who they will be picking
I say….
It’s going to be close
RAZORBACKS 28-24

Indiana State at Tennessee
The Vowels of Tennessee are facing perhaps one of the most feared of all college mascots this weekend, when they square off against the Mighty Sycamores!
As in…..
“RUN FOR YOUR LIVES! IT’S A DAMN SYCAMORE TREE!”
(Yeah, I don’t get it either…)
VOWELS 51-10

Central Michigan at Kansas
Yeah, I am calling it….
“UPSET SPECIAL”
CHIPPEWAS’ 28-24

Alabama A&M at Vanderbilt
When analyzing this game….
I couldn’t help but think
Whatever happened to that fine rock and roll group from Mississippi
“3 Doors Down”
I know, you don’t need to say it…
Sometimes I think too much
COMMODORES 38-14

Arkansas Monticello at Northwestern Oklahoma State
I don’t know if the great Bo Jackson knows Bo Weevils
But I do…
BO’S WEEVILS 34-28

Gardner-Webb at Wyoming
I don’t trust a college or a woman that hyphenates their name.
It’s a rule…
COWBOYS 44-10

Nebraska at Oregon
Two powerhouses of unknown ability faceoff this weekend….
I want to go with the Children of the Corn
But I have a feeling
QUACKERS 38-34

Hawaii at UCLA
The Rainbows of Hawaii will be black and blue before this one is over….
Believe it
BRUIN BEARS 44-10

Weber State at California
I do love a Weber Grill and Smoker.
Their football team, not so much.
GOLDEN OF BEARS 51-10

Marshall at North Carolina State
I really want to pick Marshall, I truly do.
But I can’t…
WOLFPACK 38-28

New Hampshire at Georgia Southern
I cannot in good conscience pick any team from a state that doesn’t know how to make grits or make a decent biscuit and gravy that doesn’t taste like motor oil and Ben Gay.
FREE BIRDS 34-14

Louisiana Monroe at Florida State
Good News Seminole fans….
Now you play that annoying ass song of yours all game long.
SEMINOLES 38-14

Auburn at Clemson
This is “Big Boy” Football at it’s finest.
I know everyone is picking Auburn in this clash of the titans.
But in those immortal words of “Nature Boy” Rick Flair
“To be the man; You have to Beat the Man”
I’m picking….
DABO’S TIGERS 28-24

North Texas at Southern Methodist
“Yes” my Mustang Faithful…..
The Mighty Mustangs will win two games in a row
Believe it
PONIES 34-24

Southern at Southern Miss
This is the kind of game I love….
There is plenty of “South” for everybody.
I can almost smell the friend chicken and BBQ from here
GOLDEN EAGLES 34-10

South Carolina at Missouri
I wouldn’t pull for Missouri if there were playing the damn Taliban.
GAMECOCKS 38-28

Chowan at Delta State
I thought a “Chowan” was some kind of an infected mole….
Which is gross
FIGHTING OKRA 44-21

Nicholls at Texas A&M
Remember Aggies, its “FOUR” quarters of football?
And don’t get cocky either….
Remember what this little school “almost” did to Georgia last season.
That’s all the instructions I have..
GIG EM AGGIES 44-17

Oklahoma at Ohio State
This game will have National implications that will last all season….
I wouldn’t call this one an “Upset”
BOOMER DAMN SOONERS 31-28

Chattanooga at LSU
This game will be like watching a morbidly obese woman trying on a bikini
You can only really watch it for a minute before you realize it’s already gotten ugly
FIGHTN’ TIGERS 55-24

Georgia at Notre Dame
Both coaches desperately “Need” this “Big” win for their seasons…
It’s going to be close and believe it or not…
It could go either way
SMART DAWGS 33-24

Ouachita Baptist at Southwestern Oklahoma
I’ve never been to a Southwestern Oklahoma Baptism, it should be interesting.
I think they use a garden hose..
GOTCHA BAPTIST 33-31

Northern Colorado at Florida
There are few things worse than an angry reptile….
GATORS 34-14

Mississippi State at Louisiana Tech
My Black Lab “Doc” likes to call two teams playing each other with “Dog” mascots..
A “Win-Win”
BULLY DOGS 34-17

Montana at Washington
I do love those Big Sky Grizzlies but “Doc” said go with the “Big Dogs”
HUSKIES 34-17

Mew Mexico State at New Mexico
This Old Rivalry in the Land of Sand and Illegal Aliens…
Is called “The Rio Grande Rivalry”
“Doc” is on a roll, I have no reason to doubt him
LOBO’S 28-21

Presbyterian at The Citadel
You probably already guessed “Doc’s” pick….
BULLDOGS 38-17

South Dakota State at Montana State
I’m not sold on either of these teams thus far….
But I will go with the Big Sky Cats..
Just because
BOBCATS 24-21

Memphis at Central Florida
I wish I could pick Elvis’s Tigers in this one…
But I can’t
Thank you, Thank you very much
GOLDEN KNIGHTS 38-17

Texas San Antonio at Baylor
I don’t think the Bears will lose this one….
But “IF” they do..
I will howl and roll around on my floor like a lemur monkey on crack
DA BEARS 41-31

Western Kentucky at Illinois
I wouldn’t call this one an “Upset” per se…
A mild stomach ache perhaps, but not an “Upset”
HILLTOPPERS 33-28

Stanford at Southern California
The “Big Boys” of the PAC 12 meet in the Coliseum in the City of Angels
I’m still not sold on the “mighty” Trojans
Sorry….
CARDINAL 28-24

Minnesota at Oregon State
Gophers and Beavers…..
Two pesky rodents that can ruin your day or in this case a football season
However between these two…
I believe in the Power of the Beaver
BEAVERS 31-28

Fort Valley State at Valdosta State
I thought “Fort Valley State” was a penitentiary…..
How do they introduce their team?
“Doing five to ten for armed robbery, starting at quarterback is…”
I can’t support such foolishness
BLAZZZZZZERS 44-34

Utah at Brigham Young
They call this game “The Battle of the Brothers” in the Land of Mormon
It’s going to be close….
TWO UTES 28-24

St Olaf’s at Luther
This game sounds like two “soon to be drunk” German guys announcing their trip to a local bar. I hope neither of them are driving, I’m just saying.
ST OLLIE 24-21

Boise State at Washington State
I really want to go with the Bronco’s but Coach Mike has a surprise this Saturday
COUGARS 41-34

Houston at Arizona
I have no rational reason for making this pick…..
Just so you know
COUGARS 41-38

Next Week….

Your Week 3 College Football Picks will be out next week as you have come to expect..

And although I dropped the ball, so to speak last week in having extra articles on the website, you can be assured that Your Favorite College Football Prognosticator will not disappoint next week.

That being said…..

I leave something here for your motivation….

Coach Bryant recited this poem more times than I can recall and I have it in my wallet and on my refrigerator, because I want to remember, because it’s important.

I hope it motivates you too.

One More Thing….

You have an article on Mikerights.com that came out last week that is sure to get a laugh out of you, so be sure and take a minute out for yourself and read it.

Thank you all once again for supporting both websites and for purchasing my little book, “Sunnyside Up”. On behalf of My Black Lab “Doc” and I, we appreciate it.

Enjoy your weekend…

RTR
THE CFB WIZARD

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